Today, I was working as a paramedic when my patient's colostomy bag exploded all over me. I was covered in fecal matter, with 5 hours left on my shift. FML
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Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, while working at the hospital, I had a patient with a blocked bowel. It was so bad, feces were entering into her stomach. While leaning down to talk with her, she threw up. I was both vomited and defecated on at the same time. FML
Today, my ambulance got called out for a "stomach pain" patient. Upon assessment, the guy really did have stomach pain. His colostomy bag fell off a week ago, so to stop the crap from falling out, he duct taped it shut. It exploded when I helped him up. FML
Today, a colostomy bag exploded on me while I was waiting in line at the pharmacy. Yesterday, my shoes were peed on by a child while I was at work. FML
Today, working as an EMT on an ambulance, we had a patient who refused to accept that he had a massive GI bleed, despite the fact that bloody stool was flowing from his anus all over my ambulance. To make things worse, my EMT ride-along student puked all over the patient. FML
Today, I was dealing with a psychiatric patient with a colonostomy bag. She got agitated and ripped the bag from her abdomen and threw it at my face. I got a bag filled with poop thrown at my face. FML
Today, I got projectile-vomited on while trying to administer meds to a patient. Twenty minutes later, a patient with schizophrenia threw his shitty diaper at my face. All this happened in the first hour of my 12-hour shift. I didn't bring any extra scrubs and I live an hour away from work. FML
Today, I'm in the hospital getting prepped for a colonoscopy. Accidents happen, but the worst was right after the janitor finished cleaning the aftermath of the LAST accident. FML
Today, I had to shit worse than I thought possible at work. I left my desk and hurried towards the bathroom, dropping trou as soon as the door closed. I then tripped over my pant leg, hit my head on the toilet, and came to some minutes later with my ass spewing diarrhea like a volcano. FML
Today, at work where I'm a physiotherapist, I was helping a patient with lower back pain. While I was massaging him, he shat himself. FML
Today, I once again had to clean up a shower and bathroom covered in feces, because of client with incontinence. It smelt so bad that I couldn’t hide my reaction; the client saw my face and I could see the embarrassment on theirs. I spent the rest of the day feeling like an asshole. FML
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Top comments
snakerake 10
Wouldn't you have to clean it off? It could easily contaminate other things or people causing health risks.
harrystylesfan69 5
having fecal matter all over you is pretty disgusting ....regardless the job
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Comments (189)
Anfernee12 0
Shit happens
terrask 11
I call bullshit. OP implies he'll stay in the soiled uniform until shift end... I'm a paramedic and being contaminated like that with bodily fluids would put me ''out-of-service'' by law until I shower and change clothes. Not doing so, I would endanger myself and future patients with contamination, which is basically enough to be accused of criminal neglect. Anyway, that's how we do it up here in Canada.
2cute4u_18 1
Yummmmm
snafu63 0
I can't imagine they wouldn't allow you to get cleaned up.
SILVERSTAR_6 17
Holy shit..literally yer life does suck..sorry it happened to ya :/
Grand_Cookie 21
I was going to make a poop joke, but this just sucks too much. Sorry dude.
chelseakatelyn 0
Been there. Medical field is shitty sometimes. Every pun possible intended.
MikeMorin18 4
Thats why I have 2 spare sets of uniforms at the bay.
Sanch101 7
Wouldn't it be incredibly unhygenic and also dangerous to allow you to carry on with a paramedic shift if covered in fecal matter? Surely they would not allow this as the likelihood of infection if having to attend an open wound incident would be massive and this would open you employer up to a massive lawsuit.
rubyliu8420 7
U would not be allowed to keep working covered in shit.