Sips unsee juice

By Facepalm2020 - 21/06/2020 23:01

Today, my mom asked me what twerking was. When I said that it was a club dance, trying to get out of telling her what it actually was, she begged me to teach her how to do it. My mom complained to my dad, who grounded me for not teaching her to twerk her ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 585

You deserved it 348

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Same thing different taste

By FMLPLZ - 03/01/2014 02:52 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, when I am asked to do something and I don't do it immediately, my mother threatens to "twerk" in front of my friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 762

You deserved it 9 203

By Jess - 30/05/2011 15:46 - United States

Today, my mom publicly pole danced. In a playground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 083

You deserved it 5 036

By anonymous - 06/05/2013 18:08 - United States - Poway

Today, after my mom picked me up from the mall, she asked me what was in my bag from Gap. I wouldn't tell her, and she ended up grounding me. It was her Mother's Day present. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 462

You deserved it 4 988

By embarassinggg - 06/02/2013 18:57 - United Kingdom - Brighton

Today, my mum came to my ballet class. She spent the whole lesson sitting at the back yelling at me to, "Stop sticking your butt out!" My ballet instructor had to ask her several times to pipe down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 560

You deserved it 2 478

Alexa, play "Rockit" by Herbie Hancock

By Anonymous - 19/08/2011 07:13 - United States

Today, I wanted to show my teenage daughter what we did when I was her age. We used to breakdance, so I stuck on a Grandmaster Flash track, and tried some old moves on the living room floor. I spun out of control, smacked my head into a wall and pulled a back muscle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 333

You deserved it 41 201

Humor bypass

By #goodbyelife - 09/12/2014 00:38 - United States

Today, my mom texted me and asked what I was up to. In response, I joked, "Dancing on the dining room table, waving dad's Calvin Klein's in the air, and shooting bullets into her bedroom floor." Not only did the cops show up, but now I'm grounded for two weeks for being, "deceptively believable." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 137

You deserved it 6 234

You OK hon?

By religiunatic - 13/12/2013 17:09 - Canada - Keswick

Today, my normally very modest and prissy mom came home, pissed off about something. I asked her what was wrong, but she wouldn't say, and snapped at me to "fuck off". She then grounded me for "making" her use that kind of "vile language". FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 822

You deserved it 3 129

Hank Pecker

By Anonymous - 19/06/2013 15:29 - United States - Richmond

Today, I woke up early, went to the gym, then came home and showered. When I went into my room to change, my mom woke up and started pounding on my door, screaming about how lazy and useless I was for sleeping so late. When I tried to tell her otherwise, she grounded me for "talking back". FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 161

You deserved it 3 616

Not so Karate Kid

By Matthew - 09/03/2020 19:00 - United States - Juneau

Today, my mom told me to do karate with her, and so I said no. Now my mom won't let me do anything until I go do karate with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 346

You deserved it 346

By Messiahman - 30/10/2011 01:31 - United States

Today, I was playing twister with my girlfriend at the school carnival. I jokingly squeeze her butt, only to find her mom standing right above us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 927

You deserved it 34 060

RichardPencil 30

Monday 22 June 2020 2:14

Give her a link to a video of twerking, especially Miley Cyrus. She'll never ask you anything again!

Roxy Rousseau 11

Monday 22 June 2020 4:27

Show her a YouTube video of people twerking. She’ll either love it or hate it.

Comments

RichardPencil 30

Monday 22 June 2020 2:14

Give her a link to a video of twerking, especially Miley Cyrus. She'll never ask you anything again!

Roxy Rousseau 11

Monday 22 June 2020 4:27

Show her a YouTube video of people twerking. She’ll either love it or hate it.

Yudith 24

Monday 22 June 2020 13:06

Don't forget to film her movements when you teach her how to twerk. You know, for educational purpose.

jfigley 5

Monday 22 June 2020 22:24

Thats kinda funny. Should have just told her to look it up on YouTube

AmbrosiaFan 18

Monday 22 June 2020 23:36

How old are you? Under 18, tell dad you don't know what that is. Over 18, he can't ground you.

Taurus_ChicKa 36

Monday 29 June 2020 3:51

Tell her to Google it like a normal person.

randybryant799 20

Wednesday 8 September 2021 23:46

I don't understand why you didn't just tell her what it was? That's ridiculous.

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The Top

Today, I caught my husband of 13 years looking at other women in Instagram. FML

I agree, your life sucks 203

You deserved it 422

Today, I attended a cooking class with my co-workers. As the chef prepared to cut up a load of onions for his dish, he warned us to be ready for the "typical reactions". Everyone teared up. Meanwhile, I popped a boner. So much for typical. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 318

You deserved it 9 464

The Top

Today, I caught my fiancé picking his nose and eating it. I don’t want to break up over this but I just cannot for the life of me get that image out of my head. Every time he tries to kiss me, I visibly gag and turn my head away. He says I’m being unreasonable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 714

You deserved it 225

Today, I was putting on cream and my son asked what it was for. I told him it was to keep the wrinkles away. He looked at me closely and replied, "I don't think it's working." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 720

You deserved it 6 504

Today, I found out my boyfriend has a back-up girl if we break up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 687

You deserved it 4 504

Today, I fistbumped a cashier as they tried to hand me my change. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 696

You deserved it 3 513

Today, I found out a guy I used to date is trying to get me fired from my dream job. He found an old flip phone with a text argument we had nearly 17 years ago. He wants me punished for things I said when I was an angry 15 year old-kid. HR is now looking into the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 685

You deserved it 120

Today, my obsessive stalker of an ex found my girlfriend on Facebook and sent her a message saying just ":)". For some reason I'll never understand, she took this as a sign that I'd just slept with my ex. Now I'm single, and my ex is probably planning her next move. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 414

You deserved it 2 803