Today, I woke up next to the girl I had drunk intercourse with last night. Before we got it on, I noticed a package of birth control pills on her nightstand. Because of this, I felt no need to use a condom, or pull out. When I woke up, I noticed those "pills" were actually a makeup case. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up with a used condom on my face. Turns out my roommate had sex with his girlfriend during the night and instead of getting up and throwing it away, he decided to throw it across the room. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me that she's pregnant. She'd told me she was on birth control, so I asked her to show me. She had been sticking the pills up her vagina like a suppository. FML
Today, after getting into bed, I found a used condom under my covers. I asked my roommate about it. She freely admitted that since my bed was comfier than hers, she had sex with her boyfriend on it. FML
Today, I found out that I'm going to be a mother. This was a mystery, since I take birth control and use condoms all the time. Or, at least, it was, until my mother admitted to swapping my pills and poking holes in my condoms so she could have a grandchild before she died. FML
Today, I found out that even though my girlfriend is on the pill, and even though my girlfriend took emergency contraception, she became pregnant days after the first time we had sex without a condom. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when I came. She got pissed and slapped me really hard for cumming inside her because she did not want to get pregnant. 1. I was wearing a condom. 2. She's on the pill. 3. We were having anal sex. FML
Today, I went to work leaving my girlfriend asleep in my bed. Later she calls me, demanding to know how long I've been cheating on her. We don't use condoms but she found several in the bin when she decided to empty it. I had to explain while my colleagues listened that I use them to masturbate. FML
Today, I whacked off with a condom on and left it in the living room waste basket so it looked like I finally had sex with someone. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when I came. She got pissed and slapped me really hard for coming inside her because she didn't want to get pregnant. 1. I was wearing a condom. 2. She's on the pill. 3. We were having anal sex. FML
Today, I found out that the white marks on my pillow aren't from me drooling in my sleep like I originally thought. My roommate used my pillow to help support her lower back during intercourse with her hookup from last night. FML
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Top comments
SMG227 0
YDI for calling it "intercourse"
buddy51 23
Welcome to the wonderful world of AIDS!
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Comments (154)
Dr_Pepper_fml 3
lmao....
amberita28 0
Don't be silly wrap your willy!!
Shoop_da_woop 0
RUN!!!!!!!!! run as fast and as far as you can!!!!! don't answer her calls or any numbers you don't recognize!!!!! baaaaaad shit buddy!!! say she raped you! that's legit, like 75%(or some number like that) of rape cases are cuz the bitch decided the next morning she didnt wanna
FoundManyLemons 0
YDI because: drunk people can't always consent (she was drunk too, right?), so, you might have just committed a rape. YDI because: You had UNPROTECTED sex. UN-PRO-TECT-ED. You could have gotten any number of diseases, including and up to the big HIV. Call Planned Parenthood and schedule an appointment to get tested. NOW: Call the girl, APOLOGIZE for ******* her without a condom, and offer to buy her Plan B. If she says okay, then do it. Be nice to her from here on out.
catiredan 0
who doesn't use a condom these days, seriously?! beyond stupid
slayerrrr 0
YDI. even when drunk, you still rubber-up, man.
HXCxSceneKidx 0
Dumbfuck
HarperGirl 4
love 17
DameGreyWulf 1
You do know that only one method (in this case only a pill) isn't going to stop everything, yes? That's why people combine methods (use condoms and pills together). There are also other reasons to use a condom, you know, such as not getting diseases, infections, or anything like that. You want to be especially careful of that shit with people you randomly and drunkenly pick up. Honestly man, go back to sex ed.
BaBiiSpAnKy821 0
congrats daddio!!!