Miscellaneous: Today, I was at one of the urinals in a bathroom. A chubby kid... - FML

By wurtabang - 09/02/2010 05:27 - United States

Today, I was at one of the urinals in a bathroom. A chubby kid goes to the urinal next to mine and starts peeing violently. Apparently, he was peeing so violently that it splashed onto my legs the whole time. I've picked the wrong day to wear shorts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 390

You deserved it 3 085

Weird reason to leave, but OK

Triage

Addams Family Values

By Anonymous - 26/04/2011 07:49 - United States

Today, I learned the only job that actually wants me is as a peanut butter factory worker. I've been unemployed for 9 months. I'm also allergic to nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 790

You deserved it 3 724

By yoyyo - 07/11/2016 06:29 - United States - Manhattan

Today, I accidentally sliced open my crush's hand at work while we were messing around on break. A month ago, I broke his brother's finger playing dodgeball. No wonder I'm still single; he must think I'm out to get his family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 044

You deserved it 1 304

Abandoned

By Anonymous - 30/07/2015 06:56 - Australia

Today, while shopping with my sister, she asked me to wait for her while she quickly said hello to a friend. I sat on a bench for an hour before I realised she wasn't coming back. Turns out, "Hello" had turned into a date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 593

You deserved it 2 328

By Anonymous - 28/08/2015 05:06 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I happily announced to my parents that I'm pregnant. My dad later handed me a printout containing a list of nearby abortion clinics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 150

You deserved it 2 550

By screwyoucompany - 19/05/2017 20:00

Today, I had a job interview. I was almost late due to road closure and being blocked in my street by the trash truck. The "interview" turned out to be a hiring fair, with lots of other people. I had to wait outside for 3 hours in the sun with no shade, water or food. I didn't get the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 372

You deserved it 340

By notoneatall - 07/07/2014 03:39 - Canada - Oakville

Today, I got called a cunt at work by a customer. What could I have said that could have caused them to say that? "Have a great day." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 588

You deserved it 3 935

By Megannn - 01/05/2012 23:43 - United States

Today, I was in a gas station bathroom attempting to buy a condom from the machine on the wall. A woman who smelled of cat piss walked in, and I got embarrassed so I fled into a stall. She then started a conversation with me about "the good old days" from the next stall over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 834

You deserved it 3 678

By doh - 10/01/2009 05:39 - United Kingdom

Today, my alarm went off. I snoozed it, and went on to dream that I got out of bed, did my business, brushed my teeth, took my breakfast, changed into my working attire, and was ready for work that morning. My alarm rang a second time, I had to do all that over again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 542

You deserved it 4 372

By Doglover - 02/11/2017 14:00

Today, I went jogging. It was cold but I dressed lightly because I overheat when I exercise. Unfortunately, I locked myself out. My wife returned four hours later to find me spooning our dog in the doghouse to keep from freezing to death. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 833

You deserved it 929

By space_cadet90818 - 08/03/2010 00:16 - United States

Today, I woke up with one of the worst migraines I've had in months. My mother (who thinks I'm a hypochondriac) began to scream at me about "making up an illness". When I asked for my meds, she called me an addict and dumped my $300 prescription down the sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 451

You deserved it 2 912

By HomicidalPegasus - 25/05/2014 15:50 - United States - Bethalto

Today, my girlfriend and I got into an argument while she was in the bathroom. I told her I was leaving her because she's too needy. She came out of the bathroom and threw her used tampon at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 213

You deserved it 36 189

By RestlessDiesel - 18/04/2016 14:40 - United States - Hudson

Today, I pulled off the road to help a turtle cross it. Before I could get out of my car a dump truck ran over the turtle, splattering my car with turtle guts and bits of shell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 991

You deserved it 1 822

By LawStudent - 19/09/2012 14:54 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I was excited to get my first writing assignment since starting law school. I found out that I have to write a paper defending free speech. This wouldn't be a problem if I didn't have to defend the Westboro Baptist Church and if I weren't a former Marine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 955

You deserved it 3 588

By oh gee - 02/05/2016 05:01

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend keeps requesting that I make eye contact when I give him blowjobs. He won't let up about it. I don't know how to break it to him that his penis is too small for me to suck and look upward at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 281

You deserved it 5 249

By lostmystuff - 07/07/2013 06:35 - United States - Livermore

Today, I was moving to my new apartment. I left some furniture outside as I drove to dump the first load at my new place. When I got back, everything was gone. Apparently, today is the day the donation truck was coming around to take everything we don't need. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 622

You deserved it 25 085

May to December

By why ma? - 25/03/2020 08:02

Today, I invited my elderly mother to come stay with my husband and I during this outbreak, just until everything calms down. She declined because we said she couldn’t bring her boyfriend. Her boyfriend is a 34 year-old leech who's been living off her for over a year. She refuses to change her mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 557

You deserved it 188

Happy Birthday

By Birthday Boy - 06/12/2017 05:00

Today, my family asked where I wanted to go for my birthday dinner. They shot down my every suggestion and decided on sushi. I'm allergic, so the only thing I could eat was a veggie appetizer. Dad said I need to "expand my palate." FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 082

You deserved it 330

Second Life

By Aaron - 12/04/2021 07:59

Today, I finally got to experience being loved, or at least what it looks like. I paid for a fabulous wedding in a video game with a reluctant friend, who only agreed after I explained all the free costumes, pets, and other items he'd receive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 621

You deserved it 332

By ElephantLover - 11/12/2013 20:14 - United States - San Diego

Spicy

Today, my grandma added to my elephant collection by giving me some underwear with elephant ears on the hips, and a long, sock-like nose. She has no idea they're meant for a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 731

You deserved it 5 373

By boinger - 03/06/2009 05:23 - United States

Today, I meant to express to my friends that I was enamored with a young saleswoman I had encountered at a store. I wanted to tell them that she was quite petite and that I am, in general, attracted to petite women. Instead I said "You know? I like little girls." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 325

You deserved it 60 990

By Anonymous - 23/02/2011 03:21 - United States

Today, I asked for permission to marry the girl I love. Her father not only said no, he said "HELL no!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 353

You deserved it 4 982

By slickboy0023 - 16/03/2010 15:30 - United States

Today, I learned that in Japan there are monkeys that wait tables and work at a tavern. Literally, I have a job a monkey can do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 840

You deserved it 5 600

By well SHIT - 27/02/2014 21:46 - United States - Little Elm

Today, while having a sneak through my brother's browser, I found a bookmark for a Google Docs file. It was a short story involving him horrifically killing our entire family. It ended with the words: "And that is what happens when people don't respect the author's privacy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 819

You deserved it 61 580

By stickyface - 24/10/2010 05:18 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I decided to be adventurous and give my boyfriend head in the downstairs tv room. Just as he was about to cum I heard someone walking towards the door. I took my mouth off to get up and lock the door just as he came. Didn't make it to the door but my dad saw something he will never forget. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 957

You deserved it 41 402

By Anonymous - 28/04/2018 01:30

Today, I spent 900 dollars on a ticket for my boyfriend to visit me and he missed the flight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 203

You deserved it 542

By Anonymous - 19/09/2018 22:15

Today, I was flirting with a guy and we ended up having a deep conversation through text. We were talking all our problems, and saying really sweet things to each other. I THOUGHT he was going to say something else really sweet and cute. He linked me to Suicide Hotline instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 850

You deserved it 508

By MonsterInLaw - 08/06/2013 23:26 - United States - Lincoln

Today, my 21-year-old girlfriend finally got the courage to tell her mom that she wanted to move in with me. It turns out she was right to be afraid; during the talk, her mother yelled at us, calling her a slut and saying she was too young to be "shacking up with some guy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 102

You deserved it 6 048

By Anonymous - 13/10/2008 08:24 - Australia

Today, I got up at 8am and didn't take a shower so I could hear the postman at the door. He never came. I stink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 533

You deserved it 74 878

By Kevin - 05/02/2009 18:04 - United States

Today, I spent almost my entire English class turned on thinking that the hot girl next to me was playing footsie with me. That is until she stood up and I realized I had been rubbing my foot on her backpack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 133

You deserved it 46 616

By Anonymous - 10/10/2018 16:00 - United States

Today, I helped this guy get into his truck after he'd locked his keys in it, and he said thank you and went on his way. Ten minutes later, a woman came out of the grocery store and freaked out, saying someone stole her truck. I helped a guy steal a truck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 251

You deserved it 729

By Anonymous - 31/05/2014 20:04 - United States - Brandon

Today, I spent several hours downtown with my violent grandma, after she was arrested for threatening a guy with a gun. His crime? "Trespassing" by ringing the doorbell and asking if she was interested in donating to charity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 817

You deserved it 3 870

By nosymptoms - 10/02/2012 00:09 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend of three months told me he's going to get tested for STDs, because he's worried about a previous partner. I'm grateful for his thoughtfulness, but I'd be even more grateful if we hadn't already slept together several times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 610

You deserved it 7 241

By ari - 18/02/2013 22:15 - United States

Today, I started at my new job. The woman who I'll be working right next to 40 hours a week introduced herself with, "I know what your name is. I know what you're planning, and I've been sent to destroy you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 842

You deserved it 3 866

By nick - 22/03/2009 00:06 - United States

Today, I was on a cruise and fell asleep next to the pool. I had an intense dream that I had fallen off into the ocean. I rolled off my sun chair into the water and woke up screaming uncontrollably, I thought I was in the ocean. I was in the kiddy pool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 182

You deserved it 13 256

Damn

By zzzgrady - 27/10/2010 02:46 - United States

Today, after having the worst night of my life, my boss chewing me out and acid reflux all morning, I went to the snack machine at work to get the only thing that makes me happy, Reese's PB cups. I had just enough money to buy the very last one in the machine, and it got stuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 083

You deserved it 4 120

By SadlySally - 01/06/2016 17:54 - United States - Memphis

Today, I think I met the one. I had the best date ever. We played mini golf and talked about all the things we had in common. After sharing a kiss, I said goodbye, with the promise to meet up again. Too bad he forgot to mention he was moving to Texas the next day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 255

You deserved it 698

By Gjkashldf - 04/05/2009 00:36 - United States

Today, I was at the gym and I saw a really cute guy working out nearby. I tried to get his attention by taking off my shirt and smiling at him. When he walked over to me, instead of asking for my number, he just said "Can you please put that back on? Thanks". FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 964

You deserved it 57 617

By DrGas - 04/09/2009 04:30 - United States

Today, while giving a lecture about gases to a large chemistry class, I went outside to let loose an unusualy loud fart while they took some notes. I came back in only to see 300 students dying of laughter. I had left the wireless mic on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 360

You deserved it 47 157

By sigh - 21/12/2011 12:39 - United States

Today, I was called a "whore," a "demon," a "piece of shit," and a "disrespectful bitch." All of this happened because I wouldn't let my mother-in-law borrow my car. This is a woman with multiple speeding tickets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 029

You deserved it 3 094

By Anonymous - 26/03/2016 17:13 - United States - Antioch

Spicy

Today, I overheard my mom complaining to her friends about her uncontrollable queefing problem. Excuse me while I find a therapist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 120

You deserved it 2 312

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Top comments

summerloolooloo 0

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Tuesday 9 February 2010 12:08

So you would rather have his nasty peepee all over your pants then?

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Tuesday 9 February 2010 12:12

what does him being chubby have anything to do with it?

Comments

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Tuesday 9 February 2010 12:04

man that's horrible, that's a definate fml.

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Tuesday 9 February 2010 13:10

if you were wearing shorts, why did he pee on you "the whole time"?? why didn't you say or do something about it at the get-go? YDI for letting him whiz on you. Or maybe you're into golden showers?

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Tuesday 9 February 2010 14:15

Well, there's an upside to wearing shorts, you can wipe the piss off. Other than that, FYL

mfmylifesrsly 29

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Tuesday 9 February 2010 15:06

agree 34. if they were jeans you'd have smelly jeans all day D:

nadsm 0

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Tuesday 9 February 2010 15:12

but it's freezing and snowy in virginia right now. he shouldn't be wearing shorts anyway...

MetroidSlayer01 8

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Tuesday 9 February 2010 17:14

45 Ftw!!!

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Tuesday 9 February 2010 17:16

PWNT!!!!

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Tuesday 9 February 2010 18:06

was he pregnant?

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Tuesday 9 February 2010 21:38

How in the fuck do you piss violently. Now, I can see shitting violently.

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Tuesday 9 February 2010 22:04

you're hot :P

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Wednesday 10 February 2010 5:43

"Today, I went to take a shit in a toilet, a fat kid went in the stall next to me and started shitting violently and it got on me the whole time. FML"

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Wednesday 10 February 2010 6:57

lmfao?? 65. I love you

boyguydudemalema 0

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Wednesday 10 February 2010 6:59

u totally deserved that one

astheworldfalls 0

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Wednesday 10 February 2010 9:41

Atleast you won't have athletes foot

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Thursday 11 February 2010 1:57

fuck that, you don't get piss on you with pants.

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Thursday 11 February 2010 3:25

lmao. I was just thinking that!!!

warom 0

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Thursday 11 February 2010 12:24

How does one pee violently? Was there blood? Fyl indeed.

warom 0

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Thursday 11 February 2010 12:26

Hahaha oh my god. made my day

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Monday 23 January 2012 4:00

Damn bro ... Beat that kids ass haha

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Tuesday 9 February 2010 12:05

now that's just nasty. I would have pushed him over so he would pee on himself

themachine122 0

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Tuesday 9 February 2010 17:58

haha that made my day!

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Wednesday 10 February 2010 3:34

lol i know I pushed a kid in the bathroom while he was peeing and he got it all over himself

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Tuesday 9 February 2010 12:05

ewwwwww, and then you punched him and told him he needs training on how to go to the bathroom

summerloolooloo 0

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Tuesday 9 February 2010 12:08

So you would rather have his nasty peepee all over your pants then?

IfuckedMYlifebad 0

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Tuesday 9 February 2010 12:08

at least there were no urine marks where the pee went. but if you wore long pants It would be different

R3kli3 10

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Tuesday 9 February 2010 12:10

=O

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Tuesday 9 February 2010 12:10

it was like ur own personal fountain!!..... of pee. o.O

Ajjas013 6

Tuesday 9 February 2010 17:11

That's what we call an imported sex trick.

CherishFlowers 0

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Tuesday 9 February 2010 12:10

At least you weren't wearing pants, because then you would have to go home and change. You could probably just wash the pee off your legs, right?

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Tuesday 9 February 2010 12:12

what does him being chubby have anything to do with it?

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Tuesday 9 February 2010 17:28

I was thinking the same thing.

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Sunday 10 July 2011 10:02

seriously

Bullet4MyChemaMo 12

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Monday 3 October 2011 19:02

I was thinking exactly that as I read it.

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Sunday 8 June 2014 17:53

Maybe the OP wanted to add details? Or was more repulsed because the kid was chubby? Stereotypes and prejudices are a thing unfortunately...

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Tuesday 9 February 2010 12:12

What I don't get is how the fact that he's chubby affects the story. If he's peeing violently, it's not cause he's fat!

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Tuesday 9 February 2010 12:57

haha sorry for the repetitive comment. the one right above me was posted within the exact same minute as mine.

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Tuesday 9 February 2010 12:58

It could be chode related...

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Tuesday 9 February 2010 13:56

somebody's fat!

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21

You deserved it 15

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78

You deserved it 7

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I'm on day 11 of having COVID. My husband said to me, "I hope you get better soon so we can finally have sex again." Thanks for being concerned about MY health and wellbeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87

You deserved it 23

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 892

You deserved it 68