Today, I was working as a paramedic when my patient's colostomy bag exploded all over me. I was covered in fecal matter, with 5 hours left on my shift. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while working at the hospital, I had a patient with a blocked bowel. It was so bad, feces were entering into her stomach. While leaning down to talk with her, she threw up. I was both vomited and defecated on at the same time. FML
Today, my ambulance got called out for a "stomach pain" patient. Upon assessment, the guy really did have stomach pain. His colostomy bag fell off a week ago, so to stop the crap from falling out, he duct taped it shut. It exploded when I helped him up. FML
Today, a colostomy bag exploded on me while I was waiting in line at the pharmacy. Yesterday, my shoes were peed on by a child while I was at work. FML
Today, working as an EMT on an ambulance, we had a patient who refused to accept that he had a massive GI bleed, despite the fact that bloody stool was flowing from his anus all over my ambulance. To make things worse, my EMT ride-along student puked all over the patient. FML
Today, I was dealing with a psychiatric patient with a colonostomy bag. She got agitated and ripped the bag from her abdomen and threw it at my face. I got a bag filled with poop thrown at my face. FML
Today, I got projectile-vomited on while trying to administer meds to a patient. Twenty minutes later, a patient with schizophrenia threw his shitty diaper at my face. All this happened in the first hour of my 12-hour shift. I didn't bring any extra scrubs and I live an hour away from work. FML
Today, I'm in the hospital getting prepped for a colonoscopy. Accidents happen, but the worst was right after the janitor finished cleaning the aftermath of the LAST accident. FML
Today, I had to shit worse than I thought possible at work. I left my desk and hurried towards the bathroom, dropping trou as soon as the door closed. I then tripped over my pant leg, hit my head on the toilet, and came to some minutes later with my ass spewing diarrhea like a volcano. FML
Today, at work where I'm a physiotherapist, I was helping a patient with lower back pain. While I was massaging him, he shat himself. FML
Today, I once again had to clean up a shower and bathroom covered in feces, because of client with incontinence. It smelt so bad that I couldn’t hide my reaction; the client saw my face and I could see the embarrassment on theirs. I spent the rest of the day feeling like an asshole. FML
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Top comments
snakerake 10
Wouldn't you have to clean it off? It could easily contaminate other things or people causing health risks.
harrystylesfan69 5
having fecal matter all over you is pretty disgusting ....regardless the job
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Comments (189)
at_1sexymofo 3
Reminds me of the bleach commercials, for life's bleachable moments lol
linkinpark98 24
I don't even think bleach could fix that mess.
MetalxSoldier 26
Wow, that sucks. I'm sorry man. Ill probably get thumbed down but hey, at least you have a job. I know it's hard sometimes but you gotta stick through it. (:
vocaloidtiger 12
Wouldn't they make you clean up or something? I mean that's technically dangerous to the patients.. Usually doctors work using hand sanitzer every chance they get, not covered in waste
yeahisaidit77 1
When I was a professional EMT in NY before I broke my back on the job I saw and experienced more shit than that and you take it as part of the job, And im young too, worked from 18-21. I even once saw a patient eating their own shit off the pillow they were sitting on... True story
br0ccoli 15
Seriously?!?! U sure it wasn't chocolate? One man, one pillow trumps two girls one cup
GoW_Chick 15
You know some stories just shouldn't be told, ever, like never ever, especially when the person who's reading it just took a bite of food. -.-
ihasbrains 10
This reminds me of that one House episode where poop came out of the lady's mouth. Is it wrong that I laughed out loud when I read that a patient ate their own shit?
boomhauer18 3
No thats pretty funny
yeahisaidit77 1
Haha sorry guys, but I got much funnier stories than that, alotta crazy times on the ambulance, like doing rock paper scissors with my partner to see who would treat an old womans prolapsed uterus... I lost :/ lmfao, or walking into the projects, waiting for an elevator with the stretcher, 2 cops, and 3 other techs, and when the elevator doors open there a homeless dude (looks like Tyrone Biggums from chapelle show) sitting on a bucket taking a shit, holding a newspaper upside down, and when he looked at us he said in a calm voice "do you mind? I'm in da baffroom!" and hit the door close button, I didn't stop laughing till the call after that one haha, or the story of chicken ******... There's alotta good memories made in EMS, the original poster needs to look at the silver lining and take the bad with the good, at the end of the day it is rewarding helping people... Even if the Money sucks haha
kayleigh_fail 0
SOMEBODY BRING THE HOSE
DrMime 10
Okay. Oops, sorry wrong hoes. Yea, I thought Laqueefa was a weird brand name.
CryMoreFMLs 15
Did you really have to use the word "queef" in that name :X Some people like to eat breakfast while FMLing.
kayleigh_fail 0
ahhh.. I made no mention of a queef....
Jewnut 0
One of the only jobs where getting shit on doesnt warrant a day off
VampObsessed 16
My boyfriend had a colostomy bag after he had a total colectomy. Do you know how many times is burst in bed or the car? It's not a big deal. How do you think your patient feels? Embarrassed. Clean it up, reassure them, and move on.
rconto26 2
No shit. We act professional the bitch about it later.
GoW_Chick 15
Well it could have been worse... Wait no it couldn't, you just have shit luck my friend.
GoW_Chick 15
*have Damn my stupid tired self and my inability to spell!
DontClickOnMe 28
I thought of a way it could be worse! He could've had his mouth open. Yeah, that would be worse, but good thing it didn't happen. :)
l0v3p4in 7
Yeah. . . Unfortunately, that happened to me. Luckily, it was urine (not feces) yet my patient had active MRSA at the time . . . Yuck! --.--
cariana 6
This is a violation of HIPPA..
doink 0
Right, because he mentioned personal information about the patient, such as the patient's name and the city/state in which this occurred. Oh wait! No... no, he didn't. And by the way, it's HIPAA. HIPPA sounds like a female hippo.
DrMime 10
How about 'Hippette'? Or the voluptuous 'Hippadona'?? Mmm? Mmmm??
perdix 31
I'd like to violate Hippa -- she's so much hotter than her sister, Kate.
immaMonsta 8
#29 Do you even know the terms and conditions of HIPAA...?
redneckEMT21 2
No it's not, stupid
DocBastard 40
I love how people accuse me of violating HIPAA when I mention anything about a patient. I constantly have to remind them that HIPAA is an American invention.
NateSkye 3
Shit happens..