Today, I went to get a condom because my boyfriend and I were going to have sex for the first time. When I opened the drawer, I saw that every single condom had a Jesus pin stabbed through it, and a note on top of the box saying, "Love, mom." FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I went into my older brother's room to get a condom. This happened the other day too when my boyfriend forgot one. So I went in and there was a note that said, "Stop using my condoms. And your boyfriend sounds like a girl when he climaxes." FML
Today, while my boyfriend was packing for his annual hunting trip, I saw him slip a box of condoms into his bag. FML
Today, I was at the store, when I saw my boyfriend in line in front of me. I looked to see what he was purchasing; it was a pack of condoms. When I questioned him, he said that, "They're for us, babe!" We already have an unopened pack at home, and it's my time of the month. FML
Today, I told my ultra-Catholic mother that I was hanging out with a girl. While walking out of the flat, I didn't realize that I'd dropped one of my condoms out of my pocket. My mother saw it and ripped it apart, then yelled at me that, "Sex is for having children! You're giving yourselves to Satan!" I'm 20. FML
Today, I discovered the brand of condoms my parents use. It was in the same grocery bag as my food. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when his condom came off inside of me. We couldn't get it out, so I had to tell my mom, who didn't know we were sexually active, and then go to the ER. After an unsuccessful visit, we came home only to find the condom in my sheets. FML
Today, my father pulled me aside as I was heading off to my girlfriend's house. He said, "Next time you have sex, don't leave the tied up condom in its wrapper inside your shorts pocket, otherwise your mother might find it again as she's folding laundry." FML
Today, I was about to propose. I got on my knee in front of my girlfriend and opened the box. My friend thought it would be funny to replace the ring with a condom. FML
Today, while finally about to make love with my long-term boyfriend, he came from putting a condom on. FML
Today, I opened my boyfriend's bedside table drawer. There was a condom wrapper in there. We don't use condoms. He claims he didn’t have sex with anybody, he just wanted to put the condom over his hand. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thank you, your FML was submitted, and will appear the moderation soon!
Top comments
Stupoopy 0
You should go to your mom in two weeks and be like "MOM I THINK THE CONDOMS I HAD DIDN'T WORK! NOW IM PREGNANT!" and then we'll see who's laughing.
curious_missy 1
bill her for the replacement condom! Also write Love, Your Safe Daughter
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (267)
Big_Will89 0
I can respect people who believe in it, but **** I hate the idea of religion
Howdyplz 2
#73, she has more than 1 condom in her room because you don't buy condoms one at a time. THey come in packs.What are you, 12? And seriously, that sucks that your mom would do that. Sure, she wants to show how she dissaproves, but I'd rather know my daughter is having safe sex than to be unsure if she was going to get stds or pregnant.
heythere123 0
Everyone thinks your mom is a bitch, but since I don't believe in sex before marriage, I find this hilarious.
yanarach 0
Your mom is awesome. I agree with 220. I also don't believe in sex before marriage, and loooool. I laugh every time I see this one on the random page. It's hilarious, you have to admit.
Fml37 0
I hate religious freaks like that. You should be able to make your own choices.
Svbsweetie 0
Go buy more condoms and keep them somewhere else. :P
Liss143 0
LOL!! I agree with 223 though or have your boyfriend buy them.
MajorTom85 0
Guys should have condoms. It's not just a girl's responsibility to prevent pregnancy. Also, your mom sounds like a psycho. If you don't have condoms, but decide to have sex anyway, what's she gonna do? Tell her you had sex without them and got pregnant and had multiple abortions. That ought to piss her off.
Sucks2beYouxD 0
Maybe your mum DID wanted you to get pregnant? |D
NickAM 0
God.. Grown ups imaginary friend =D
silly_kate 0
WIN!!!! THANK YOU!!!!