Today, I went to get a condom because my boyfriend and I were going to have sex for the first time. When I opened the drawer, I saw that every single condom had a Jesus pin stabbed through it, and a note on top of the box saying, "Love, mom." FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I went into my older brother's room to get a condom. This happened the other day too when my boyfriend forgot one. So I went in and there was a note that said, "Stop using my condoms. And your boyfriend sounds like a girl when he climaxes." FML
Today, while my boyfriend was packing for his annual hunting trip, I saw him slip a box of condoms into his bag. FML
Today, I was at the store, when I saw my boyfriend in line in front of me. I looked to see what he was purchasing; it was a pack of condoms. When I questioned him, he said that, "They're for us, babe!" We already have an unopened pack at home, and it's my time of the month. FML
Today, I told my ultra-Catholic mother that I was hanging out with a girl. While walking out of the flat, I didn't realize that I'd dropped one of my condoms out of my pocket. My mother saw it and ripped it apart, then yelled at me that, "Sex is for having children! You're giving yourselves to Satan!" I'm 20. FML
Today, I discovered the brand of condoms my parents use. It was in the same grocery bag as my food. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when his condom came off inside of me. We couldn't get it out, so I had to tell my mom, who didn't know we were sexually active, and then go to the ER. After an unsuccessful visit, we came home only to find the condom in my sheets. FML
Today, my father pulled me aside as I was heading off to my girlfriend's house. He said, "Next time you have sex, don't leave the tied up condom in its wrapper inside your shorts pocket, otherwise your mother might find it again as she's folding laundry." FML
Today, I was about to propose. I got on my knee in front of my girlfriend and opened the box. My friend thought it would be funny to replace the ring with a condom. FML
Today, while finally about to make love with my long-term boyfriend, he came from putting a condom on. FML
Today, I opened my boyfriend's bedside table drawer. There was a condom wrapper in there. We don't use condoms. He claims he didn’t have sex with anybody, he just wanted to put the condom over his hand. FML
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Top comments
Stupoopy 0
You should go to your mom in two weeks and be like "MOM I THINK THE CONDOMS I HAD DIDN'T WORK! NOW IM PREGNANT!" and then we'll see who's laughing.
curious_missy 1
bill her for the replacement condom! Also write Love, Your Safe Daughter
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Comments (267)
iluvu21396 0
overprotective much? seriously though, i'd do what # 1 said. im not kidding but you know, # 10 doesnt that have that bad of an idea either.....
reese1223 0
tell ur mom she needs to stfu and she is a jesus freak...oh btw jesus is dead and ur worshipping dirt right now...u have one life...live it.
lolololcheese 0
lol@christianity.
sarah616222 0
OMG I LOVE YOUR MOM AHAHAHAHAAA
bbobe900000 0
#42- but what if she's dumb enough to have sex without a condom anyway? then her mom just made it even worse. and besides, you can just go to walgreens and buy some more condoms, it's not like they're hard to get. all her mom did was waste time and money. if they want to have sex, they will. yeah your mom is a dumbass, hope you didn't get pregnant
absolutezero1287 0
Shit...all I hear from my mom is "are you being safe"? "Are you using condoms?" "Don't forget the condom!" Its just beyond my comprehension why a mother would do that. Oh wait...maybe because she's an insane bible-thumping bitch. :D
KevinB_fml 0
go with #1. Dont actually get pregnant, just tell her you did. Then a couple weeks later let her know it's all good cuz you aborted it using a rusty coat hanger.
UnluckyChick1465 0
Holy SHit! hahahha. Wow i would hate your mom but thats hilarious i would so get her back though!! I love the condom and egg white things that would make her freak and make sure it has a hole in the condoms so it drips all over her bed. HA! FYL :] p.s. wow your mom bitch. But Genius
Tahiri 2
She could have ended up pregnant or with an STD BECAUSE of what her mom did. Try and keep up
Tommy1990 0
Your mother is clearly a fundamentalist Christian *******. Confront her and tell her that you are having sex whether she likes it or not, then offer her the choice between you using condoms or doing it unprotected. Then see if she goes sticking Jesus pins in them all.