Miscellaneous: Today, I woke up after drunkenly hooking up with a girl who was...

By jibberish - 22/11/2009 00:15 - United States

Today, I woke up after drunkenly hooking up with a girl who was really into Twilight. I felt bruises on the lower end of my neck and so I went to the mirror and checked it out. She bit me, 5 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 691

You deserved it 38 985

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Same thing different taste

By Pelota - 01/07/2009 21:46 - United States

Today, I tried to stop a drunk girl from driving home. She took a couple swings at me, which I dodged. Feeling pretty good about it, I tried to get the keys from her hand. She leaned over, and sunk her teeth in to my bare shoulder. The doctor says I will have a scar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 475

You deserved it 5 229

By shittyemployee - 28/07/2018 19:00

Today, I rushed to work after a night of drinking and partying, and put my hair up on my way in. People started worriedly asking what happened to my head, so I looked in the mirror. I had scratches and a welt on my forehead from hitting the wall during sex last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 843

You deserved it 3 154

By H-B - 28/04/2009 08:53 - United States

Today, I went out with a girl who I really love. We arrived to her house and before she got out of the car, I attempted to kiss her as planned. Still drunk, I grabbed her head and twisted it when I kissed her. She's now wearing a neck brace. Real smooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 600

You deserved it 88 941

By feartheend511 - 19/08/2010 15:48 - United States

Today, while my friends were over, my mom took too many of her pills and walked around the house nude. She then bit me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 149

You deserved it 3 652

Worst party ever

By Dumbass - 10/01/2019 12:00

Today, I got too drunk at a party and cracked a tooth from opening a beer bottle with my teeth, farted something nasty in a room alone with someone, tried to climb a tree and fell out, and watched my crush make out with his new girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 885

You deserved it 4 023

By permanently scarred - 25/08/2018 15:00

Today, I was assaulted and knocked out by a girl at school for talking to her boyfriend. I woke up in the emergency room. After she knocked me unconscious, she took a knife and carved her initials into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 934

You deserved it 256

By nosey - 08/04/2013 19:20 - United Kingdom - Mountain Ash

Today, I woke up with my face covered in blood. Turns out that yesterday at my colleague's birthday party, I got so drunk that I started yelling "Nappy time!" before falling out of my hammock and face-first onto the concrete ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 665

You deserved it 40 125

Out of pocket

By Anonymous - 12/05/2023 03:30 - India - Kannur

Today, I woke up in my boss’s sofa. I was covered in vomit, my head was hurting too much, and the only thing I could remember from the party the day before was that I was holding hands with my boss. I thought the story ended there but turns out I bit him on the neck, not once, not twice, but thrice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 221

You deserved it 1 069

By RomanceFail - 02/04/2015 12:51 - United States - Crestwood

Today, I woke up my girlfriend up with a cute kiss. She was apparently having a bad dream and headbutted me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 034

You deserved it 3 378

By lehonj49 - 21/06/2013 16:10 - Australia - Burwood

Today, after years of battling my social anxiety issues, I went out clubbing with my friends. A girl started talking to me and we actually hit it off. The next thing I know, I'm on the floor getting wailed on by some bloke for hitting on his girlfriend. She didn't do a thing to stop him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 847

You deserved it 3 655

allmidnighteyes 10

Sunday 22 November 2009 9:26

YDI for hooking up with a Twilight fan. Stupid ******* misogynistic shit like that should NEVER be passed off as actual literature. The whole series can pretty much summed up with, "EDWARD CULLEN WAS SO HAWT I CAME GLITTER" I wish I could be a deranged mormon housewife so I could make millions off a book series - based off creepy sexual fantasies for a sparkling douchenozzle - that glorifies/romanticizes shallow relationships based on lust, stalking, and werewolves falling in love with baby children.

ScaredyCat 2

Sunday 22 November 2009 9:25

you deserve it for not being turned off by a girl into "Twatlight"

Comments

musicchick1712 0

Thursday 10 March 2011 23:42

That's extremely disturbing but you kind of deserved it.

akatfml 0

Monday 14 March 2011 2:11

hope you don't get turned to a vampire!

Kgpetosa 0

Sunday 24 April 2011 7:58

Well look at the bright side...you can no sparkle ;)

Coleenie5 2

Monday 16 May 2011 19:33

By boyfriend bites my neck all the time. I think it's hot! Now if she was doing it just because of twilight... not so much.

FMLD123 0

Thursday 30 June 2011 5:54

FYL yeah it sucks, but YDI for hooking up w/ a twlight obsessed chick in the first place. Word of advice; it might be time to stop drunkingly hooking up.

The__Redneck 7

Saturday 23 July 2011 20:29

I love these FML's that start with "I hooked up with some complete stranger...." Maybe that's a good reason to be a little more careful who you sleep with?

izzybd 20

Thursday 11 August 2011 8:45

OP, I guess you don't realize that not only Twitards are into biting. Biting is a quite common fetish, as many people have at least a slight turn on for rough sex. I love it when my boyfriend bites my neck, as it is extremely sensitive to kisses and mouths. He routinely leaves me with bruises ;P on my hips too, from his grip. So, don't think "Fml" if a girl bit you during sex. Think "Fml" that you ****** a Twitard xD

allknowingbrony 5

Sunday 23 October 2011 5:29

This is why you NEVER hook up with twi-tards

Taurus_ChicKa 36

Tuesday 25 October 2011 5:29

To all the Twilight haters, forget about that - the OP deserves it for hooking up with someone while drunk in the first place. It serves him right that the person was a fan of Twilight and bit him numerous times. Maybe next time he'll think twice before getting so inebriated he sleeps with someone who's into something he's not. Oh, and if the OP had said the girl was into vampires, this would have been okay? Just the fact that it was Twilight makes it bad? Psssh...smh

Taurus_ChicKa 36

Tuesday 25 October 2011 5:41

To all the Twilight haters, forget about that. OP deserves it for getting drunk and hooking up with some girl while intoxicated in the first place. It serves him right that she's a fan of Twilight. Now, if OP had said that she'd been into vampires in general, would people still be hating? Just because it's Twilight everyone has to get all dramatic. OP deserves this, Twilight fan or no.