Health: Today, my husband purposefully said something to upset me. When...

By greenblue90 - United States

Today, my husband purposefully said something to upset me. When I asked why he would do that, he told me it was to test my Prozac. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31718

You deserved it

4234

Favorite

Health

Free carer

Sister of the year

This ain't working out

By pigeons_suck - United States

Today, I discovered what it feels like to get a ruptured sinus. More specifically, I discovered what it feels like to get a ruptured sinus from being hit in the face by a pigeon that was deflected from the windscreen of a van moving at about 35mph. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33310

You deserved it

2792

Favorite

By samabomination - United States - Monroeville

Today, my step-dad's three year old granddaughter slept over. She insisted she didn't need a diaper to go to sleep and they put her in my bed with me, actually believing that she didn't need a diaper. Not only did she kick me all night, but I had the joy of waking up to her peeing on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50058

You deserved it

5671

Favorite

By Fucked - United States

Today, I was talking to my girlfriend on the phone. The subject of abuse came up and I told her that if her father ever hurt her I would cut his dick off. The next thing I hear is, "Don't say shit you can't back up!" Her father had picked up the phone the moment I'd said it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30611

You deserved it

13611

Favorite

By Cup_of___ - United States

Today, I walked into a liquor store and thought about inquiring for a job application. After seeing the cashier, I thought about inquiring if she was single. After accidentally breaking three bottles of liquor, I didn't do either. I left the store, still single and unemployed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8914

You deserved it

29983

Favorite

By dinapar - Canada

Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend watching a movie, my boyfriend then leans in and says: "You know, you're my favourite girlfriend." I then jokingly responded by saying: "You say that like I'm not the only girlfriend you have right now." I hate being right. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62825

You deserved it

4947

Favorite

By SpiderFather - France

Today, my seven-year-old son put a spider in the microwave. Animal cruelty? No. The goal was to irradiate it, then get it to bite him so that he would become Spider-Man. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56943

You deserved it

5840

Favorite

By lauz - Australia

Today, I slept for the first time with my boyfriend. I'd always imagined it to be a romantic moment. It turned out that 'Saw 5' was on the TV in the background, and the sex was so fantastically tragic that I ended up watching/listening to it, on the sly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21736

You deserved it

4156

Favorite

By Disappointment - United States - Gresham

Today, I flew home to visit my parents. We haven't seen each other in two years, I've gotten a few tattoos done since, and I knew they wouldn't approve, so I bought whole new outfits that covered everything and looked professional. When I got there, the first thing my mom says to me is, "Is that a nose ring!?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

4000

You deserved it

1920

Favorite

By whatever mom - 23/7/2020 14:02

Everyone's an expert

Today, my mother scolded me for undressing my son and giving him Tylenol to break his fever. She insisted I wrap him in several layers to increase his body temperature in order to let him "sweat the fever out." I’m married to a pediatrician. My mom didn’t finish high school. She swears we're wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1987

You deserved it

130

Favorite

By Quicky5_ - United States - Jasper

Today, at work, my coworker's belongings went missing. Infuriated, she accused me of stealing, because I'm black and "stereotypes don't just make themselves." FML

I agree, your life sucks

31057

You deserved it

2470

Favorite

By PharmSlave - United States - Marysville

Today, my boss told me I ask too many questions and that's why they cut my hours in half. Officially, I'm a "Pharmacy Technician in Training", which means I'm trying to teach myself how to do the job without killing someone. All from on the job experience and an outdated textbook. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30938

You deserved it

2577

Favorite

By Anonymous - 26/12/2020 10:58

Big boss man

Today, I have a doctor’s note confirming that I'm high risk for Covid and should only work from home. My boss still demands I come to the office, even though the only person I meet there is the guy who sterilizes the door handles. FML

I agree, your life sucks

771

You deserved it

Favorite

By oops - Netherlands - Nieuwe-niedorp

Today, after spending almost an hour in the dentist's waiting room, watching other people get called in for their appointments, I finally lost my patience and asked the receptionist what was taking so long. I'd forgotten to sign in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11477

You deserved it

48042

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Berkeley

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me. I said yes. This caused him to panic, excuse himself, then take it back via text message a half hour later, claiming he'd been drunk. We live together. When he comes back home, it's going to be very awkward indeed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42450

You deserved it

3076

Favorite

By Anonymous - Portugal

Today, my girlfriend convinced me to do some bedroom roleplay, and we decided on acting out a job interview scenario. I suggestively told her that if she wanted to get the job, she'd have to use her mouth on something else first. She called me a pig and ended the roleplay right there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61918

You deserved it

9162

Favorite

By TrulyYours - United States

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend on the phone. After a short pause I hear him say "I love you." Smiling I say, "I love you too." Then he says, "I was talking to my dog." FML

I agree, your life sucks

60442

You deserved it

5895

Favorite

By alii2349 - Canada - Brandon

Today, I yelled at my boyfriend's cat for staring at me, then cried about it for an hour. Pregnancy life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48360

You deserved it

9984

Favorite

By thanks, Nemo. - United States - Hayward

Today, I let my 3-year-old daughter watch Finding Nemo on my phone while I made her lunch. I returned to find she had dropped my phone into the fish bowl so that her goldfish could see his friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51481

You deserved it

18688

Favorite

By screwed - United States

Today, I was rejected for an internship due to 'lack of experience.' I have both an MA and a BA from a highly prestigious school and years of work experience. My would-be superior: a 24 year old without a graduate degree and only one year of work experience. She wore jeans to the interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33282

You deserved it

3631

Favorite

By holy sleet - United States - Rochester

Today, while ice-skating with my girlfriend, I tried to do what they do in the movies and make her gently fall into my arms. Instead she slipped, fell, and hit her head on the ice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27736

You deserved it

41634

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend was upset, so I tried to cheer her up by telling her how much I love her and how beautiful she is. After a minute, her face started to light up. I thought it had worked until I realized that she was being cheered up by the friends she was talking to online. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44100

You deserved it

3760

Favorite

By fuck people - Canada - Toronto

Today, I attended the funeral of a close friend. Most of the other guests were openly grinning and joking around, and the guy in front of me kept muttering "that's what she said" during the eulogy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50939

You deserved it

3159

Favorite

By fukingtigans - Croatia - Rupalj

Today, my business got broken into and I lost a lot of valuable equipment. Although I have 24/7 security guards, they left in the middle of the burglary because they were too scared to stop the burglars or even to call the police. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30551

You deserved it

2474

Favorite

By asshole - 19/4/2020 20:00

Doing his part

Today, I found out that while I was at my job as an "essential" employee, my laid-off boyfriend was at home banging the landlord's daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2494

You deserved it

160

Favorite

By makeyourselfathome - Australia - Richmond

Today, I got up at 4.30am, like I do every morning, and got ready for work. Just as I was about to walk out the door, my flatmate jumped me and beat the snot out of me thinking I was a burglar. Because apparently burglars shower, make toast and clean up before stealing all your shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44413

You deserved it

3008

Favorite

By pantless - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was written up for being late to work. I was late because somebody in my dorm stole my pants. All of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19388

You deserved it

1242

Favorite

By justdoingmyjob - United States

Today, I was meeting the mayor of a major city as part of an internship program. Seated directly in front of him during his presentation on the budget crisis, he unleashed an enormous, foul fart in front of the entire audience. And then blamed it on me, everyone believed him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56311

You deserved it

3121

Favorite

By creditwhore - United States

Today, I decided to apply for a credit card to help build up my credit rating. It seemed smart since I'm a 24 year old college graduate. I was rejected for not having a credit history. Being rejected turns out to hurt your credit history. The irony of my predicament is too great for words. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34415

You deserved it

2857

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I scratched a lottery ticket I had gotten for my birthday and won $10,000. In celebration, I jumped up and raised my hands directly into a ceiling fan. Oh, and it was a fake ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35260

You deserved it

6053

Favorite

By fieldmarshalclitter - United States

Today, to scare my little brother I dressed up as the killer from the Scream movies. The outfit was a little too long on me, and I ended up falling down the stairs. Not only was he doubled over laughing, but so were the people in the emergency room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9953

You deserved it

28387

Favorite

By TurtleTeacher - United States

Today, my students took my glasses, hid them from me, and called me a turtle when I squinted my eyes trying to look for them. This carried on for about 25 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30800

You deserved it

4033

Favorite

By shocked - United States

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be a good idea to help me get over the fear of my upcoming rectal exam by surprising me with one of her own halfway through our lovemaking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34570

You deserved it

5075

Favorite

By twinzies - United States - Chula Vista

Today, there's a new freshman at my school that looks exactly like me. Whenever we see her, my friends shout "Twinzies!" I don't have anything against her, but I'm bummed because I'm a male senior. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21510

You deserved it

1822

Favorite

By and somehow you have a master's degree

Good excuse.

Today, my faculty mentor for my senior capstone project wasn't at my presentation for the entire department faculty. I assumed his wife or kids were sick, but that piece of shit told me himself that he was at home watching the new season of Stranger Things. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4118

You deserved it

331

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend of a year dumped me. In my opinion, the relationship was going so well and I really thought we loved each other. When I asked why, he told me he never loved me. He just wanted to get in my pants which after a year of refusing, he finally did. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31747

You deserved it

5850

Favorite

By James - 1/4/2020 17:00

Gordon says you SUCK

Today, my sister was so bored during the lockdown that she let me attempt to cook an omelette without turning the stove on, just so she had something amusing to watch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

702

You deserved it

1226

Favorite

By eww - Austria - Vienna

Today, I was at a big family reunion at my aunt's place. Before dinner, I went outside in the garden for a smoke. Through the kitchen window, I saw my cousin spit in the soup. Twice. My aunt patted his back and continued stirring. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30763

You deserved it

2580

Favorite

By soso - Sweden - Bor

Today, my boyfriend of two years logged into my Facebook account and broke up with himself. He is now receiving loads of sympathy, while I'm being accused of lying about it to save my reputation. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32384

You deserved it

3038

Favorite

By Anonymous - 11/11/2020 09:04 - Rwanda - Kigali

Freshman blues

Today, I found out there’s a university email platform I never knew about. I’m a freshman and I’ve been using my personal email to communicate with the lecturers. Now I’ve got a pile of assignments to do and most of them are overdue. FML

I agree, your life sucks

396

You deserved it

1126

Favorite

By simon

Today, my mother, who insists on sticking her nose into every aspect of my life, found out I'm only "middle management" and called my boss to criticize her for undervaluing me, demanding I be promoted immediately. I am now the laughingstock of my office. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5144

You deserved it

518

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Stumblebum30 | 5

#1030261 - Monday 14 June 2010 19:15

He's probably the reason you're on Prozac in the first place...

By TaylorTotsYumm | 10

#1030241 - Monday 14 June 2010 19:08

If I only knew what Prozac does..

COMMENTS

By Pikachu206 | 2

#1030230 - Monday 14 June 2010 19:05

Lol how nice of him.

jleon | 0

#1030240 - Monday 14 June 2010 19:08

punch his nuts and tell him you want to test his Viagra.

transam87 | 0

#1030264 - Monday 14 June 2010 19:16

Prozac is so 1999

kaitidid16 | 0

#1030266 - Monday 14 June 2010 19:17

maybe he wants to test out how much he can get away with while your on it lol

FMLRevoluSean | 0

#1030271 - Monday 14 June 2010 19:19

Well it's a good idea to test it out so you're not wasting yo time.

bbygirlsmiles | 0

#1030273 - Monday 14 June 2010 19:20

#3 - Yesss ! Agreed (= Lol

bonicr | 0

#1030283 - Monday 14 June 2010 19:24

#3 ftw

fylhahahaha | 0

#1030315 - Monday 14 June 2010 20:01

obviously it's not working if you were upset enough about it to post it on here.

coldblood | 4

#1030330 - Monday 14 June 2010 20:12

number 3 epic win.

MrCalves | 1

#1030338 - Monday 14 June 2010 20:21

he was just making sure it worked...

fartsareyummy | 0

#1030343 - Monday 14 June 2010 20:27

#3 = win

Melissa92_fml | 13

#1030358 - Monday 14 June 2010 20:51

3, total win

seanders | 10

#1030362 - Monday 14 June 2010 20:59

Smart guy, just wants to test his boundaries

KiddNYC1O | 20

#1030387 - Monday 14 June 2010 22:12

cool story, bro

mona_is_here | 10

#1030429 - Monday 14 June 2010 23:12

Prozac is a rather weak antidepressant though it helps sometimes.. Dire straits and all.

mona_is_here | 10

#1030431 - Monday 14 June 2010 23:16

Btw he's just lucky you only have depression, not anger problems otherwise he'd get punched in the face for the outrageous joke

DirtyTaco | 0

#1030459 - Tuesday 15 June 2010 0:08

Get back in the kitchen........

iSwag | 0

#1030610 - Tuesday 15 June 2010 6:09

lol

jsn0x | 0

#1030633 - Tuesday 15 June 2010 7:09

listen to prozac milkshake by psychostick- good song lol

bbygirlsmiles | 0

#1030708 - Tuesday 15 June 2010 9:18

#80 - I Like Your Pic (:

BangOut | 2

#1030807 - Tuesday 15 June 2010 12:14

#88 Today, I got dateraped by a black guy whom I liked because of his gay duck lips, I got AIDS now. FML

iSwag | 0

#1031139 - Tuesday 15 June 2010 18:40

thanks :) like your dress

SaturnE_fml | 0

#1031549 - Wednesday 16 June 2010 1:34

#3 - Stick a 9-volt battery on your clit for thinking that's acceptable. Keep doing it.

bbygirlsmiles | 0

#1031649 - Wednesday 16 June 2010 2:38

#99 - Hahah Why Thank You :) I Like Your .. Eye Color Lol :p

flame1819 | 0

#1031712 - Wednesday 16 June 2010 3:18

#1
NICE PIC!!!
Pikachu is still awesome.

By tyler3 | 0

#1030238 - Monday 14 June 2010 19:07

haha

By TaylorTotsYumm | 10

#1030241 - Monday 14 June 2010 19:08

If I only knew what Prozac does..

jleon | 0

#1030255 - Monday 14 June 2010 19:13

anti depressant

By Samantha_baby | 0

#1030243 - Monday 14 June 2010 19:09

Prozac?

radmuffin | 12

#1030257 - Monday 14 June 2010 19:14

It's a depression med.

FAFP!!!!!!! times infinity

seanders | 10

#1030484 - Tuesday 15 June 2010 1:35

it's ok your not expected to know much at age 12

Samantha_baby | 0

#1030541 - Tuesday 15 June 2010 4:34

ok, really? I'm not the only one who asked..

RyGan | 0

#1030653 - Tuesday 15 June 2010 8:01

FAFP is?

beccaccio550 | 0

#1030665 - Tuesday 15 June 2010 8:49

fuck anti flood protection

Bloodbathandbeyo | 0

#1030816 - Tuesday 15 June 2010 12:43

Seanders: the basic failure troll

By julie3841 | 11

#1030244 - Monday 14 June 2010 19:10

heh, thanks babe.

By macy_rebecca | 0

#1030254 - Monday 14 June 2010 19:13

I agree with # 3 lol !!

amandalovee | 0

#1030376 - Monday 14 June 2010 21:46

my thoughts exactly!

By semodrunk | 0

#1030259 - Monday 14 June 2010 19:14

Prozac is for anxiety attacks n I think it's like an anti-depressant?

mona_is_here | 10

#1030435 - Monday 14 June 2010 23:18

Prozac is for depression and benzodiazepines (clonazepam etc) are for anxiety

kritz0 | 10

#1030565 - Tuesday 15 June 2010 5:06

Actually they prescribe it for Social anxiety too.

By Stumblebum30 | 5

#1030261 - Monday 14 June 2010 19:15

He's probably the reason you're on Prozac in the first place...

By jennybelly | 0

#1030263 - Monday 14 June 2010 19:16

haha wow he's a fudging dumbass!! you should do what number three suggested lol!!

By damnatory | 0

#1030267 - Monday 14 June 2010 19:17

Sounds like a completely legit experimental process. Now, how are those sandwiches coming?

Adamantoise | 0

#1030280 - Monday 14 June 2010 19:23

God, those sandwich jokes used to be funny, now they're just annoying. Everyone gets the point already.

McLovin101x | 0

#1030337 - Monday 14 June 2010 20:20

I agree, completely legit. They have the Pepsi Challenge, now it's time for the Prozac Challenge.

RedPillSucks | 31

#1030414 - Monday 14 June 2010 23:00

Agreed,
Almost makes you wish for the Soviet Russia jokes
*runs for cover, dodging rotten tomatoes*