Miscellaneous: Today, I woke up after drunkenly hooking up with a girl who was...

By jibberish - 22/11/2009 00:15 - United States

Today, I woke up after drunkenly hooking up with a girl who was really into Twilight. I felt bruises on the lower end of my neck and so I went to the mirror and checked it out. She bit me, 5 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 691

You deserved it 38 985

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Same thing different taste

By Pelota - 01/07/2009 21:46 - United States

Today, I tried to stop a drunk girl from driving home. She took a couple swings at me, which I dodged. Feeling pretty good about it, I tried to get the keys from her hand. She leaned over, and sunk her teeth in to my bare shoulder. The doctor says I will have a scar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 475

You deserved it 5 229

By shittyemployee - 28/07/2018 19:00

Today, I rushed to work after a night of drinking and partying, and put my hair up on my way in. People started worriedly asking what happened to my head, so I looked in the mirror. I had scratches and a welt on my forehead from hitting the wall during sex last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 843

You deserved it 3 154

By H-B - 28/04/2009 08:53 - United States

Today, I went out with a girl who I really love. We arrived to her house and before she got out of the car, I attempted to kiss her as planned. Still drunk, I grabbed her head and twisted it when I kissed her. She's now wearing a neck brace. Real smooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 600

You deserved it 88 941

By feartheend511 - 19/08/2010 15:48 - United States

Today, while my friends were over, my mom took too many of her pills and walked around the house nude. She then bit me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 149

You deserved it 3 652

Worst party ever

By Dumbass - 10/01/2019 12:00

Today, I got too drunk at a party and cracked a tooth from opening a beer bottle with my teeth, farted something nasty in a room alone with someone, tried to climb a tree and fell out, and watched my crush make out with his new girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 885

You deserved it 4 023

By permanently scarred - 25/08/2018 15:00

Today, I was assaulted and knocked out by a girl at school for talking to her boyfriend. I woke up in the emergency room. After she knocked me unconscious, she took a knife and carved her initials into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 934

You deserved it 256

By nosey - 08/04/2013 19:20 - United Kingdom - Mountain Ash

Today, I woke up with my face covered in blood. Turns out that yesterday at my colleague's birthday party, I got so drunk that I started yelling "Nappy time!" before falling out of my hammock and face-first onto the concrete ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 665

You deserved it 40 125

Out of pocket

By Anonymous - 12/05/2023 03:30 - India - Kannur

Today, I woke up in my boss’s sofa. I was covered in vomit, my head was hurting too much, and the only thing I could remember from the party the day before was that I was holding hands with my boss. I thought the story ended there but turns out I bit him on the neck, not once, not twice, but thrice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 221

You deserved it 1 069

By RomanceFail - 02/04/2015 12:51 - United States - Crestwood

Today, I woke up my girlfriend up with a cute kiss. She was apparently having a bad dream and headbutted me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 034

You deserved it 3 378

By lehonj49 - 21/06/2013 16:10 - Australia - Burwood

Today, after years of battling my social anxiety issues, I went out clubbing with my friends. A girl started talking to me and we actually hit it off. The next thing I know, I'm on the floor getting wailed on by some bloke for hitting on his girlfriend. She didn't do a thing to stop him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 847

You deserved it 3 655

allmidnighteyes 10

Sunday 22 November 2009 9:26

YDI for hooking up with a Twilight fan. Stupid ******* misogynistic shit like that should NEVER be passed off as actual literature. The whole series can pretty much summed up with, "EDWARD CULLEN WAS SO HAWT I CAME GLITTER" I wish I could be a deranged mormon housewife so I could make millions off a book series - based off creepy sexual fantasies for a sparkling douchenozzle - that glorifies/romanticizes shallow relationships based on lust, stalking, and werewolves falling in love with baby children.

ScaredyCat 2

Sunday 22 November 2009 9:25

you deserve it for not being turned off by a girl into "Twatlight"

Comments

averageirishman 0

Monday 1 March 2010 4:13

the books had terrible grammer

LyricalBeba 3

Monday 8 March 2010 14:41

what does twilight have to do with it maybe shes just rly into biting this guy i knew loved bitjng hard enuff to almost draw blood it turnd him on this was b4 he read twilight. just because u hate the series doesnt mean thats the reason. and drunken sex is an fml? r u straight? thank u 4 wasting our time

BonJovi821 3

Wednesday 9 June 2010 7:35

If anything, it's YOUR COMMENT that wasted anyone's time.

linamerri 0

Thursday 18 March 2010 4:29

it's quite sad.. were going to be remembered as the generation that fell in love with sparkly gay vampires

sugarbaby79 0

Wednesday 24 March 2010 0:22

idiot. you have terrible GRAMMAR. don't bash on the book if your dumb ass cant spell. ilove twilight! not an obsessed fan though.

moi101 0

Wednesday 31 March 2010 5:20

ouch

SoleilHime 0

Friday 2 April 2010 20:51

Says the person who couldn't spell "can't". I think that makes your point null and void. I've read all four books and seen the first movie, and none of it is any good. The writing is basic at best, the characters are ridiculously shallow, and it's overall a pretty shoddy series. I read all of them / saw the movie because of an obsessed younger sister, and afterwards pointed her to Anne Rice, who is a lot better than Stephanie Meyer could hope to be if she keeps going at this rate. The only way I could consider Meyer a decent author is to look at the fact that she intended the series to be aimed at young adults and ended up getting a lot of people to read.

adrifter 0

Friday 16 April 2010 12:05

Wtf?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Kinky, but ****** up.

beeffyboy 0

Friday 9 July 2010 6:08

five times that u know of. she could of bitten u more but in the same spot. I think it's hot as well

tally7mir 3

Thursday 5 August 2010 8:39

How is this your fault? It's not like you could have known she liked Twilight. I mean, people don't just come up to you and say, "Hey, I likeTwilight!! Can I bite your neck like Edward?"

SadinSherman 16

Monday 6 December 2010 16:29

I have to say I also wasted my time watching the movies and reading the books,and I can't find one nice thing to say about it,I like true blood much better but it can get a little graphic