Miscellaneous: Today, I woke up at my grandparents house since my mom was out...

By poop - 08/03/2009 23:57 - United States

Today, I woke up at my grandparents house since my mom was out of town, still half asleep i went to brush my teeth. Mid brush my mouth started getting numb I looked again at the tooth paste I used..turns out it was my grandpa's anti-itch anal cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 060

You deserved it 22 156

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Same thing different taste

By uofpalum - 19/03/2009 01:41 - United States

Today, I stayed over at my grandparents' house. I woke up and had to brush my teeth. My grandma asked if I had found a toothbrush to use. I told her that I used my old purple toothbrush. She told me that was the toothbrush she used to brush her toenails. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 482

You deserved it 10 809

By Noname - 09/11/2008 09:18 - France

Today, whilst brushing my teeth, I fell asleep poking myself in the eye with my toothbrush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 689

You deserved it 13 854

Ouch

By Anonymous - 31/07/2020 02:03

Today, while brushing my teeth half asleep, I stabbed myself in the eye with my toothbrush, toothpaste included. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 112

You deserved it 568

By lanikai610 - 26/10/2011 18:35 - United States

Today, there was no toilet paper left, so I asked my grandmother if I could use her Kleenex tissues. I found out too late that they were Vicks VapoRub tissues. My crotch has been burning for the last half hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 384

You deserved it 7 616

By Anonymous - 25/09/2010 14:45 - Malaysia

Today, I was trying to apply some toothpaste on my pimple to help dry it out. My mum came from behind and hugged me, making me accidentally apply minty toothpaste into my right eye instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 867

You deserved it 4 697

Wanker

By bongoboy - 25/04/2009 07:51 - United States

Today, I was staying with my grandma. While in her bathroom, the floss I was using cut my gum which made me wince in slight pain. At the same time, my grandma was walking by in the corridor, so she stopped to say, "Don't wank in my bathroom you sicko!" Now my grandma thinks I'm a pervert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 395

You deserved it 6 245

By Anonymous - 30/06/2011 17:30 - United States

Today, I woke up to find that not only did the toothpaste I put on my pimple make it more noticable, but it made it worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 453

You deserved it 34 650

By notsoclean - 24/12/2010 21:14 - United States

Today, I was at the dentist's, getting my teeth cleaned. He thought it would be funny to suddenly go on in detail about the fantastic sex he and his wife had the night before. I was unable to speak the entire time. The dentist is my grandpa. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 486

You deserved it 3 697

By Dilly - 10/10/2010 20:29 - United Kingdom

Today, I was tidying my room when my gran came in and offered to help. I said I didn't need any, but she started going through it anyway. She found a tube of "Very Cherry" lube and asked what it was. I subtly tore off the label and tried to convince her it was a face mask. She's taken it to try it out tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 828

You deserved it 9 293

You absolute melt

By hkkilla - 16/03/2010 17:40 - United States

Today, I had four teeth pulled, and my mom brought me some ice cream to help with the pain. I fell asleep before I could finish it, and without realising, I left the bowl on my bed. I woke up a few hours later with ice cream spilled all over me, my pants, and all over my now-dead phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 860

You deserved it 10 537

Amkii 0

Monday 9 March 2009 2:36

Analicious!

itybitykity 0

Monday 9 March 2009 2:35

Classic jaw-drop moment for me just now. That is terrible.

Comments

HIMnHER 0

Monday 9 March 2009 2:26

oh i bet that tasted bad. i never done that but there were times where i was about to.

michaelscot23 0

Tuesday 16 March 2010 2:25

I hope it at least made your breath minty fresh

brightnite 0

Saturday 4 September 2010 7:47

well that takes care or your tooth itch!

Catkam623 27

Sunday 30 December 2012 22:06

And the rest of your mouth

pikachu_01 0

Monday 9 March 2009 2:27

Oooh, ouch. That blows.

daniisme 0

Tuesday 23 March 2010 9:51

that's why you you need to ANALyse things better.

GrammarFailure 0

Thursday 27 May 2010 16:49

Really?

amanda_d95 9

Monday 6 June 2011 23:28

No. Just no.

gregthestrange 3

Monday 9 March 2009 2:31

swift

Ryu148 0

Monday 9 March 2009 2:31

Eeeeewwwwww. Just...ew.

ZleveL 0

Friday 19 February 2010 7:16

ewwwww I threw up in my mouth

itybitykity 0

Monday 9 March 2009 2:35

Classic jaw-drop moment for me just now. That is terrible.

amanda_d95 9

Monday 6 June 2011 23:30

haha me too! i literally had a jaw drop moment

Amkii 0

Monday 9 March 2009 2:36

Analicious!

imhawaiian 0

Monday 9 March 2009 2:44

Nice

Gio_fml 6

Monday 9 March 2009 2:44

Well, at least it wasn't used.

Torialovesya 0

Monday 21 November 2011 20:27

But if it wasn't used then op would of had to open it but probably looked to see if there was another one instead of opening a new one :)

tomorrowbroadway 0

Monday 9 March 2009 2:46

Lesson learned: read the labels of everything, especially things you're putting in your mouth.

wowyougotowned 0

Monday 9 March 2009 2:50

heres a tip: open your eyes when you wake up... idiot

Slender_Man 6

Monday 16 July 2012 9:37

Here's a tip: don't be an asswipe

Keywords

Love Embarrassing Poopoo peepee Miscellaneous Christmas Romantic Break-ups Money Annoying Gross Ironic Argument Friends Awkward Cute Haircut Holidays Lonely Relatable Work Bosses Capitalism You're fired Cars Covid Health Jealousy Cheating Parenting Kids

The Top

Today, on my first day as a community support officer, a 7-foot meathead in the middle of a domestic argument told me to “piss off shorty”, and when I asked him not to swear at me, he picked me up one-handed and threw me in a builder's skip full of mud and wet cement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 560

You deserved it 351

Today, I was in an elevator with my girlfriend when it suddenly stopped. Thinking of being spontaneous like in all the movies, I propped her up on the railings and started getting passionate. That's when the emergency phone rang. And I discovered there was a security camera. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 331

You deserved it 41 023

The Top

Today, my 20-year-old came whining to me, asking why his job interviews keep going so poorly. I had to delicately explain that the "PIMP SLAP" tattoo he had put on his right hand recently may have something to do with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 786

You deserved it 4 636

Today, I found a box of birthday candles sitting on the coffee table. Bored, I lit one, and after a minute I threw it away and sat back down on the couch. I started looking at the box and noticed that it said "Magic Re-Lighting Candles" at the exact moment that my trash can burst into flames. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 785

You deserved it 76 002

Today, I finally found our big casserole in the attic. Once the food was all nicely layered into it, I realized why it had been in the attic. It doesn't actually fit into our standard-sized oven. By a few millimeters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 764

You deserved it 279

Today, I was doing an online live exam with the camera on when the power suddenly went out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 006

You deserved it 70

Today, my daughter found out what happens when my husband watches Mythbusters and doesn't heed the disclaimer to "Not try this at home." He feels bad about her cut face, but says he's proud he can throw a playing card that hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 130

You deserved it 3 552

Today, 48 hours after my boyfriend introduced me to his friend group so I could make new friends and I'd joined their group chat, two long-term couples have broken up and left without any explanation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 389

You deserved it 159

Same thing different taste

Ouch

Wanker

You absolute melt

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