Miscellaneous: Today, I was using the urinal when another guy came in. His friends...

By the unfortunate man - 19/07/2013 04:29 - United States - Salisbury

Today, I was using the urinal when another guy came in. His friends decided to scare him while he was using the urinal next to mine. They jumped out at him, he turned around and ended up peeing all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 194

You deserved it 3 137

Miscellaneous

Walk the line

Puke is good for you

Dad, stop driving my car

By anonymous - 05/04/2011 18:13 - United States

Today, I spent six hours driving between two airports to try and catch my flight. Two trailer accidents, two construction zones, three detours, and one police escort later, the airline wouldn't let me on the plane. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 900

You deserved it 3 556

By Anonymous - 28/07/2009 17:25 - Belgium

Today, I went to see a movie. While buying tickets, the girl behind the counter asked to show my ID card to proof I'm at least 16 years old. Not wanting to make a drama, I showed it. She took a look at it and declared it as fake. That ID is real and I'm 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 946

You deserved it 3 323

By godzilllla - 08/08/2015 01:59 - United States - Bothell

Today, while at the local supermarket, I spotted an attractive woman packing food into a shelf. Trying to be flirty, I asked where I could find the cream cheese. Apparently, it was on the shelf right behind me. I heard her mutter "idiot" under her breath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 294

You deserved it 11 685

By BurnedByAWaiter - 24/05/2011 13:59

Today, I went on a blind date at a fancy restaurant. My date was running a bit late, so I went ahead and got a table. I got bored, so I decided to ask my waiter how I looked. He stood there, then said that "it's against company policy to mock customers to their face." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 083

You deserved it 8 263

By Lyn - 06/07/2012 22:14 - France

Today, I discovered that I'm adopted. How? After a great lunch, I asked my uncle how he'd made the salad dressing. He replied, "Haha! It's a secret family recipe, my dear!" I wouldn't have thought twice about it, were it not for my parents' shocked expressions, and the long, awkward silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 161

You deserved it 2 081

By missbutthole - 04/06/2011 13:07 - United States

Today, after being chronically constipated for the better part of a week, I finally have the urge to poop. Too bad I'm 30 minutes early to work and locked out of the building. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 625

You deserved it 3 872

By anonymous - 03/07/2011 04:47 - Canada

Today, it took me 5 hours to paint my deck, only to have it ruined by the neighbor's cat running all over the undry paint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 723

You deserved it 3 419

By Anonymous - 07/12/2011 17:47 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting frisky. He pulled off my panties and was about to go down on me when he said, "Wait, what's this white thing?" It was a piece of toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 772

You deserved it 20 597

By jacques - 02/02/2010 14:08 - Australia

Today, I ran into my ex's family, and found out they are going to Europe. Funnily enough, so am I. Even funnier is the fact that we are going on the same date, at the same time, on the same flights, and the tour starts on the same day in the same place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 999

You deserved it 3 815

By xxlexi_lovexx - 29/03/2010 04:20 - United States

Today, I was about to have sex with my boyfriend. His best friend called and said he just beat God Of War 3 and that my boyfriend could borrow it. He got up, got dressed, ran to his car and told me I could walk home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 188

You deserved it 6 804

By tash - 24/05/2011 12:33 - Canada

Today, while I was mowing the lawn in my backyard, I ran over a glass bottle. My legs looked like a disco ball. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 901

You deserved it 9 445

By dumped and dusted - 13/07/2016 17:35 - United States

Today, 3 weeks after my girlfriend told me she was pregnant, she admitted it was a lie. Turned out it was just a test to see if I'd break up with her or not. I didn't, but I did just break the bank buying all the things we'd need for an actual kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 206

You deserved it 1 939

Love hurts

By MissT - 21/06/2021 09:59 - Australia - Dianella

Today, my divorce certificate arrived in the mail. Reading it felt like I was punched in the face by a brick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 831

You deserved it 124

By whatthewoah - 02/09/2010 18:10 - United States

Today, I went to the bookstore. While I was in line, I heard everyone talking about how a book cart had gotten loose and rolled down the parking lot into a car, smashing the front. It was my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 077

You deserved it 2 215

By GMD - 18/09/2012 20:20 - United Kingdom - Belfast

Today, my daughter and her boyfriend excitedly told me that after months of trying they are finally pregnant and that I'm going to be a grandmother. This would be great news if they weren't 15. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 200

You deserved it 7 179

By wheelmaker - 03/12/2018 17:30

Today, the girl I've had several passionate encounters over the past few weeks admitted we cannot entirely be together as she is married. She wants to make it work with me but cannot divorce as she would lose her visa. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 691

You deserved it 452

By Anonymous - 24/01/2016 15:54 - United States - Niles

Today, somebody kicked the crap out of my car and spray painted "CHEATER" on the sides. I've never even had a girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 422

You deserved it 1 500

By anonymous - 23/11/2010 09:32

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend of a year because I discovered she had been cheating on me. Her defense was, "It wouldn't be a problem if you were just OK with this." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 798

You deserved it 3 095

By loon - 28/10/2008 11:13 - France

Today, the girl I'm secretly in love with, whom I was talking to on MSN, told me she'd "brb in 10, no wait 20, oh make that 30 min" depending on her boyfriend's stamina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 711

You deserved it 9 722

By ihavepinkbackpac - 28/02/2009 19:07 - United States

Today, I forgot to do my French homework, but since it was an online worksheet, I told my teacher my internet wasn't working. I told her with an e-mail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 650

You deserved it 802 880

Sharing is caring

By Anonymous - 11/08/2021 00:01

Today, I was making out with this guy when my nose started bleeding, and it got on his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 786

You deserved it 60

By notyoueallie - 20/08/2010 04:06 - United States

Today, I got woken up by Hallelujah blasting outside my apartment windows for 30 minutes straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 415

You deserved it 3 807

Second time

By Anonymous - 31/12/2019 01:00

Today, I woke up with a rash on my face after just getting over a bad cold. I was told by the doctor that it was a staph infection spread by wearing a face mask. The face mask I wore so people wouldn’t catch the cold from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 931

You deserved it 290

By Anonymous - 24/12/2012 18:02 - United Kingdom - Saint Neots

Today, as her parents were supposed to be out of town, I stayed over with my girlfriend, and we ended up in bed together. Later on, while poking through the fridge, I heard footsteps, so I said, "Didn't think you'd be walking after that." I closed the fridge and saw her dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 783

You deserved it 28 116

The Intruder

By sad_unicorn - 19/04/2017 06:00 - Australia - Yagoona

Today, I have to close my bedroom door with a bucket because I don't have a door latch from previous owners. When my partner and I were going at it, we had to stop because the cat kept reaching around the door, trying to attack the bucket and destroying the mood. Cat 1 - Humans 0. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 874

You deserved it 978

By michellekel - 04/07/2009 12:10 - France

Today, I went to the beach on the cote d'azur and the lifeguard told me that even though there were two jellyfish in the bay, it was safe to swim. Five minutes into swimming, I got stung twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 539

You deserved it 6 930

By SadMan - 19/01/2010 00:41 - United States

Today, I went to ask my boss for a raise. Turns out they are firing 35 people. I wasn't on the list until I asked for a raise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 372

You deserved it 7 359

By Anonymous - 29/01/2015 00:59 - United States - Ocean Springs

Today, I got out of the shower and walked into my living room to see my sis' and her boyfriend sitting very closely on our family's fairly large couch. I laughed and said, "Look at the happy couple." Then her now ex-boyfriend burst into tears. Turns out they'd just broken up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 965

You deserved it 4 636

By dumbAssCollegeStudent - 04/03/2016 00:22 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, I finally did my laundry after a good few weeks, only to think another washer was a dryer. I just ran my clothes through the wash 3 times, because I was confused as to why they weren't drying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 541

You deserved it 21 884

By WhoNose - 06/11/2016 23:52

Today, the smoke detector in my bedroom malfunctioned and started going off while my cat was asleep on my shoulder. He panicked and deeply lacerated my nose with his claw as he ran off. Blood got everywhere, and to add insult to injury the unit has no removable battery and wouldn't turn off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 628

You deserved it 742

By Anonymous - 24/05/2016 14:05

Today, I tried to change my usually stoic behaviour and be friendly to a coworker. Now she is convinced that I finally went insane and intend to murder her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 727

You deserved it 1 082

Signs

By Anonymous - 10/04/2021 23:00

Today, it's been a year since I moved 200 km across the country to be closer to my boyfriend of 5 years and his kids. I got the keys to my flat and 3 days later the pandemic was a fact. Shouldn’t have ignored that sign. I’m single now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 753

You deserved it 108

By Anonymous - 26/12/2012 18:30 - United States - Bakersfield

Today, while at the store with my mom and baby brother, a guy started to talk to me. Just as he went to give me his number, my mom handed me my brother and said, "Here's your son, your AA meeting's in an hour, let's go." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 383

You deserved it 5 325

By Anonymous - 30/10/2012 19:34 - United States

Today, I found my fiancé is cheating on me. Our wedding is in 26 days and everything is already paid for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 608

You deserved it 2 615

FML: Uncensored

By Anonymous - 15/01/2012 02:00 - United States

Today, while spending the night at a friend's house, I was woken up by someone kicking me. I figured she was having a nightmare, and since we were sharing a bed, I reached over to wake her up. Turns out it was her boyfriend trying to push me off the bed because they were having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 508

You deserved it 4 386

By lifesucks - 24/02/2009 19:21 - United States

Today, I walked into work after being completly wasted last night. I was sitting in a meeting when all of a sudden the presenter had gotten an e-mail saying "crazy girl dances on tables at local bar". So obviously everyone wanted to watch it. That crazy girl was me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 929

You deserved it 50 141

Look up here

By Cody - 06/07/2009 23:28 - United States

Today, during my shift at a restaurant, my boss's daughter came in. I couldn't help but notice that she was almost popping out of her low-cut top. After having a private chat with her, my boss took me aside and said, "My daughter's got eyes you know, not just a pair of tits". FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 898

You deserved it 53 676

By Anonymous - 15/09/2011 23:54 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend called me over to her house. When I knocked, no one responded to the door. I decided to check the back yard and found her sunbathing by the pool. I kneeled by her and placed my hand on her butt, kissing her neck. What I heard next, "So this is what you do with my daughter." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 878

You deserved it 26 511

By birthdayfail - 24/05/2011 07:55

Today, it's my birthday. At my workplace, we always get a cake for whoever's birthday it is. They somehow forgot about me. I've been working there for a year, and my grandparents and my dad own the restaurant I work at. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 070

You deserved it 3 394

By apowell5 - 02/10/2009 18:16 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor to try and get answers about the numbness and tingling in my right leg. The Dr told me I was too fat for my pants, and I pinched a nerve. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 559

You deserved it 40 488

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Top comments

ScenicSubterfuge 39

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Friday 19 July 2013 15:55

Did you pee back on him???

mssmell 10

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Friday 19 July 2013 15:55

Golden shower?

piedpiper303 29

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Friday 19 July 2013 15:54

What a pissy experience

Ambient25 24

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Friday 19 July 2013 16:21

that's too easy...

Ambient25 24

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Friday 19 July 2013 16:40

did you just say "peepee"??? Go to your room

hessel 13

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Friday 19 July 2013 17:40

looks like urine trouble OP

br00kr 22

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Friday 19 July 2013 18:08

Omg lol

piedpiper303 29

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Friday 19 July 2013 20:03

Yea 27, peepee is a no no word.. No potty language!

QQMorePlox 18

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Saturday 20 July 2013 1:09

I'm more concerned as to why he was peeing right beside you when there are multiple other urinals.

mif_fml 27

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Saturday 20 July 2013 5:17

Who is to say the other urinals weren't occupied? Or there are only 2 urinals in the bathroom?

ScenicSubterfuge 39

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Friday 19 July 2013 15:55

Did you pee back on him???

KeannaLove 32

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Friday 19 July 2013 15:57

I think I'd be too horrified to do anything back if someone had just peed on me.

little_one 20

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Friday 19 July 2013 16:26

This remind me if a whitest kids u know skit. Rofl! YouTube it leg peeing.

perdix 29

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Friday 19 July 2013 16:39

#2, I hope not, because that could involve "crossing the streams."

buckerado 19

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Friday 19 July 2013 20:43

Sword fight!

Futacy 29

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Saturday 20 July 2013 18:34

Piss fight!

mssmell 10

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Friday 19 July 2013 15:55

Golden shower?

boredSOLDIER 33

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Friday 19 July 2013 16:34

R. Kelly'd.

AngrySailor 17

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Friday 19 July 2013 18:22

Sergeant Stadanko.

boredSOLDIER 33

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Friday 19 July 2013 19:15

Nice cheech and Chong reference lol

AngrySailor 17

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Friday 19 July 2013 22:32

"Eventually me and a friend, sort of drifted on into S&M, I can take about an hour on the 'tower of power' so long as I gets a little golden shower"

ZombieInConverse 13

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Friday 19 July 2013 15:55

Thats........ unsanitary.

Welshite 39

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Friday 19 July 2013 15:57

Fresh urine is sterile.

0h_Boy 26

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Friday 19 July 2013 15:59

How?

Wizardo 33

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Friday 19 July 2013 16:02

Your body can't store germs in your bladder or urine otherwise you'll have a perpetual infection. Urine contains high concentrations of sulphurs, salts and other high concentrations of minerals your body doesn't need. That's why urine is toxic for the body if it is ingested. Its not however teaming with bacterium and virus as some people think.

Ambient25 24

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Friday 19 July 2013 16:26

Pissing in a rag and bringing it to your face to breath through is also a very effective response against a chemical agent, such as mustard gas or other toxic fumes. Just don't do it too long though, the ammonia will get to you.

CallMeMcFeelii 13

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Friday 19 July 2013 18:04

It's actual unsterile once it leaves your body, as bacteria swarms it. So yes, it is sterile inside you but once it's out it's contaminated. The bacteria is what gives pee it's smell.

ptoka 20

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Friday 19 July 2013 18:42

Only the initial stream is contaminated, once it begins to flow there is no bacteria. The smell is the mix of urea and other components

feelingold 18

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Saturday 20 July 2013 0:49

39 no offence but please don't make "factual" comments on things you don't know about... Urine odor is from phosphates and nitrates, some ketones, not bacteria and nothing remotely unsanitary...

CallMeMcFeelii 13

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Saturday 20 July 2013 4:01

There is bacteria that gives urine that smell. Don't patronize me when you don't do your own fucking homework, buddy.

4funzies 13

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Friday 19 July 2013 15:55

Aw, I hope your days get better. :)

Warmonger_Smurf 29

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Friday 19 July 2013 15:56

Other guy: You guys scared the piss out of me! OP: Yeah and all over me.

LukeE45 10

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Friday 19 July 2013 15:57

This FML all depends on whether or not you were obeying the everyother urinal rule. If you were not able to obey the rule due to extreme circumstances then, well, FYI.