Miscellaneous: Today, I witnessed my husband swat a coffee bean over and over...

By sheilob - 24/03/2012 23:06 - Australia - Camden

Today, I witnessed my husband swat a coffee bean over and over again, all the while mistaking it for a fly. I then figured he probably has a lower IQ than I do, which wouldn't be so bad if mine wasn't a few points away from minor retardation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 607

You deserved it 6 313

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 04/06/2015 09:08 - Maldives - Male

Today, I overheard my wife telling my mother-in-law I was diagnosed with a learning disability earlier this week. She replied, "I always knew he was a retard. Why did you ever marry that idiot?" All my wife did was mutter "I don't know." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 961

You deserved it 2 357

By no no no no no no no no no no no fuck no - 01/09/2013 20:04 - Greece - Athens

Today, I witnessed my husband hocking a loogie into his hand, then throwing it into the trash can and continuing to make our sandwiches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 291

You deserved it 3 224

Proud dad

By Sandra - 21/01/2021 11:01

Today, my husband, who is proud of his 155 IQ, is depressed our son is becoming a typical football jock with an IQ only just into the triple digits. He even thinks I must have had an affair, because no way could someone as smart as him have produced such a blockhead with tattoos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 329

You deserved it 204

By Anonymous - 27/05/2011 15:31 - United States

Today, I walked into work looking like I had peed myself, all because my husband thought it would be "hilarious" to slam on the brakes while I was drinking hot coffee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 393

You deserved it 3 570

By Anon - 19/12/2009 16:07 - United States

Today, I was standing in line at a coffee shop and I noticed that there was a bug on the guys face in front of me. Trying to be nice I lightly smacked it off. His reaction was to punch me in the face. Repeatedly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 530

You deserved it 46 602

By jess - 07/03/2010 14:08 - South Africa

Today, I had a sip of my coffee and felt a lump of some kind enter my mouth. I thought it was a bit of biscuit, and then remembered I didn't have biscuits this morning with my coffee. I took it out of my mouth and it was a huge black fly. I then spat the rest of my coffee all over my laptop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 023

You deserved it 4 683

By management - 21/02/2014 02:31 - United States

Today, I was beating the hell out of one of the most useless employees ever. I mean really laying into him, all while telling him for the umpteenth time how to do his job right. Then my husband informed me I was hitting him in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 133

You deserved it 7 375

By greenblue90 - 14/06/2010 13:50 - United States

Today, my husband purposefully said something to upset me. When I asked why he would do that, he told me it was to test my Prozac. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 829

You deserved it 4 246

Stop! Hammertime!

By Anonymous - 17/07/2022 00:00

Today, my husband picked up and threw a hammer which smashed a hole in the plastic side of the conservatory, that daylight and rain can now get through, all because he “thought” he saw a mouse, which turned out to be one of my fluffy slippers half hidden under a chair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 855

You deserved it 142

By apparentfatty - 11/11/2011 11:50 - Canada

Today, I found out that my husband thinks I'm fat when I caught him slipping diet pills into my morning smoothie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 321

You deserved it 7 130

sydie5 12

Sunday 25 March 2012 5:49

You two are perfect for each other :)

yesyesnonono 10

Sunday 25 March 2012 6:14

It's because you didn't spell it "LEEROOOOOOOY JEEEEEENKIIIIIINS!!!"

Comments

Webslinger66 10

Sunday 25 March 2012 10:00

No. He just smoked a lot of weed. Your still stupid

ciipher 17

Sunday 25 March 2012 10:04

Congratulations on finding your true love!

RoseTintMyWorld 8

Sunday 25 March 2012 11:38

I feel like this FML is worded too well for OP to actually be as unintelligent as she says.

HaraAishi 8

Sunday 25 March 2012 11:43

84, I was just thinking that actually.

vcapelo 19

Sunday 25 March 2012 12:18

True honesty!

bubba9000 3

Sunday 25 March 2012 12:59

I love how seriously you take this FML.. you do realize the basis of this website is humor and entertainment right? It's a basic human instinct to laugh at others misfortune.. Have a chuckle and move on instead of analyzing what is actually a hilariously self depreciating FML

Halti 4

Sunday 25 March 2012 14:25

Your a legend

GypsyRover 0

Sunday 25 March 2012 16:52

So much for the blind leading the blind. It's now the blind leading the dumb. Love knows no boundaries.

FMLucky 5

Sunday 25 March 2012 18:23

Do not have kids

TheyCallMeDamien 17

Sunday 25 March 2012 18:43

You're smart enough to find a mate albeit not a perfect one. There are people with higher IQs than yourself that can't do that. So how smart they? And stop running yourself down like that.