Today, I was working as a paramedic when my patient's colostomy bag exploded all over me. I was covered in fecal matter, with 5 hours left on my shift. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, while working at the hospital, I had a patient with a blocked bowel. It was so bad, feces were entering into her stomach. While leaning down to talk with her, she threw up. I was both vomited and defecated on at the same time. FML
Today, my ambulance got called out for a "stomach pain" patient. Upon assessment, the guy really did have stomach pain. His colostomy bag fell off a week ago, so to stop the crap from falling out, he duct taped it shut. It exploded when I helped him up. FML
Today, a colostomy bag exploded on me while I was waiting in line at the pharmacy. Yesterday, my shoes were peed on by a child while I was at work. FML
Today, working as an EMT on an ambulance, we had a patient who refused to accept that he had a massive GI bleed, despite the fact that bloody stool was flowing from his anus all over my ambulance. To make things worse, my EMT ride-along student puked all over the patient. FML
Today, I was dealing with a psychiatric patient with a colonostomy bag. She got agitated and ripped the bag from her abdomen and threw it at my face. I got a bag filled with poop thrown at my face. FML
Today, I got projectile-vomited on while trying to administer meds to a patient. Twenty minutes later, a patient with schizophrenia threw his shitty diaper at my face. All this happened in the first hour of my 12-hour shift. I didn't bring any extra scrubs and I live an hour away from work. FML
Today, I'm in the hospital getting prepped for a colonoscopy. Accidents happen, but the worst was right after the janitor finished cleaning the aftermath of the LAST accident. FML
Today, I had to shit worse than I thought possible at work. I left my desk and hurried towards the bathroom, dropping trou as soon as the door closed. I then tripped over my pant leg, hit my head on the toilet, and came to some minutes later with my ass spewing diarrhea like a volcano. FML
Today, at work where I'm a physiotherapist, I was helping a patient with lower back pain. While I was massaging him, he shat himself. FML
Today, I once again had to clean up a shower and bathroom covered in feces, because of client with incontinence. It smelt so bad that I couldn’t hide my reaction; the client saw my face and I could see the embarrassment on theirs. I spent the rest of the day feeling like an asshole. FML
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Top comments
snakerake 10
Wouldn't you have to clean it off? It could easily contaminate other things or people causing health risks.
harrystylesfan69 5
having fecal matter all over you is pretty disgusting ....regardless the job
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Comments (189)
bubo_fml 11
Hey, if I got serious $ for handling hazardous waste, I'd stand in front of a doo-spraying machine while wearing white OR scrubs any day if the week...I'll just be sure to hit the shower before depositing the check...
hateevryone 15
lol ewww sucks to be you
MigraineurOfLife 15
How in the hell anyone could Say you deserved that is beyond me!?! What actually comes out of your A** pails in comparison to what comes out of that bag! The smell isn't even close! I agree --- FYL OP! :(
AzWolf 5
Shit!
abbys_rotten 0
That sucks. I had a shift like that. My pt was a 400 lb vent pt that we had to carry up a narrow stair case on a soft stretcher. She freaked and grabbed the stair rail, knocked 6 of us down, ripped out her cath spraying us with pee. We went to pick her up and she was covered in shit...we all were!
Duderonics 2
Now thats a freakin Kodak moment
l0v3p4in 7
Smile and say, "Fecal matter!"
madlaprade 8
If you were in Grey's Anatomy you could make yourself feel better by having sex with Dr. Mcsexy
SoultheWolf 19
Any paramedic (wether sent from the hospital or a fire department) will ALWAYS have showers and a dressing room, and even extra clothes. You could've gone back to headquaters between calls to get cleaned up. It still sucks and that is completely disgusting, but you wouldn't have to stay taht way for five hours unless you were extremely stupid or your employers were assholes and didn't let you get cleaned up. But I highly doubt that is the case, because even your partners wouldn't want to be around you and you couldn't risk getting any other patients infected with the bacteria from the crap.
Lizzy500 16
I keep a change of clothes at work too, but when the shit soaks through to your underwear, you can change your scrubs but it ain't gonna help.
l0v3p4in 7
OP, I hope you were able to grab a pair of scrubs from the hospital you stopped at or hope ya'll have a stash of them somewhere . . . Otherwise, FYL if you have to work in that shit - literally for the next 5 hours.