Today, I went for a jog. I was 5 km away from home when I had a sudden urge to poop. I didn't want to use the bushes, so I thought I could hold it in. I was wrong. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went on a hike. About two miles into the five mile trail, my stomach started to bubble and I realized there were no bathrooms nearby. My only options were to literally shit my pants or shit in a bush. Well, I shit in the bush and had no tissue to wipe. I hate having stomach issues. FML
Today, I went on a walk with my family because I'm trying to be more active. We were near my son's school when I got a grumbling in my stomach. I rushed to find a place to take a dump. As I approached a Porta-Potty, my ass couldn't hold it any longer and I shit myself 20 feet away from the toilet. FML
Today, while out jogging, I was suddenly hit with unbelievable gastric distress. I wasn't wearing brown pants when I set out on that jog, but I sure was when I made it back home. FML
Today, I was hit with a sudden urge to shit. I knew it was going to be a bad one, so I ran out of the meeting. I made it to the toilet in time, but I forgot to lift the lid. FML
Today, I was outside when I was suddenly overcome by an intense need to shit. The back door was locked, so I tried to run to the front, but couldn't make it. As I squatted in the bushes, my girlfriend came home unexpectedly. She screamed and called me a sick, disgusting freak. FML
Today, at my boyfriend's brother's house, I desperately needed to poop. After finishing my business, I realized the toilet wouldn't flush. I had to pull my poop out, wrap it in TP and make an excuse to go outside to throw it in a bush. The neighbor was watching. FML
Today, I thought I was going to shit myself at work. I speed-walked all the way to the bathroom clenching for dear life. Barely got my pants down while simultaneously sitting and unleashing. After all that, it was just a gigantic fart. FML
Today, I had a rumble in my tummy whilst picking up groceries. I tried to let out a little poot, but ended up shitting in my pants. I had to leave without the groceries. FML
Today, I was rushing to walk home because my stomach was upset. I dodged multiple people, getting closer and closer, got my front door open, got up my stairs, and then lost control of my bowels on the top step. FML
Today, I was walking my dog when he stopped in the middle of the street and took a dump. I looked around furtively but saw nobody, so I just kept walking. I stepped in it on the way back home. FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
So you had the runs?
DocBastard 40
Mrs. Bastard is very happy about is. Miss Bastard is only 5, so she only appreciates it when I play the piano.
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Comments (111)
MsConfusedd 27
shit just got real
Pandacupcakelove 26
That "shit-joke"(?) was actually not that bad. Hats off to you.
emeraldisle 30
When you gotta go you gotta go.
irokyoursox 6
Made me think of chocolate rain
Pandacupcakelove 26
Some stay dry and others feel the pain
airforce987 20
*moves face away from the mic*
gracehi 33
Must resist--the urge--too great--can't fight it-- GAH!--SOUNDS LIKE A SHITTY SITUATION!!! *gets punched in face*
graffitied_love 20
Whats with the gets punched in the face? Did I miss something?
retyi43 14
shitty situation.. cliche as ****
gracehi 33
I got punched in the face for using that cliche of a joke...punched 11 times.
mikeymayhem_87 15
When you're going for a jog...and you feel a soggy log.... Diarrhea... Diarrhea...
gracehi 33
"When you're sliding into first and you're feeling something burst diarrhea...diarrhea When you're sliding into third and you lay a great big turd diarrhea...diarrhea When you're siding into home and your pants are full of foam diarrhea...diarrhea" "Where did you learn that song, son?" "Baseball camp." "Ah. Well that was money well spent."
99megster 15
Oh god... That would be an extremely uncomfortable run home. Let's hope you had a cell phone on you so that you could call someone to pick you up O.o
mikeymayhem_87 15
I don't want anybody with poopy pants to sit in my car, especially since it is a fairly new car! >_>
99megster 15
Hahaha, true. I guess they could put a towel on the seat?
the_anti_hipster 7
Yep, would you want to make that call? "Yeah, um..can you come pick me up? Bring febreeze, some towels, and a change of clothes. Don't ask questions...and you might want to keep the windows open."
99megster 15
Well I would rather make an awkward phone call than run 5km with shit in my pants
music_woman1 11
If unsure about keeping it in, and in desperation.. ALWAYS USE THE BUSHES.. It's not as embarrassing as pooping yourself in front of people
olpally 33
Reminds me of the family guy episode where every time Peter hears a certain joke, he laughs and poops his pants at the same time. lol, at least the bushes would have provided some privacy op.
tomhofer 14
and then he wears quagmire's pants lol
perdix 31
Sounds like a... *lowers sunglasses* ...line, please?!?!
olpally 33
No line for you!! *punches perdix in the face* don't worry, I saved the world just now...
the_anti_hipster 7
Perdix, I believe the line you were looking for is punishable by a punch in the nads from everyone here. So pucker up or change your mind ;)
DontModMeDammit 10
I read "no line for you" as if it was "No soup for you!"
olpally 33
44- that's what I was going for... good job! *gives you a cookie*
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Sounds like... *lowers sunglasses* Somebody's blasting music outside my apartment again. SHUT UUUUUPP! *this parody of an overused meme was brought to you by SqueakyChipmunk and the letter 4.* :D
LLZNH 1
"4" is my favorite letter ;)
SqueakyChipmunk 22
I know, right? I'm personally a fan of the letter 'Zoidberg'.
cailerxoxo71 5
Ew that's disgusting