Today, I was at one of the urinals in a bathroom. A chubby kid... - FML

By wurtabang - 9/2/2010 05:27 - United States

Today, I was at one of the urinals in a bathroom. A chubby kid goes to the urinal next to mine and starts peeing violently. Apparently, he was peeing so violently that it splashed onto my legs the whole time. I've picked the wrong day to wear shorts. FML

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Work name

Fear factor

Time for the ER

By lebowski - 28/11/2010 01:57 - United States

Today, my 5 year old brother wanted to look through my phone. I know he can't read so I gave it to him. He was, however, able to get at my "private" photo album. FML

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By emilyparra1 - 23/10/2012 07:54 - United States - Riverview

Today, I had a job interview for a job I've been dying to have. As I'm walking into the office, the manager says, "Aren't you my son's ex, the one he cheated on?" All I could do was sit there quietly as he laughed at me. FML

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By Selfish Whiner - 3/6/2013 11:56 - United Kingdom - Scunthorpe

Today, I started seeing a therapist for my depression. While I was looking through the magazines in the waiting room, I found an article accusing people who see therapists of being selfish and having no real problems. FML

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By joanikens - 26/3/2016 19:02 - United States - Buena Park

Today, I'm a barista at Starbucks. When my crush walked in and asked how much his coffee would cost, I said a date. He said he'd rather pay for the coffee. FML

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By bitchonia - 28/3/2020 17:00 - Canada

Sign your name across my…?

Today, I asked my boyfriend what he'd think of me getting his initials tattooed over my heart. "That's awesome, babe," he answered enthusiastically. "But could you get them on your ass instead?" FML

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By John - 26/3/2012 02:53 - Saint Lucia

Today, I discovered that it is possible for bugs to lay eggs in your ears. FML

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By ... - 12/2/2019 18:00

Today, I finally had an interview for my dream job. It was all going great until I started chuckling uncontrollably, snorted like a pig and hit the guy with the world's largest snot rocket. All I could do was slip out the door as he sat paralysed with shock. FML

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By faglypoog - 23/12/2016 02:31

Today, my $200 drone malfunctioned and wouldn't stop. For fifteen minutes I followed it on my bike until it finally disappeared. On the way back I was pulled over for not wearing a helmet. FML

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By Noname - 18/2/2009 02:52 - United States

Today, my brother joked that our dog was more attractive than I was. I looked to my mom for support, and she said "Well, she is pure bred." FML

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By Noname - 16/3/2009 20:41 - United States

Today, I was out on a date with a guy. His hot co-worker came to have a beer with us, and I knew my best friend would think he was gorgeous. I wanted to take a picture of him without knowing, so i tried to hold up my phone and pretend to be texting. The flash went off. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/12/2011 06:21 - United States

Today, I found out that my mother in-law's flight home is canceled, and that she's staying three more days. FML

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By Username - 31/3/2011 07:20 - United States

Today, while on vacation, I realized my parents and grandparents had been running off and doing quite a few errands lately. After doing some sleuthing, I discovered they were taking turns having blood-curdling sex in our other hotel room down the hall. FML

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By ThanatosSG9 - 25/12/2016 02:57

Today, I took my car into the mechanic to have two tires and battery put in, all new. I later got a call saying they tried to start my car on the dead battery, which sparked and started a fire. It's gonna take two weeks to get the parts and it's minus 30 outside. FML

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By cherbear1000 - 17/6/2013 04:33 - United States - Nottingham

Today, my daughter had ice cream while I was napping. She didn't want me to know so she put the bowl in the trashcan and put the spoon in the garbage disposal and turned it on, because she thought it would make the spoon disappear. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/6/2013 05:01 - United States

Today, my wife decided to check her email, while I was still inside her. FML

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By LittleRed79 - 3/11/2016 04:49 - Canada

Today, it's difficult being a single woman in my city: The female/male ratio is 3:1, and the last 3 dates I've been on were with a guy who kept asking for nudes, an aggressive raging alcoholic, and what turned out to be a married man. I'm seriously considering adopting several more cats. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/12/2014 18:34 - United States - Hartford

Today, I realized that although I'm dating the most loveable, caring and genuine man, the fact that he's a crack addict means I'll never be his drug of choice when he needs a hit. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/1/2016 23:00 - United States - Kennett Square

Today, I was at work, a grocery store, and my manager came up to me while I was on my lunch break. He told me that a customer said someone in the parking lot had been loitering around the cars. I went outside to investigate and saw a drunk man pooping on the front of a car. That car was mine. FML

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By welptimetoburntheplacedown - 11/8/2014 15:02 - United States - Louisville

Today, I decided to spend a few days at my grandma's house, to help her clean the place up a bit. So far, she's given me a "no masturbating under my roof" talk, used multiple racist slurs, and yelled "QUIET DOWN!" when I so much as sneezed in the next room. FML

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By ConfusedGinger - 10/11/2016 11:50 - United States - Downingtown

Today, my dog pooped. In my lap. While I was driving. FML

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By XxMe123xx - 19/8/2010 00:51 - France

Today, my boyfriend decided it would be funny to record us having sex and me screaming his name. He set it as my ringtone without telling me. I had my phone volume on high as I was hanging out with my family. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/9/2014 15:55 - United States - Raleigh

Today, I woke up to find a huge zit directly between my two eyebrows. My friends have started calling me "The North Star." FML

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By maryfaithh - 27/1/2012 16:30 - United States

Today, I tried to open a can with a potato peeler. For a minute I forgot what a can opener looked like. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/9/2015 00:03

Today, I caught two kids passing notes to each other in my class, so I told them to see me afterwards. When one of the kids eventually came up, I noticed he was crying. He looked up at me and sobbed out, "I was trying to make my first friend!" FML

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By Anonymous - 7/2/2015 14:33 - United States - Brownwood

Today, my boss was telling everyone his mother recently passed away and he'll be off work for a while. I'd been holding in painful gas for a while, so I tried to ease it out. It turned into a long, squeaky fart in front of everyone. Everyone glared at me as if I was trying to be funny. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/1/2011 19:59 - United Kingdom

Today, I got home from working late and decided to write a cute email to my girlfriend since I haven't seen her in two weeks. I was about to finish it off when my door swung open, and in a panic, I opened another tab to hide my email. It was porn. FML

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By SmallAngel - 22/3/2013 00:35 - United States - Aurora

Today, I found out my mom thought I was a lesbian because I dated a girl in high school. I didn't date anyone in high school. Apparently, guys never asked me out because my best friend told everyone that I was her girlfriend. I had a two-year lesbian relationship that I never knew about. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/12/2011 00:11 - United States

Today, after having spent days working on it, I finished off a really elaborate seasonal greetings card for my boss. When I gave it to him, he took one look at it, flicked it in his trash can and said, "Fuck off, Steve." So much for a Christmas bonus. FML

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By Olive14 - 15/12/2010 06:15

Today, I was caring for a bird that had flown into my window. I thought the poor thing wouldn't make it, when it shit in my hand, flew into my neck, then around my living room for ages before I could manage to get it out of the window. FML

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By insightful - 20/3/2012 04:33 - Australia

Today, I was warning a girl in my art class to be careful with a Stanley knife, as she had managed to cut her finger quite badly. Just as I said it, I sliced my finger open with a Stanley knife. FML

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By Mel - 7/5/2011 22:27 - United States

Today, my fire alarm startled me so badly that I shit myself. FML

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By fatflabbyfail - 20/2/2010 06:09 - United States

Today, after having my bath, I realised that I've gotten so fat that I have to lift up my butt cheeks in order to dry underneath them. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/5/2012 22:09 - Netherlands - Vianen

Today, while at work, I managed to scrape open the inside of my nose with my fingernail, drawing blood in the process. I had to quickly up an explanation for my scream that didn't go: "Well, I was scouting for boogers..." FML

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By N/A - 26/5/2020 02:00

Time is of the essence

Today, my job offer from a Fortune 500 company was canceled because of the coronavirus. This is the third time this year a job I passed interviews and tests for got canceled. I’m an international student who just graduated last week. I only have 90 days to find a job to stay in the US. FML

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By LadySteveMartin - 2/4/2013 00:18 - United States - Woonsocket

Today, I finally had the best sex I've ever had with this really hot guy I've been hanging out with lately. I thought everything was all well and good until he turned to me and said, "You know, your orgasm face kinda reminds me of Steve Martin, but in a good way." FML

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By Jane - 28/4/2016 03:58 - United States - Beaver Falls

Today, my fiancé tells me he loves me about 100 times a day. At first it was cute, but now it's getting really annoying. We can't have a conversation without him throwing in about 10 "I love you"s. I'm beginning to not want to talk to him anymore. FML

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By fifthtimesacharm - 26/4/2011 15:03

Today, it's hot and sunny, and a customer asked me how I was, I responded by saying "It's a hot sunny day. Who doesn't love the sun?" He responded by telling me he had just had three melanomas cut out. I guess I did find someone who doesn't like the sun. FML

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By Dang-ItsDanielle - 7/3/2009 18:28 - United States

Today, I was pushing my 4 year old on the swing. I did what we call our "under doggie push": I throw her up in the air while I run underneath her before she hits me coming back down. I walked away to get my water and she yelled across the park "Can we do it doggie-style again?" FML

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By OutOfTheCloset - 2/6/2012 06:50 - United States - Clifton

Today, I came out of the closet. I came out on Facebook to spare myself awkward conversations and gossip. I wrote a deeply meaningful status about my partner and my pride in who I was. The only responses were, "Lol", "Hacked", and similar remarks. FML

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By sucks - 17/5/2009 23:40 - United States

Today, my dog started to hump my leg. He always does this and I heard that humping the dog back asserted dominance. Well, I decided to, and I dry humped him back. As I was doing this I said "How do you like that!" And then my mom walked in. FML

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Top comments

By summerloolooloo | 0

#837768 - Tuesday 9 February 2010 12:08

So you would rather have his nasty peepee all over your pants then?

By zombzomb | 0

#837787 - Tuesday 9 February 2010 12:12

what does him being chubby have anything to do with it?

Comments

By Geo77_fml | 0

#837748 - Tuesday 9 February 2010 12:04

man that's horrible, that's a definate fml.

Reply

IDOLGIRL | 0

#837899 - Tuesday 9 February 2010 13:10

if you were wearing shorts, why did he pee on you "the whole time"?? why didn't you say or do something about it at the get-go? YDI for letting him whiz on you. Or maybe you're into golden showers?

Reply

mekarski1008 | 0

#838008 - Tuesday 9 February 2010 14:15

Well, there's an upside to wearing shorts, you can wipe the piss off. Other than that, FYL

Reply

mfmylifesrsly | 29

#838080 - Tuesday 9 February 2010 15:06

agree 34. if they were jeans you'd have smelly jeans all day D:

Reply

nadsm | 0

#838085 - Tuesday 9 February 2010 15:12

but it's freezing and snowy in virginia right now. he shouldn't be wearing shorts anyway...

Reply

MetroidSlayer01 | 8

#838403 - Tuesday 9 February 2010 17:14

45 Ftw!!!

Reply

pjfromok | 0

#838409 - Tuesday 9 February 2010 17:16

PWNT!!!!

Reply

Latiote | 6

#838543 - Tuesday 9 February 2010 18:06

was he pregnant?

Reply

fylreally | 0

#838975 - Tuesday 9 February 2010 21:38

How in the fuck do you piss violently. Now, I can see shitting violently.

Reply

bkenney | 0

#839049 - Tuesday 9 February 2010 22:04

you're hot :P

Reply

michael32123 | 0

#840171 - Wednesday 10 February 2010 5:43

"Today, I went to take a shit in a toilet, a fat kid went in the stall next to me and started shitting violently and it got on me the whole time. FML"

Reply

gomego87 | 0

#840361 - Wednesday 10 February 2010 6:57

lmfao?? 65. I love you

Reply

boyguydudemalema | 0

#840365 - Wednesday 10 February 2010 6:59

u totally deserved that one

Reply

astheworldfalls | 0

#840681 - Wednesday 10 February 2010 9:41

Atleast you won't have athletes foot

Reply

bfffness | 0

#842870 - Thursday 11 February 2010 1:57

fuck that, you don't get piss on you with pants.

Reply

sobe23 | 0

#843170 - Thursday 11 February 2010 3:25

lmao. I was just thinking that!!!

Reply

warom | 0

#844399 - Thursday 11 February 2010 12:24

How does one pee violently? Was there blood? Fyl indeed.

Reply

warom | 0

#844404 - Thursday 11 February 2010 12:26

Hahaha oh my god. made my day

Reply

Kasey1994 | 0

#3927360 - Monday 23 January 2012 4:00

Damn bro ... Beat that kids ass haha

By bkullas | 0

#837752 - Tuesday 9 February 2010 12:05

now that's just nasty. I would have pushed him over so he would pee on himself

Reply

themachine122 | 0

#838522 - Tuesday 9 February 2010 17:58

haha that made my day!

Reply

fallenkid | 0

#839841 - Wednesday 10 February 2010 3:34

lol i know I pushed a kid in the bathroom while he was peeing and he got it all over himself

By saucey12 | 1

#837754 - Tuesday 9 February 2010 12:05

ewwwwww, and then you punched him and told him he needs training on how to go to the bathroom

By summerloolooloo | 0

#837768 - Tuesday 9 February 2010 12:08

So you would rather have his nasty peepee all over your pants then?

By IfuckedMYlifebad | 0

#837770 - Tuesday 9 February 2010 12:08

at least there were no urine marks where the pee went. but if you wore long pants It would be different

By R3kli3 | 10

#837776 - Tuesday 9 February 2010 12:10

=O

By froggi_fml | 0

#837778 - Tuesday 9 February 2010 12:10

it was like ur own personal fountain!!..... of pee. o.O

Reply

Ajjas013 | 6

#838395 - Tuesday 9 February 2010 17:11

That's what we call an imported sex trick.

By CherishFlowers | 0

#837779 - Tuesday 9 February 2010 12:10

At least you weren't wearing pants, because then you would have to go home and change. You could probably just wash the pee off your legs, right?

By zombzomb | 0

#837787 - Tuesday 9 February 2010 12:12

what does him being chubby have anything to do with it?

Reply

buddyboyo | 0

#838446 - Tuesday 9 February 2010 17:28

I was thinking the same thing.

Reply

adam511_fml | 4

#2860366 - Sunday 10 July 2011 10:02

seriously

Reply

Bullet4MyChemaMo | 12

#3382782 - Monday 3 October 2011 19:02

I was thinking exactly that as I read it.

Reply

Raidriar | 14

#5968922 - Sunday 8 June 2014 17:53

Maybe the OP wanted to add details? Or was more repulsed because the kid was chubby? Stereotypes and prejudices are a thing unfortunately...

By Yulia_fml | 0

#837788 - Tuesday 9 February 2010 12:12

What I don't get is how the fact that he's chubby affects the story. If he's peeing violently, it's not cause he's fat!

Reply

Yulia_fml | 0

#837872 - Tuesday 9 February 2010 12:57

haha sorry for the repetitive comment. the one right above me was posted within the exact same minute as mine.

Reply

Peroxide | 3

#837873 - Tuesday 9 February 2010 12:58

It could be chode related...

Reply

youthink_fml | 0

#837957 - Tuesday 9 February 2010 13:56

somebody's fat!