Today, I woke up next to the girl I had drunk intercourse with last night. Before we got it on, I noticed a package of birth control pills on her nightstand. Because of this, I felt no need to use a condom, or pull out. When I woke up, I noticed those "pills" were actually a makeup case. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up with a used condom on my face. Turns out my roommate had sex with his girlfriend during the night and instead of getting up and throwing it away, he decided to throw it across the room. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me that she's pregnant. She'd told me she was on birth control, so I asked her to show me. She had been sticking the pills up her vagina like a suppository. FML
Today, after getting into bed, I found a used condom under my covers. I asked my roommate about it. She freely admitted that since my bed was comfier than hers, she had sex with her boyfriend on it. FML
Today, I found out that I'm going to be a mother. This was a mystery, since I take birth control and use condoms all the time. Or, at least, it was, until my mother admitted to swapping my pills and poking holes in my condoms so she could have a grandchild before she died. FML
Today, I found out that even though my girlfriend is on the pill, and even though my girlfriend took emergency contraception, she became pregnant days after the first time we had sex without a condom. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when I came. She got pissed and slapped me really hard for cumming inside her because she did not want to get pregnant. 1. I was wearing a condom. 2. She's on the pill. 3. We were having anal sex. FML
Today, I went to work leaving my girlfriend asleep in my bed. Later she calls me, demanding to know how long I've been cheating on her. We don't use condoms but she found several in the bin when she decided to empty it. I had to explain while my colleagues listened that I use them to masturbate. FML
Today, I whacked off with a condom on and left it in the living room waste basket so it looked like I finally had sex with someone. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when I came. She got pissed and slapped me really hard for coming inside her because she didn't want to get pregnant. 1. I was wearing a condom. 2. She's on the pill. 3. We were having anal sex. FML
Today, I found out that the white marks on my pillow aren't from me drooling in my sleep like I originally thought. My roommate used my pillow to help support her lower back during intercourse with her hookup from last night. FML
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Top comments
SMG227 0
YDI for calling it "intercourse"
buddy51 23
Welcome to the wonderful world of AIDS!
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Comments (154)
Punkartmama 0
You are a moron and deserve the STDs that you ARE going to get. Birth control pills = no babies. And that's only when girls are 100% perfect, taking them everyday at the same exact time. Which lots of girls don't.
Blacksnake_fml 0
Cmon be cool with the dumba... I mean the guy. He just thought a makeupcase was birth control pills (dumbass) and he didn't use a condom (STDs and STIs, dumbass). Now he's gonna be a daddy :D (YDI, dumbass) Wow I love Be A Troll For A Day.
Mx_Rider 6
hah #18 i like blondes.. :D
freddie_fml 0
Never never never never NEVER leave birth control up to your partner. Always always always ALWAYS take care of YOURSELF. Did I say always? Because always. Also, pregnancy is not the only thing condoms prevent. Were you absent in health class the day STDs were discussed? I weep for this generation.
Mx_Rider 6
our generations is full of failures god dam... :(
headphone84 0
you are spreading HIV you teat
Rota 0
You'll be fine. Just get a morning after pill. Obviously these morons in the comments are 12 years old and just got out of their first sex ed class that tells them that if they even consider having sex, they will die of every STD known to man, unless they're married. This definitely is a pretty shitty feeling though.
tayzer_fml 0
Have fun nursing your rotting, STD/I infested penis. :3
Reality_bites 14
No wonder STI s are being spread at an alarming rate!
mala_aneczka 0
Ok its true not everyone has an STD but you can't know for sure whether someone does or not. If you don't know the person you are having sex with you should wear a condom just on principle. And for that matter, the Morning After Pill is not 100% effective, nothing is. And contrary to popular belief its not an abortive so if you are pregnant already it wont terminate the pregnancy.