Today, I was watching a movie alone with my girlfriend. She shifted positions as I put my arm around her, and ended up kneeing me in the crotch and shouldering me in the throat simultaneously. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I went to the movies with my girlfriend. As I started putting my arm around her, I hit her in the face. FML
Today, my girlfriend snuck up behind me to cover my eyes and play "guess who." The second her hands touched my face, I grabbed her, twisted her wrists, and kneed her to the floor out of instinct. FML
Today, I asked a girl out and made plans to go see a movie. About 5 minutes in, I made a move to put my arm around her and smashed her in the face. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were at the movies. When the "love scene" came on, she leaned over and made out with the wrong man. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I took a nap on my couch. She used my arm as a pillow, and everything was pretty peaceful, until she moved over and practically dislocated my shoulder. My screams of pain woke her, which was apparently an "asshole move" on my part. FML
Today, while my girlfriend and I were making out, she went to fix the pillow behind her head and punched me straight in the face. FML
Today, I was watching a horror movie with my girlfriend. Suddenly, the killer jumped on screen. My girlfriend screamed. I pissed myself. FML
Today, I was on a date with this girl. I attempted to put my arm around her, but I elbowed her in the face instead. FML
Today, I was going on a date with my girlfriend. When I took her home, her sister came to the door. I used to date her sister and I didn't know they were related. My girlfriend realized this, then kicked me in the crotch. FML
Today, I asked a girl I like to the movies. Wanting her to lean on me and stay in my arms during the movie, I chose a horror film. I screamed like a pussy the whole time. FML
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Top comments
Dracoboxer357 36
Well, did she kiss them better at least? ;P Double owned, sorry Op. :p
perdix 31
It was no accident. She probably just read "Fifty Shades of Grey" and decided to jazz things up with that S&M shit.
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Comments (72)
vorinclex 4
It's happened to me too bro :(
Hiawassee 9
I agree this sucks but, just wondering, why did it matter that you guys were alone ??? Lmfao .
The_9th_Doctor 18
it seems she's really an assassin and you pissed someone off
kelseysking 26
I have to tell you I love your name and profile picture. But yeah op that sucks.
MattChristensen 14
You were watching a movie alone, while with your girlfriend?