Animals: Today, I woke up again to a warm trickling sensation on my neck.... - FML

By Cali girl - 03/04/2014 16:36 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I woke up again to a warm trickling sensation on my neck. It would seem my rabbit has a thing for doing his business on me to wake me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 183

You deserved it 7 591

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
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Same thing different taste

What's up, doc?

By Anonymous - 19/09/2020 17:02 - United States - San Mateo

Today, I was spending time with my affectionate pet rabbit. He was hanging out with me on my bed as usual. After I finished giving him a long and thorough head rub, he thanked me by emptying his bladder on my leg. What is that, marking me as his property? True affection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 969

You deserved it 246

Meow!

By patronuscat? - 05/10/2017 01:30

Today, I woke up in a guy's bed to one of his cats licking my nipples. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 617

You deserved it 1 059

What is going on?

By Jade - 22/08/2013 00:09 - United States - Reseda

Today, my wackjob roommate decided to sit next to me on the couch, basically make out with her pet rabbit, and baby-talk to it. Key highlights involved giggling while the bunny licked up inside her nose and then commenting on the rabbit's "pronounced nipples". Why? FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 079

You deserved it 3 974

By slugitha - 16/03/2016 10:23 - United States

Today, I was awoken by a slug crawling down my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 425

You deserved it 1 839

By jenA - 21/08/2012 13:04 - United States - Russellville

Today, I realized the fastest way to wake up isn't from an alarm clock. It's from the warm, wet sensation of your old and senile cat peeing on you and your bed. I swear he was smiling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 853

You deserved it 2 987

By ballbreath - 16/07/2014 15:44 - United States - Rancho Cucamonga

Today, I woke up to my dog jumping on my bed and licking me all over. It would've been fine, if I hadn't woken the first time a few minutes earlier to the sight of him going to town on his balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 834

You deserved it 5 178

By GnarCarBar - 12/09/2011 23:03 - United States

Today, I woke up to the feeling of someone tickling my back. I quickly realized I haven't been touched in so long that I was smiling to flies landing on me in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 781

You deserved it 4 659

By CatLady - 24/08/2009 13:38 - Canada

Today, my cat head-butted me awake as usual. I reached to pet him, but it wasn't his face I touched. It was the still-twitching corpse of the disemboweled rat he held in his jaws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 539

You deserved it 4 152

By Anonymous - 05/10/2014 17:04 - United States - Louisville

Today, I woke up to a mouse sitting on my pillow and chewing on my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 635

You deserved it 3 722

By Fran - 09/01/2010 08:40 - New Zealand

Today, I was awoken at 1:30 a.m. by a strange noise, and something tugging on my hair. I opened my eyes, to find a very large rat sitting on my pillow, chewing my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 506

You deserved it 3 371

Next

Top comments

toowie_fml 20

Thursday 3 April 2014 23:12

Does your rabbit always roam free in your room?

ayyy_bro 26

Thursday 3 April 2014 23:13

Shouldn't your rabbit be in a cage at night or something...

Comments

feven 32

Thursday 3 April 2014 23:16

Hm thats not bad. My rabbit likes to try to suffoicate me in my sleep.

theonecasey 27

Thursday 3 April 2014 23:18

Shouldn't you have him up at night?

feven 32

Thursday 3 April 2014 23:18

Hm not bad. My rabbit likes to try to suffoicate me in my sleep. Lol and my rabbits name is Othello

babygurll19 10

Friday 4 April 2014 0:30

What a weirdo...

Andicc 19

Friday 4 April 2014 0:56

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

HowieDoIt 21

Thursday 3 April 2014 23:19

This may be the only chance for a "urine a lot of trouble" AND "you're in a hare-y situation" pun combo.

LynxieLynx 17

Friday 4 April 2014 0:16

...i'm not even gonna try

RageWolf16 31

Friday 4 April 2014 0:23

Urine a bit of a hare-y situation, OP.

Apretendbiscuit 12

Friday 4 April 2014 9:07

That was a piss poor attempt at a pun

DocBastard 38

Thursday 3 April 2014 23:20

Be vewy vewy quiet. It's wabbit season.

ThrillJunkie 15

Thursday 3 April 2014 23:33

Duck season :)

Wizardo 33

Thursday 3 April 2014 23:58

Eeeeh what's up Doc?

kozzard 17

Friday 4 April 2014 0:01

Wabbit season!

False_Stupidity 41

Friday 4 April 2014 19:40

Duck season!

KiaKarma 11

Thursday 3 April 2014 23:21

Urine a hare-y situation, OP.

WhatsOpTic 11

Friday 4 April 2014 2:42

I'm sorry Kia but you're a little late there

StompinOnCrayons 15

Thursday 3 April 2014 23:21

At least you'll wake up... to smelly sheets, but every alarm has its pro con

MidnightMusic53 37

Thursday 3 April 2014 23:22

You really shouldn't be letting your rabbit roam freely around the house without supervision. They like to chew on things...namely, cords. It's dangerous for both you and your rabbit to keep him out of his cage when you're not awake or around to keep an eye on him.

Cherryta 17

Thursday 3 April 2014 23:23

"I can't stand the rain...against my....omg ewwww"

DarkHelmet 10

Thursday 3 April 2014 23:28

So you find it ok for a rabbit to bust nuts on your neck???

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The Top

Today, the coworker I have been hitting it off with rejected me. Apparently she has a crush on another male employee. An employee who is married and somehow has three other girls in our store actually fighting over him (I've heard arguments). She thinks she has a chance? FML

I agree, your life sucks 379

You deserved it 174

Today, and every day for the past 3 years, my daughter has consistently woken me up throughout the night to nurse. Bonus? She’s up by 7:00am in the morning and falls asleep around 10pm and it takes me 2 hours to fall asleep. I’m mentally and physically drained, and exhausted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 497

You deserved it 723

The Top

Today, I was gonna tell my crush that I love her, but I found out that she has a fiancé. She kept it secret so I would carry on helping her in her studies, like a fool. She was acting like she liked me, but she never did. Now it seems very obvious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 981

You deserved it 194

Today, my friend informed me that his dog died. Hoping to cheer him up, I sent him a random meme. My dumb ass mistakenly sent him a meme about dead dogs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 166

You deserved it 1 542

Today, I found out that my younger sister had maxed out all three of my credit cards when I tried all three of the cards, and realized that I didn't have $5.29 to buy tampons and Advil. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 006

You deserved it 5 314

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. He then told me that he will love me forever, wait for me and will follow me to the ends of the earth. Apparently, that means standing outside my door and calling my house phone every five minutes. It's been 3 hours straight now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 214

You deserved it 8 961

Today, I was driving into work in my hubby’s truck. It’s his pride and joy. I managed to both get a flat tire and lock my keys inside the truck at a gas station, with my face mask also inside. Oh, and it’s 19 degrees. At least it’s sunny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 787

You deserved it 305

Today, it's been three weeks since I moved to Germany with my own money, after my company's offices in Spain shut down. I was given a job at the headquarters here, only to have just found out that the whole company is now set to go into liquidation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 434

You deserved it 3 153