Health: Today, my husband purposefully said something to upset me. When...

By greenblue90 - United States

Today, my husband purposefully said something to upset me. When I asked why he would do that, he told me it was to test my Prozac. FML

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Health

Out of it

Big Baby

Communication Breakdown

By ADT - United States

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. Mid-thrust she says "I love you, Jeremy." Then in rapid succession, she fires off 2 other names. None of the names were mine. FML

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By Sedici - United States

Today, I got screamed at, threatened, cursed, and spat on by an elderly couple for "running them off the road". I was driving an ambulance, lights and sirens on, with a 4 year old in the back who couldn't breathe. They were going 20 in a 50mph zone for 2 miles straight. FML

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By ToiletTroubles - United Kingdom

Today, I was taking some clothes downstairs to wash, when my mum stopped me. She accused me of sleeping around and trying to hide something, since she did the washing yesterday. She made me admit in front of the whole family that I'd been "surprised" by a case of diarrhea. FML

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44997

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By fucker43 - United States - Atlanta

Today, my friend made an effort to draw a penis on every page in my analysis textbook in pen. I have to return this tomorrow. FML

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47716

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By emegemerald - United States

Today, I went to visit my great grandma. I saw that her dog had this red fluid on his ear, so I asked my grandma about it. She said she put red finger nail-polish in his ear so she could tell the difference between 'all' of her dogs. She only has one dog. FML

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By prostitott

Today, I caught my 14-year-old daughter stealing alcohol from me. After berating her for half-an-hour I finally said, "At least you're not doing drugs." She gave me a guilty smile and sheepishly said, "At least I'm not a prostitute?" FML

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69392

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By Anonymous - Canada - Toronto

Today, at work my boss called me into his office because he had received multiple complaints from coworkers about a prank sound machine I have been using to make inappropriate fart sounds at my desk. I wish it was a fart machine; I have a condition. FML

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27615

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By Ohgodhelpme

Today, my boyfriend bought me a vibrator for my birthday. Sounds sweet, right? Then he invited my 10/14-year-old cousins to our house. They surprised me in my room. While I was using it. FML

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3423

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By anonymous - United States - Baton Rouge

Today, I was taking my phone out of my pocket when it caught on the fabric and began to fall. I managed to catch it, but also smacked myself in the balls in the process. FML

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11512

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By username - 6/6/2020 08:04

Keep out

Today, my social awkwardness got to an all-time high when I hoped that I wouldn't get the job that I applied for, because I'd be working with the public. FML

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1277

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By amie - Canada

Today, my mom said that we needed to have a family meeting because of all the issues that have been going on with our family. My mom, sister and I sat down and began to talk about everything. As I started to cry my sister looks at my mom and says "I win!". She bet my mom $20 that I would cry. FML

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By lk26 - United States

Today, I went to my car to discover a note on the windshield from the city telling me that they had hit my car. On top of that note was a parking ticket, also from the city. FML

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35502

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By whattalife - United States

Today, out of sheer boredom, I took a career personality test. The "best match" for me was the position of funeral director. Not only do I have a promising future with death, I got genuinely excited at how accurate the result was. FML

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24340

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By Robbins - United Kingdom

Today, I had to meet with my landlord to organise when he was coming to look at my flat and decide whether I get my deposit back. In the time it took to see him, my friend drank a bottle of vodka and vomited all over my room and knocked the window through. My landlord is coming in the morning. FML

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By Anonymous - France - Paris

Today, I was dumped by my boyfriend. He claimed that it's because he's an agent fighting the Mafia, and he doesn't want to put my life at risk through reprisal attacks. FML

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25536

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By thankful

Today, I was tripped downstairs as a "joke" by my little brother. When I was yelling in pain from my broken arm, my mom was lecturing me to be thankful "one goddamn day a year". She also thinks I'm lying just to hide that I'm clumsy and my brother is innocent. He won't admit it. Happy Thanksgiving. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3148

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By French - Switzerland

Today, my boss told me I'm not working hard enough because I take French classes two mornings a week and therefore I won't be getting a promotion. If I want the promotion I have to stop taking my French classes. These are the same French classes I was told I originally needed for the promotion. FML

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41900

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2970

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By Toast514 - Canada

Today, I was short shifted at work because one of my employee's decided not to show up. Furious, I wrote her up and made predetermined judgments about her. When she came in, I went off on her for being absent and leaving me stuck. She then informed me her mom tried to commit suicide. FML

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13111

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By Anonymous - United States - Palmdale

Today, my boyfriend of several years, and father of our one-year-old child, finally proposed. He was making idle conversation from twenty feet away and casually said, "By the way, you wanna get hitched?" This is as romantic as my life will ever get. Yay. FML

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27067

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By Anonymous - 22/4/2021 00:30

It's not working out (for us)

Today, I was fired from my job, due to my "performance going down". My performance went down because I can't see due to having a stroke, which management is well aware of. FML

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1184

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By Anonymous - Canada - Courtenay

Today, in a rush to get my clothes back on at my girlfriend's house at the sound of her parents opening the front door, I forgot to take the condom off. Her dad watched it fall out of my pant leg and onto the kitchen floor. FML

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21569

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By kat

Today, I posted my phone for sale on Facebook. Someone hit me up to buy it and wanted me to meet them. I didn't really want to drive to them, but I'm a mom of 2 and I needed food and some extra cash so I did it. The guy asked to look at the phone and ran off with it. FML

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3051

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By ptarr12345 - United States - Lancaster

Today, my little cousin was helping me wash my car. After scrubbing all the dirt, I gave him the hose and said, "Okay, now rinse off this disgusting thing." He turned the hose on me. FML

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By levit - United States

Today, I had to tell a girl I liked she couldn't sleep over because I live with my parents. I'm 24. FML

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28400

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By justfat - United States

Today, I was standing on a balcony smoking a cigarette when I noticed a woman giving me strange looks. When I put the cigarette out and went to walk inside she said "You shouldn't smoke while you're pregnant." I'm not pregnant. FML

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68657

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By Anonymous - 23/2/2021 10:58

All Dressed Up and Nowhere to Go

Today, I had to cancel a plane ticket to a friend's wedding, because first he gave me the wrong date, after which his fiancée cut me from the guests because of Covid safety. Instead of paying $600 to be in the ceremony, I'm paying $400 to not go anywhere because the ticket could only be partially refunded. FML

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933

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By Anonymous

Today, I caught my boyfriend trying on my bra. He still has no excuse. FML

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29083

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was pretending to be an angry bear while babysitting a 3 year old boy, and an 19 month old girl. I was chasing them around the house having a great time. Just when I bent over to pick up his sister for a diaper change the 3 year old decided it was his turn. He bit me square on the ass. FML

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30067

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Basingstoke

Today, I was at the reading of my grandma's will. Apparently I was removed from it some time ago, and the £2,500 I would have gotten went to my cheating bitch of an ex-fiancée. It seems my grandma adored her, and never forgave me for "driving her away" from the family. FML

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52041

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By dragynfyre - United States

Today, my boss called me out for a drug test. His reason was because my eyes are puffy and bloodshot, making me look high. I've been suffering from allergies all week, but still had to pee in a cup in front of a complete stranger. FML

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25795

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By lindsay

Unflattered

Today, I was at the airport walking around, killing time. There was a man about twenty years older than me who kept on eyeballing me, and it really wasn't flattering. I get on the plane and guess who I get to sit next to. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1679

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122

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By librarygirl - United States

Today, I was volunteering at the library. A kid came up and asked me to help him peel the back off his sticker. It took me so long the kid left. Determined, I still tried to peel it off. Fifteen minutes later, the librarian came over, looked once at it, and told me it wasn't a sticker. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12144

You deserved it

41760

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By Anonymous - United States - Guthrie

Today, I went running. I live in a small town and people know me fairly well. It was dark when I went to avoid the heat. I was almost finished with my run when the cop comes up and asks me what I'm running from. Clearly being fat and out of shape is not a good enough alibi. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33243

You deserved it

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By Sodge - Australia

Today, I was impressing dinner guests by spinning my new baby in the air (something she loves), when she projectile vomited over the dinner table and the guests. My wife, who had spent three hours cooking was not impressed. Once of the guests was also a sympathy spewer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17365

You deserved it

45053

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By Ashamed - United States - Somerville

Today, I blurted out something like "humdidumdum erm lalala" in public, attracting mystified stares. The thing is, I do this every time I remember something embarrassing I've said or done in the past, in an attempt to erase it out of my consciousness. So it happens a lot. FML

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21336

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By :( - United States

Today, I invited over my best friend, whom I've loved for over a year, since she had to tell me "something important". I got excited and thought she was going to tell me she loved me too. She ended up coming out to me, and wanted to know if I would meet her girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45739

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By ahhhhhhh

Today, my daughter was acting strange. When she wasn’t muttering in some strange language, she was talking about invisible people coming to get me. Terrified, I called my boyfriend. Turns out he taught her that as a prank. He knows I’m afraid of anything supernatural. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1559

You deserved it

574

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By mammamia - United States

Today, in a big argument, my sister uninvited my mom to her wedding. Trying to comfort my mom, I rented Mamma Mia knowing she's wanted to see it for a while. Turns out, Mamma Mia is a mother/daughter feel-good about the daughters wedding. I had no idea, and my mom cried the whole movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25318

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By j0j0 - France

Today, wanting to change from the usual pizza/coca cola menu, I decide to cook. After spending 1h30 making a "beef chili with ancho, mole, and cumin" I sprinkle a bit of salt on top of it. The top came off the salt. I think it's back to pizzas for me. FML

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24654

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By FrozenD - Canada

Today, my furnace and all of my heating systems broke down. A fridge is 3 degrees Celsius; it is now 2 degrees Celsius in my house. I would be warmer in my fridge. FML

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35598

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Top comments

By Stumblebum30 | 5

#1030261 - Monday 14 June 2010 19:15

He's probably the reason you're on Prozac in the first place...

By TaylorTotsYumm | 10

#1030241 - Monday 14 June 2010 19:08

If I only knew what Prozac does..

COMMENTS

By Pikachu206 | 2

#1030230 - Monday 14 June 2010 19:05

Lol how nice of him.

jleon | 0

#1030240 - Monday 14 June 2010 19:08

punch his nuts and tell him you want to test his Viagra.

transam87 | 0

#1030264 - Monday 14 June 2010 19:16

Prozac is so 1999

kaitidid16 | 0

#1030266 - Monday 14 June 2010 19:17

maybe he wants to test out how much he can get away with while your on it lol

FMLRevoluSean | 0

#1030271 - Monday 14 June 2010 19:19

Well it's a good idea to test it out so you're not wasting yo time.

bbygirlsmiles | 0

#1030273 - Monday 14 June 2010 19:20

#3 - Yesss ! Agreed (= Lol

bonicr | 0

#1030283 - Monday 14 June 2010 19:24

#3 ftw

fylhahahaha | 0

#1030315 - Monday 14 June 2010 20:01

obviously it's not working if you were upset enough about it to post it on here.

coldblood | 4

#1030330 - Monday 14 June 2010 20:12

number 3 epic win.

MrCalves | 1

#1030338 - Monday 14 June 2010 20:21

he was just making sure it worked...

fartsareyummy | 0

#1030343 - Monday 14 June 2010 20:27

#3 = win

Melissa92_fml | 13

#1030358 - Monday 14 June 2010 20:51

3, total win

seanders | 10

#1030362 - Monday 14 June 2010 20:59

Smart guy, just wants to test his boundaries

KiddNYC1O | 20

#1030387 - Monday 14 June 2010 22:12

cool story, bro

mona_is_here | 10

#1030429 - Monday 14 June 2010 23:12

Prozac is a rather weak antidepressant though it helps sometimes.. Dire straits and all.

mona_is_here | 10

#1030431 - Monday 14 June 2010 23:16

Btw he's just lucky you only have depression, not anger problems otherwise he'd get punched in the face for the outrageous joke

DirtyTaco | 0

#1030459 - Tuesday 15 June 2010 0:08

Get back in the kitchen........

iSwag | 0

#1030610 - Tuesday 15 June 2010 6:09

lol

jsn0x | 0

#1030633 - Tuesday 15 June 2010 7:09

listen to prozac milkshake by psychostick- good song lol

bbygirlsmiles | 0

#1030708 - Tuesday 15 June 2010 9:18

#80 - I Like Your Pic (:

BangOut | 2

#1030807 - Tuesday 15 June 2010 12:14

#88 Today, I got dateraped by a black guy whom I liked because of his gay duck lips, I got AIDS now. FML

iSwag | 0

#1031139 - Tuesday 15 June 2010 18:40

thanks :) like your dress

SaturnE_fml | 0

#1031549 - Wednesday 16 June 2010 1:34

#3 - Stick a 9-volt battery on your clit for thinking that's acceptable. Keep doing it.

bbygirlsmiles | 0

#1031649 - Wednesday 16 June 2010 2:38

#99 - Hahah Why Thank You :) I Like Your .. Eye Color Lol :p

flame1819 | 0

#1031712 - Wednesday 16 June 2010 3:18

#1
NICE PIC!!!
Pikachu is still awesome.

By tyler3 | 0

#1030238 - Monday 14 June 2010 19:07

haha

By TaylorTotsYumm | 10

#1030241 - Monday 14 June 2010 19:08

If I only knew what Prozac does..

jleon | 0

#1030255 - Monday 14 June 2010 19:13

anti depressant

By Samantha_baby | 0

#1030243 - Monday 14 June 2010 19:09

Prozac?

radmuffin | 12

#1030257 - Monday 14 June 2010 19:14

It's a depression med.

FAFP!!!!!!! times infinity

seanders | 10

#1030484 - Tuesday 15 June 2010 1:35

it's ok your not expected to know much at age 12

Samantha_baby | 0

#1030541 - Tuesday 15 June 2010 4:34

ok, really? I'm not the only one who asked..

RyGan | 0

#1030653 - Tuesday 15 June 2010 8:01

FAFP is?

beccaccio550 | 0

#1030665 - Tuesday 15 June 2010 8:49

fuck anti flood protection

Bloodbathandbeyo | 0

#1030816 - Tuesday 15 June 2010 12:43

Seanders: the basic failure troll

By julie3841 | 11

#1030244 - Monday 14 June 2010 19:10

heh, thanks babe.

By macy_rebecca | 0

#1030254 - Monday 14 June 2010 19:13

I agree with # 3 lol !!

amandalovee | 0

#1030376 - Monday 14 June 2010 21:46

my thoughts exactly!

By semodrunk | 0

#1030259 - Monday 14 June 2010 19:14

Prozac is for anxiety attacks n I think it's like an anti-depressant?

mona_is_here | 10

#1030435 - Monday 14 June 2010 23:18

Prozac is for depression and benzodiazepines (clonazepam etc) are for anxiety

kritz0 | 10

#1030565 - Tuesday 15 June 2010 5:06

Actually they prescribe it for Social anxiety too.

By Stumblebum30 | 5

#1030261 - Monday 14 June 2010 19:15

He's probably the reason you're on Prozac in the first place...

By jennybelly | 0

#1030263 - Monday 14 June 2010 19:16

haha wow he's a fudging dumbass!! you should do what number three suggested lol!!

By damnatory | 0

#1030267 - Monday 14 June 2010 19:17

Sounds like a completely legit experimental process. Now, how are those sandwiches coming?

Adamantoise | 0

#1030280 - Monday 14 June 2010 19:23

God, those sandwich jokes used to be funny, now they're just annoying. Everyone gets the point already.

McLovin101x | 0

#1030337 - Monday 14 June 2010 20:20

I agree, completely legit. They have the Pepsi Challenge, now it's time for the Prozac Challenge.

RedPillSucks | 31

#1030414 - Monday 14 June 2010 23:00

Agreed,
Almost makes you wish for the Soviet Russia jokes
*runs for cover, dodging rotten tomatoes*