Health: Today, my husband purposefully said something to upset me. When...

By greenblue90 - 14/06/2010 13:50 - United States

Today, my husband purposefully said something to upset me. When I asked why he would do that, he told me it was to test my Prozac. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 755

You deserved it 4 236

Health

Stop talking!

Weird reason to leave, but OK

Best birthday ever!

By S - 21/05/2009 04:04 - United States

Today, I was surprised to learn that I could carry on intelligent conversations about basketball with my guy friends. Then I realized it was because my boyfriend insists on watching ESPN while we have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 665

You deserved it 8 437

Run away time!

By CreepedOut - 09/03/2010 06:31 - United States

Today, I walked into a subway car which was empty except for this sleeping hobo. Three stops later, the guy wakes up and starts peeing in the corner. I ignore it thinking he'll go back to sleep. Silly me, I didn't realize that he would start running towards me, still peeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 989

You deserved it 2 794

By flattened - 10/02/2011 10:58

Today, my mum got an electric car. It's so quiet that we could hear the bones of my cat break as we reversed over it on the driveway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 585

You deserved it 8 488

By miseventshappen - 09/11/2009 05:49 - United States

Today, I was at the mall, I saw a girl crying that her ice cream had fallen on the floor. Feeling generous, I bought her a new one. She threw it on the ground, laughed, and came over to her mom and told that I was bothering her, so the mom called security. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 574

You deserved it 4 990

By Steph - 19/08/2019 02:00 - United States

Today, I was at a soccer game when some guys walking behind me yelled that I had a nice ass. I then heard someone shout, "Hey, assholes. That's my daughter." He yelled at them for quite a while. He wasn't my dad, just some weird dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 512

You deserved it 399

By imanidiot - 19/04/2009 05:03 - United States

Today, I ordered take out, and paid with a credit card. The cute cashier gave me the receipt to sign, and under 'tip' I gave a couple of dollars. I realized that I had given too much, crossed it out, and changed it. Unaware she was watching, She then responded, "Did you just lower the tip by $1?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 655

You deserved it 75 112

By CollegeChef - 21/01/2013 06:03 - Australia

Today, months into supporting my mum with her part time cleaning job by cooking dinner for my large family after university, I found out that she doesn't actually have a job, she just leaves the house for a few hours because she doesn't want to cook dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 269

You deserved it 2 774

By Anonymous - 02/12/2011 21:54 - United States

Today, my boss announced that instead of holiday bonuses being on the cards, the company is going under and we'll all be out of a job next year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 608

You deserved it 2 261

By Anonymous - 09/07/2015 14:38 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, a week after my miscarriage, my little sister thought it appropriate to wrap her belt around her neck and scream, "Hey look, it's your baby!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 065

You deserved it 2 601

By latter - 24/09/2013 00:05 - United States - Middle River

Today, I had to explain to my brother why it's not OK to stick his knob in the toaster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 226

You deserved it 3 294

By onlyslightly - 30/11/2012 08:33 - United States

Today, my cat peed on my bra. I didn't realize this until after I arrived at work for my 12-hour shift. Now I'm trying to wash my bra out in the sink and stuff paper towels down it to soak up the moisture. Only 10 more hours to go, and the smell of cat pee is still lingering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 801

You deserved it 4 792

By Coccinelle - 05/02/2016 16:36 - France

Today, while at work at a small Microsoft partner company, I had to write an email explaining why Internet Explorer is superior to Google Chrome. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 323

You deserved it 2 713

Send 'em in anyway

By mega_bite - 25/08/2021 13:31 - India

Today, again I wrote out another FML. Again, I deleted it before posting. Every FML I write would seem like I'm just making stuff up, or would be so obviously me that it would just cause me grief. My life is just an endless stream of weird stuff I can't tell family or friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 636

You deserved it 251

By Albert - 20/09/2012 06:10 - United States

Today, I finally found the perfect quote to open my college essay. Then I found out that the author was one of the founders of the KKK. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 932

You deserved it 3 970

By EpicFail - 17/01/2009 15:49 - United States

Today, in class, I volunteered to read a poem out loud. I accidentally said "circumcised" instead of "circumscribed". I don't think I"ll be volunteering to read anything more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 023

You deserved it 4 497

By Anonymous - 31/07/2009 17:01 - United States

Today, I was sitting on the train and some crazy man started talking to me. I ignored him, and he tapped on my shoulder. He started blabbing and I just pointed to my ears and mouthed "I'm deaf." He stopped talking. A minute later my phone rang and I answered it without thinking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 054

You deserved it 75 437

By krisest1988 - 07/05/2016 21:34 - United States - Columbus

Today, my boyfriend came home from a two week vacation and told me I need to move. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 655

You deserved it 951

By rach - 19/05/2013 22:33 - United States - Roy

Today, I got my nails, hair, and makeup professionally done for prom. My dad got his camera out, and I presumed he was taking pictures of my date and me. When I looked at the pictures later, they were all of the dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 622

You deserved it 4 351

By riya - 29/09/2018 05:00

Today, I had the worst day of my life. I'd studied science for the whole damn night, only to realize the next morning that it's a math exam. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 136

You deserved it 2 987

By Anonymous - 08/05/2015 16:59 - India - New Delhi

Today, at a party I got blind drunk and I gave a guy a blowjob for the first time. I'm a 100% heterosexual male. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 157

You deserved it 42 251

Old school cool

By Chimychunga - 01/08/2010 06:47 - United States

Today, while helping my dad look for his watch, I found his porn collection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 204

You deserved it 5 620

By anonymous - 14/07/2012 05:06 - United States - Columbus

Today, my boyfriend and I were at a park, alone, late at night. Things were getting kind of heavy and he started undressing me, when we heard a loud "Hey!" and a flashlight coming through the bushes. My boyfriend then decided to ditch me, while still holding my shirt and bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 392

You deserved it 9 844

By Anonymous - 23/01/2012 14:19 - United States

Today, school tuition has taken up so much of my paycheck that the only thing I had to eat for dinner was applesauce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 682

You deserved it 3 194

By Anonymous - 20/03/2013 01:27 - United States - Tucson

Today, I got laid off. Walking out of the building, I saw someone on crutches and thought, "Hey, at least I can still walk." Two hours later, I blew out my knee playing basketball. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 955

You deserved it 8 125

By Greg - 16/12/2018 13:30

Today, I arrived to apply for my much-needed dream job. Without warning, just as the elevator opened, a complete stranger kicked me square in the nads. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 513

You deserved it 212

By Rhinobro01 - 27/07/2019 10:00 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I was at a friend's house when his dad told me that he had Photoshopped his face onto a woman's body. I looked at the photo and said it was gross, disgusting and weird. Later on, my friend told me that the photo was actually a picture of his dad's twin sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 386

You deserved it 701

By OhGreat - 30/04/2011 20:30 - United States

Today, my dad went through my room while I was out and threw away the "inappropriate pictures" that he found. They're the nudes I've been working on for art class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 938

You deserved it 5 194

By HedgehogFace - 29/11/2018 03:00

Today, my science teacher said I looked like a hedgehog, then had the whole class take a vote. They voted unanimously that yes, I do look like a hedgehog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 849

You deserved it 254

By conley19 - 15/09/2009 04:17 - United States

Today, at work a little girl wanted a slushie. Instead of pushing the tab in, she lifted it up and broke the machine, spilling slushie all over the floor. I was the only one working, so I had to clean it all up. I spent the rest of my shift covered in red slushie and smelling like cherry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 168

You deserved it 4 782

By Anonymous - 18/10/2010 23:28 - United States

Today, I slipped and sprained my ankle while shopping for a present for my husband, who later came home and tripped over my elevated leg, hurting my ankle again. Now I have an excruciating sprain, and a spouse who's furious at me because "I shouldn't have tried to surprise him." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 290

You deserved it 2 833

By Anonymous - 08/07/2016 18:47

Today, I clogged the toilet at my boyfriend's house. I couldn't fix it and was too ashamed to say anything. I can't handle confrontation, so I had to just sit there as my boyfriend's brother ended up getting blamed, then grounded for "lying" about it not being his fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 718

You deserved it 13 848

By udnrizh - 08/10/2010 02:58 - United States

Today, I got a weird feeling about the account balance in my savings account. Turns out my fiancé has been using my account to order random items whenever he likes. This account is my savings for college tuition and related expenses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 362

You deserved it 5 336

By ScaredDad - 02/05/2019 12:00

Today, I needed to grab something from the garage. As soon as the door closed, I heard a little click sound. My one-year-old seems to have figured out the door lock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 801

You deserved it 230

By Anonymous - 30/01/2014 12:34 - United States

Today, I was sitting on the couch, watching The Avengers with my 4-year-old daughter, who loves the Hulk. When Hulk finally showed up, she excitedly looked at me and screamed, "Hulk Smash" before slamming both of her fists into my balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 469

You deserved it 6 851

By Anonymous - 12/12/2015 04:12 - United States - Santa Clarita

Today, I tried buying alcohol for the first time. I have a baby face, so I had my ID ready. The store owner admitted that my ID looked real enough, but he wouldn't believe it wasn't just an elaborate fake. He very nearly called the cops on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 753

You deserved it 1 710

By librarygirl - 13/08/2009 00:34 - United States

Today, I was volunteering at the library. A kid came up and asked me to help him peel the back off his sticker. It took me so long the kid left. Determined, I still tried to peel it off. Fifteen minutes later, the librarian came over, looked once at it, and told me it wasn't a sticker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 150

You deserved it 41 777

By failingyetagain - 20/07/2015 22:17 - United Kingdom - Barrow Upon Soar

Today, I was doing my first shift waitressing in a café. Not an hour in, I'd already spilt tea over somebody and dropped two whole meals. Looks like this won't last much longer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 269

You deserved it 4 497

By Jeathrow - 16/02/2012 15:01 - United States

Today, after recently moving to an apartment, we've already been asked if we wanted to buy drugs, had a children's chair thrown through the front window, our door painted with "CUNT LICKER" and my laundry stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 145

You deserved it 3 986

By Potted - 16/11/2015 02:34 - United States - Denton

Today, after my close friend had his baby, he told me that he was no longer going to be selling weed at his house. I was happy for him, because it's unsafe. Until I found out he was still selling at my house with the help of my roommates, without telling me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 880

You deserved it 3 887

By messed up - 16/09/2011 21:10 - United States

Today, I finally told my crush that I like her. She said she could never date me, because apparently, "My best friend likes you." Her best friend is my step-sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 513

You deserved it 2 604

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Top comments

Stumblebum30 5

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Monday 14 June 2010 19:15

He's probably the reason you're on Prozac in the first place...

TaylorTotsYumm 10

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Monday 14 June 2010 19:08

If I only knew what Prozac does..

Pikachu206 2

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Monday 14 June 2010 19:05

Lol how nice of him.

jleon 0

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Monday 14 June 2010 19:08

punch his nuts and tell him you want to test his Viagra.

transam87 0

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Monday 14 June 2010 19:16

Prozac is so 1999

kaitidid16 0

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Monday 14 June 2010 19:17

maybe he wants to test out how much he can get away with while your on it lol

FMLRevoluSean 0

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Monday 14 June 2010 19:19

Well it's a good idea to test it out so you're not wasting yo time.

bbygirlsmiles 0

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Monday 14 June 2010 19:20

#3 - Yesss ! Agreed (= Lol

bonicr 0

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Monday 14 June 2010 19:24

#3 ftw

fylhahahaha 0

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Monday 14 June 2010 20:01

obviously it's not working if you were upset enough about it to post it on here.

coldblood 4

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Monday 14 June 2010 20:12

number 3 epic win.

MrCalves 1

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Monday 14 June 2010 20:21

he was just making sure it worked...

fartsareyummy 0

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Monday 14 June 2010 20:27

#3 = win

Melissa92_fml 13

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Monday 14 June 2010 20:51

3, total win

seanders 10

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Monday 14 June 2010 20:59

Smart guy, just wants to test his boundaries

KiddNYC1O 20

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Monday 14 June 2010 22:12

cool story, bro

mona_is_here 10

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Monday 14 June 2010 23:12

Prozac is a rather weak antidepressant though it helps sometimes.. Dire straits and all.

mona_is_here 10

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Monday 14 June 2010 23:16

Btw he's just lucky you only have depression, not anger problems otherwise he'd get punched in the face for the outrageous joke

DirtyTaco 0

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Tuesday 15 June 2010 0:08

Get back in the kitchen........

iSwag 0

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Tuesday 15 June 2010 6:09

lol

jsn0x 0

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Tuesday 15 June 2010 7:09

listen to prozac milkshake by psychostick- good song lol

bbygirlsmiles 0

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Tuesday 15 June 2010 9:18

#80 - I Like Your Pic (:

BangOut 2

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Tuesday 15 June 2010 12:14

#88 Today, I got dateraped by a black guy whom I liked because of his gay duck lips, I got AIDS now. FML

iSwag 0

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Tuesday 15 June 2010 18:40

thanks :) like your dress

SaturnE_fml 0

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Wednesday 16 June 2010 1:34

#3 - Stick a 9-volt battery on your clit for thinking that's acceptable. Keep doing it.

bbygirlsmiles 0

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Wednesday 16 June 2010 2:38

#99 - Hahah Why Thank You :) I Like Your .. Eye Color Lol :p

flame1819 0

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Wednesday 16 June 2010 3:18

#1 NICE PIC!!! Pikachu is still awesome.

tyler3 0

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Monday 14 June 2010 19:07

haha

TaylorTotsYumm 10

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Monday 14 June 2010 19:08

If I only knew what Prozac does..

jleon 0

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Monday 14 June 2010 19:13

anti depressant

Samantha_baby 0

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Monday 14 June 2010 19:09

Prozac?

radmuffin 12

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Monday 14 June 2010 19:14

It's a depression med. FAFP!!!!!!! times infinity

seanders 10

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Tuesday 15 June 2010 1:35

it's ok your not expected to know much at age 12

Samantha_baby 0

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Tuesday 15 June 2010 4:34

ok, really? I'm not the only one who asked..

RyGan 0

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Tuesday 15 June 2010 8:01

FAFP is?

beccaccio550 0

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Tuesday 15 June 2010 8:49

fuck anti flood protection

Bloodbathandbeyo 0

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Tuesday 15 June 2010 12:43

Seanders: the basic failure troll

julie3841 11

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Monday 14 June 2010 19:10

heh, thanks babe.

macy_rebecca 0

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Monday 14 June 2010 19:13

I agree with # 3 lol !!

amandalovee 0

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Monday 14 June 2010 21:46

my thoughts exactly!

semodrunk 0

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Monday 14 June 2010 19:14

Prozac is for anxiety attacks n I think it's like an anti-depressant?

mona_is_here 10

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Monday 14 June 2010 23:18

Prozac is for depression and benzodiazepines (clonazepam etc) are for anxiety

kritz0 10

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Tuesday 15 June 2010 5:06

Actually they prescribe it for Social anxiety too.

Stumblebum30 5

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Monday 14 June 2010 19:15

He's probably the reason you're on Prozac in the first place...

jennybelly 0

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Monday 14 June 2010 19:16

haha wow he's a fudging dumbass!! you should do what number three suggested lol!!

damnatory 0

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Monday 14 June 2010 19:17

Sounds like a completely legit experimental process. Now, how are those sandwiches coming?

Adamantoise 0

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Monday 14 June 2010 19:23

God, those sandwich jokes used to be funny, now they're just annoying. Everyone gets the point already.

McLovin101x 0

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Monday 14 June 2010 20:20

I agree, completely legit. They have the Pepsi Challenge, now it's time for the Prozac Challenge.

RedPillSucks 31

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Monday 14 June 2010 23:00

Agreed, Almost makes you wish for the Soviet Russia jokes *runs for cover, dodging rotten tomatoes*

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11

You deserved it 5

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Today, my daughter finally learned that you can’t sleep your way to success, after she tried and failed to seduce her married boss, was sacked, and blacklisted as a potential lawsuit throughout every company specialising in her chosen career field. FML

I agree, your life sucks 226

You deserved it 68

Today, I was diagnosed with a meat allergy. You can imagine the jokes my boyfriend has been thinking up since we found out I can’t "handle his meat" in my mouth anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 726

You deserved it 103

Run away time!

Send 'em in anyway

Old school cool

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