Today, my husband purposefully said something to upset me. When...

By greenblue90 - 14/6/2010 13:50 - United States

Today, my husband purposefully said something to upset me. When I asked why he would do that, he told me it was to test my Prozac. FML

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Health

Everyone's an expert

DINOSAURS!!

Live dumping

By zomg - 30/4/2012 09:24 - United States - Port Saint Lucie

Today, while at work as a cashier, I tried to be sweet and ID an elderly man buying a bottle of wine. He responded by calling me a "blind-ass bitch" and calling my manager for "harassing" him. FML

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By ohshittttttt - 4/4/2009 16:15 - United States

Today, I set my AIM status to be the currently-playing file on my iTunes. I've downloaded a lot of porn to my iTunes, and I wanted to watch some. My status changed to "Girl in Latex gets fucked in the ass." FML

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By anonymous - 22/3/2012 04:46 - United States - Chelsea

Today, my boyfriend went down on me with whiskey in his mouth. It felt like my genitals were on fire. FML

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By Craig - 5/2/2009 20:13 - United States

Today, I was awarding medals to finalists in a school club. While putting one around someones neck, I ended up poking a girl in the eye. She tried to be a trooper by continuing to walk across stage but i guess her eyes got really watery because she missed the step and fell, breaking her ankle. FML

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By jmac - 11/3/2012 03:06 - United States

Today, I dropped a knife while cooking. Luckily it missed my foot, but only because it hit my knee. FML

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By fml - 22/6/2009 09:03 - United States

Today, I told my dad I was going to Walgreens and asked if he needed anything. He needed condoms, and that I should call him when I get there so he can explain the kind he likes. FML

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By Jensa - 16/1/2015 21:59 - United Kingdom - Buckingham

Today, my mother kindly brought me some soup as was recovering from having my tonsils out. Spicy Mexican bean soup. Yep, very spicy. FML

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By blahppl14 - 27/12/2010 00:37 - United States

Today, my ex-boyfriend got high and decided to text all our friends and family the crazy stories about us. He was even nice enough to include pictures. I hear a nude one made it to my Dad. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/12/2016 20:14

Today, my boss yelled at me for leaving on time. After months of management hounding us about our overtime, I get in trouble for doing what I was supposed to do. FML

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By Deirbhile - 3/5/2009 16:40 - United States

Today, I overheard my dad's friend complaining to my dad that his new baby boy is a ginger. I continued listening, and heard my dad saying, "Yeah, there's nothing worse than having a ginger." I'm his daughter. I'm a ginger. FML

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By Blake Lawrence - 26/11/2012 18:59 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, my girlfriend decided it would be cute to leave a love letter in my car while I was at work. She left my lights on. I got a dead battery. FML

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By Carolyn Dee Humphrey - 7/6/2018 01:30

Today, I found out my friend and I have the same due date and the same baby daddy. It's my boyfriend of 9 years. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/9/2009 19:02 - United States

Today, as I was walking through the park I had to yawn. In mid-yawn, with my mouth wide open, I walked right through a spider web getting both the spider and the prey it was eating stuck in my mouth. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/9/2013 20:28 - United States - Virginia Beach

Today, I went to college, where I'm studying for my dream job. Despite getting up at 5am to catch the earliest bus into town, I arrived ten minutes late. My professor knows my circumstances, but is still threatening to kick me off the course if I don't "arrive on time like everyone else." FML

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By caliibbyy - 29/11/2010 05:03

Today, I found out my best friend has a massive head lice infestation. It wasn't until after I'd used her hairbrush to brush my hair that I figured it out. FML

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By diablo - 23/5/2018 19:00

Today, I assisted my first customer at my first job as a Target cashier. When I rang up this lady's items and gave her the total, not only did she hiss at me and spit in my face, but she also dragged my manager over and demanded that he fire me. He did. FML

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By pathetic - 6/11/2013 13:04 - United States - Lincoln

Today, my grocery shopping consisted of Poptarts, SpaghettiOs, Lucky Charms, Popsicles, Easy Mac, and Twinkies. I'm a 25-year-old woman with no kids. FML

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By Tinkerer - 21/8/2011 06:25 - United States

Today, my stepbrother found my diary and read it. He then told my boyfriend how I had a crush on another guy, and no longer liked him, causing my boyfriend to break up with me. That diary was from the third grade. FML

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By what the fuck - 25/8/2013 19:28 - Malaysia - Petaling Jaya

Today, a customer spent ages bitching me out, because he refused to believe he needed to upgrade his computer, which still runs Windows 98, in order to install a modern game for his grandson. He ended up calling my manager and trying to get me fired for scamming him. FML

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By Noname - 6/2/2009 19:23 - United States

Today, my mom decided to tell me about her new boyfriend. I know him. I've slept with him. FML

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By "mala_19" - 4/9/2017 23:15

Today, once again, my boss posted a selfie with a Snapchat filter on the company's Facebook page. She doesn't see how it's unprofessional. FML

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By anonymous - 17/12/2011 02:06 - United States

Today, I went to the movies with my friends. All throughout, some guy kept making weird sounds and breathing deeply. Midway through the movie, he got even louder. Just as I was about to snap, chunks of vomit sprayed over my chair and shoulders. FML

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By gassygirlfriend - 10/5/2015 08:40 - United States - Nampa

Today, I was spooning with my girlfriend. She fell asleep and spent the next 15 minutes farting on me. FML

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By tooembarassed - 3/2/2012 20:47 - United States

Today, I got a date for Valentine's Day. The date is with my orthodontist; he's going to tighten my braces. FML

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By garage - 27/1/2010 06:21 - France

Today, my dad thought it'd be funny to put an Edward Cullen cutout behind my car as I backed it out the garage to see my reaction. Oh it was funny alright, except I was so scared that when I saw him through the mirror I reacted by stepping on the gas. We now have half a garage door. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/1/2015 11:35 - Australia

Today, at the train station a woman's baggage had gotten stuck in the ticket barriers, so I used my ticket to unlock the barriers for her but told her to wait so I could get through too. She didn't wait. And I got painfully stuck in the barriers whilst I watched my train go by. FML

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By AgentOrion - 29/8/2014 04:16 - United States - Bessemer

Today, I dreamed I was wrestling an alligator. I quickly woke up to my girlfriend yelling and me holding her in a headlock. FML

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By Stop being healthy - 22/4/2017 22:00

Today, and every other day this week, I brought carrots and celery into work to eat as a snack instead of chocolate. I got back from lunch to find a note on my desk saying, "Do you really think it's OK to eat carrots and celery that loudly every day?" Guess I won't try to be healthy. FML

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By - 30/12/2020 18:00

I am sorry

Today, I met a new guy at work who would not stop hitting on me. We ended up on a six hour shift together watching a pool, so we were wearing nothing but bathing suits when he began grabbing me inappropriately. When I confided in my female coworker about it, she told me he was her husband. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/4/2013 13:57 - China - Shanghai

Today, for the third time this week, a telemarketer called me. Seriously annoyed, I told him in German that I don't speak English, in an attempt to get rid of him. He then started delivering his product pitch in German. FML

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By *sneeze* - 29/11/2018 12:00

Today, it's my wife's birthday. Since I had work, I gave her $200 to spend on herself and left. When I came back with dinner and the movie she wanted, I found her with a dog. She is very attached to him because the shelter was going to put him down. I love him, but I'm allergic to dogs. FML

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By Mini-wanker - 18/10/2011 17:34 - United States

Today, after having had sex with my girlfriend for the first time the night before, she went to the doctor. He said she's still physically a virgin. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/12/2012 17:52 - United States - Bel Air

Today, I received a package from a local guy on Craigslist. Instead of the iPhone I paid $350 for, the box only contained a photo of an iPhone. The guy had been dumb enough to attach a return address, so my husband went over and beat the shit out of him. I now have to bail him out of jail. FML

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By whinywiper - 25/5/2012 15:10 - Canada

Today, I realized that the reason there is no toilet paper in the house is because both my parents are too stubborn to be the one who goes out to buy more. It's been five days. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/9/2010 00:10 - United States

Today, I was asked to crawl through a sun roof because one of my co workers locked her keys in her car. After I got the keys, instead of opening the car door, I climbed back out through the sun roof. To laughter. FML

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By canispankthat - 1/10/2010 11:07 - United States

Today, I caught my husband modeling my cute floral panties. All he could manage to say was "I love you." FML

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By over_protected - 18/1/2010 12:28 - Canada

Today, I received a message from front desk that my concerned father is trying to contact me. I call only to hear that my parents were freaking out that I wasn't answering my phone. They saw me 9 hours ago. They were going to call the police. I'm in college and also don't live with them anymore. FML

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By hi Mum - 11/12/2013 19:59 - United States - North Charleston

Today, I learned that just because you live on a different continent, it doesn't mean your mother won't come knocking when you are having sex. FML

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By mybmw - 14/10/2009 10:39 - United States

Today, was my mom's birthday. I recently got my first job, thanks to her, and could finally afford to buy her something nice. I spent my first paycheck ever on buying her a very nice bracelet. She said it was nice, then asked if I would mind if she exchanged it for one she actually liked. FML

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By wonder woman - 8/9/2012 04:47 - United States - Levittown

Today, my tire blew while I was on the freeway. I had to change the tire in pouring rain while wearing short shorts and flip-flops. No one stopped to help, but several people politely honked as if to remind me of my misfortune. FML

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Top comments

By Stumblebum30 | 5

#1030261 - Monday 14 June 2010 19:15

He's probably the reason you're on Prozac in the first place...

By TaylorTotsYumm | 10

#1030241 - Monday 14 June 2010 19:08

If I only knew what Prozac does..

Comments

By Pikachu206 | 2

#1030230 - Monday 14 June 2010 19:05

Lol how nice of him.

jleon | 0

#1030240 - Monday 14 June 2010 19:08

punch his nuts and tell him you want to test his Viagra.

transam87 | 0

#1030264 - Monday 14 June 2010 19:16

Prozac is so 1999

kaitidid16 | 0

#1030266 - Monday 14 June 2010 19:17

maybe he wants to test out how much he can get away with while your on it lol

FMLRevoluSean | 0

#1030271 - Monday 14 June 2010 19:19

Well it's a good idea to test it out so you're not wasting yo time.

bbygirlsmiles | 0

#1030273 - Monday 14 June 2010 19:20

#3 - Yesss ! Agreed (= Lol

bonicr | 0

#1030283 - Monday 14 June 2010 19:24

#3 ftw

fylhahahaha | 0

#1030315 - Monday 14 June 2010 20:01

obviously it's not working if you were upset enough about it to post it on here.

coldblood | 4

#1030330 - Monday 14 June 2010 20:12

number 3 epic win.

MrCalves | 1

#1030338 - Monday 14 June 2010 20:21

he was just making sure it worked...

fartsareyummy | 0

#1030343 - Monday 14 June 2010 20:27

#3 = win

Melissa92_fml | 13

#1030358 - Monday 14 June 2010 20:51

3, total win

seanders | 10

#1030362 - Monday 14 June 2010 20:59

Smart guy, just wants to test his boundaries

KiddNYC1O | 20

#1030387 - Monday 14 June 2010 22:12

cool story, bro

mona_is_here | 10

#1030429 - Monday 14 June 2010 23:12

Prozac is a rather weak antidepressant though it helps sometimes.. Dire straits and all.

mona_is_here | 10

#1030431 - Monday 14 June 2010 23:16

Btw he's just lucky you only have depression, not anger problems otherwise he'd get punched in the face for the outrageous joke

DirtyTaco | 0

#1030459 - Tuesday 15 June 2010 0:08

Get back in the kitchen........

iSwag | 0

#1030610 - Tuesday 15 June 2010 6:09

lol

jsn0x | 0

#1030633 - Tuesday 15 June 2010 7:09

listen to prozac milkshake by psychostick- good song lol

bbygirlsmiles | 0

#1030708 - Tuesday 15 June 2010 9:18

#80 - I Like Your Pic (:

BangOut | 2

#1030807 - Tuesday 15 June 2010 12:14

#88 Today, I got dateraped by a black guy whom I liked because of his gay duck lips, I got AIDS now. FML

iSwag | 0

#1031139 - Tuesday 15 June 2010 18:40

thanks :) like your dress

SaturnE_fml | 0

#1031549 - Wednesday 16 June 2010 1:34

#3 - Stick a 9-volt battery on your clit for thinking that's acceptable. Keep doing it.

bbygirlsmiles | 0

#1031649 - Wednesday 16 June 2010 2:38

#99 - Hahah Why Thank You :) I Like Your .. Eye Color Lol :p

flame1819 | 0

#1031712 - Wednesday 16 June 2010 3:18

#1
NICE PIC!!!
Pikachu is still awesome.

By tyler3 | 0

#1030238 - Monday 14 June 2010 19:07

haha

By TaylorTotsYumm | 10

#1030241 - Monday 14 June 2010 19:08

If I only knew what Prozac does..

jleon | 0

#1030255 - Monday 14 June 2010 19:13

anti depressant

By Samantha_baby | 0

#1030243 - Monday 14 June 2010 19:09

Prozac?

radmuffin | 12

#1030257 - Monday 14 June 2010 19:14

It's a depression med.

FAFP!!!!!!! times infinity

seanders | 10

#1030484 - Tuesday 15 June 2010 1:35

it's ok your not expected to know much at age 12

Samantha_baby | 0

#1030541 - Tuesday 15 June 2010 4:34

ok, really? I'm not the only one who asked..

RyGan | 0

#1030653 - Tuesday 15 June 2010 8:01

FAFP is?

beccaccio550 | 0

#1030665 - Tuesday 15 June 2010 8:49

fuck anti flood protection

Bloodbathandbeyo | 0

#1030816 - Tuesday 15 June 2010 12:43

Seanders: the basic failure troll

By julie3841 | 11

#1030244 - Monday 14 June 2010 19:10

heh, thanks babe.

By macy_rebecca | 0

#1030254 - Monday 14 June 2010 19:13

I agree with # 3 lol !!

amandalovee | 0

#1030376 - Monday 14 June 2010 21:46

my thoughts exactly!

By semodrunk | 0

#1030259 - Monday 14 June 2010 19:14

Prozac is for anxiety attacks n I think it's like an anti-depressant?

mona_is_here | 10

#1030435 - Monday 14 June 2010 23:18

Prozac is for depression and benzodiazepines (clonazepam etc) are for anxiety

kritz0 | 10

#1030565 - Tuesday 15 June 2010 5:06

Actually they prescribe it for Social anxiety too.

By Stumblebum30 | 5

#1030261 - Monday 14 June 2010 19:15

He's probably the reason you're on Prozac in the first place...

By jennybelly | 0

#1030263 - Monday 14 June 2010 19:16

haha wow he's a fudging dumbass!! you should do what number three suggested lol!!

By damnatory | 0

#1030267 - Monday 14 June 2010 19:17

Sounds like a completely legit experimental process. Now, how are those sandwiches coming?

Adamantoise | 0

#1030280 - Monday 14 June 2010 19:23

God, those sandwich jokes used to be funny, now they're just annoying. Everyone gets the point already.

McLovin101x | 0

#1030337 - Monday 14 June 2010 20:20

I agree, completely legit. They have the Pepsi Challenge, now it's time for the Prozac Challenge.

RedPillSucks | 31

#1030414 - Monday 14 June 2010 23:00

Agreed,
Almost makes you wish for the Soviet Russia jokes
*runs for cover, dodging rotten tomatoes*