Money: Today, I woke up to my boyfriend jumping on my bed exclaiming... - FML

By Ecce - 10/07/2010 12:03 - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend jumping on my bed exclaiming that he had "won the lottery." He broke the bed. Turns out he only won £15.80. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 500

You deserved it 3 187

Leave us alone

Another great day to be alive

Judge and jury

Entitled

By Bad friend - 19/12/2020 02:04 - United States

Today, after I'd mailed my friend her Christmas gifts since we can’t see each other, she called me ranting because the gift I sent her dog only cost $5. According to her, that means I must not really care as her dog is her “baby”. I bought gifts for all 5 of her kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 153

You deserved it 65

By gdog10122 - 12/01/2013 09:52 - United States

Today, I found out that my dad, thinking it was an advertisement, threw away a letter from the college I applied to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 133

You deserved it 2 658

By Anonymous - 23/08/2016 08:38

Spicy

Today, my religious dad caught my brother jerking off and decided to give us both a lecture about it. My brother ended up saying "If god doesn't want me to jerk off, how come he made my knob the perfect shape to fit in my hand?" I burst out laughing and now we're both grounded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 032

You deserved it 2 870

By sel2207 - 06/01/2009 03:27 - France

Today, I lent my brand new earrings to one of my friends. Everyone told her that they are pretty, and look really great on her. I've been wearing them for the last 3 weeks, and no one has ever mentioned them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 105

You deserved it 2 548

By oldtimerclark - 21/06/2009 21:46 - United States

Today, I was talking to my only grandson about how I was going to the dentist to get my teeth fixed and how it was going to cost a lot of money, he replied saying "Who cares, you're going to die soon anyways". FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 535

You deserved it 3 942

You just had to be special

By Anonymous - 06/02/2021 23:01

Today, all of my friends are complaining about weight gain due to the pandemic. Instead, I have remained the exact same size, but completely unable to sleep or digest my food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 743

You deserved it 69

By Anonymous - 13/05/2019 14:00

Today, it's my 21st birthday. The only person who drank with me was my elementary school principal, who I happened to run into at a bar where we were the only two people there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 821

You deserved it 186

By gold3nshow3r - 09/03/2017 20:00 - United States - Roanoke

Today, I woke up to a strange wetness covering my body. My drunk roommate's urine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 510

You deserved it 420

By bowler99 - 12/01/2015 16:43 - United States - Brooklyn

Spicy

Today, my little brother walked in on me and my girlfriend having sex and threatened to tell my parents. I paid him $30 to keep quiet. 15 minutes later he told them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 163

You deserved it 15 053

By notgoodenough - 25/11/2011 17:20 - United States

Spicy

Today, we were going around the table, telling everyone what we were thankful for. My girlfriend said she was thankful for her vibrator, because I can't please her like it can. My family thought this was funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 298

You deserved it 9 182

The internet hates you

By Anonymous - 28/07/2021 11:01

Today, I had to cancel my vacation in Norway, which I had been planning for 2 months and had cried and stressed over all that time because this was the first vacation I'd ever planned myself. Now YouTube won't stop showing me ads about visiting Norway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 785

You deserved it 131

By lizard - 24/01/2009 19:47 - Canada

Today, my dad walked in to the arena where I was watching a hockey game with my boyfriend and his friends. My dad was wearing a crazy grey mohawk wig/hat. Meanwhile, my boyfriend just finished telling me how embarassing it would be to be that guy's kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 121

You deserved it 2 119

By Anonymous - 18/11/2011 11:17 - Canada

Today, my mother, her fiancé, and I were having dinner together. My mother was joking that she wasn't sure she could hold him down, as he used to "get around." She turned to talk to the waiter and my future step-father looked me up and down and winked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 949

You deserved it 2 587

By meltdowninrels - 15/08/2014 22:09 - New Zealand - Wellington

Today, I found out my girlfriend has been cheating on me. When I told my sister, she just smiled, held up a closed fist, and said "Look at the number of fucks I give!" She then raised a finger, said "Oops. Finger spasm!" then lowered it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 175

You deserved it 5 096

By Anonymous - 10/09/2009 06:57 - Australia

Today, my co-worker came back from Thailand with big new breasts. She told me to go ahead and touch them because they have a funny texture for the first few months. When our GM entered the room, I had both hands down my co-worker's shirt, agreeing that they were unnaturally firm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 169

You deserved it 39 682

By HereForJAMMF - 09/11/2016 17:50

Today, I've actually developed a crush on a guy I never intended to crush on, and also can't have. For one he's married and utterly devoted to his wife. And even if that weren't true, he's so far out of my league I need binoculars to see him. And to top it all of? He's fictional. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 337

You deserved it 6 193

By John - 30/06/2012 05:08 - United States - Watertown

Today, I was fired for using violence and intimidation in the work place. I was a bouncer at a strip club. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 311

You deserved it 3 591

By M3DO - 03/08/2016 01:04

Today, I got called for a job that I applied to 2 months ago, just to ask me if I had an older brother that could work for them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 748

You deserved it 795

Rookie mistake

By hayley - 05/12/2021 20:00

Today, I was taking a nap when my dad texted me, asking me to go check the mail. So I went outside, then the wind blew the front door shut, and it automatically locked. I didn’t have my key. FML

I agree, your life sucks 712

You deserved it 240

By IamHM - 24/10/2015 18:04 - United States

Today, I walked 2 miles to the store, filled my cart with groceries, and got to the cashier only to find I had forgotten my wallet. I tried to explain but got the nastiest stank-eye from the cashier, the manager and everyone in line behind me. I walked 2 miles home, hungry and embarrassed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 610

You deserved it 4 271

By Anonymous - 15/06/2013 04:28 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my husband of 3 years learned that he's going to be a father. No, I'm not pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 486

You deserved it 4 239

By Anonymous - 10/11/2015 22:50 - United States

Today, on my way back to work after lunch, my airbags deployed at a stop sign. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 830

You deserved it 1 660

By mojolady - 16/02/2011 14:26

Today, lice were found in my hair. At the hair salon. I'm now banned from that salon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 481

You deserved it 12 335

By notgay - 25/12/2009 19:34 - United States

Today, my entire extended family was over for Christmas. I opened a gift to see that it was a fruitcake and saw everyone looking at me, smiling. This is their way to tell me that they know I'm gay and that they accept me. I'm straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 927

You deserved it 3 784

By morethanredhands - 21/05/2012 05:56

Spicy

Today, while in the bathroom, I started absent-mindedly drumming on my thighs. I didn't stop to think that people outside would think I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 659

You deserved it 7 773

By thanks mom ¬_¬ - 24/08/2013 22:05 - United States - Carlsbad

Today, my mom visited my new apartment for the first time. I was showing her the bedroom, when she looked into my opened sock drawer and said, "Using Durex, eh? Yeah, you were born 'cause a Trojan split." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 615

You deserved it 4 709

Slicey slicey

By tas2013kid - 01/12/2020 17:03 - Taiwan

Today, I found out I had three strands of pubic hair beside my nipple, so I decided to cut it off with a scissor since I'm going swimming tomorrow. In an attempt to cut off my third strand, I instead excised the cap of my left nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 372

You deserved it 1 065

Sins of the Mother

By speedster - 24/06/2021 06:01 - United States

Today, I asked my science teacher if he'd had my mom when she went to my high school. He took one look at me, glared, and said, "Oh yeah, I remember HER." I have that class every day the rest of the year. Thanks a lot, Mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 772

You deserved it 254

By toad - 12/02/2009 02:06 - Canada

Today, I found my daughter on Facebook after years of looking for her after the divorce. It turns out it was my ex pretending to be my daughter so she could track me down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 097

You deserved it 6 130

By Mightaswelltutordogs - 21/12/2014 01:16 - United States - Gainesville

Today, I had to find simple words to explain to the idiot I was tutoring that "1/4" is not of a greater value than "1/3" just because the denominator is bigger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 481

You deserved it 5 542

Mr Commitment

By Anonymous - 05/09/2019 00:01

Today, I asked the person I love to commit to me. Instead, he packed his shit and moved out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 596

You deserved it 407

By Anonymous - 06/11/2016 16:31 - United Kingdom - Maidenhead

Today, I was talking to my best friend about how much of an asshole my ex-boyfriend is. After about 2 hours of non-stop bitching, turns out she's actually dating him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 946

You deserved it 1 429

By Anonymous - 11/06/2014 21:38 - Australia - Granville

Today, I took a look at my 9-year-old daughter's diary, thinking it would be full of cute stuff. Instead, it was full of hateful rants against me and my husband, as well the boys at her school, who she called gay because none of them ever hit on her. It seems I've failed as a parent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 328

You deserved it 20 493

Great date, thanks!

By Anonymous - 28/03/2009 18:50 - United States

Today, I was on a first date with a girl at the movies. Trying to be polite, I held in a fart until an intense, loud action scene came on. As soon as I let go, the scene went silent and my fart was clearly heard to everyone in the movie theatre. My date went to the bathroom. She didn't come back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 896

You deserved it 83 789

By visn - 17/06/2009 05:15 - United States

Today, a real estate agent showed my house to some buyers. I found out when I exited the shower, fully nude, to them in the hallway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 855

You deserved it 5 269

Priorities

By Earths_Venus - 19/11/2009 22:31 - Australia

Today, I was driving to my new home with a lot of my belongings in the car. I could hear things shifting in the back. When I parked, I opened the door, ready to catch my vodka. I caught it - and watched my laptop slide out of the car, onto the concrete, and break into 3 pieces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 773

You deserved it 35 644

By SezzyJ - 02/10/2009 11:31 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me. Via text. With the iPhone I got him for our anniversary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 238

You deserved it 3 845

By Liah12 - 05/03/2016 13:52 - United States - Holt

Today, my family picked a place for my birthday dinner. They chose a seafood restaurant. I'm allergic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 923

You deserved it 1 509

By THATguy - 21/09/2009 04:12 - United States

Today, I was at work when two sheriff's deputies walked in. They asked me my name and when I told them, they asked me to turn around and they cuffed me. They told me I was under arrest for robbery. Turns out I was mistakenly IDed, but now every one at my job thinks I'm an armed robber. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 997

You deserved it 2 285

By Langdon - 15/05/2009 07:08 - United States

Spicy

Today, I went to the midnight premiere of Angels and Demons. A hobo wandered into the theater and sat down behind me. I paid $10 to spend two and a half hours listening to a crazy man talk to himself and kick my chair while he loudly masturbated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 635

You deserved it 9 577

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Top comments

ArtIsResistance7 1

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Saturday 10 July 2010 19:30

Well, if I've learned anything from MacGyver, £15, a blanket, and some duct tape, will make a pretty sweet hammock...

chocolatedrop 0

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Saturday 10 July 2010 19:26

how much is that n dollars?

Comments

heyilikeyourface 0

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Saturday 10 July 2010 19:17

fail.

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Saturday 10 July 2010 19:27

fail is so overused it's not even funny

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Saturday 10 July 2010 21:27

in soviet russia you no make soviet jokes soviet jokes make you

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Saturday 9 February 2013 22:43

how much is that in American?

jellybeans4833 7

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Saturday 10 July 2010 19:20

lol

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Saturday 10 July 2010 20:18

Ecce means look in Latin.

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Saturday 10 July 2010 21:43

...? random

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Sunday 11 July 2010 4:07

No, not random. Take off the cowboy hat and look at OP's username, smart one.

itssophieyall 0

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Saturday 10 July 2010 19:22

I moderated this!! XD Anywho, that sucks.

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Saturday 10 July 2010 19:25

don't look down on fifteen euros! [is it euros? cause idk] :P you could buy so much with that.. fifteen things of gum; a Justin bieber cd; some twizzlers; or EVEN a high school musical backpack for school. oh yes, that's the lottery for me. xD

hnz 13

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Saturday 10 July 2010 19:25

tell him he can buy you a mat with that amount of $$$

GreenSpirit_fml 0

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Saturday 10 July 2010 19:25

hahaha

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Saturday 10 July 2010 22:22

I'm ugly, and have no life.

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Saturday 10 July 2010 22:32

I actually think she's really pretty..

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Saturday 10 July 2010 23:14

coming from someone without a picture. shut up bitch, i also think shes pretty :)

ADL8 0

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Saturday 9 April 2011 20:41

she is fine!

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Saturday 2 June 2012 19:53

The Ashley girl is just an attention whore, leave her alone. GreenSpirit looks amazing.

chocolatedrop 0

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Saturday 10 July 2010 19:26

how much is that n dollars?

hnz 13

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Saturday 10 July 2010 19:31

24 USD?

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Saturday 10 July 2010 19:34

Google is your friend. Simply googling "£15.80 in dollars" tells you it's 23.8027 U.S. dollars, or $23.80.

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Saturday 10 July 2010 19:56

Actually it's $23.90 as of the international rate; I use a currency converter updated every several minutes.

msyelowbubblegum 0

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Saturday 10 July 2010 20:58

wait how is the dallor weak? im confused...

msyelowbubblegum 0

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Saturday 10 July 2010 21:01

*dollar

Emilyinroom483 7

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Saturday 10 July 2010 21:12

It can't lift very much weight. If the dollar is weak it means it's worth less than normal; for instance, if you have five dollars you can buy two loaves of bread, but then the dollar weakens and you can only buy one loaf. Sort of...

msyelowbubblegum 0

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Sunday 11 July 2010 3:59

ohh got itt thankss :D

TheIrishJaneDoe 8

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Sunday 11 July 2010 17:57

If I ever submit an FML involving foreign* currency, I'm making my user name "GoogleItYouLazyBastard." *foreign because I am indeed American, not because I consider the dollar almighty.

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Saturday 10 July 2010 19:27

Fail. That's GBP, the pound sterling, the currency of England...

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Saturday 10 July 2010 19:28

Phail.

ArtIsResistance7 1

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Saturday 10 July 2010 19:30

Well, if I've learned anything from MacGyver, £15, a blanket, and some duct tape, will make a pretty sweet hammock...

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7

You deserved it 46

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47

You deserved it 26

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out on Facebook that my mom and step-dad have an open marriage. To make matters worse, my step-dad shamed me for not being more sex positive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 401

You deserved it 101

Today, I found out why my husband faked being sick on Thanksgiving. He was invited to Thanksgiving dinner by to the coworker he’s seeing. She was planning to introduce him to her family. He never told her he was married, so knowing I would tag along if he came, he faked having a “fever” so he couldn’t go out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 720

You deserved it 36