Today, I woke up next to the girl I had drunk intercourse with last night. Before we got it on, I noticed a package of birth control pills on her nightstand. Because of this, I felt no need to use a condom, or pull out. When I woke up, I noticed those "pills" were actually a makeup case. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I woke up with a used condom on my face. Turns out my roommate had sex with his girlfriend during the night and instead of getting up and throwing it away, he decided to throw it across the room. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me that she's pregnant. She'd told me she was on birth control, so I asked her to show me. She had been sticking the pills up her vagina like a suppository. FML
Today, after getting into bed, I found a used condom under my covers. I asked my roommate about it. She freely admitted that since my bed was comfier than hers, she had sex with her boyfriend on it. FML
Today, I found out that I'm going to be a mother. This was a mystery, since I take birth control and use condoms all the time. Or, at least, it was, until my mother admitted to swapping my pills and poking holes in my condoms so she could have a grandchild before she died. FML
Today, I found out that even though my girlfriend is on the pill, and even though my girlfriend took emergency contraception, she became pregnant days after the first time we had sex without a condom. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when I came. She got pissed and slapped me really hard for cumming inside her because she did not want to get pregnant. 1. I was wearing a condom. 2. She's on the pill. 3. We were having anal sex. FML
Today, I went to work leaving my girlfriend asleep in my bed. Later she calls me, demanding to know how long I've been cheating on her. We don't use condoms but she found several in the bin when she decided to empty it. I had to explain while my colleagues listened that I use them to masturbate. FML
Today, I whacked off with a condom on and left it in the living room waste basket so it looked like I finally had sex with someone. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when I came. She got pissed and slapped me really hard for coming inside her because she didn't want to get pregnant. 1. I was wearing a condom. 2. She's on the pill. 3. We were having anal sex. FML
Today, I found out that the white marks on my pillow aren't from me drooling in my sleep like I originally thought. My roommate used my pillow to help support her lower back during intercourse with her hookup from last night. FML
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Top comments
SMG227 0
YDI for calling it "intercourse"
buddy51 23
Welcome to the wonderful world of AIDS!
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Comments (154)
mikeymuscles112 0
YDI. Congrats on being a complete dumbass have you ever heard of crabs, ganarhea, Aids????? Gotta love america
just_me_tmp 0
Ha. Ganarhea. I'm glad you know so much about STDs.
koolkat27 13
33- have you ever learned to spell? Gotta love idiots.
perdix 31
I hope that girl gives you a beautiful daughter, so she can use and treasure the make-up case that got it all started! ;)
drumhellermd 0
jackass...
jillz 0
You weren't the only irresponsible one. She sounds a bit wild herself. Who knows, she might already be pregnant with the last guy she had sex with.. health check -> pregnancy test -> paternity test YDI but the baby (if there is one) doesn't
tarnations 0
Um... STD??
h0mieg2 0
mx rider, ur a dumbsh*t... sry about the new kids tho, good luck
ragsy 7
What a moron. Hello? STD's? This is what happens when the christian right keeps sex ed out of schools.
bugmenotmofo 34
If she's drunk, maybe she won't remember your name...just make sure you don't run into her again and you'll be fine
shootingstar8D 0
ydi ********. now you probably have an STD and you got a chick prego. enjoy you new life.
r_ania 0
ydi for not putting stds into your little 'makeup case + no condom = alls good' equation