Today, I was working as a paramedic when my patient's colostomy bag exploded all over me. I was covered in fecal matter, with 5 hours left on my shift. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while working at the hospital, I had a patient with a blocked bowel. It was so bad, feces were entering into her stomach. While leaning down to talk with her, she threw up. I was both vomited and defecated on at the same time. FML
Today, my ambulance got called out for a "stomach pain" patient. Upon assessment, the guy really did have stomach pain. His colostomy bag fell off a week ago, so to stop the crap from falling out, he duct taped it shut. It exploded when I helped him up. FML
Today, a colostomy bag exploded on me while I was waiting in line at the pharmacy. Yesterday, my shoes were peed on by a child while I was at work. FML
Today, working as an EMT on an ambulance, we had a patient who refused to accept that he had a massive GI bleed, despite the fact that bloody stool was flowing from his anus all over my ambulance. To make things worse, my EMT ride-along student puked all over the patient. FML
Today, I was dealing with a psychiatric patient with a colonostomy bag. She got agitated and ripped the bag from her abdomen and threw it at my face. I got a bag filled with poop thrown at my face. FML
Today, I got projectile-vomited on while trying to administer meds to a patient. Twenty minutes later, a patient with schizophrenia threw his shitty diaper at my face. All this happened in the first hour of my 12-hour shift. I didn't bring any extra scrubs and I live an hour away from work. FML
Today, I'm in the hospital getting prepped for a colonoscopy. Accidents happen, but the worst was right after the janitor finished cleaning the aftermath of the LAST accident. FML
Today, I had to shit worse than I thought possible at work. I left my desk and hurried towards the bathroom, dropping trou as soon as the door closed. I then tripped over my pant leg, hit my head on the toilet, and came to some minutes later with my ass spewing diarrhea like a volcano. FML
Today, at work where I'm a physiotherapist, I was helping a patient with lower back pain. While I was massaging him, he shat himself. FML
Today, I once again had to clean up a shower and bathroom covered in feces, because of client with incontinence. It smelt so bad that I couldn’t hide my reaction; the client saw my face and I could see the embarrassment on theirs. I spent the rest of the day feeling like an asshole. FML
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Top comments
snakerake 10
Wouldn't you have to clean it off? It could easily contaminate other things or people causing health risks.
harrystylesfan69 5
having fecal matter all over you is pretty disgusting ....regardless the job
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Comments (189)
linkinpark98 24
*Cleveland's voice* That's naaaaasty.
hello_therrrreee 5
sorry op :( thats shitty.....
KaR1sma 6
Talk about your average day turning to shit.
kemando 22
Dont you mean 5 hours left on your "shit"?
TinyEMT 6
Nope....I think he means "shift."
kemando 22
/sarcasm
IStoleTheCookies 16
^ *Failure of being funny.
swedeNix 13
Thats why i keep My music in My laptop:)
GoW_Chick 15
Yeah, because keeping your music in your Colostomy bag isn't such a good idea..
sugaryspice 5
Good to know...
aligiorav 11
Oh thats cool...wait, what?
perdix 31
#54, yeah, butt if Apple made a colostomy bag, it would be as cool as shit. People would start to get colostomies for ***** and giggles.
pdp_fml 21
Wow, FYL Op. I suppose you had to take a shower and get into some new scrubs. Thanks for doing your job.
astralvagan 20
That's the shitty part of your job
RedMosquito 4
He would be forced to shower and change into clean clothes or scrubs. They could not allow him to treat people covered in fecal matter. The risk would be too great.
jwally726 0
That's what we train for. That's why I always have a change of uniform available
elpopsw 0
I don't understand the people who clicked that you deserves this? This persons a paramedic! He saves lives :)
StreetReaper 9
We save people from their own stupidity. The majority of the time if we snatch one back from the clutches of death, we bring back a head of cabbage. However, that head of cabbage has insurance we can continue to bill.
elpopsw 0
Wow that's negative!
StreetReaper 9
99% of the time, it is people's lifestyle and poor choices that bring me to their door. Smoke 3 packs a day, eat nothing but fried foods, don't get your fat ass off the couch, or stick that needle in your arm and wonder why I am at your door. I'm not negative, I'm pragmatic. More than likely, I've been doing this job longer than you've been alive. I see the same morons day in and day out. The one thing that changes is their birthdate. They get younger every year. My exception is kids and puppies. They aren't to blame.
Lizzy500 16
Reaper, THAT is why I work in veterinary medicine. I could easily make twice as much as a human nurse, but it's not worth it.