Today, I woke up next to the girl I had drunk intercourse with last night. Before we got it on, I noticed a package of birth control pills on her nightstand. Because of this, I felt no need to use a condom, or pull out. When I woke up, I noticed those "pills" were actually a makeup case. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up with a used condom on my face. Turns out my roommate had sex with his girlfriend during the night and instead of getting up and throwing it away, he decided to throw it across the room. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me that she's pregnant. She'd told me she was on birth control, so I asked her to show me. She had been sticking the pills up her vagina like a suppository. FML
Today, after getting into bed, I found a used condom under my covers. I asked my roommate about it. She freely admitted that since my bed was comfier than hers, she had sex with her boyfriend on it. FML
Today, I found out that I'm going to be a mother. This was a mystery, since I take birth control and use condoms all the time. Or, at least, it was, until my mother admitted to swapping my pills and poking holes in my condoms so she could have a grandchild before she died. FML
Today, I found out that even though my girlfriend is on the pill, and even though my girlfriend took emergency contraception, she became pregnant days after the first time we had sex without a condom. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when I came. She got pissed and slapped me really hard for cumming inside her because she did not want to get pregnant. 1. I was wearing a condom. 2. She's on the pill. 3. We were having anal sex. FML
Today, I went to work leaving my girlfriend asleep in my bed. Later she calls me, demanding to know how long I've been cheating on her. We don't use condoms but she found several in the bin when she decided to empty it. I had to explain while my colleagues listened that I use them to masturbate. FML
Today, I whacked off with a condom on and left it in the living room waste basket so it looked like I finally had sex with someone. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when I came. She got pissed and slapped me really hard for coming inside her because she didn't want to get pregnant. 1. I was wearing a condom. 2. She's on the pill. 3. We were having anal sex. FML
Today, I found out that the white marks on my pillow aren't from me drooling in my sleep like I originally thought. My roommate used my pillow to help support her lower back during intercourse with her hookup from last night. FML
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Top comments
SMG227 0
YDI for calling it "intercourse"
buddy51 23
Welcome to the wonderful world of AIDS!
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Comments (154)
Ilovelife07 0
look at it this way, at least now you have a better reason to push her down the stairs
Rune3345 0
lmfao!!
Mortanious 0
Always use a condom moron! Do you know what kind of STD she has and if she does? Did you read the damn pills box? No box and you immediatly assume they were birth control pills? Retards like you need to be kept indoors and given intense courses on how life works.
k43L1 0
i couldn't agree more.
Ilovelife07 0
I also like how everyone is flipping out at the guy and ignoring the fact that the dumb **** was also fine with being done by some random dude without a condom
k43L1 0
she was prolly too drunk to know if he was wearing one or not. and if not, yeh maybe she was fine with it. regardless, condoms protect against most STDs, so he was taking a big risk not using one anyway. you gotta look out for your own health, and he didn't. shit happens.
skyfire1228 0
YDI. Always wear a rubber, dumb shit.
sk8erboy_fml 0
use a condom. your penis will thank you one day
drunky25 0
YDI for being stupid...dont assume, now u may be stuck with a kid...oh STFU...next time wear a condom
vinnyc1 5
ur just stupid for haveing unprotected sex with someone that u just meet at a bar should be worried about an STD more then a kid
fragmite 1
you have syphilis.
MiniatureMayhem 0
Good luck, future baby daddy.
larcenousturco 0
don't be a fool, wrap your tool