Today, I went to get a condom because my boyfriend and I were going to have sex for the first time. When I opened the drawer, I saw that every single condom had a Jesus pin stabbed through it, and a note on top of the box saying, "Love, mom." FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I went into my older brother's room to get a condom. This happened the other day too when my boyfriend forgot one. So I went in and there was a note that said, "Stop using my condoms. And your boyfriend sounds like a girl when he climaxes." FML
Today, while my boyfriend was packing for his annual hunting trip, I saw him slip a box of condoms into his bag. FML
Today, I was at the store, when I saw my boyfriend in line in front of me. I looked to see what he was purchasing; it was a pack of condoms. When I questioned him, he said that, "They're for us, babe!" We already have an unopened pack at home, and it's my time of the month. FML
Today, I told my ultra-Catholic mother that I was hanging out with a girl. While walking out of the flat, I didn't realize that I'd dropped one of my condoms out of my pocket. My mother saw it and ripped it apart, then yelled at me that, "Sex is for having children! You're giving yourselves to Satan!" I'm 20. FML
Today, I discovered the brand of condoms my parents use. It was in the same grocery bag as my food. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when his condom came off inside of me. We couldn't get it out, so I had to tell my mom, who didn't know we were sexually active, and then go to the ER. After an unsuccessful visit, we came home only to find the condom in my sheets. FML
Today, my father pulled me aside as I was heading off to my girlfriend's house. He said, "Next time you have sex, don't leave the tied up condom in its wrapper inside your shorts pocket, otherwise your mother might find it again as she's folding laundry." FML
Today, I was about to propose. I got on my knee in front of my girlfriend and opened the box. My friend thought it would be funny to replace the ring with a condom. FML
Today, while finally about to make love with my long-term boyfriend, he came from putting a condom on. FML
Today, I opened my boyfriend's bedside table drawer. There was a condom wrapper in there. We don't use condoms. He claims he didn’t have sex with anybody, he just wanted to put the condom over his hand. FML
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Top comments
Stupoopy 0
You should go to your mom in two weeks and be like "MOM I THINK THE CONDOMS I HAD DIDN'T WORK! NOW IM PREGNANT!" and then we'll see who's laughing.
curious_missy 1
bill her for the replacement condom! Also write Love, Your Safe Daughter
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Comments (267)
monster_tamer 11
But I still found this FML hilarious.
dvs01 0
Again with the waiting until marriage bullshit. ******* tards.
silly_kate 0
that thought that if you didn't notice that she had stabbed the condoms, used them anyway, and gotten pregnant/an STI really didn't occur to your mum, did it? i'm young, but i know if i was parent of a teenager who was sexually active, i would at LEAST want him/her to use protection!!! some parents just need to lay off and stop worrying! it's understandable that she's caring and trying to protect you cos you're still her baby girl in her eyes, but what she did was moronic! you should talk to her!
keberTxelA11 0
Using a condom doesn't necessarily make you "safe". You still roll the dice of weather you get an STD or maybe a little mini-flesher to ruin your future life and dreams.
megbc 0
Uh, yeah, condoms are like 97% effective, if used correctly (so if they're less effective in America it's not because they're less effective, it's because your "abstinence only" "sex education" sucks). Also, even abstinence is only 99.99% effective - Jesus, Danae, Melanippe, Auge, Attis and Antiope were all allegedly born of virgins, to name just a few off the top of my head.
antonioohama 0
What's your mom's third most prized possesion? Stick a Jesus pin in it. (if it's electronic, throw it outside on a rainy day)
mystery_monkey 0
i think its the fact that all the condoms are broken now XD
rock_that_shyat2 0
bahahaha ****** priceless! lmao
eddles 0
lol, but I like ##1s idea
wizzard_fml 0
^^ Double WIN! Or more precisely, 6 times WIN :) lol