Intimacy: Today, I woke up next to the girl I had drunk intercourse with...

By prayforme - 11/11/2009 01:52 - United States

Today, I woke up next to the girl I had drunk intercourse with last night. Before we got it on, I noticed a package of birth control pills on her nightstand. Because of this, I felt no need to use a condom, or pull out. When I woke up, I noticed those "pills" were actually a makeup case. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 052

You deserved it 63 228

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Same thing different taste

By Jake - 02/10/2012 11:52 - United States - Athens

Today, I woke up with a used condom on my face. Turns out my roommate had sex with his girlfriend during the night and instead of getting up and throwing it away, he decided to throw it across the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 607

You deserved it 2 812

Some people are so... creative.

By Anonymous - 17/02/2018 06:00

Today, my girlfriend told me that she's pregnant. She'd told me she was on birth control, so I asked her to show me. She had been sticking the pills up her vagina like a suppository. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 415

You deserved it 1 587

By anonymous - 08/01/2015 19:10 - United States - Noblesville

Today, after getting into bed, I found a used condom under my covers. I asked my roommate about it. She freely admitted that since my bed was comfier than hers, she had sex with her boyfriend on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 131

You deserved it 3 368

By Anonymous - 16/11/2009 00:52 - Canada

Today, I found out that I'm going to be a mother. This was a mystery, since I take birth control and use condoms all the time. Or, at least, it was, until my mother admitted to swapping my pills and poking holes in my condoms so she could have a grandchild before she died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 132

You deserved it 4 188

Yeet it

By Anonymous - 22/05/2020 05:00

Today, I found out that even though my girlfriend is on the pill, and even though my girlfriend took emergency contraception, she became pregnant days after the first time we had sex without a condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 363

You deserved it 1 169

I don't understand!

By Anonymous - 28/11/2019 18:00 - Canada

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when I came. She got pissed and slapped me really hard for cumming inside her because she did not want to get pregnant. 1. I was wearing a condom. 2. She's on the pill. 3. We were having anal sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 017

You deserved it 639

By SimpleSimon - 01/07/2009 00:14 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to work leaving my girlfriend asleep in my bed. Later she calls me demanding to know how long I've been cheating on her. We don't use condoms but she found several in the bin when she decided to empty it. I had to explain while my colleagues listened that I use them to masturbate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 306

You deserved it 19 721

By Anonymous - 31/07/2012 03:36 - United States - Chicago

Today, I whacked off with a condom on and left it in the living room waste basket so it looked like I finally had sex with someone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 450

You deserved it 42 554

Precaution

By Tai - 31/10/2010 13:30 - Australia

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when I came. She got pissed and slapped me really hard for coming inside her because she didn't want to get pregnant. 1. I was wearing a condom. 2. She's on the pill. 3. We were having anal sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 588

You deserved it 9 943

By KaraAnn17 - 12/02/2011 16:29 - United States

Today, I found out that the white marks on my pillow aren't from me drooling in my sleep like I originally thought. My roommate used my pillow to help support her lower back during intercourse with her hookup from last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 339

You deserved it 3 546

SMG227 0

Wednesday 11 November 2009 9:04

YDI for calling it "intercourse"

buddy51 23

Wednesday 11 November 2009 10:20

Welcome to the wonderful world of AIDS!

Comments

SMG227 0

Wednesday 11 November 2009 9:04

YDI for calling it "intercourse"

greendaygirl999 5

Monday 22 March 2010 9:03

Ahaha I agree with 1

greendaygirl999 5

Monday 22 March 2010 9:05

Also YDI for having your username be "prayforme" when it was your own ******* fault. Not even the pope would pray for you

My2864 1

Monday 7 June 2010 1:34

1- you disabled all comments cuz you couldnt be more right

Clare420 0

Tuesday 8 June 2010 7:28

yep! thank god for plan B pill!!

Gfrigo 1

Saturday 19 June 2010 3:25

looks like ur gonna have to pull a hit and run or smash and dash...

TheOptimist 0

Thursday 18 November 2010 8:09

I would laugh if she was on the pill anyway, and she still got pregnant. Do packets of the pill really look that much like a make up bag?

Ketchup_Castle 30

Monday 5 September 2011 3:23

Haha, agreed.

sonicmega 3

Wednesday 11 November 2009 9:06

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

MrCatman1125 2

Saturday 10 November 2012 9:28

He didn't rape her.

GnaR_KiLL5150 12

Tuesday 14 October 2014 15:24

Where did you get rape from?

shay_serendipity 29

Monday 17 November 2014 3:38

Besides the whole 'rape' thing, where the **** did you get raping babies from??

Metzfactor 5

Thursday 26 October 2017 2:44

rape?

anonacs 0

Wednesday 11 November 2009 9:07

Morning after pill if your that concerned.

Harrywhat 0

Wednesday 11 November 2009 9:14

Smooth move Romeo.

natsaysheyyy 16

Wednesday 13 March 2013 22:02

OP, seriously? What if she had an STD? YDI times a million!

Bloodknight 22

Wednesday 11 November 2009 9:28

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

boog_fml 7

Wednesday 11 November 2009 9:30

stupid!

veliki 0

Wednesday 11 November 2009 9:58

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

buddy51 23

Wednesday 11 November 2009 10:20

Welcome to the wonderful world of AIDS!

Shegs 0

Wednesday 11 November 2009 10:33

congrats daddy!!!

alphaxzero 0

Wednesday 11 November 2009 10:42

awwww snap! u got the AIDS!

Keywords

Break-ups Love Christmas Poopoo peepee Gross Miscellaneous Ironic Argument Awkward Friends Cute Haircut Relatable Work Cars You're fired Health Covid Jealousy Cheating Kids Parenting Family DIY Cats Sex Roommate Intimacy Am I overreacting? Management

The Top

Today, my boyfriend told me to completely shave off all of my already-groomed pubic area because, "It looks so unnatural." Ignoring the obvious lack of logic, I asked him why he keeps his totally ungroomed. Turns out "Men having hair is okay. Women aren't supposed to, though." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 088

You deserved it 13 428

Today, my sister was concerned that her daughter (my niece) was sick, and hesitant to take her to the ER. I asked if she'd eaten something she shouldn't have, and she replied, "No, especially since we feed her the most healthy food we can." This was fine until I flipped out when she said, "We even give her raw milk so that she'll be strong." FML

I agree, your life sucks 437

You deserved it 121

The Top

Today, I found out I'm three weeks pregnant with a guy I've been dating for a month. I'm on the pill and we even used a condom. This baby must be some kind of superhuman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 823

You deserved it 916

Today, I was texting a girl I was interested in and we exchanged Instagram names. She ghosted me right after. She's the fourth girl to have done this to me in the past month. I guess I'm unattractive, but at least I'm good at texting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 817

You deserved it 413

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, sitting in my car, an hour into a four-hour trip. The reason? I haven't been lifting with him at his gym during the COVID-19 pandemic. The kicker? We were headed back after a stay-cation with his mom, because yesterday was my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 873

You deserved it 117

Today, I'm getting kicked out of my flat because my drunk friends stole a pony and left it tied outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 387

You deserved it 3 499

Today, I was drying my duvet and pillows in the dryer. Apparently, one of the pillows was memory foam, which I was not aware of. It caught on fire due to the heat and nearly burned down my laundry room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 142

You deserved it 834

Today, my 12-year-old son played QWOP on my laptop. Half an hour later, he virtually destroyed it in a fit of rage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 231

You deserved it 5 395

Same thing different taste

Some people are so... creative.

Yeet it

I don't understand!

Precaution

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