Intimacy: Today, I woke up to my pants off and my vibrator still on. I... - FML

By 44haley44 - 12/07/2011 17:25 - United States

Spicy

Today, I woke up to my pants off and my vibrator still on. I fell asleep masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 726

You deserved it 57 235

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Same thing different taste

Bad timing

By Anonymous - 20/04/2022 18:01 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I was pantsless, horny, and my vibrator died, so I put it on charge next to my bed. My mum then came in, crying hysterically about how she got fired. I was still naked. I felt so bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 125

You deserved it 263

By Lonely - 02/01/2010 10:30 - United States

Spicy

Today, I fell asleep while masturbating. I'm so bad that I bore myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 412

You deserved it 7 432

By Handblocked - 04/09/2018 06:00

Today, I got a new vibrator, raced all the way home, tore my pants off, took it out of the box, and then my grandmother walked in my front door. Apparently she's spending the night so she can make it to a doctor appointment in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 382

You deserved it 613

How very dare you?

By Anonymous - 14/05/2019 06:00

Spicy

Today, I came home from work and found my sister using my vibrator in my own bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 820

You deserved it 231

Alexa, play "Asleep" by The Smiths

By Anonymous - 01/10/2019 12:00

Spicy

Today, I woke up to my best friend laying next to me vigorously touching herself. She thought I was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 636

You deserved it 202

By Embarassed - 10/09/2009 05:32 - Canada

Today, I got out of bed and went to the bathroom. At least, I thought I did, until I woke up to my pants, sheets, and boyfriend all soaking wet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 578

You deserved it 8 108

Morning motivation

By thermos - 03/02/2009 23:47 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had a sexy dream, woke up and started to masturbate quite vigorously. When I finished, I hopped off the top bunk naked to see my brother and his girlfriend laying in the bottom bunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 182

You deserved it 53 393

That was quick

By Anonymous - 09/09/2012 12:03 - United States - Altamonte Springs

Spicy

Today, while trying to rouse my sleeping boyfriend for some morning sex, he came. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 550

You deserved it 6 818

Involuntary

By hannahthedino - 20/07/2021 04:01 - United States

Spicy

Today, my friend spent the night. I now know that she masturbates in her sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 210

You deserved it 132

By Ned - 29/08/2009 23:36 - United States

Spicy

Today, I woke up in my bunkbed because I thought I was experiencing my first earthquake ever. I jumped out of bed and found that it was just my roomate masturbating in the bottom bunk. It was 6am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 502

You deserved it 3 881

Next

Top comments

kraine0712 2

Wednesday 13 July 2011 1:11

Wow poor vibrator. This should be the vibrators FML. Today, some chick was using me and it was going really well. Then she fell asleep with me still running, now my batteries are dead. I have a job interview tomorrow. FML.

ayooBrandon 12

Wednesday 13 July 2011 0:07

I can't imagine how wet your sheets are

Comments

h0ward076 0

Wednesday 13 July 2011 0:16

must of had some awesome dreams

lovehim78 3

Wednesday 13 July 2011 0:16

wow lol

KiddNYC1O 20

Wednesday 13 July 2011 0:16

New way to have wet dreams.

emodude44 0

Wednesday 13 July 2011 0:20

Well, at least you were alone! He wouldn't have been too happy if there was a he involved. But Mr. ***** doesn't mind!

Silv3rClaw 0

Wednesday 13 July 2011 0:22

that's actually very hot! :D

chinte42 0

Sunday 24 July 2011 9:00

i agree

leaffan 1

Wednesday 13 July 2011 0:23

nice

FTW567 0

Wednesday 13 July 2011 0:23

TMI O.o

Kittehx3 0

Wednesday 13 July 2011 8:27

shut up O.o

TalkinSmack 6

Wednesday 13 July 2011 0:25

batteries are so expensive! lol u must have bought the good ones, if it was still on.

TalkinSmack 6

Wednesday 13 July 2011 0:33

WTF? why are my comms coming up twice? stupid iPhone keeps freezing

TalkinSmack 6

Wednesday 13 July 2011 0:25

batteries are so expensive! lol u must have bought the good ones, if it was still on.

ch3s 4

Monday 18 July 2011 4:43

That's why she trusts Duracell :)

DrewsFML 8

Wednesday 13 July 2011 0:25

Future Energizer commercial?

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Keywords

Love Video games Gamers Health Gross Weird First Dates Smells Technology Parents Kids Annoying Animals Dogs Jealousy AITA Pranks Dreams Family Geek Relatable Gun control Money Amazon Birthday Cute Awkward Abuse Scams Social Media

The Top

Today, I’m coming to accept that my wife’s relationship with her phone and her social media is deeper and more intimate than it will ever be with me. I can’t afford to leave her, her sister's a lawyer, she’ll take everything I still love in the divorce. I hate my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 468

You deserved it 109

Today, a customer threw a bottle of milk at me because we'd moved our smoke counter 6 months earlier during our renovations. Moved it five metres to the right that is. He marched out of the store, then marched back, grabbed the milk from my hands, threw $5 at me and then left again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 246

You deserved it 589

The Top

Today, I bombed a job interview after preparing overnight for it. It was literally my only opportunity to survive during this era of layoffs and hiring freezes, but I totally fudged it. I fucked it so hard that I can't feel my genitals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 781

You deserved it 238

Today, I pulled my motorcycle into a wheelie when my crush drove by. She was the one who drove me to the hospital when I went over backward. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 078

You deserved it 52 693

Today, I got a call from my five-year-old son's principal. My son had pooped in the schoolyard, then gave the teacher a Ziploc bag, and commanded her to pick it up. He said he was trying to imitate our dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 175

You deserved it 6 141

Today, my dad gave me a football signed by my favourite football player. It would've been great, except that I saw my dad sign it in front of me. The worst part is that he denies doing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 423

You deserved it 3 267

Today, I burned my nose. How? I tried sniffing a lit candle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 210

You deserved it 52 376

Today, I was offered a "rust and accident free“ used car at the dealership. By chance, I managed to track down the previous owner, who was quite surprised I was asking about it, saying, "That one was totaled, I thought it had been scrapped!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 972

You deserved it 68