Miscellaneous: Today, I witnessed a homeless man fall off of his bike and land... - FML

By Anonymous - 26/10/2009 14:43 - United States

Today, I witnessed a homeless man fall off of his bike and land face first onto the pavement. Bleeding and shivering in the 40 degree weather, I gave him the coat off of my back. He got up like nothing happened and sprinted away with it. Oh yeah, my wallet was in the inside pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 844

You deserved it 33 893

Leave us alone

Own it

Coherence dude, do you have it?

By toe - 03/02/2015 03:14 - United States - Sullivan

Today, I stole my brother's fuzzy slippers for the day as I usually do. Too bad he had been anticipating this and had left a mouse trap in one of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 559

You deserved it 44 956

By Jesse - 10/05/2012 21:22 - United States - Bothell

Today, I had to get a prostate exam. Right before the doctor started, he told me that if I found it awkward at all, I should just imagine I was being probed by aliens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 975

You deserved it 2 400

By TMI - 20/04/2009 17:12 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was emailing my professor about what chapters our test is on this afternoon. She accidentally emailed me informing me of the date she went on last night, including that she "got laid... yay!!" and a picture. I still don't know what chapters I'm being tested on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 113 200

You deserved it 7 033

By Anonymous - 18/12/2015 03:25 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, my sister shaved a chunk of my hair off while I was sleeping. I'm getting married in three days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 269

You deserved it 1 587

WHERE IS IT?

By Erik - 13/03/2021 11:00 - Netherlands

Today, after days of torture, I finally found out where the annoying fire alarm with empty batteries was hidden. The previous house owners had it hidden behind the top board of a wall cabinet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 851

You deserved it 50

By Cashier - 09/03/2011 05:36 - Canada

Today, I was at work as a grocery store cashier. I felt a hand slap my ass. Turning around I saw an old man winking at me and I screamed. When my manager came to deal with the problem she didn't believe me and gave the man a $25 gift card for 'the trouble' I caused. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 174

You deserved it 3 782

By leftoutdrunk - 05/05/2012 18:12 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I volunteered to be my brother's designated driver. I told him throughout the night that I wasn't drinking, but he ended up leaving me at the bar and going to his friend's house in a cab for more drinks, taking my keys along with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 639

You deserved it 4 027

By therewasnocurtain - 06/04/2015 20:07 - United States - Lewiston

Spicy

Today, I visited my sick grandpa for a few hours in the hospital. His roommate, also an elderly man, wouldn't stop masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 976

You deserved it 2 525

By Anonymous - 29/07/2010 18:24 - Canada

Today, a friend of mine came to my house with tears in her eyes. I thought she was finally single so I could ask her out. Actually, her mother found out she was dating a girl, so she wants me to be her fake boyfriend as a cover-up. At least we're "dating" now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 925

You deserved it 6 893

By alchy - 02/05/2011 04:46 - United States

Today, I realized that the cashier at the liquor store and I are already on a first-name basis. I just moved to this town a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 945

You deserved it 36 168

Night terrors

By Anonymous - 24/02/2021 17:01 - Netherlands

Today, at 2 a.m. I heard a noise coming from the living room. I thought somebody must be breaking in, so I had to save my cats. When I opened the door, all I could see was the only plant I owned, all over the room. The cats just greeted me with a friendly purr, like they were happy I was joining them in their sandbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 761

You deserved it 195

By Anonymous - 02/09/2015 15:26 - Canada - Winnipeg

Spicy

Today, I let my 9-year-old daughter use my tablet while I made her dinner. A few minutes later, she let out a blood-curdling scream. Turned out she'd searched for My Little Pony pictures and stumbled upon a drawing of Rainbow Dash giving another pony a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 838

You deserved it 4 994

By Anonymous - 18/08/2012 00:20 - United States

Today, I got a phone call out of the blue from a young man, who screamed that he was going to kill me for sleeping with his fiancée. I told him I am a 49-year-old man who hasn't been laid since my wife passed away, four years ago. He stammered, shouted "Well she was a slut too" and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 431

You deserved it 1 831

By EllieS9311 - 16/02/2016 13:16 - United States - Montevallo

Today, my 13 year-old son had a seizure in the middle of his history class. We were at the hospital for three hours and several expensive tests later he informed me he faked the seizure so he could get out of a group presentation. He was so proud that he was such a good actor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 488

You deserved it 3 054

By allinicolesmh - 08/08/2011 16:03 - United States

Today, my dad said he can't go to my graduation because he has to work. He got fired a month ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 189

You deserved it 2 687

By sometingwong - 01/12/2011 20:32 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had dinner at my girlfriend's house with her parents. Everything was going great, until after dinner when her dad pulled me aside and told me he'd heard us having sex. I was out of town all weekend for a baseball tournament. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 183

You deserved it 3 420

By dan - 19/11/2011 04:54 - Reserved

Today, we had a sprint race in gym class which I wasn't looking forward to because I'm a little chubby. The race started and I shot off as fast as I could, somehow in the lead. Everyone was cheering. When I was nearing the finish line I turned around, only to see the race hadn't started yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 165

You deserved it 8 991

By Less Friendship, More Cash - 06/05/2016 11:54 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, I realized one of my best friends was only friends with me because I would take her shopping, spoil her regularly, and help her out financially. She moved to another province and only contacted me whenever she wanted money. After I refused a couple of times, she deleted me on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 629

You deserved it 2 678

By Angie - 12/09/2015 21:34 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me and filmed it, because it would "be a big hit on YouTube." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 141

You deserved it 1 965

By Anonymous - 17/04/2012 04:26 - United States

Today, there was a mandatory staff-wide "cleaning party" for a corporate inspection. I was assigned the outside bar which is infested with full-grown roaches with wings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 622

You deserved it 2 213

I'm not drunk, you're drunk!

By katieemw95 - 23/09/2019 04:00

Today, I came home from partying all night, having stayed completely sober. My Dad, blind drunk, told me he was proud of me for staying sober. He claims to have been sober longer than I have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 317

You deserved it 106

By imnotTHATlonely - 18/05/2009 20:43 - United States

Today, two of my cousins sat me down and said they wanted to give me an early Birthday present. With straight faces, they look at me and say: "we signed you up for eHarmony, and paid for 12 months." Not only do my cousins think I need help finding a boyfriend, but they think it take a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 150

You deserved it 5 761

By hell! - 02/12/2008 08:27 - France

Spicy

Today, I discovered that my 15 year old girl had hidden a disgusting porn film in the "future career" folder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 045

You deserved it 6 932

By ZPyRoGoDz - 02/11/2009 11:05 - United States

Today, I got to my apartment early after being out really late the night before. Maybe next time I should call ahead of time so that my roommate has time to sneak my girlfriend out of his bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 306

You deserved it 3 132

By DocShadow - 03/12/2013 17:33 - United States - New York

Today, my 4-year-old daughter stood up to a bully in the mall. I was the one who was getting bullied. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 575

You deserved it 8 802

By Anonymous - 01/11/2010 07:34 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a party dressed as a Pinata. Drunk people tried to hit me all night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 438

You deserved it 56 757

By Anonymous - 29/09/2009 19:09 - United States

Today, I was at lunch with my girlfriend. The waitress came up and asked for her number, then asked if she had a significant other. I laughed as my girlfriend gave the waitress her number. They're going on a date, tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 726

You deserved it 7 127

By Raptorcake - 15/08/2016 12:50 - Australia - Calwell

Today, it's my birthday and I celebrated with friends. I now have 34 individual copies of the first Twilight movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 742

You deserved it 1 856

By ugly - 15/04/2011 06:43 - Australia

Today, I was at the hairdressers getting a trim. The lady doing my hair commented on how beautiful and luscious my hair was, which made me feel really good. I later overheard her telling her colleague that hair as nice as mine was wasted on someone with a face like mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 935

You deserved it 3 356

By Timmay - 05/06/2009 23:43 - United States

Today, I was on the deck of a sailboat and I started feeling seasick. I bent over the edge to throw up. After I stood back up, the wind changed direction and the boon swung around, knocking me into the open ocean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 750

You deserved it 4 665

By teegtwo - 22/07/2014 05:55 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend said we can't have sex with the light on anymore. He said he can never finish because the face I make when I orgasm makes him laugh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 871

You deserved it 26 951

Communication

By ohyaknow - 30/09/2010 09:56 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend asked me if I have ever or would ever fake an orgasm. I assured him that I wouldn't, when he has actually never given me one. I didn't have the heart to tell him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 963

You deserved it 37 466

Creepy

By Anonymous - 03/01/2016 09:41 - Switzerland - Ruschlikon

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend told me I sound like a squeaky toy during sex, and asked if I could get it under control because it creeps him out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 995

You deserved it 4 516

By Allenburg - 18/01/2009 01:38 - United States

Spicy

Today, the guy I've had a crush on for a while called me and asked me over. I took a cab to his place and when I got there he was dressed in leather and wore a mask... It took me a 20 dollar cab fare to realize my crush is a freak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 642

You deserved it 7 468

By Girl-of-very-little-brain - 29/12/2011 12:01 - Canada

Today, I woke up at midnight crying, stood up to turn on the lights and face-planted into my wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 183

You deserved it 4 954

By Anonymous - 12/10/2010 06:24 - United Kingdom

Today, I have a busy day of college work ahead of me. I figured I'd best have a good breakfast. Then I realised I'd completely ran out of food except for various types of sauces and condiments. So what am I having for breakfast today? That's right. A nice cup of Gravy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 608

You deserved it 30 486

By dustlander.com - 16/10/2018 07:30 - United States - Provo

Today, I was wrapping up a 30+ hour commission when a software bug caused my main layer to delete itself. There doesn't appear to be any way I can restore it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 404

You deserved it 321

By shopper242 - 22/11/2010 12:29 - France

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend compared my orgasm to that of a beached sea turtle. He demonstrated what he meant in front of all our friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 751

You deserved it 4 073

By arrrrggggghhhh - 04/03/2009 23:38 - United States

Today, I realized that my roommate has been using my loofah to clean our toilet. I've been cleaning myself with the shit of four college boys for the last six months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 991

You deserved it 5 161

By AddictiveAddicted - 29/06/2015 02:02 - United States - Denver

Today, I found an unfamiliar ring in my purse. Thinking it was fake, I gave it to a little girl. Thanks to my mother, I later found out that the ring was my grandmother's and it was made of gold and had a real ruby. My mother added that my grandmother trusted me to keep it in our family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 113

You deserved it 31 630

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Send a private message

Monday 26 October 2009 19:33

Isn't if funny how the world works sometimes? You try to do something nice, and you get screwed.

Send a private message

Monday 26 October 2009 19:42

Idea. Get on the bike and chase that hobo, then ghost ride it into his ass.

Comments

Send a private message

Monday 26 October 2009 19:33

Isn't if funny how the world works sometimes? You try to do something nice, and you get screwed.

Gavik 0

Send a private message

Monday 26 October 2009 19:33

I sir, find nothing the least bit humorous about about another man's misfortune. For shame.

donkey_hang_down 2

Send a private message

Monday 26 October 2009 22:41

cocaine is a hell of a drug

Send a private message

Tuesday 27 October 2009 0:57

The old pretend to be a homeless guy and fall of a bike in 40 degree weather trick never fails!

Send a private message

Tuesday 27 October 2009 2:36

well chase his ass down you dumbass, YDI for real, you bitchass pussy

Send a private message

Tuesday 27 October 2009 5:57

Not sure if it was edited or not, but from the way I'm reading it, it's fine.

Send a private message

Tuesday 27 October 2009 12:55

I don't know if 'Chasing his ass down' Is the solution for everything..

Send a private message

Wednesday 24 February 2010 4:36

how does a homeless man own a bike...?

Send a private message

Wednesday 3 March 2010 1:58

#2 if you don't find anything funny about other peoples pain, why are you on this site? O____o

Send a private message

Sunday 14 March 2010 22:36

This was in Michigan. Everyone is homeless there.

Send a private message

Monday 18 April 2011 5:43

113, I'm not homeless. o.o

Send a private message

Wednesday 11 July 2012 0:01

Not yet...

KittyKatGirl 14

Send a private message

Monday 26 October 2009 19:35

Did you keep the bike the homeless man fell off? as if he ran away...

Send a private message

Monday 26 October 2009 23:37

Thank you for pointing that out..also was he giving him the coat for a few minutes to warm him up or what? If you're going to be generous you might as well have given him the coat anyway..without the wallet preferably

Send a private message

Tuesday 27 October 2009 4:03

I'm just confused about the OP bleeding from the cold weather.

LoremIpsumDolor 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 27 October 2009 5:18

Glad I'm not the only one who noticed the dangling modifier.

Send a private message

Tuesday 27 October 2009 16:24

ahh FML you never fail to deconstruct internet grammar. It's what I love about you.

manbearpig123456 0

Send a private message

Monday 22 February 2010 4:45

he was bleeding from falling not the weather

perdix 29

Send a private message

Monday 26 October 2009 19:36

That's a tough way to get today's crack money.

Send a private message

Monday 26 October 2009 19:42

Idea. Get on the bike and chase that hobo, then ghost ride it into his ass.

unhappyperson 0

Send a private message

Monday 26 October 2009 19:44

That was a nice thing you tried to do. I'm sorry it kind of backfired. But was a nice thing. I will not judge you unfairly here.

Send a private message

Monday 26 October 2009 19:52

I'm surprised the YDI's surpass the FYL's on this one. "YDI for trying to act humanely towards another human being. YDI for doing for someone else what you'd want done for you." This is an FYL, for sure. At least you can report the wallet stolen, and give the police a description. The homeless in my city tend to be found in the same place day after day, so if you can say where it happened, chances are they'll find him around there.

Send a private message

Tuesday 27 October 2009 1:18

To paraphrase: "I gave a homeless man my coat, with my wallet in it, to keep him warm for a few minutes, intending to take it back from him and make him feel colder than before. Then, to my complete surprise, he ran away with my coat! FML"

Send a private message

Monday 26 October 2009 19:59

Lesson learned

perdix 29

Send a private message

Monday 26 October 2009 20:01

Your use of racist slurs is very uncool. And unnecessary. I expect better from you, pimpin.

Send a private message

Monday 26 October 2009 20:02

Sad that our world is so fucked up that people's feelings of "he should of known better" overcome their sympathies for a man that was trying to be kind. Should of known better not to trust another human being, I guess. FYL, and F the way this world thinks.

Send a private message

Tuesday 27 October 2009 4:04

Of?

Send a private message

Tuesday 27 October 2009 5:59

You should "of" paid attention in elementary school grammar lessons.

Witchcraft_fml 4

Send a private message

Monday 26 October 2009 20:02

That old saying "no good deed goes unpunished" fits here. Somewhere in Michigan there's a bloody, soaked hobo running around in a nice jacket, buying dinner on your dime!

perdix 29

Send a private message

Monday 26 October 2009 20:13

Yes, but he lost his bike. Undoubtedly, a piece of finely-tuned mechancial perfection. Plus, he has to still live in Michigan. Gack!

Witchcraft_fml 4

Send a private message

Monday 26 October 2009 20:32

Well, if he had taken the bike, the OP could have followed the squeaking and grinding sound of rusty pedals to pinpoint the perp!

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12

You deserved it 3

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11

You deserved it 1

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 538

You deserved it 71

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 166

You deserved it 284