Animals: Today, I woke up to my whole room ruined, it was a mess and everything...

By DOGSNACHER - United States

Today, I woke up to my whole room ruined, it was a mess and everything was torn and chewed up. I suddenly see a dog walk across the hall. I don't have a dog. FML

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Animals

Vulture

Taking stock

My ex the dumbass

By Anonymous - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I realized I love my boyfriend's cat more than my boyfriend. The only reason we're still together is I don't want to lose custody of the cat. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, the manager that made my life a living hell for 3 years, who was demoted 6 weeks ago and transferred to another store, was transferred back to us as a salesperson. Now we work side by side 42 hours a week on the same exact schedule. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after a visit with my mom, I started feeling sick. I meant to send her a text asking if she had gotten sick lately, but I accidentally sent a text asking if she had gotten dick lately. FML

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By criminal tit offender - United States - Bessemer

Today, I went skinny-dipping with my friends. At one point, I jokingly pointed out how one of them had the smallest boobs of us all. She calmly got out of the pond, dried herself, scooped up our clothes and phones, and drove off in her car. The cops she called arrived soon after. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Spring

Today, my boss got mad at me because I told her that I wouldn't be able to work two days out of the week, due to college classes. She then cut back my hours so much that I now only work one day a week. I got the job in the first place to pay for my college classes. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was working as the shift manager at my job at a fast food restaurant. Our company policy states that all employees must be clean shaven before coming to work. I had to inform one of the employees, Kris, that they had to shave before clocking in. Kris is a woman. FML

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By murp - Canada - Calgary

Today, I went out for a few drinks with some friends. All night, I kept smiling and showing off my newly brace-free teeth. Later on, one of my friends drunkly asked, "Why does she keep smiling? Her teeth are fucking jacked." FML

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By Leota - United States

Today, I received a message on Facebook from a guy I've liked for a year. He asked me if I wanted to hang out, so I said yes. When I walked out to his car later on, he gave me a really confused look. Apparently I was on my brother's Facebook, and he'd never logged out. FML

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By izzy_the_pessimist

Today, at lunch, I was talking to my friends about having a boyfriend. Suddenly, some boy I don't even know said, "Nobody wants to date that ugly bitch." FML

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By Anonymous - Finland - Vanda

Today, I had an important job interview at another company. I'd tried to keep it secret from everyone at work, so they wouldn't tell my boss, as I can't afford to get on his bad side yet. My mom posted on my Facebook wall, wishing me luck. I'm Facebook friends with most of my colleagues. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was relaxing alone at a bar when I was approached by the most gorgeous woman I've ever seen. She was too good to be true, so I asked, "Is this some kind of a prank?" She immediately turned around and left. She thought I was calling her ugly. I'll never see her again. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while walking in the mall, I spotted my ex boyfriend with his friends. To make myself look less lonely, I put my iPhone up to my ear and started an imaginary conversation with my invisible boyfriend. As I passed him, my phone started ringing loudly. It was him calling. He knew I was faking. FML

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By splooge - United States

Today, I was in bed next to the boy I loved, he had just came and passed out immediately afterwards. I reached over to look at my phone but grabbed his instead and saw a text message from his ex-girlfriend that read "I love you too." FML

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By Drew - United States - Harrodsburg

Today, it's my birthday. My grandma posted about it on her Facebook wall, but people got confused and thought it was her birthday instead. She got twice as many birthday wishes as I did, and that's including the ones I got outside of Facebook. FML

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By Tara115 - Canada - Courtenay

Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't think he should marry me, because I have kids. They're his kids. FML

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By reallyupset - United States

Today, my boyfriend became convinced that I cheated on him, and broke up with me, saying he would "get me back." When I came home, I found his key on my counter and my cat missing. FML

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32886

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By Anonymous - United States - Middleton

Today, I was chased out of my own house by my wife's lover's dog. FML

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39798

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my roommate confronted me about my eating disorder. She described in length how emaciated my chest has become and how she wants to help. Except I don't have an eating disorder. My sternum is deformed and I have only recently become confident enough to wear low-cut tops. FML

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By bunkbed - Canada

Today, I bought my daughter a bunk bed. After spending several hours building it, she climbed up, then fainted. Turns out she's afraid of heights. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, it was my dad's birthday. As a joke, I got him one of those big erasers that say, "FOR BIG MISTAKES." He opened it, tried to erase me with it, then said, "It doesn't work." and left. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, the guy I broke up with for being too possessive and jealous threatened to leak my nudes if he sees or hears that I've gotten with anyone else. FML

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Phew, glad it wasn't me

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By Oops - United States - Portland

Today, I managed to stop my supervisor from falling into a trench, only for the ground to give way and for me to fall in instead. My supervisor didn't even notice. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I saw selfies of my aunt and her friends on Facebook having a great time. They took the pictures at my mother's funeral last week. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got married. I received a beautifully wrapped gift from my dad. I was full of excitement until I opened it and found two taxidermied rabbits. The ones I had when I was in the fifth grade. FML

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By frozen solid - United States - Allentown

Today, I spent nearly half an hour clearing several inches of snow off my car. After almost suffering from hypothermia, I finished. Except the car keys were missing from my pocket, presumably buried under a foot of snow. FML

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By Sdutent - United States

Today, I asked my girlfriend if she has ever had an affair. She replied, "Yes. With you". FML

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By Anonymous - Ireland - Galway

Today, while clearing stuff out of the basement, I found my ex-wife's old electronic diary device from the '90s. I found the charger, powered it up, and had soon read all about out she'd been cheating on me for almost half our marriage with the guy she's now married to. FML

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By lily_marleen - Germany - Emskirchen

Today, I had an outdoor meeting with some important clients. It wasn't until the meeting was over that my coworker decided to inform me that I had bird poop in my hair "pretty much the entire time." FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I received my 12th rejection letter for voluntary work, as I don't have enough experience to be paid. I can't even work for free. FML

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By Anonymous - Hungary - Szeged

Today, my girlfriend came over to visit me and my brother at our apartment. I left for just five minutes to fix us lunch. When I got back, she was making out with my brother. FML

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By aireeahna - United States - Cedar Rapids

Today, I went on a date with a guy I've been talking to. We ended up at his house around 4 a.m., but as we walked through the front door, his ex girlfriend was sitting on the couch, apparently waiting for him to get home. They still live together. FML

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By nearly20yetasfearfulasatoddlerhavingnightmares - United States - Allen

Today, it's my third night of finally living on my own in a house. I can't count the number of times I have run to my knife and pepper spray after hearing "suspicious" sounds. Maybe I'm not ready to be an adult after all. FML

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By haileyjunkin

Today, I got hit in the face at a dodge-ball tournament. My entire mouth was bloody. The sad thing is, I wasn't even playing. FML

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By cooldude - United States

Today, I got called a "loser" by an old man wearing pink flip-flops and riding a purple moped. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Aurora

Today, I found out that my husband is the biological father of my baby sister. FML

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64954

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By Dezzy - United States - Springfield

Today, I decided to give my boyfriend a surprise striptease. After I turned around, I heard him murmur "Oh, wow." I turned back around, only to find him watching a gif of a cat falling into snow in slow motion. FML

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42111

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to my Homecoming dance. I had a great time until some fat girl kept trying to dance with my date, even though he politely asked her to stop. I decided to intervene. I found myself pinned to the floor by a fat girl crushing on my date, who was cheering her on as she tackled me. FML

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By rarara - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, one of my dad's work friends came over. As he was leaving, he complimented my dad on having three "strapping young boys." I informed him that I'm a girl, and I have a hormone imbalance that causes me to have a lot of hair and a deep voice. I guess my dress didn't give him a clue. FML

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32078

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By f-ugly - United States

Today, I was freshening up my makeup in the car before a date. An old lady walked by and said through my open window, "Don't bother. There's no helping you, honey." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom told me I was worthless and could not do anything by myself. Determined to prove her wrong I attempted to install the AC that I had neglected to put in for the past month. While placing it on the window it fell through landing on her prized roses and breaking into pieces. FML

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Top comments

By randomdude1234 | 0

#742614 - Tuesday 29 December 2009 9:13

Think about it logically. Who would want to do this to you. Then seek REVENGE!!!

By 8trickster8 | 0

#742660 - Tuesday 29 December 2009 9:28

You must be a very deep sleeper if it tore up your room and didn't wake you

COMMENTS

By randomdude1234 | 0

#742614 - Tuesday 29 December 2009 9:13

Think about it logically. Who would want to do this to you. Then seek REVENGE!!!

randomdude1234 | 0

#742648 - Tuesday 29 December 2009 9:24

Perfect counter-revenge. Use a cat launcher like the one in this family guy clip http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=McLr1OV7OgI

xCrackerx | 3

#742764 - Tuesday 29 December 2009 10:29

Oh yes. Seek inspiration from a half-assed cartoon too popular for its own good.

rjrudman | 0

#742826 - Tuesday 29 December 2009 11:30

@OP have you tried CLOSING THE DOOR?
YDI for being a fucking idiot.

AtoZnumbersand_ | 1

#742987 - Tuesday 29 December 2009 14:45

Yeah the idiot deserves it for not closing the door in anticipation that a dog might come into his room despite not having one.

Thunderbender | 2

#743699 - Tuesday 29 December 2009 23:00

#19 did you think at all about that comment before you said it?

iluvsidney | 0

#820947 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 6:30

idk bout u but I would be scared fom maaaa life

APOLLO_TC | 8

#6719416 - Monday 5 December 2016 23:53

I knew everyone is entitled to their own opinion but just shut the fuck up

By seanreddog | 4

#742653 - Tuesday 29 December 2009 9:26

Dogs can be bitches. Get a cat. Real men like pussies.

Moemoemoe_fml | 0

#745505 - Wednesday 30 December 2009 19:54

Win! XD

By 8trickster8 | 0

#742660 - Tuesday 29 December 2009 9:28

You must be a very deep sleeper if it tore up your room and didn't wake you

By Mx_Rider | 6

#742687 - Tuesday 29 December 2009 9:40

real men do like pussy...

xshadyshadow | 0

#1017110 - Thursday 3 June 2010 5:57

Lmao, random.

By cheerqueen101 | 0

#742689 - Tuesday 29 December 2009 9:41

Hahaha. That's hilarious!!

By snafu57 | 1

#742697 - Tuesday 29 December 2009 9:44

shit, sounds like a nightmare. did someone get a dog, does it have rabies, wtf is going on?

By devendra_fml | 0

#742709 - Tuesday 29 December 2009 9:48

uhhh can we take a moment to look at the name you posted this with for a second? what is going on here?

Pixiewolfe | 46

#7464316 - Friday 2 June 2017 18:28

OP got drunk and stole the dog maybe?

By honeybeezy | 0

#742733 - Tuesday 29 December 2009 10:02

poor you. I would kill the dog

irateyou | 9

#3886628 - Sunday 15 January 2012 8:51

Go to hell

By Tremdogg | 0

#742741 - Tuesday 29 December 2009 10:10

I agree with #10 what a bastard.

irateyou | 9

#3886618 - Sunday 15 January 2012 8:48

I would kill you

By watchback | 0

#742743 - Tuesday 29 December 2009 10:11

Is the dog a person?? hhh