By steam_engenius - United States - Reno Today, I discovered that spicy ground beef bits are the perfect size to become lodged in one's nasal cavity when vomited back up. FML I agree, your life sucks 22100 You deserved it 1889 44 Comments Favorite Tweet Share steam_engenius tells us more : I didn't close my mouth while vomiting...The ground beef just kinda made it up there somehow.
By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Brentwood Today, I had to calm my rather gullible boyfriend down and reassure him that the email he got, telling him that he has AIDS, was just a scam. FML I agree, your life sucks 40581 You deserved it 4350 82 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By SickMaMa - United States - Cortland Today, my daughter wasn't feeling well, so we allowed her to sleep in bed with us. She snuggled right up with my husband. I felt a little jealous until she turned around and cuddled with me, just long enough to throw up all over me. She then flipped back over and snuggled with her dad. FML I agree, your life sucks 37692 You deserved it 4033 65 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I decided I would eat healthy in order to lose weight. Feeling powerful, I threw away all of the icecream in my freezer. An hour later, I picked the icecream carton out of the garbage and ate the entire half-melted carton. FML I agree, your life sucks 23385 You deserved it 118991 2 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By lorrilanee - Australia Today, I finally made out with my boyfriend. Let's just say his idea of making out is moving his tongue like a lizard. FML I agree, your life sucks 34104 You deserved it 5067 154 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By kcd - United States Today, I saw a girl texting at school. I told her she might want to put her phone away before she got a detention. She turned around and I saw she was changing her insulin level on her pump. She has diabetes. FML I agree, your life sucks 13831 You deserved it 57088 78 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Arcam89 - United Kingdom - Edinburgh Today, I'm a car salesman. I got told to cold call a list of previous customers, but I recognised the names as I phoned them all last week; I told the manager this. He slammed his fist on my desk and told me to stop lying and do as I was told. I got told to "fuck off" 27 times. FML I agree, your life sucks 18522 You deserved it 1343 44 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Notsurewhattofeelaboutthis - Australia - Ashfield Today, I discovered that my ex-girlfriend writes erotic fiction describing all of my moves in intimate detail. The whole internet gets to critique my entire sexual repertoire. FML I agree, your life sucks 28830 You deserved it 3585 95 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By pissed - United States Today, my husband called me from the store, trying to decide whether or not to buy the new games console he's been wanting. I'd already purchased one and hid it, ready for Christmas Day. I couldn't talk him into not buying himself one. There goes a $500 surprise. FML I agree, your life sucks 48026 You deserved it 6983 161 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By whitefox123 - United States Today, I was riding in the backseat while my mom was driving. Noticing she was driving way over the speed limit, I opened a police siren app on my iPod to make her slow down. When she realized, she pulled over, kicked me out of the car and made me walk home. FML I agree, your life sucks 17488 You deserved it 45393 175 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Oh hello there Today, I accidentally left my Nintendo 3DS at the barbershop, so I rushed back to get it. The 60-year-old barber had destroyed it with a hammer, saying it was a weapon of the devil. I was gone 5 minutes. FML I agree, your life sucks 3998 You deserved it 587 24 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By waterbottlehit - United States Today, a private number called me telling me to "Beware the water bottles" as soon as a water bottle flew through my open window, hitting me. FML I agree, your life sucks 30305 You deserved it 3446 114 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By spiderbaby - United States - San Francisco Today, I opened a window that had been shut for a couple of months. As soon as I did, dozens of tiny baby spiders blew in with the breeze, and dispersed in my kitchen. FML I agree, your life sucks 26422 You deserved it 2508 94 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Los Angeles Today, I got a call from my son's kindergarten teacher. Apparently my son asked a girl to marry him. After she said no, he stabbed her with a fork. FML I agree, your life sucks 65638 You deserved it 6064 144 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Honolulu Today, I discovered that my daughter refuses to eat, but not because she's anorexic. Apparently, her health class has learned about the digestive system and now she refuses to "take part in something so gross." FML I agree, your life sucks 28843 You deserved it 2670 161 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Yuuucky - Canada Today, my boyfriend showed me a YouTube video of him popping a huge blackhead on his forehead. He told me he had been "growing" it for more than 2 years now. I have been caressing and kissing that thing for almost 2 years because I thought it was a beauty mark. FML I agree, your life sucks 36530 You deserved it 17066 206 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By VetTechStudent Today, I had to get a pre-exposure rabies vaccine for school. My boyfriend thinks I'll give him rabies and refuses to let me sleep in the same bed with him or initiate sex. I need two more shots over the next 3 weeks, which means sleeping on the couch for a month. FML I agree, your life sucks 2659 You deserved it 343 29 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I overheard my best friend's wife telling their kids to pay attention in school and stay focused on their goals so they don't end up a failure in life like their father's friend, Matt. Hi, my name is Matt and I'm the friend. FML I agree, your life sucks 32154 You deserved it 5240 60 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By BoomHeadshot - Australia Today, I was trying to sneak home from a party. Instead, I head-butted a glass door and woke my mother up. FML I agree, your life sucks 7597 You deserved it 32729 86 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Ouchmybum Today, whilst out on a walk with the dogs, I decided to explore a different part of the woods. Suddenly I felt a sharp pain in my bum. Then another. And another. I realised it was wasps and ran. I've been stung 11 times and have to go back tomorrow for the coat I dropped. FML I agree, your life sucks 2483 You deserved it 216 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By tessisue - Germany Today, I visited the hospital with my boyfriend to have an injury checked. When the doctor removed the band-aid, my boyfriend started screaming and passed out. I had to get him out of the room using a wheelchair. The "injury" is a cut in his finger. FML I agree, your life sucks 21765 You deserved it 2200 91 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, I came home from work and found my sister using my vibrator in my own bed. FML I agree, your life sucks 2608 You deserved it 202 11 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Fire_Princess16 Today, my boyfriend managed to convince me that Australia was called a penal colony because all the prisoners were men. FML I agree, your life sucks 1770 You deserved it 3025 16 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I learned that my mom's laptop was originally my Christmas gift. She opened it and decided she liked it so much she should have it. I got hot rollers. FML I agree, your life sucks 38666 You deserved it 2705 114 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Cantunsee Today, I found out just how close my boyfriend has been getting to our new neighbour's teenage son. I came home from work to find them on my bed and my "straight" boyfriend head down ass up. FML I agree, your life sucks 4956 You deserved it 401 31 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Yocherrypicker Today, I got my report card. My teacher gave me an F, and under class comments she gave me a U for unsatisfactory. So I got an F U from my teacher. FML I agree, your life sucks 13134 You deserved it 5915 38 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Brianna Michelle Ferrell Mixed signals Today, my boyfriend took me out to a fancy dinner. Halfway through, he said he wanted to break up. I started crying, but the whole restaurant thought he'd proposed, and started clapping. FML I agree, your life sucks 2051 You deserved it 136 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By buccaneer - United States - Piscataway Today, I was playing with my 2-year-old Siberian Husky, when she figured that since she couldn't get to my hand, she'd try to bite me in the genitals. She was successful. FML I agree, your life sucks 23792 You deserved it 3527 87 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United Kingdom Today, I walked in on my parents discussing how to kill our cat, and how to make it look like an accident. FML I agree, your life sucks 43645 You deserved it 3435 277 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I saw my crush at the grocery store. He saw me and started walking towards me. I got so excited that I farted when he came near. FML I agree, your life sucks 39290 You deserved it 10202 86 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By fuck your music - United States - Hesperia Doo doo doodoodoo doo doo Today, I finally got tired of my neighbors constantly blaring their obnoxious rap music all hours of the day and night. Trying to be funny, I put Baby Shark on a loop and turned my speakers all the way up. They called the cops on me. FML I agree, your life sucks 1777 You deserved it 521 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco Today, I had to use the bathroom really badly in a drug store. After I did a #2, just as I realized the handle on the toilet was broken, a knock came at the door. I tried fixing it for ten minutes, before slipping out the door, to come face to face with two employees coming to fix the toilet. FML I agree, your life sucks 28765 You deserved it 2743 75 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Hellohaileyexoh - United States Today, I went to get food, I was late so my friend ordered for me. I took a few bites and it was getting hard to breathe. I realized it's a bluebery muffin, I'm deathly allergic. I look to my friend, she was laughing saying she wanted to see if it was true. I just got out of the hospital. FML I agree, your life sucks 72960 You deserved it 5885 306 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By It'd be nice to see you too. - United States - Minneapolis Today, at my all-night senior party, I was talking to the blind girl who I haven't had classes with since 9th grade. I unthinkingly opened the conversation with "Nice to see you again." FML I agree, your life sucks 42438 You deserved it 9653 108 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By The Christmas Grinch - Canada Today, I woke up to my yard covered in snow, Christmas music playing loudly, and my noisy, obnoxious aunt and her three year old twin daughters playing and screaming. They're going to be living with us until after the winter holidays. It's only November 18th. FML I agree, your life sucks 28337 You deserved it 3871 126 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By can you read? - United States Today, I got a ticket for driving without insurance. I gave the cop my insurance information, but he said it was invalid because it didn't show an expiration date. When I pointed out the information he was looking for, he ignored me and gave me a ticket anyway. FML I agree, your life sucks 25916 You deserved it 1656 75 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By SleeplessInDenver - United States - Denver Hummmmmmmmm Today, I moved into my brand new apartment, only to discover that there is an annoying, constant hum coming from the ceiling above my bed. FML I agree, your life sucks 1486 You deserved it 123 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By lmao4eva93 - United States Today, I discovered my former boss from the job I quit 3 months is now my boss at my new job. He was the reason I quit my old job. FML I agree, your life sucks 48897 You deserved it 3437 64 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By JoannaG25 - Netherlands Today, I was told that in order to be considered for more jobs, I should remove my college degree from my resume. FML I agree, your life sucks 36553 You deserved it 3968 146 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 31/7/2020 02:03 Ouch Today, while brushing my teeth half asleep, I stabbed myself in the eye with my toothbrush, toothpaste included. FML I agree, your life sucks 1042 You deserved it 479 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By IssacB - United States Today, I came home after just 3 weeks of being away. It seems like my pool now has its own mini-ecosystem. FML I agree, your life sucks 23763 You deserved it 5459 51 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By artistswife | 19 #6427338 - Monday 5 October 2015 8:16 Its best to open one's mouth when vomiting. Send a private message 94 11 Reply
By iiTzNeeNerz | 26 #6427342 - Monday 5 October 2015 8:21 Well that snot cool. Send a private message 80 4 Reply
By gogo44444 | 28 #6427326 - Monday 5 October 2015 8:08 Does is still smell like a fresh summer breeze? Send a private message 6 19 Reply
By Makko | 20 #6427327 - Monday 5 October 2015 8:10 Ouch! I hope it didn't hurt too much! Send a private message 4 13 Reply
By Lalala579121 | 27 #6427329 - Monday 5 October 2015 8:10 Try not to have a cow. Send a private message 4 13 Reply
Reply twister45 | 17 #6427353 - Monday 5 October 2015 8:32 You're forcing it let it come naturally. Send a private message 14 2 Reply
By Anubis95_fml | 10 #6427331 - Monday 5 October 2015 8:10 that's something i needed to see while eating. Send a private message 1 10 Reply
By americanafrican | 32 #6427334 - Monday 5 October 2015 8:13 i bet everything smells wonderful now! Send a private message 5 1 Reply
By grajax | 24 #6427337 - Monday 5 October 2015 8:16 How can people vote ydi on this? OP just puked, it's not their fault. Send a private message 22 4 Reply
Reply twister45 | 17 #6427352 - Monday 5 October 2015 8:31 What if it was self induced? Send a private message 2 38 Reply
Reply Misswildsides | 22 #6427397 - Monday 5 October 2015 9:53 11, that comment is unnecessary, 7, I think people put that because they think OP closed their mouth while vomiting. I don't see any other reason as to how that situation could have happened. Send a private message 13 5 Reply
Reply allforfun | 23 #6427598 - Monday 5 October 2015 17:37 Because people are idiots Send a private message 7 1 Reply
Reply Livelife121 | 30 #6428008 - Tuesday 6 October 2015 5:11 #7: Sometimes I accidentally press YDI on FMLs when I'm on mobile. Send a private message 18 3 Reply
Reply steam_engenius | 21 #6428033 - Tuesday 6 October 2015 5:53 I didn't close my mouth while vomiting...The ground beef just kinda made it up there somehow. Send a private message 34 2 Reply
By artistswife | 19 #6427338 - Monday 5 October 2015 8:16 Its best to open one's mouth when vomiting. Send a private message 94 11 Reply
Reply False_Stupidity | 41 #6427697 - Monday 5 October 2015 20:06 Even with an open mouth it can still come out your nose. Have you never experienced this? Send a private message 21 1 Reply
Reply KayDee29 | 31 #6427747 - Monday 5 October 2015 21:33 #30 didn't catch the sarcasm. Send a private message 1 21 Reply
By iiTzNeeNerz | 26 #6427342 - Monday 5 October 2015 8:21 Well that snot cool. Send a private message 80 4 Reply
Reply starglow13 | 10 #6427966 - Tuesday 6 October 2015 3:40 overused Send a private message 1 12 Reply
By Anthonymm2 | 20 #6427343 - Monday 5 October 2015 8:22 Checkmate atheists Send a private message 1 28 Reply
Reply twister45 | 17 #6427355 - Monday 5 October 2015 8:33 Checkmate your face! Send a private message 2 15 Reply
Reply timaeusTestified | 15 #6427421 - Monday 5 October 2015 11:21 How does that have to do with the FML at all? Send a private message 14 1 Reply
Reply Anthonymm2 | 20 #6427551 - Monday 5 October 2015 15:37 I was referencing a picture but it was kinda a bad reference. Sorry Dirk Send a private message 0 13 Reply
Reply False_Stupidity | 41 #6427698 - Monday 5 October 2015 20:08 I'd say blowing her nose might work. Send a private message 1 4 Reply
Today, I started to cry while masturbating. This isn't the first time that this has happened. FML I agree, your life sucks 108 You deserved it 42 3 Comments
Today, I woke up with a sore clitoris. I haven't had sex with my boyfriend for weeks, but I did masturbate yesterday. I guess I can't get horny without... I agree, your life sucks 332 You deserved it 69 4 Comments