Work: Today, I got denied a job. They told me I was unreliable because...

By abrooks88 - 08/02/2012 16:53 - United States

Today, I got denied a job. They told me I was unreliable because I didn't show up for my third interview. This is the same interview they called and cancelled this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 885

You deserved it 2 039

Work

Late term

Best teeth in the game

Come on man, make an effort

By Fml - 12/04/2013 05:05 - United States - Lynn

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex; I know that some women are great multitaskers, but I'm guessing it was a bad sign when she started to go over the shopping list. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 107

You deserved it 14 569

By peanuts - 03/07/2010 04:04 - United States

Today, my dog is mad at me due to the fact that earlier in the day I ate 2 peanut butter cookies. Apparently, they were his dog treats. I had no idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 164

You deserved it 36 054

By fuckyouverymuch - 26/10/2013 19:48 - United States - Salida

Today, a friend sent me to a guy he knows who repairs various electronics for a very low price. Good news: he fixed my malfunctioning iPad. Bad news: it took me several hours to notice that he'd carved the words DOUCHE and HIPSTER into the back panel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 510

You deserved it 7 815

Priorities

By ill - 02/10/2009 17:18 - Canada

Today, I called my dad to ask why my university tuition had not been paid. He said that "my school was too expensive and he couldn't afford it." He then asked me if I would take in his mail while he was away. He was taking his new wife to Hawaii, apparently it's beautiful this time of year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 477

You deserved it 3 593

My lovely horse

By Anonymous - 18/08/2021 08:01

Today, after we managed to find a horse that was completely healthy and problem-free, we took her home. Now she keeps getting thinner because she's stressed and scared. Of what? Of having too much space to move around in, and occasionally seeing deer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 921

You deserved it 99

By lezbplove - 19/03/2011 05:26 - Canada

Today, I finally decided to tell my parents I was a lesbian. They spent the next few hours reading me the bible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 478

You deserved it 22 964

By Anonymous - 30/10/2018 12:00

Today, my family is too damn close. My uncle on my dad's side just got my aunt on my mum's side pregnant, three cousins from dad's side are dating three cousins from mum's side, and a half brother from my dad is marrying my half sister from my mum. We are the inbred rednecks of this town. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 367

You deserved it 338

By ILoveLamps - 25/03/2015 06:26 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I found out that my friend's family has been using red paper to help his little brother with his potty training. "Aim for the red!" they would say to him. I guess today was a bad day to wear red pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 170

You deserved it 2 858

By Anonymous - 11/12/2011 06:42 - United States

Today, I rode the public bus. When I got off, I put my hood up only to discover that the old man who sat behind me had used my hood as a trashcan for his gum and used Kleenex. I can't get the gum out of my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 721

You deserved it 2 646

By stillhave2years - 22/05/2013 10:56 - United States

Today, for the fourth time this week, I witnessed my mother dancing around the house naked. Apparently, she is loosening up her "inner nudist" and isn't planning on stopping any time soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 200

You deserved it 3 664

By Sammy - 27/04/2011 17:07 - United States

Today, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. My husband, the father of the baby, got a birdie on the golf course at the exact same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 734

You deserved it 5 530

Fire in the hole!

By CarrieBerrie - 14/08/2020 17:01

Today, after being woken up with the intense urge to go to the bathroom, and having gone to the bathroom three times in the last hour, I finally realized I took two laxatives instead of two Midol. My ass is on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 260

You deserved it 492

By Frauded - 17/12/2009 01:42 - United States

Today, I found my boyfriend of two years is a wanted man in the state of Texas, and was living under a fake identity for the past three years. What is he wanted for? Rampant identity theft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 017

You deserved it 3 010

Bushy

By Mustache - 03/11/2020 14:02 - Austria

Today, I was on my way to meet my partner's parents for the first time. Although I was in a rush, I managed to hop into the shower and shave. I now have a cut on my upper lip. I'm a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 864

You deserved it 222

By Swivel - 07/06/2012 12:17 - Singapore

Today, after a spate of bad ones, I was in another job interview trying my hardest to give a good impression. After answering a few questions, I realized to my horror that while I was talking I was swiveling my chair from left to right like a nervous child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 052

You deserved it 4 679

By Tasha84 - 20/11/2010 05:21 - United States

Today, I got an electric razor and a lesson from my dad on how to shave my mustache and chin. I also got my period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 825

You deserved it 4 493

Sorry, man

By Lii - 24/03/2015 01:04 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, I shouted, "Fuck off!" out of reflex when I felt someone behind me grab my bag and pull it off my shoulder. It turned out to be an elderly man with a walking stick, who was trying to steady himself in a busy crowd. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 015

You deserved it 15 372

By Anonymous - 01/01/2016 10:08 - United States - San Antonio

Today, during a party, my drunk mother stumbled over to take a picture of me and my brother. She told me to put a party blower in my mouth for the picture, but I politely declined. She threatened to spank me in front of everyone if I didn't do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 507

You deserved it 2 260

Barf!

By TPelekakis - 08/06/2016 17:01 - United States - Kingsport

Today, I lost the 5 pounds I had gained over the last few weeks. I had vowed to do whatever it took to lose that weight, and I actually did, when I caught a horrible stomach bug. I'd eat my words, but I'm pretty sure I'd just end up throwing them up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 710

You deserved it 1 020

By motherlover - 05/08/2014 04:40 - United States - Hoffman Estates

Today, my boyfriend laid his head on my bare chest and said, "You're like my mother." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 204

You deserved it 4 339

By Anonymous - 10/06/2018 01:30

Today, the only parking spot available at the supermarket had some shopping carts in it, so I got out of my car and moved them. As soon as I finished, a lady stole the spot. When I confronted her, she maced me with pepper spray and walked off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 190

You deserved it 307

By suckstobeme - 16/04/2009 18:38 - United States

Today, I asked my girlfriend what her favorite quality about me was. Her answer, "Your car." FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 981

You deserved it 8 772

By argh - 01/02/2010 13:17 - United States

Today, my mother gave my daughter a behavior chart. I noticed that "drinking beer" was at the top of one of the columns. It's a chart for my daughter to use on me so my mother can judge my parenting skills. I am currently losing a sticker right now for being on the computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 641

You deserved it 4 958

By california - 14/03/2009 20:55 - United States

Today, I was walking down the street and noticed a man in ripped clothes with a cup out asking for money. I was on my way to the movies but I felt like this man needed it more that me. Right as I gave it to him, he pulled out his blackberry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 381

You deserved it 17 762

By EpicMayonnaise - 26/08/2011 07:35 - United States

Today, I went to a club. The only guy who asked me to dance introduced himself as "Bird Dog." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 359

You deserved it 3 653

By skaterboy - 13/08/2013 15:36 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my mom got a cat. I'm allergic to cats, so I politely asked my mom why she got it. Her response: "I want you to finally want to move out." I turned eighteen two weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 537

You deserved it 5 010

By shouldhavestayedinbed - 01/07/2016 10:45 - United Kingdom

Today, my doorbell rang while I was still in bed. I leapt out and immediately got a severe cramp in one leg, then, staggering around trying to throw some clothes on, I scraped the other leg badly enough to draw blood. When I got to the door there was nobody there, just a parcel on the doorstep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 217

You deserved it 1 998

By lizzardbreath - 31/03/2009 10:44 - United States

Today, I went on a first date with a guy I don't know very well. He told me to dress in formal attire so I assumed he was taking me to a nice dinner. He took me to his brothers wedding, and introduced me as "the one" to his entire family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 115 621

You deserved it 7 916

Make it stop!

By DBR - 23/04/2009 10:45 - United States

Today, my alarm went off. I reached to swat it, missed, slipped, smacked my face on my dresser, and fell on the floor. As I picked myself up off the floor, I hit my head on the open top drawer of my other dresser. In 30 seconds of consciousness, I was attacked by two pieces of furniture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 815

You deserved it 11 434

By 3023-dang - 15/10/2012 20:27 - United States

Today, I found out that my girlfriend is four months pregnant. She can't wait for us to be parents. I guess she forgot that I haven't seen her in 7 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 929

You deserved it 2 578

No future

By Bryan - 15/06/2021 16:00

Today, the love of my life said, "You’d make a great husband! Whoever marries you in the future is gonna be so happy!" We’ve been together for 4 years and was planning to propose on her birthday in two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 931

You deserved it 91

By best breast - 06/04/2018 00:00

Today, my husband and I hosted Easter dinner. Since I was in my own home, I breastfed without a cover. My sister-in-law stormed out in a rage, screaming that I was being obscene, and equated it to shooting heroin in front of her kids. Happy Easter indeed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 107

You deserved it 647

By Boob - 07/01/2010 16:36 - United Kingdom

Today, for my art project, I spent hours painting my whole body in black spots with acrylic paint. I then went and stood outside in the snow, naked, so I could take pictures of it. Only then to find out the camera was out of batteries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 620

You deserved it 34 846

By ForeverAlone - 06/03/2013 22:28 - United States - O Fallon

Today, my boyfriend of a year and a half left me for another girl. Who was the only person who cared enough to comfort me? The girl he left me for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 854

You deserved it 2 789

By Anonymous - 13/09/2017 01:30

Today, I ordered a surveillance camera for my home. The package got stolen after being delivered. I think they're onto me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 812

You deserved it 250

By anonymous - 25/07/2013 01:31 - United States - Chicago

Today, I was going so slow in traffic that my GPS asked me if I wanted to switch to pedestrian mode. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 208

You deserved it 8 116

By toilet on the clock - 08/06/2016 10:40 - China - Guangzhou

Today, I learned that the three secretaries at work make spreadsheets about who uses the toilets, when and for how long, and then make bets on who will take the longest toilet break, who will use it the most often, etc. Now I constantly look at my watch whenever I use the toilets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 712

You deserved it 1 255

By ripped - 11/04/2009 06:10 - Canada

Today, I saw a dime on the ground. When I bent down to pick it up, my $80 dollar pants ripped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 105

You deserved it 63 725

By ncjarhead - 24/04/2010 23:38 - United States

Today, I discovered the same erotic pictures my wife emailed to me while I was deployed were emailed to several other guys by her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 989

You deserved it 3 102

By Anonymous - 02/10/2015 22:22 - United States - Ashburn

Today, my parents pranked me hard. They spent breakfast messing with my head, all to convince me that I was dreaming. I got so excited at finally having a lucid dream that I ran outside in my pajamas, yelling "Woo-hoo!" and trying to fly. Nothing happened. People saw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 859

You deserved it 23 441

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Top comments

rocker_chick105 31

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Wednesday 8 February 2012 18:39

Deny them your employment for being dumbasses

TraeThaTruth07 7

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Wednesday 8 February 2012 18:45

I'm hiring... You just have to make it through my training day.

BrickWalls 2

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Wednesday 8 February 2012 18:38

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

boofgall 16

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Wednesday 8 February 2012 18:52

You need a job where you get along with the boss right away. I'm great friends with mine.

TwinArmageddons 4

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Wednesday 8 February 2012 19:32

Dude that's just a bad joke right there

silentbutfunny 0

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Wednesday 8 February 2012 20:15

Theres a joke in this thread?

CockAsian 14

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Wednesday 8 February 2012 21:08

Instead of "that sucks," 1 thought it would be funny to put "that swallows." But failed miserably.

theten_fml 9

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Wednesday 8 February 2012 21:15

Probably was a prank call from one of OPs friends lol

kooochris1995 14

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Wednesday 8 February 2012 21:39

#1 no, you swallow dick

MrSassypants 32

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Wednesday 8 February 2012 22:56

#1 and #49 are a parrot idiots. They are no bird puns so why are we doing them?... ... ... Ooooohhhhh....

BrickWalls 2

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Wednesday 8 February 2012 23:21

Aww I'm sorry guys my aplogies.

angrymexican 8

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Wednesday 8 February 2012 23:45

Wrong FML 53

rocker_chick105 31

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Wednesday 8 February 2012 18:39

Deny them your employment for being dumbasses

VorpikeII 17

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Wednesday 8 February 2012 19:50

Companies really need to keep track of their interviews better so things like this don't happen. Hopefully you'll find a job owned by a company that ISN'T so disorganized OP.

amanda_d95 9

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Wednesday 8 February 2012 23:38

It was a test! You failed for not being committed enough! But seriously, why work for dumbasses?

downtime 12

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Thursday 9 February 2012 3:55

*waves hand* "Yes I did attend the interview" "I must be mistaken, you did attend the interview" *waves hand* "And I performed so well you're giving me your job" "You did so well we are giving you my job" Give it a shot, they're clearly so clueless as to what's going on this might actually work. Worst case scenario they think you're an idiot and realise you fit in perfectly with the company.

SaMmIMonster96 6

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Wednesday 8 February 2012 18:44

I'm sorry OP I hope you find a better job.. Best wishes!!! :)

SoullessSpirit 9

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Thursday 9 February 2012 0:25

2nd on that, it's not that easy to get a job (or at least a good one)

SaMmIMonster96 6

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Friday 10 February 2012 5:34

59- will you email me??? I'm on my iPod and can't message

israelnotjacob 20

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Friday 10 February 2012 10:57

Even though being out of work really sucks, it sounds like that place is really disorganized and full of dumb people in leadership positions. In the long run you're probably better finding something else.

TraeThaTruth07 7

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Wednesday 8 February 2012 18:45

I'm hiring... You just have to make it through my training day.

ICanSpellToTen_fml 1

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Thursday 9 February 2012 7:23

Bow chick eh wow wow?

taytaylal 11

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Wednesday 8 February 2012 18:47

At least your not working for dumbasses.

piccalo 4

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Wednesday 8 February 2012 19:12

I don't think they are dumb..May be they got a good candidate and dumped OP..That's a smart bitch move..

Aoifexzx 3

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Wednesday 8 February 2012 21:26

You're*. Oh the irony...

aimeesea75 16

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Wednesday 8 February 2012 21:31

I love how people who don't know the difference between "you're" and "your" call other people dumbasses.

infaith 5

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Thursday 9 February 2012 17:31

48 America is lazy with our language, so this isn't much a spelling contest.

ICATiger 13

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Wednesday 8 February 2012 18:47

Do you know their addresses??? I can supply you with some pretty rotten eggs if so......

quite_bored 9

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Wednesday 8 February 2012 21:29

Some of us aren't 12..

smurfsarwales 9

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Wednesday 8 February 2012 23:49

47 but we all secretly wish we were, don't we? Because what's more fun, working at a desk or egging a house? The latter i'm guessing. Adults and they're so called "maturity." They claim to be grown up, but if they had the chance they would all choose to be twelve again.