Today, my friend made me go on a carnival ride. The whole time,...

By gross. - 28/4/2013 03:25 - United States - Greenville

Today, my friend made me go on a carnival ride. The whole time, I complained that I was going to puke. I didn't, though. She did, all over me. FML

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Miscellaneous

Understandable

Fear factor

Headache

By JJ - 14/11/2009 03:07 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend of three years sent me a text saying: "I don't think we can see each other anymore, the nights were great, but I think I'm falling in love with Julie". I'm Julie. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/10/2012 12:36 - United States - Battle Creek

Today, I tried role playing with my boyfriend. As I came out in sexy lingerie, I announced, "I'm Natalia, a Russian spy fluent in 2 languages: Russian and your cock." He laughed so hard he practically pissed himself. The night ended in me doing his laundry. Alone. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/6/2013 18:49 - France - Le Rove

Today, I woke up to my bratty younger sister cutting through my hair with a pair of scissors. I now look like a freak, and my mum bitched me out for being angry, all because my sister claimed she'd been sleep-walking. Her demented smirk said otherwise. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/11/2009 01:54 - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided to be romantic and literally sweep me off my feet... directly into a door frame. Now my face is bruised, and the police officer at my school has asked me if I need to make a report about anything. FML

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By Tired - 25/12/2018 12:00

Today, was my first day off in almost a month. My husband and I spent all morning arguing then he left to his job saying he won't be back tonight. Apparently I'm being neglectful because I don't have the energy for sex after being the only one working FT, cooking, cleaning, and running errands. FML

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By whytoday - 21/5/2012 14:59

Today, I read an article on babies dying after being accidentally left in cars in the sun. On my lunch break, I decided to walk around the parking lot, checking to see that no kids were abandoned in cars. A guy gave me a smack for looking through his car window. FML

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By anonymous - 28/7/2012 13:26 - Lebanon

Today, I went on an overnight airplane flight. I wanted to be comfy so I took off my shorts, threw a blanket over myself, and slept. When the lights came back on, I ran to the bathroom before they served food. After using the bathroom, I noticed I hadn't put my shorts back on. FML

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By angry - 22/6/2010 07:47 - Australia

Today, I went camping with my husband. We drove 11 hours to his favourite site before he remembered he didn't put the tent in the car. FML

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By thosedamnkids - 22/1/2012 05:09 - United States

Today, I was working at Staples and organizing some notebooks. All of a sudden, I jumped up because of a sharp pain in my back. A little girl had grabbed a stapler and stapled my back. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/5/2013 16:56 - United States

Today, I got dragged along to a family dinner. Some idiot invited my douchebag vegan uncle, who spent half the night making condescending remarks and lecturing us on how disgusting it was to have steak on offer at the table. A fistfight eventually erupted, and the cops were called. FML

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By claustrophobic - 4/5/2016 19:03 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I have been in my "office" for 6 weeks. It is literally a closet. I was reminded of this fact when a janitor walked in without knocking, carrying empty boxes he intended to store. FML

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By - 3/3/2017 12:00

Today, I was stuck in a window seat next to the biggest/angriest man I've ever seen. During the trip I reached down to pick up what I thought was my pillow but instead managed to pull off his huge sock. Couldn't put it back so had to pretend I had no idea why he was glaring at me when he woke up. FML

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By nanuka_g - 27/11/2010 05:41 - United States

Today, I went to the movies. Two teenagers behind me had already seen the picture once and shared the entire plot with their friend during first 10 minutes. The finale was intended to be a great twist and I knew it from the very beginning. FML

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By Kyrstin Budd - 13/4/2017 12:00

Today, I noticed a lady at work staring at me very intently. When she realized she had my attention, she made a sweeping gesture over her head and said, "Hair is like Trump!" FML

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By Anonymous - 9/5/2012 18:50 - United States - Castle Rock

Idiots on bikes

Today, as I pulled to a halt at a stop sign, a cyclist ripped through the air, slammed straight into my fender, and almost launched over my car. I ended up being cited for reckless driving. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/10/2011 15:24 - United Kingdom

Today, my pregnancy test came back positive. The only way I could have gotten pregnant is from having gotten drunk and sleeping with my ex. We broke up because I didn't want children. FML

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By Catscratch - 1/9/2009 18:51 - United States

Today, I walked into the kitchen and saw a note my roomate posted. As I got close to read it I was attacked by a very pissed off cat. The note said "Left window open last night, stray cat got in. Watch out he isn't friendly." FML

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By SowhatshouldIdo - 16/5/2017 05:00 - Turkey - Istanbul

Today, I handed in my resignation letter after over 3 and a half years working at the company. My manager is angry with me, since we returned from an overseas business trip yesterday and why didn't I inform her before the trip. She now wants me to pay all costs of trip before leaving the job. FML

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By besviken - 18/11/2012 22:53 - Sweden - Uppsala

Today, I had the best sex of our relationship with my boyfriend. Afterwards, he took off his condom, looked me sweetly in the eyes for a few moments, then decided to slap me in the face with it. FML

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By DesperateBich - 28/11/2018 14:00

Today, I was in band rehearsing for a big concert coming up. Since the band was practicing with the orchestra and there weren’t enough seats, we had to stand. My back was facing everyone when my friend tapped me on the shoulder and pointed to my ass. I got my period and everyone saw the stain. FML

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By UuuuUUUUhhgghghghGHh - 9/2/2013 17:21 - Kenya

Today, the office coffee machine was relocated next to my desk. My co-worker insists on making several cups of the stuff per day, but instead of drinking it, he stands next to me, audibly swishes it through his teeth, gargles, and drools it back into the cup. I retch every single time. FML

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By koletatlow19 - 5/3/2010 05:23 - Canada

Today, my boss fired me because "I didn't get the right kind of coffee beans." FML

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By Anonymous - 18/6/2009 10:37 - Australia

Today, I had a job interview but couldn't find my car keys. I had searched the entire apartment and had missed the interview. Turns out they were in my pocket the entire time. FML

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By Anon127 - 12/6/2012 02:40 - United States - Taunton

Today, I learned that instead of training my cat, she has been training me. She now refuses to drink anything but running tap water, and yowls loudly early in the morning at my bedroom door to be fed. FML

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By college student - 23/4/2017 10:00 - United States - College Park

Today, at 12, I went for a run across campus.‬ Why? I'd realized my 12:30 exam was actually at 12.‬ ‪FML

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By Anonymous - 28/1/2011 11:44 - United States

Today, at work, a homeless woman called me trash, threw her coffee at me, and told me to get a job. I do have a job. It's homeless outreach. FML

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By SMCHR - 9/5/2011 03:22 - Ireland

Today, after I moved into my college dorm three days ago, my roommate is still convinced that she is a cat. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/12/2014 20:09 - United States

Today, I felt a horrible pain while having sex with my wife, and I had to stop. I thought it was a hernia or something, but she called me a liar and accused me of everything from not finding her attractive, to me cheating on her. It turned out I had appendicitis. She still won't apologize. FML

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By ifeelfat - 17/6/2014 20:44 - United States

Today, while at the waterpark, some guy came up to me and profusely thanked me for wearing a one-piece swimsuit. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/2/2012 20:41 - Canada

Today, I pulled into a parking lot and waited for a car to back out so I could take their spot. The apparently batshit insane psychopath in the other car managed to completely overlook me waving him out, and backed straight into my car. FML

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By kingwalrus - 12/6/2010 18:55 - United Kingdom

Today, my siblings overpowered me and duct taped me to a chair. Helpless, I had to wait until my dad got home so he could help me. Instead, the first thing he did was reach for his camera to take a picture. FML

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By Ouch - 1/6/2019 16:00

Today, I learned that bees like to get out of the hot sun, too. And that they do this by crawling into people's bed sheets. I also learned that these bees don't like it when you go to lay down in your own bed. They don't like it at all. Now it hurts to put weight on my right butt cheek. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/10/2010 22:22 - United States

Today, my dad got a new phone and put me on speed dial. I have received several voice mails from him accidentally dialed. They are from him riding the train, in a meeting, having lunch, and, most recently, him taking a monstrous dump. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/5/2009 21:37 - Germany

Today, there was a a huge storm. There were no buses so I walked for an hour to see my boyfriend of two years who (usually rather the unemotionally type) had called me, crying. When I got there soaking wet, he told me that he doesn't love me anymore and this makes him sad. I had to walk back. FML

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By WasntWorthIt - 30/7/2014 17:04 - United States - Concord

Today, my husband thought it would be romantic to pick me up and fall on the bed with me while we were kissing. Our faces smashed together as we hit the bed, and my tongue is still bleeding on and off. FML

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By Noname - 16/1/2009 17:31 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend struck up a conversation about the reproductive systems of seahorses. We were getting intimate at the time. FML

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By lonelyniceguy - 24/3/2010 23:50 - United States

Today, my sister's boyfriend came over to the house. I thought I would be nice and cook them both a dinner along with my own. Mine took a little longer to cook, so they ate before me and went back to her bedroom. I ate alone to the sound of them having fun. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/1/2011 04:04 - United States

Today, while going to work, I was mugged. On the way back, I was mugged. FML

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By Nic - 22/7/2010 16:46 - United States

Today, I put on some skimpy shorts and bent down to get something on the bottom shelf of the fridge to get my boyfriend's attention. On my way up, I slammed my head on the edge of the fridge. FML

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By TheGestalt97 - 20/12/2019 05:00

Late warning

Today, an email appeared in my inbox saying that the final this week that was supposed to be on Saturday has been moved forward to Thursday. It’s Friday. FML

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Top comments

By nephilim241 | 19

#5468677 - Sunday 28 April 2013 10:19

Maybe you planted a seed of thought!

By Despereaux | 15

#5468681 - Sunday 28 April 2013 10:21

At least you weren't sick? But op that blows. All over you.

Comments

By nephilim241 | 19

#5468677 - Sunday 28 April 2013 10:19

Maybe you planted a seed of thought!

iLike2Teabag | 27

#5468748 - Sunday 28 April 2013 11:12

Inception: Carnival Style.

wlddog | 14

#5468946 - Sunday 28 April 2013 15:30

Once again constantly complaining did nothing to resolve a situation. When will we ever learn??

FaguIous | 22

#6235868 - Wednesday 18 March 2015 11:26

Once again 30 complaining about us not knowing complaining won't solve a problem won't solve a problem.

By a1f0sff | 25

#5468680 - Sunday 28 April 2013 10:21

Maybe you should start complaining about having puke all over yourself...

Cartera | 10

#5468785 - Sunday 28 April 2013 12:35

He already did.

By Despereaux | 15

#5468681 - Sunday 28 April 2013 10:21

At least you weren't sick? But op that blows. All over you.

wjh100 | 13

#5468690 - Sunday 28 April 2013 10:23

probably could have just left it at that blows. :p

ScenicSubterfuge | 39

#5468940 - Sunday 28 April 2013 15:27

I like the all over you part ^.^

By DeLpHe3zY | 7

#5468686 - Sunday 28 April 2013 10:23

funny how that works

By B5B0N35 | 18

#5468687 - Sunday 28 April 2013 10:23

Karma??

nicolemadden | 11

#5468763 - Sunday 28 April 2013 11:57

We don't have the same definition of karma. :)

mario2012 | 18

#5468780 - Sunday 28 April 2013 12:27

I think this is more irony than karma.

By imessedwithtexas | 13

#5468692 - Sunday 28 April 2013 10:24

Mind over matter. You put the thought in her head and she puked.

By lenamartinovic | 13

#5468698 - Sunday 28 April 2013 10:26

That's what you get for complaining. In all seriousness OP, hope this didn't kill any sort of future enthusiasm towards carnivals.

By Mr25_fml | 14

#5468700 - Sunday 28 April 2013 10:27

Years from now you'll look back at this and laugh..but for right now se gets to buy you a new outfit

By ironichalibut | 24

#5468701 - Sunday 28 April 2013 10:27

Fuck the whole world.. At least you didn't puke.
Please thumb me down FML, at least then I'd feel something... Fuck MY life.

By Wizardo | 33

#5468703 - Sunday 28 April 2013 10:29

Karma is a nauseating experience, don't worry though it only gets more wavey...