Today, I went for a jog. I was 5 km away from home when I had a sudden urge to poop. I didn't want to use the bushes, so I thought I could hold it in. I was wrong. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I went on a hike. About two miles into the five mile trail, my stomach started to bubble and I realized there were no bathrooms nearby. My only options were to literally shit my pants or shit in a bush. Well, I shit in the bush and had no tissue to wipe. I hate having stomach issues. FML
Today, I went on a walk with my family because I'm trying to be more active. We were near my son's school when I got a grumbling in my stomach. I rushed to find a place to take a dump. As I approached a Porta-Potty, my ass couldn't hold it any longer and I shit myself 20 feet away from the toilet. FML
Today, while out jogging, I was suddenly hit with unbelievable gastric distress. I wasn't wearing brown pants when I set out on that jog, but I sure was when I made it back home. FML
Today, I was hit with a sudden urge to shit. I knew it was going to be a bad one, so I ran out of the meeting. I made it to the toilet in time, but I forgot to lift the lid. FML
Today, I was outside when I was suddenly overcome by an intense need to shit. The back door was locked, so I tried to run to the front, but couldn't make it. As I squatted in the bushes, my girlfriend came home unexpectedly. She screamed and called me a sick, disgusting freak. FML
Today, at my boyfriend's brother's house, I desperately needed to poop. After finishing my business, I realized the toilet wouldn't flush. I had to pull my poop out, wrap it in TP and make an excuse to go outside to throw it in a bush. The neighbor was watching. FML
Today, I thought I was going to shit myself at work. I speed-walked all the way to the bathroom clenching for dear life. Barely got my pants down while simultaneously sitting and unleashing. After all that, it was just a gigantic fart. FML
Today, I had a rumble in my tummy whilst picking up groceries. I tried to let out a little poot, but ended up shitting in my pants. I had to leave without the groceries. FML
Today, I was rushing to walk home because my stomach was upset. I dodged multiple people, getting closer and closer, got my front door open, got up my stairs, and then lost control of my bowels on the top step. FML
Today, I was walking my dog when he stopped in the middle of the street and took a dump. I looked around furtively but saw nobody, so I just kept walking. I stepped in it on the way back home. FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
So you had the runs?
DocBastard 40
Mrs. Bastard is very happy about is. Miss Bastard is only 5, so she only appreciates it when I play the piano.
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Comments (111)
Spencer2597 10
That's a shitty situation indeed.
phatdaddy62 23
Ka-Bam!! I just gave you an epic shot to the crotch! You're welcome fellow FML'ers.
MakeTodayADTR 20
Should have pulled a page from Borat's book and went in the bushes.
Herculesninja27 5
Lmfao well there's your fire works for the 4th of july
ryguy83 2
Done that before
morgiepuff 14
What's with all the repeat FMLs lately? This is the third one I've seen that's been posted before. OP, always go for the bushes.
jordanlite 16
You're a runner yet didn't know that running makes you poop? Ydi.
megamandude455 10
Happened to me last summer in a class I was taking. I made it though. >:D
trucker67 10
I'm a runner and I always bring a little TP with me , I've had those emergencies and was glad I came prepared .
Brilliant66star 17
I guess you've discovered your ilio-psoas muscles, which contract with each bound & every step, massaging your colon as you go. Ever notice how some older people like to take a walk after supper, like clockwork? That's because... they've discovered their ilio-psoas muscles, which contract with each bound & every step, massaging their colon as they go. Hey, now you know...
ashtay01 5
I feel like a genius! ;). Thx!
Sbrie 0
Happens to the best of us... Its runners Murphy's law