Today, I went out with a guy I really liked for the first time. He tried to hold my hands, only to be stopped by my mum, jumping out from nowhere saying "Oh no you don't!" before slapping him. This isn't the first time this has happened. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went on a first date with a guy I really like. He brought up that there was a person staring at us from a nearby table. That person was my mom. FML
Today, my first time meeting my girlfriend's dad ended with him chasing me from his house and trying to hit me with a baseball bat. FML
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house and we were just about to kiss. Until his mum walked in saying his girlfriend was at the door. I thought I was already there. FML
Today, I was in the shops and the lights all of a sudden went out. I got really scared for no reason because it was pitch black and grabbed onto my mum's hand. When the light's got turned on I was holding on to a random guy's hand. FML
Today, I went on a first date with a guy I met online. We hit it off, and he invited me back to his place. As soon as we got there, his mother came out of nowhere and started interrogating me about "my intentions." FML
Today, I took a girl I like to the movies. Everything went great until I went in to kiss her. She didn't object, but my mother, who apparently followed me to the theater and was now pulling me away by my shirt while saying, "We're leaving!" certainly did. FML
Today, whilst on a date I recieved my sixth missed call from my mother. I excused myself and went outside and called her, she and my father wanted to know why I was having dinner and holding hands with another man. It turns out they were also on a date. At the same place. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's mom for the first time. I introduced myself and went to shake her hand. She looked me up and down and said, "I don't shake hands with whores." FML
Today, a guy grabbed my ass at the mall. I whirled around and went to sock him. He ducked and I accidentally hit the elderly woman standing behind him in the face. To say all hell broke loose would be an understatement. FML
Today, my girlfriend invited me over for the first time. I pulled up to her house just to be denied at the front door by her mum. She'd invited me over to break up with me, but had her mum do it for her. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Calivale 7
Aww your mom loves you, to the extent of ruining your social life.
niamah 11
Mom is lonely. Tell dad to start taking her out again
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (247)
FarSide 23
Awkward.
twinny_sc 13
Tell her "Bitch be cool!"
LadyLexi 0
Or tell her to go **** Dad to take the stress away ;)
DrumMajor 5
Hey now, unprotected hand holding may lead to pregnancy. Everyone knows that.
GraveRobber14 13
When my mom caught me holding hands she actually tried to convince me of this.
BeastMode5 0
My math teacher had a picture of this. In stick figure form!. Male + Female = A couple A couple + The holding of hands = Baby Oh I love math.(;
DDbaconcrazy 1
Of course, who doesn't kno that?!
Yarrachel 16
No glove, no love!
ShroomsOnAcid 17
It's much easier to instill this in the minds of young children than to actually try to educate them about sex. We're taking too many such shortcuts, and starting to see the painful payoff.
ronton 4
Holding hands leads to kissing. Kissing leads to sex. Sex leads to babies. HELLO!
LadyLexi 0
Kissing doesn't always lead to sex, dumbass. Neither does holding hands lead to kissing.
fatraptorjesus13 9
yes because everybody is like your dad and fail at pulling out...*smug face*
Enslaved 38
27, is correct. I often have sex without kissing! And btw try to appreciate 21's joke. It was funny! (: And.... It doesn't /always/ lead but it can. :P
ShroomsOnAcid 17
It's the gateway physical contact.
DjeePee 25
Your mom has some serious issues. Try to talk it out, before she jumps between you two in the bed shouting 'Oh NO, you don't!!'
xoxo_cherri_xoxo 6
As though they'd ever make it that far...
ZeroIce 12
Your mom cares for you! Go somewhere else for your dates...
Lenho 26
I guess mom is gonna follow OP anywhere. She did that this time, and seems she also did the times before this one. No salvation for OP.
Wheredidgrungego 12
Psycho parents. You're lucky she didn't threaten to call the cops! My mum has done that before -_-
perdix 31
That sucks if you're 35. Your biological clock is ticking and your mom won't be a grandma if she keeps ******* up things for you.
syfool 4
WTF ?
McMike10 1
She's acting like a condom..
LadyLexi 0
Exactly what I was thinking.
ShroomsOnAcid 17
Why pay for condoms at 6 bucks for 3, when you can use a Momdom for totally free?
Lenho 26
But totally awkward. I'd rather spend $6.