Today, I went for a jog. I was 5 km away from home when I had a sudden urge to poop. I didn't want to use the bushes, so I thought I could hold it in. I was wrong. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went on a hike. About two miles into the five mile trail, my stomach started to bubble and I realized there were no bathrooms nearby. My only options were to literally shit my pants or shit in a bush. Well, I shit in the bush and had no tissue to wipe. I hate having stomach issues. FML
Today, I went on a walk with my family because I'm trying to be more active. We were near my son's school when I got a grumbling in my stomach. I rushed to find a place to take a dump. As I approached a Porta-Potty, my ass couldn't hold it any longer and I shit myself 20 feet away from the toilet. FML
Today, while out jogging, I was suddenly hit with unbelievable gastric distress. I wasn't wearing brown pants when I set out on that jog, but I sure was when I made it back home. FML
Today, I was hit with a sudden urge to shit. I knew it was going to be a bad one, so I ran out of the meeting. I made it to the toilet in time, but I forgot to lift the lid. FML
Today, I was outside when I was suddenly overcome by an intense need to shit. The back door was locked, so I tried to run to the front, but couldn't make it. As I squatted in the bushes, my girlfriend came home unexpectedly. She screamed and called me a sick, disgusting freak. FML
Today, at my boyfriend's brother's house, I desperately needed to poop. After finishing my business, I realized the toilet wouldn't flush. I had to pull my poop out, wrap it in TP and make an excuse to go outside to throw it in a bush. The neighbor was watching. FML
Today, I thought I was going to shit myself at work. I speed-walked all the way to the bathroom clenching for dear life. Barely got my pants down while simultaneously sitting and unleashing. After all that, it was just a gigantic fart. FML
Today, I had a rumble in my tummy whilst picking up groceries. I tried to let out a little poot, but ended up shitting in my pants. I had to leave without the groceries. FML
Today, I was rushing to walk home because my stomach was upset. I dodged multiple people, getting closer and closer, got my front door open, got up my stairs, and then lost control of my bowels on the top step. FML
Today, I was walking my dog when he stopped in the middle of the street and took a dump. I looked around furtively but saw nobody, so I just kept walking. I stepped in it on the way back home. FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
So you had the runs?
DocBastard 40
Mrs. Bastard is very happy about is. Miss Bastard is only 5, so she only appreciates it when I play the piano.
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Comments (111)
tiberius1 1
same thing happened to me recently. i had to waddle a half mile home, but i made it.
puuhhtricia 4
Ohhh POO
Icyghost17 10
The same thing happened to me once...not the crapping myself part, but needing to go while running. Its painful as hell, and hard to guard against because running speeds up your metabolism. It can come out of nowhere. If it happens again, stop and walk. You get home slower, but by walking it's easier to keep things under control and it's a hell of a lot less painful.
phatdaddy62 23
I like that - Poop coming out of nowhere! That's a shocking and frightening thought . . .
Icyghost17 10
I meant the need to go. One minute you don't need to go, and the next your in agony.
taylorandrew 0
Why..? Why tell us this..? Disgusting hoes -.-
cassrash1 4
Runner probz
A_Hernandez90 2
oh so that was u who I saw just standing around with a weird look on ur face?? haha
coderedninja 6
hope you didn't wear... white shorts?
GrahamWilliams 0
Hopefully know one saw.
cnorris31 2
I think he had the runs
OfficeNinja 5
See? Jogging DOES lead to weight loss! Sometimes that weight loss is instantly seen!