Today, I woke up to something tickling me. Thinking it was my cat, I reached under the covers to give her a friendly scratch behind the ears. I imagine the giant spider that was actually there enjoyed my terrified screams. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I got to experience the unadulterated horror of waking up to a spider crawling across my face. My screaming woke the neighbors. FML
Today, it took a whole half hour of scratching my head before I realized with horror that the weird tickling sensation I'd been feeling was actually a spider crawling around in my hair. FML
Today, I woke up to a spider crawling across my face. I was so shocked that my new house had spiders, I jumped up out of bed, only to slip on the floor and land face down onto the bed. Wouldn't you know it, right where the spider was at that point. I can still taste the juice I squished out of it. FML
Today, a spider crawled across my arm. After a quick dance in a fit of panic, I managed to scramble onto my bed. I thought I would stand up to see if I could spot the spider and maybe kill it. I was then promptly knocked unconscious by my ceiling fan. FML
Today, I woke up and found a small leg of what used to belong to a spider on the corner of my mouth. FML
Today, I discovered an enormous hairy spider sitting in the bathtub. I also discovered that I scream like a girl and pee a little bit when I am truly terrified. FML
Today, I woke up bright and early… because a spider crawled into my ear. FML
Today, I woke up on the top bunk of my bed with the birds chirping. I felt so energized, I gave a big stretch, and my hand hit the ceiling. I accidentally pushed the ceiling board up and lots of tiny spiders fell on me and my bed. FML
Today, I was watching a video about spiders. When I felt a tickle on my foot, I kicked hard in panic. It was one of our newborn kittens walking. I almost killed it. FML
Today, I saw a spider in my room. I got a piece of paper to try and put it outside. As I reached, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to smack where the spider was - my face. I fell on the floor disoriented. The spider got away. FML
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Top comments
nick3600 22
Australia where else
HowAreYouToday 34
why don't you take those puns and shove them up your butt
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Comments (83)
misUnderstood23 9
Must be a pretty Huge Spider.
SuperFail55 10
Tonight on reasons not to live in Australia...
sanecatlady 13
Just last night I was reading about how just about every living thing in Australia is venomous or extremely dangerous. Even seemingly cute and cuddly wild koala bears would slash you up with their razor sharp, bacteria-laden claws if you tried to give them a hug, and the male platypus has venom that is not only deadly but causes such horrible pain even the highest non-lethal dosage of morphine doesn't really help. Oh, and eucalyptus trees sometimes explode...eek.
nesscafe_fml 17
But its the drop bears you need to be especially wary of. Keep away from the trees, especially at night, the bears can be incredibly vicious.
nowimmad 8
I've woken up that way, I know how much it sucks.
ruthi666 23
Worst fear.
Raging_hamster 5
You've burned the house down... correct?
Mightytall 35
You lived to tell the story though :-) I thought the giant spiders down under could be very deadly.
nesscafe_fml 17
It was probably a Huntsman, they are harmless really. Google them.
Futacy 30
Still scary as hell though.
Sophie_Hart 9
The spider is getting more action than me
IIIIIIIII 7
the spider wanted to go on the world wide web
C00kiesNcream 24
You'll probably won't sleep...EVER AGAIN!