Intimacy: Today, I woke up next to the girl I had drunk intercourse with...

By prayforme - 11/11/2009 01:52 - United States

Today, I woke up next to the girl I had drunk intercourse with last night. Before we got it on, I noticed a package of birth control pills on her nightstand. Because of this, I felt no need to use a condom, or pull out. When I woke up, I noticed those "pills" were actually a makeup case. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 047

You deserved it 63 154

Intimacy

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Same thing different taste

By Jake - 02/10/2012 11:52 - United States - Athens

Today, I woke up with a used condom on my face. Turns out my roommate had sex with his girlfriend during the night and instead of getting up and throwing it away, he decided to throw it across the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 578

You deserved it 2 797

Yeet it

By Anonymous - 22/05/2020 05:00

Today, I found out that even though my girlfriend is on the pill, and even though my girlfriend took emergency contraception, she became pregnant days after the first time we had sex without a condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 340

You deserved it 1 127

Some people are so... creative.

By Anonymous - 17/02/2018 06:00

Today, my girlfriend told me that she's pregnant. She'd told me she was on birth control, so I asked her to show me. She had been sticking the pills up her vagina like a suppository. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 374

You deserved it 1 568

By anonymous - 08/01/2015 19:10 - United States - Noblesville

Today, after getting into bed, I found a used condom under my covers. I asked my roommate about it. She freely admitted that since my bed was comfier than hers, she had sex with her boyfriend on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 087

You deserved it 3 345

By paulinapo - 30/05/2013 01:53 - United States - Staten Island

Today, I woke up in bed with a one-night stand. We got really drunk the night before so I went to make a hangover-cure breakfast. Apparently he was so drunk that he didn't remember me, and when he came to the kitchen, he knocked me out with a pan and called the cops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 302

You deserved it 9 825

By scatter00x - 08/02/2009 05:39 - United States

Today, I woke up around 5am from a party I had last night, still quite drunk. This chick was lying next to me from the night before. I kissed her, and about a minute and a half into some heavy making out, she opened her eyes and said, "Oh, it's you." Then got up and walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 079

You deserved it 7 085

By Holymoly - 14/01/2009 21:10 - Netherlands

Today, I woke up with a hangover and my girlfriend seemed pissed at me. It took me a while before I remembered having sex the night before. I just didn't know exactly what had happened after that had pissed her off. Then I realized nothing happened, because I fell asleep while she was on top of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 649

You deserved it 39 699

By RC3Welly - 09/03/2012 22:58 - United States

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 739

You deserved it 1 680

By RC3Welly - 09/03/2009 22:58 - United States

I agree, your life sucks 636 385

You deserved it 797 410

How romantic

By SmokedSalmon - 13/02/2009 00:54 - United States

Today, I woke up next to a slumbering girl I had just met the night before. She had all the covers on top of her and I was cold. Not only was I cold, but the sheets were really cold. So I got up and realized she'd peed a drunken night's worth of beer all over my sheets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 236

You deserved it 43 570

SMG227 0

Wednesday 11 November 2009 9:04

YDI for calling it "intercourse"

buddy51 23

Wednesday 11 November 2009 10:20

Welcome to the wonderful world of AIDS!

Comments

SMG227 0

Wednesday 11 November 2009 9:04

YDI for calling it "intercourse"

greendaygirl999 5

Monday 22 March 2010 9:03

Ahaha I agree with 1

greendaygirl999 5

Monday 22 March 2010 9:05

Also YDI for having your username be "prayforme" when it was your own ******* fault. Not even the pope would pray for you

My2864 1

Monday 7 June 2010 1:34

1- you disabled all comments cuz you couldnt be more right

Clare420 0

Tuesday 8 June 2010 7:28

yep! thank god for plan B pill!!

Gfrigo 1

Saturday 19 June 2010 3:25

looks like ur gonna have to pull a hit and run or smash and dash...

TheOptimist 0

Thursday 18 November 2010 8:09

I would laugh if she was on the pill anyway, and she still got pregnant. Do packets of the pill really look that much like a make up bag?

Ketchup_Castle 30

Monday 5 September 2011 3:23

Haha, agreed.

sonicmega 3

Wednesday 11 November 2009 9:06

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

MrCatman1125 2

Saturday 10 November 2012 9:28

He didn't rape her.

GnaR_KiLL5150 12

Tuesday 14 October 2014 15:24

Where did you get rape from?

shay_serendipity 29

Monday 17 November 2014 3:38

Besides the whole 'rape' thing, where the **** did you get raping babies from??

Metzfactor 5

Thursday 26 October 2017 2:44

rape?

anonacs 0

Wednesday 11 November 2009 9:07

Morning after pill if your that concerned.

Harrywhat 0

Wednesday 11 November 2009 9:14

Smooth move Romeo.

natsaysheyyy 16

Wednesday 13 March 2013 22:02

OP, seriously? What if she had an STD? YDI times a million!

Bloodknight 22

Wednesday 11 November 2009 9:28

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

boog_fml 7

Wednesday 11 November 2009 9:30

stupid!

veliki 0

Wednesday 11 November 2009 9:58

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

buddy51 23

Wednesday 11 November 2009 10:20

Welcome to the wonderful world of AIDS!

Shegs 0

Wednesday 11 November 2009 10:33

congrats daddy!!!

alphaxzero 0

Wednesday 11 November 2009 10:42

awwww snap! u got the AIDS!

Keywords

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I agree, your life sucks 44 618

You deserved it 4 576

Today, after 26 years of confusion with my parents pronouncing it different ways, and in my mom's case, multiple ways, having to clear up how it's spelled every time I meet someone, I asked my mom how to pronounce my name. She got mad and then pronounced it three different ways while explaining. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 510

You deserved it 433

The Top

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. The lights kept on going on and off. Why? The lights are activated by "clap on, clap off." It killed the mood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 902

You deserved it 9 728

Today, I applied for a job and sent my CV, then realised I sent the example CV I got off the internet. Now they think Bob Brown who lives at 123 Sunshine Street is applying for a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 760

You deserved it 38 264

Today, after about fifteen minutes of my cat bullying me into letting him get onto my lap, I finally caved. He clambered on, turned around, farted in my direction, and got off as fast as he got on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 653

You deserved it 9 598

Today, I was laying in the grass, staring into the blue sky and watching planes go by. My boyfriend snuggles down next to me; it was a sweet moment. He then told me all about how the planes above are leaving 'chem trails', and that he believes the CIA is out to mind-control us all. Right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 312

You deserved it 5 847

Today, I was in a mall bathroom when two girls started making out in the stall next to me. Before I could leave, they got really into it and caused our shared wall to tear from its hinges and collapse on top of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 241

You deserved it 3 062

Today, my mother felt the need to remind me not to fall in love with a fictional character. After laughing and reassuring her that I knew the difference between fiction and reality, she replied, "You know, honey, sometimes I'm not so sure." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 449

You deserved it 3 857

Same thing different taste

Yeet it

Some people are so... creative.

How romantic

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