Animals: Today, I woke up to my whole room ruined, it was a mess and everything...

By DOGSNACHER - United States

Today, I woke up to my whole room ruined, it was a mess and everything was torn and chewed up. I suddenly see a dog walk across the hall. I don't have a dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34261

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Animals

Understandable

Messed up

Recycling helps

By Anonymous - United States - Wooster

Today, we got new seats in class today. The guy placed next to me, turned, looked me dead in the eye, and said, "The balls are the warmest place on the body" while his hands were in his pants. I'm stuck next to him for the rest of the semester. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25710

You deserved it

1921

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By Violet - Australia

Today, I realised that what I had thought was my dad's default state for the past 17 years is actually his drunken state. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32181

You deserved it

3375

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By whoops - Canada - Ottawa

Today, at my football game, I turned around to spit so that it would be away from my teammates. I ended up spitting on a 10-year-old kid walking behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42664

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States - Wheaton

Today, my girlfriend hasn't spoken to me in a week, so I gave her a call. No reply. I texted her, and got a text back saying: "Sorry, dude. Better luck next time!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

30083

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - New Zealand - Wellington

Today, I arrived home after a hard day's work to see my 12-year-old sister had greased up my 8-year-old brother with butter and olive oil, and was attempting to slide him down the wooden floorboards in the hallway. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24781

You deserved it

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By pissed girlfriend - United States - Celina

Today, at my grandpa's funeral, my boyfriend texted me while sitting right beside me, asking if we could have sex when the "family get together" was finally over. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47853

You deserved it

5591

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By TCRII

Today, my wife said she wants a divorce. Three days ago, I added her onto the title to my house, my bank accounts, and my business. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5824

You deserved it

728

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my friends staged an intervention. I'm not on drugs, I'm not an alcoholic, and I own my own house. My car is paid for and my job pays well. Apparently, I need an intervention because my life is not where they want it to be, which involves me being married with children. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41190

You deserved it

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By Travellingluck

Today, after a week of severe gastroenteritis that required a hospital stay, I was finally feeling well enough to go in the pool at our holiday resort. My fiance slipped on the edge of the pool and we're back in the hospital. Happy vacation! FML

I agree, your life sucks

3612

You deserved it

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By mommabuser

Today, my daughter's hamster pulled the water bottle off the glass, so I decided to super-glue the bottle back on. We came back an hour later to see if it had stuck, only to find both the bottle and rodent glued to the glass. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9482

You deserved it

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By Oops - United States - Portland

Today, I managed to stop my supervisor from falling into a trench, only for the ground to give way and for me to fall in instead. My supervisor didn't even notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11897

You deserved it

844

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that instead of having four wisdom teeth, I have eight. They all have to be removed as soon as possible, which happens to be over the Christmas break. I get to spend my whole vacation in excruciating pain and a swollen face to boot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31718

You deserved it

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By Scaredshitless - France

Today, after waiting to get home to go to the bathroom, my six year old neighbor popped out and literally scared the shit out of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31820

You deserved it

3713

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By Anonymous - United States - Salem

Today, I asked my class of fifth graders to write down a list of all the compound words they knew. At least four of them put down 'motherfucker'. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45224

You deserved it

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By Kelly - United States

Today, I heard a girl telling her friend all about her boyfriend, John. They talked about the grocery store that he works at, and that he drives a nice yellow mustang. My boyfriend's name is John, works at that same grocery store, and drives a nice yellow mustang. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62199

You deserved it

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By Emily - United States

Today, I finally lost my virginity. In my boyfriend's racecar bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32651

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my best friend threw my football over a wall, so we hopped over to go and get it. Next thing we know, we're both surrounded by men pointing guns in our faces. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38296

You deserved it

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By blahblahblah - 15/4/2020 20:00

Heart of Glass

Today, I was sitting on a stool by the stove while my dad was making stir-fry. The glass lid he had covering the skillet overheated and exploded. As huge shards of broken glass rained down on his only daughter's head, my dad's only concern was whether or not he would have to throw his food away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1543

You deserved it

178

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By ELLI

Today, all of my friends showed up an hour late for my 18th birthday party because they decided to go get dinner without me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4255

You deserved it

258

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By Anonymous - Ireland - Kilkenny

Today, I was having some rare good sex with my husband, when he suddenly said "I'm fuckin' BORED," and pulled out so he could go play his video games. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45972

You deserved it

5584

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By thnxbabe

Today, my boyfriend and I celebrated our six-month anniversary. And by that, I mean he brought along his obnoxious best friend, and I paid for everyone's dinner at an expensive restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36555

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boss asked me to take some of the female mannequins and change the outfits. As I was changing them, I realized that this was the most action I've gotten in almost a year. Not only am I twenty-seven, but I'm married. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27123

You deserved it

3654

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By Anonymous - Belgium

Today, my boss refused my resignation and acted like nothing had happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13018

You deserved it

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By Marissa Di Stefano - 5/1/2021 17:01

Leave me out of it

Today, my sister and mom were arguing. My sister was being really nasty to my mom, and decided to get nasty with me and drag me into the argument. Naturally, I got nasty back at her and we started fighting. My mom yelled at me for getting nasty with my sister, and kicked me out of the house for “being too nasty.” FML

I agree, your life sucks

724

You deserved it

158

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By kringr - United States

Today, I went to my high school reunion. I was super excited to see what everyone had done in their lives. The nerdy guy I bullied is now a U.S. Marine and already has two deployments in Afghanistan under his belt. He looked at me in his dress blues and said, "I remember you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

13190

You deserved it

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By goldendarkness

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to stop by a drive-thru on the way to his place. I asked him to order a Coke for me, at which point he asked if I wanted to make it a Diet Coke. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11658

You deserved it

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By anon - United Kingdom

Today, a guy lost control of his umbrella in the wind, which then hit me in the eye, making me bleed. He screamed at me for trying to steal his umbrella. People laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37710

You deserved it

2265

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By sacked - United States

Today, I was woken by my alarm. I got really tangled up in my blankets, and struggled frantically to untangle myself so I could turn off the alarm. I not only kneed myself in the face, but I accidentally punched myself in the nuts too. Hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15297

You deserved it

23893

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By jobless

Today, I received a rejection e-mail from a potential employer I interviewed with. I asked for some feedback and they said I didn't seem interested. I had showed extensive interest, even brought up some of the company's recent events, and literally said, "I'm very interested in this position." FML

I agree, your life sucks

5331

You deserved it

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By Tyler Smith - United States

Today, my girlfriend thinks my house is filled with ghosts. She can only hear them when I fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28315

You deserved it

5702

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By Anonymous - United States - Cass Lake

Today, my boss told me I got my new job because she rejected candidates that seemed "too confident" or "too pretty." FML

I agree, your life sucks

31348

You deserved it

3015

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By michellekel - France

Today, I went to the beach on the cote d'azur and the lifeguard told me that even though there were two jellyfish in the bay, it was safe to swim. Five minutes into swimming, I got stung twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40516

You deserved it

6928

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By Stung - United States

Today, I found out that bees like to make hives in odd places, like in your vintage car's trunk. I also found out that they don't like it when you break their hive in half when you open the trunk to get out a spare tire. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51022

You deserved it

4241

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By Anonymous - Netherlands - Lelystad

Today, I spilled my guts to my girlfriend, saying I'm scared that all I do is upset her. I then had to sit through a speech about how upset she was that I hadn't told her sooner. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25974

You deserved it

4766

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By ChrisC - United States

Today, my boss came to my cubicle to give me my annual performance bonus. I was asleep at my desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11400

You deserved it

62043

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By Mr.no contacts - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, the people fixing my phone called to say that for some reason, my phone's SIM card has wiped all my contacts except for four, and they are doing their best to try and recover the rest. I had to explain to them that I only had four contacts to begin with. The guy laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45478

You deserved it

5715

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By farksh - Australia

Today, I rolled up a newspaper and smashed a huge spider in my room. As I went to scoop it up with a tissue, it lurched away and fell near my bed. I can't find it, but I can sure as fuck sense the pure evil coming from it. Looks like I'll be sleeping on the couch tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31088

You deserved it

6243

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By Leroy - Australia

Insanity

Today, my girlfriend slapped me and dumped me because she thought I was gay, simply because I had to miss a date because one of my guy friends was in a car accident, and I went to see him at the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1947

You deserved it

108

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By Anonymous - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I decided to use hand sanitizer to mask the smell of my armpits at work. Not only did it intensify the stench, my boss thinks I have a drinking problem, because I vaguely smelled of alcohol. I was too embarrassed to explain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9944

You deserved it

24515

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By Insomniac

Today, and for the past four years, the only time my husband stops snoring while asleep is so that he can fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1720

You deserved it

164

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Top comments

By randomdude1234 | 0

#742614 - Tuesday 29 December 2009 9:13

Think about it logically. Who would want to do this to you. Then seek REVENGE!!!

By 8trickster8 | 0

#742660 - Tuesday 29 December 2009 9:28

You must be a very deep sleeper if it tore up your room and didn't wake you

COMMENTS

By randomdude1234 | 0

#742614 - Tuesday 29 December 2009 9:13

Think about it logically. Who would want to do this to you. Then seek REVENGE!!!

randomdude1234 | 0

#742648 - Tuesday 29 December 2009 9:24

Perfect counter-revenge. Use a cat launcher like the one in this family guy clip http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=McLr1OV7OgI

xCrackerx | 3

#742764 - Tuesday 29 December 2009 10:29

Oh yes. Seek inspiration from a half-assed cartoon too popular for its own good.

rjrudman | 0

#742826 - Tuesday 29 December 2009 11:30

@OP have you tried CLOSING THE DOOR?
YDI for being a fucking idiot.

AtoZnumbersand_ | 1

#742987 - Tuesday 29 December 2009 14:45

Yeah the idiot deserves it for not closing the door in anticipation that a dog might come into his room despite not having one.

Thunderbender | 2

#743699 - Tuesday 29 December 2009 23:00

#19 did you think at all about that comment before you said it?

iluvsidney | 0

#820947 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 6:30

idk bout u but I would be scared fom maaaa life

APOLLO_TC | 8

#6719416 - Monday 5 December 2016 23:53

I knew everyone is entitled to their own opinion but just shut the fuck up

By seanreddog | 4

#742653 - Tuesday 29 December 2009 9:26

Dogs can be bitches. Get a cat. Real men like pussies.

Moemoemoe_fml | 0

#745505 - Wednesday 30 December 2009 19:54

Win! XD

By 8trickster8 | 0

#742660 - Tuesday 29 December 2009 9:28

You must be a very deep sleeper if it tore up your room and didn't wake you

By Mx_Rider | 6

#742687 - Tuesday 29 December 2009 9:40

real men do like pussy...

xshadyshadow | 0

#1017110 - Thursday 3 June 2010 5:57

Lmao, random.

By cheerqueen101 | 0

#742689 - Tuesday 29 December 2009 9:41

Hahaha. That's hilarious!!

By snafu57 | 1

#742697 - Tuesday 29 December 2009 9:44

shit, sounds like a nightmare. did someone get a dog, does it have rabies, wtf is going on?

By devendra_fml | 0

#742709 - Tuesday 29 December 2009 9:48

uhhh can we take a moment to look at the name you posted this with for a second? what is going on here?

Pixiewolfe | 46

#7464316 - Friday 2 June 2017 18:28

OP got drunk and stole the dog maybe?

By honeybeezy | 0

#742733 - Tuesday 29 December 2009 10:02

poor you. I would kill the dog

irateyou | 9

#3886628 - Sunday 15 January 2012 8:51

Go to hell

By Tremdogg | 0

#742741 - Tuesday 29 December 2009 10:10

I agree with #10 what a bastard.

irateyou | 9

#3886618 - Sunday 15 January 2012 8:48

I would kill you

By watchback | 0

#742743 - Tuesday 29 December 2009 10:11

Is the dog a person?? hhh