Love: Today, I was walking on the track when this really cute guy shows... - FML

By gymbob - United States

Today, I was walking on the track when this really cute guy shows up. I was hot and sweaty, and wanted to impress him by pouring water on myself. Instead of being turned on, all he saw was me wiping my face on my shirt screaming. It wasn't water, I forgot I had brought Sprite. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12752

You deserved it

103240

Tweet

Share

Messed up

Tense

Ambien conversations are the worst

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was out clubbing. My girlfriend went to get us drinks, so I danced alone while I waited. Some girl with hideous meth mouth, who was clearly tripping balls, started harassing and groping me and got all three of us kicked out when my girlfriend returned and beat the hell out of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27400

You deserved it

3158

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 18/6/2020 17:02

What goes up…

Today, I had to take my daughter to hospital because her butt swallowed her dildo. Try as I might, in the waiting area her dad and I couldn’t stop giggling at random intervals at the absurdity of the situation, so she’s probably never going to speak to us again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2028

You deserved it

285

Tweet

Share

By El Camino - United States

Today, I parked in a different lot because the one I usually park in was full. When I came back later, a bumper sticker was stuck to the windshield that said, "INCONSIDERATE F***, DON'T PARK HERE AGAIN!" To make matters worse, it was stuck on with a special type of glue, so it can't be removed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28204

You deserved it

5038

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my wife changed her facebook status from "married" to "widowed". I'm scared. FML

I agree, your life sucks

71939

You deserved it

5233

Tweet

Share

By qtpieo1 - United States

Today, I was at the pool with two boys I baby sit. The eldest wouldn't get out of the pool so I pretended to call his dad. He then ran out of the pool, pushed me down, grabbed my phone, chucked it into the pool and then ran back into the pool. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41402

You deserved it

9703

Tweet

Share

By :O - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, my brother in law brought a dead rabbit to my nephew saying, "I found the Easter Bunny!" My nephew started crying hours ago and hasn't stopped. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32566

You deserved it

2612

Tweet

Share

By fu2then - Canada

Today, I ran into my manipulative ex-boyfriend at a party. We were chatting and I mentioned that the guys I have been seeing lately all turn out to be jerks. He says "yeah well you dumped me and don't deserve to be happy." Apparently he has been creeping and scaring off any guys interested in me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35492

You deserved it

4091

Tweet

Share

By hoovered - United States

Today, my friends decided it would be funny to give me a "hickey" with a vacuum cleaner while I was passed out drunk. Not only do I have to try and explain this to my girlfriend, but we're meeting her parents for lunch this afternoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58868

You deserved it

22389

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend of two years broke up with me because I was "letting myself go". When I told the little girl I babysit in the afternoons why I was so upset, she looked at me for a moment before saying, "Well, I definitely can't blame him." FML

I agree, your life sucks

30590

You deserved it

8381

Tweet

Share

By UniGrad2019 - United States - Fredericksburg

Today, after months of all my friends telling me that the guy whom I was in love with most definitely held feelings for me, I was finally convinced by their words, and with confidence I went and confessed my feelings to him. I was rejected. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21689

You deserved it

1966

Tweet

Share

By Prinpette - France

Today, to show that he really wanted me to shave myself, my boyfriend pretended to go down on me, but instead of following through, he stuck a wad of gum in my pubic hair and got back up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31172

You deserved it

40335

Tweet

Share

By MJensen - Denmark - Herlev

Today, I wanted to be nice to my boyfriend and buy him a cake. Not only did I drop it in the bus, when I got home I forgot that I'd put it on my bed, and sat on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10907

You deserved it

4209

Tweet

Share

By Preggie - Singapore

Today, a sweet old lady gave up her seat for me in the bus. She lectured to the entire bus that seats should be given to those in need, like myself who is heavily pregnant. I am just fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35788

You deserved it

23493

Tweet

Share

By AmICrappyEveryOtherDay - Canada

Today, I received my first compliment in a really long time. It went, "Hey, you don't look like crap today." FML

I agree, your life sucks

29272

You deserved it

4289

Tweet

Share

By deserted - France

Today, I was going to meet my friend at a concert. I got there before her, so I went in to check out the local bands that were playing before the headliner. When she got there, I went just outside the building to give her a ticket. The security guards wouldn't let me back in. She went in anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28625

You deserved it

7131

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Doylestown

Today, my dad stopped me mid-sentence and said he wanted to punch me in the face and set me on fire for using the word "selfie". FML

I agree, your life sucks

25055

You deserved it

42910

Tweet

Share

By holladaddy - United States

Today, I was DJ'ing a wedding. The groom wanted a song played for his grandma and grandpa. I announce over the microphone for his grandparents to come to the dance floor for a special song. Turns out his grandparents have been dead for over a year and the song was supposed to be in dedication. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56030

You deserved it

10320

Tweet

Share

By 404 justice not found - United States - Whitehall

Today, I've suffered 3 months of my neighbor blasting his music so loud, it shakes my apartment floor. None of my noise complaints are ever followed up, but the moment I give him a piece of my mind, he calls the cops and they threaten me with jail time over a few curse words. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20171

You deserved it

1513

Tweet

Share

By Lexiebear27 - United States

Today, I was fired for being a very happy and perky employee. According to my boss, it freaks both the customers and my co-workers out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29908

You deserved it

6784

Tweet

Share

By Shuttie - Denmark - Odense

Today, I was walking towards a party where I knew my cheating ex would be. I passionately rehearsed how I would have a go at him big time when I met him. Guess who was walking right behind me and heard it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15546

You deserved it

43473

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Nice pic

Today, for the first time in my life, I sent a member pic to a girl I had been talking to for a few days on Snapchat. (she had asked me for it). She saw the pic, and blocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1771

You deserved it

915

Tweet

Share

By Alpheas - United States

Today, a four pound can of tuna fell on my head at work, and it burst all over my clothes. Since I'm the manager, I had to stay all day reeking of tuna. Now I'm home, my damn cat won't leave me alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33533

You deserved it

4417

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Dunmow

Today, despite years of paranoid checking, I forgot to check my towel for spiders after my shower. Two crawled onto me, and I'm pretty sure there's one somewhere in my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45089

You deserved it

5504

Tweet

Share

By tryon777 - United States

Today, my girlfriend begged me to stay up late and video chat with her because she missed me. Even though I work early mornings, I reluctantly agreed. After waiting up until 2am for her to get online, I gave up. She had fallen asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36218

You deserved it

5062

Tweet

Share

By Notyourstepmom - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's mother for the first time. She greeted us holding a baby, and I told her how cute her son was. She told me that it was her grandson. Turns out my boyfriend is the father. We're 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59332

You deserved it

4448

Tweet

Share

By xxx

Today, at a meeting, I had a heated argument with the only female employee at the office. A little later, I managed to hit her in the face with a door, giving her a bruise. Nobody believes it was an accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3560

You deserved it

501

Tweet

Share

By kagan

Today, the only food in the house is canned beans and vegetables that I can’t stand. My dad refuses to go to the store because, "we can't afford it." Meanwhile, my stepmom just came home with a brand new Gucci purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1956

You deserved it

142

Tweet

Share

By Already Broke Asf - United States - Rock Hill

Today, my 19-year-old brother broke into my dorm and robbed me. When I tried to file a report, my brother went to my parents and told them that he took it because I owed him money on a bet. Guess who lost $92.50. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24879

You deserved it

2309

Tweet

Share

By needmorelocks - United States - Santa Paula

What?!

Today, my mom called to chew me out for having my sister arrested. My sister broke into my apartment, rearranged my living room, and claimed she now lived with me. She then threatened me with a butcher's knife for not appreciating what she had done. My mom wants me to pay the bail. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40204

You deserved it

2739

Tweet

Share

By raybandy - United States

Today, I wake up only to find that my roommates cooked all my food. Now I'm starving and the place smells like delicious bacon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26171

You deserved it

2344

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was waiting for my food at McDonald's. I watched the most obese, sweaty man sneeze into the chips, wipe his nose on his hand and use his hand to shovel chips into a bag. They were my chips. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34722

You deserved it

5511

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Eugene

Today, while showing off the sharpness of my new katana, I missed my target and hit my shoe. The strike cut into the second toe of my right foot, which then had to be amputated. Demonstration successful. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1777

You deserved it

4866

Tweet

Share

By Bob - United States

Today, I finally bought the toy my two year old son always wanted. He would always tap on the TV when the commercial for it would appear. I give him the present, and he starts playing with the bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45661

You deserved it

9749

Tweet

Share

By accidentalnorman

Today, I got back from a week long holiday with my new girlfriend. I started thinking about her whilst talking to my parents and reflexively cupped my mother's ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14193

You deserved it

30854

Tweet

Share

By Danielle22291 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, as a waitress at Denny's, I had a 25 top table. Only 3 of them spoke English. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4808

You deserved it

451

Tweet

Share

By whoops - 10/6/2020 02:00

Exclusivity

Today, I ran into the guy I’ve been seeing. He was holding hands with another girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1565

You deserved it

148

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my husband and I got into an argument. I tried to assault him with a laptop. He yelled, "Don't hit me with the computer." My apartment neighbor yelled through the wall, "Do what you gotta do, girl." FML

I agree, your life sucks

17661

You deserved it

45905

Tweet

Share

By laptopsRus - United States

Today, while I was on my laptop, I decided to take a nap. Little did I know that my leg was covering up the cool air intake underneath the machine. I woke up an hour later with a first degree burn on my thigh. From a laptop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23870

You deserved it

45096

Tweet

Share

By fuck em all

Today, my entire family is giving me the cold shoulder, including my parents, for not going to my sister's wedding. No one seems to care her new husband bullied me so badly in high school that I still need medication for my anxiety 15 years after graduating. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4627

You deserved it

395

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - Dartmouth

Today, I sneezed incredibly hard while eating a granola bar. 5 hours later, it's still hellishly painful to swallow. Please kill me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21069

You deserved it

1818

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Curiouser | 0

#174046 - Wednesday 6 May 2009 16:32

YDI for bringing pop to drink when you work out period.

By antbait11 | 0

#174047 - Wednesday 6 May 2009 16:32

why would you drink sprite when you're supposed to be exercising?

COMMENTS

By hamzy | 0

#174039 - Wednesday 6 May 2009 16:31

Pretty obvious YDI

Reply

ryguy997 | 0

#945034 - Sunday 14 March 2010 7:04

so why the screaming??

Reply

ronton | 4

#1038675 - Tuesday 22 June 2010 5:57

YDI for being hot and sweaty from walking...

Reply

mayumm | 0

#1159625 - Friday 30 July 2010 3:51

And how would pouring water on yourself be a turn on??

Reply

McCamryn123 | 0

#1169700 - Sunday 1 August 2010 8:36

*favorite*(:

Reply

Idonebeenhad | 17

#2677024 - Tuesday 14 June 2011 6:26

you brought SPRITE on a jog? LOL

Reply

BigMacBoi | 3

#3176447 - Thursday 25 August 2011 8:40

283- maybe she was wearing a white shirt? JUST a white shirt.

By Cormophyte | 0

#174041 - Wednesday 6 May 2009 16:31

Screaming? Really? Eyes open and painful screaming, or "I am frustrated and an attention ho and forgot I shouldn't scream in public" screaming?

By deliverypenguin | 0

#174042 - Wednesday 6 May 2009 16:31

epic fail

By Curiouser | 0

#174046 - Wednesday 6 May 2009 16:32

YDI for bringing pop to drink when you work out period.

By antbait11 | 0

#174047 - Wednesday 6 May 2009 16:32

why would you drink sprite when you're supposed to be exercising?

Reply

WaltzingPhanthom | 23

#6241041 - Monday 23 March 2015 13:53

In South Korea, there's an advertisement where a sexy girl is jogging and asks another jogger if he would like a Sprite shower. Perhaps she was advertising? Lol.

By jonnymohio | 2

#174053 - Wednesday 6 May 2009 16:34

Why would Sprite make you scream? Scared of the fizz? YDI

Reply

vampirekisses91 | 0

#3098583 - Saturday 13 August 2011 6:06

If you get It in your eyes it burns, making some people scream I guess.

By rigorouswolf | 0

#174054 - Wednesday 6 May 2009 16:34

Number one, you're a fucking retard bringing sprite on a run, number 2, guys don't find that shit too hot

Reply

DigitalFusion | 4

#3050216 - Saturday 6 August 2011 7:58

Number one, you said number 2. Number 2, yes we do.

Reply

mk58 | 31

#4345366 - Monday 23 April 2012 22:18

^^ What the fuck are you even talking about, dude?

Reply

WutTheFork | 3

#7407582 - Thursday 9 February 2017 23:05

Dude said "Number one" then said "Number 2"
Instead of "Number two"

By sofarsogood | 0

#174055 - Wednesday 6 May 2009 16:34

hot and sweaty walking on a track?

By prettygirlsonly | 0

#174063 - Wednesday 6 May 2009 16:36

YDI BIG TIME :p

By Headcase | 0

#174065 - Wednesday 6 May 2009 16:37

Sprite really tickles. Pity it's so sticky.