Work: Today, I was tutoring a band member. Whenever I ask him to play...

By justgivemethed - 25/04/2013 07:55 - United States - Westminster

Today, I was tutoring a band member. Whenever I ask him to play a D or any D scale, he stops just to snicker and say, "Ha ha. D." He still sucks. I hate his guts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 797

You deserved it 5 550

Work

Our house, in the middle of our street

Dysfunctional

Rulers of the world

Love Hurts

By Anonymous - 30/08/2017 03:29 - United Kingdom

Today, I learned that one of my friends is in love with me. How did I find out? A punch to the face from the boy she's supposed to be in a relationship with, for "coaxing her away" from him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 753

You deserved it 233

By CheeseyPotatoes - 11/04/2011 13:16 - United States

Today, I wore a fake wedding ring on my left hand when buying a pregnancy test so the cashier at Walmart wouldn't think I'm a slut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 672

You deserved it 73 405

Not a sponsored post, honest

By Superwoman678 - 27/10/2020 05:01 - Canada

Today, I found out that I'm pregnant. This brings me bad news and good news. The bad news, I'm a vegetarian. The good news, I finally know why I've been craving Big Macs for the last two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 517

You deserved it 756

By foolishgirl - 25/02/2009 18:41 - United States

Today, I emailed my boyfriend from work. Out of habit, I absent-mindedly entered my department into the "From" field. My boyfriend didn't notice when he replied. Now my entire department knows I want to "drop to my knees and suck him when I get home." And he plans to "finish on my face." FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 870

You deserved it 73 932

By Lentil - 31/01/2012 13:13 - Australia

Today, I went over to my neighbours' to politely complain about their dog, which had been barking non-stop for hours. This issue has been going on for months, and I finally decided today, of all days, was the day to resolve it. When I got there, they'd just got home from giving birth at the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 247

You deserved it 3 909

By ottawaaa - 27/01/2009 22:26 - Canada

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend and as I pulled out to finish I slipped and ended up punching her in the stomach, I came while she was writhing in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 031

You deserved it 10 802

By Anonymous - 20/03/2009 15:07 - United States

Today, I had my girlfriend over and we were hugging when she put her feet on my feet. We started walking around like that and I said, "This is hard to maintain." She replied with "So's your erection." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 568

You deserved it 17 041

Be precise

By Loveless - 07/03/2021 15:30 - United States - Gloucester

Today, I started the conversation where I intended to confess to my crush that I like her. I first asked her if she liked me. She asked me to define my terms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 697

You deserved it 217

By FullOfNick - 10/09/2011 07:11 - United States

Today, I realized too late that a picture in my school Powerpoint presentation of thousands of New Zealand sheep, was actually a picture of thousands of naked men in a field. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 630

You deserved it 35 781

By kenleybunch - 12/03/2013 13:22 - United States - Greenville

Today, I invited my long-lost best friend over, because I haven't seen her much since she got a new boyfriend. 20 minutes into hanging out, he showed up at my door. He still hasn't left, and they're having sex on my couch right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 533

You deserved it 7 544

By foreveralonecatlady - 28/12/2011 06:23 - United States

Today, I was bombarded with pictures of my little sister's Christmas present. It was a huge engagement ring. I got broken up with in public on Christmas eve. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 096

You deserved it 2 887

By Anonymous - 19/02/2010 20:27 - United States

Today, my friends told me, "Don't worry about your bad acne. It kind of looks like the pattern the avatars have on their heads." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 368

You deserved it 2 723

Power tripping

By Anonymous - 05/02/2021 02:00

Today, I got my projects printed and spiral bound, only to get a text from my teacher 30 minutes later that everything must be in black and white. I paid extra money to have them in colour. When I asked her if colour was okay, she said, "I never asked for colour and I want it in black and white for everyone." FML

I agree, your life sucks 926

You deserved it 205

By loser - 10/10/2009 20:45 - France

Today, I was at a bar and very drunk. I went to the urinal and when I was done I went to zip up when I realized I never unzipped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 580

You deserved it 61 179

By sick of life - 23/09/2011 14:48 - United States

Today, I called in sick to work for a second day. After months of my boss trying to get me sacked by spreading vicious rumors about me, taunting me into retaliating, and generally making my life a living hell, he finally got his chance. He sent me a text saying, "yeh dont bother son ure fuckin fired." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 660

You deserved it 3 614

By Ewwwwno - 19/09/2017 11:00 - United States - Seattle

Today, I found out that most of my family has the same fetish as I do. I don't know whether to be revolted or relieved that I'm not the only one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 451

You deserved it 560

Barely legal

By nikki - 04/01/2022 14:01 - United States - Federal Way

Today, my biology teacher subscribed to my OnlyFans. This wouldn’t be weird if the last time I saw or spoke to him wasn't my freshman year of high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 522

You deserved it 1 556

By Lawrence - 06/08/2009 04:55 - United States

Today, I was riding my bike to the local grocery store to pick up some supplies for dinner. On the way down, traveling down a hill, I hit a drain with no lid. I went to grab hold of the nearest object to soften my fall. That nearest object was a barbed wire fence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 599

You deserved it 3 707

By Kaylz - 07/03/2016 04:35 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I was given a $100 cookbook as a gift by a co-worker. The man who shares a desk with me didn't realise it was mine, as he was at lunch when I got it, so he decided to give it to my boss when he walked in. My boss is refusing to return it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 117

You deserved it 1 446

By TheMysteriousTsundere - 03/11/2018 15:30

Today, my dad threw out all my food because a fly landed on a loaf of bread still in its package. He claims the bread and everything else that touched it is "contaminated". That was all the food I had for the rest of the month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 809

You deserved it 145

Issues

By Anonymous - 04/06/2020 05:00

Today, I woke up from a vivid dream in which I murdered my entire family. It took 20 minutes after waking up, drenched in sweat and tears, to realize I'm not a murderer and my life is OK. This dream is recurring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 897

You deserved it 145

Denied

By uglyswimmer - 23/04/2009 01:58 - United States

Today, I was talking to a swimmer I just met. I saw a cute guy and whispered to her, "That guy is hot." She asked "Who?" I pointed at him. She turned to see him, then turned back to me and said "Ew, that's my brother." She went to him, whispered something. He turned around to see me and said, "EW." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 561

You deserved it 7 714

By little nokken - 19/05/2018 13:00 - United States

Today, I was out driving with my dad when the car broke down. He made me get out and push. I am a 5 ft tall 90 lb girl, and the car was an SUV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 762

You deserved it 465

By epicfail - 28/05/2011 06:45 - United States

Today, my boyfriend convinced me to sneak out. As I was climbing out of my 3rd floor window, he got a text and moved the ladder. Now I'm in the hospital with two broken ribs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 540

You deserved it 37 337

By Anonymous - 30/12/2012 23:58 - United States - Denver

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me with the prettiest, most simple ring I have ever seen. I called my sister to tell her the good news, and her response was, "I know. He had me steal the ring from Claire's." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 787

You deserved it 4 029

By proteinboy - 16/11/2009 03:00 - United States

Today, I waited for 20 minutes to get a cab outside grand central station in New York (it was raining). Finally, to my relief, I found a cab but when I got in I let a little fart slip. Two minutes later the cabby kicked me out of his cab because I stunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 688

You deserved it 30 364

By Richard - 07/08/2018 18:30

Today, my friends and I were kicked out of a Red Robin after the manager told us that our server accused us of making "sexually suggestive gestures" towards her. The gesture in question was the circle game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 061

You deserved it 1 430

By Rolax - 06/11/2008 09:38 - France

Today, my boyfriend came up with this thrillingly romantic proposal: “I’m paying way too much income tax. How about we get married?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 347

You deserved it 6 022

By me - 20/12/2010 02:26 - Bulgaria

Today, my roommate asked me to lock the door as we left our place. I told her to use my keys, because my hands were full. Afterwards, she and her boyfriend set off out of town for the next couple of days. She forgot to give me back my keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 008

You deserved it 5 608

By Anonymous - 15/06/2015 02:54 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was drying myself with a towel after a shower when I noticed a bad smell. After running out of toilet paper last night, one of my friends decided to use my clean towel to wipe herself instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 618

You deserved it 2 396

Slow down

By cuz803 - 20/05/2021 17:00

Today, my high school diploma came in the mail. I accidentally ripped the diploma while opening it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 740

You deserved it 456

Grief is weird

By Anonymous - 31/08/2013 16:12 - United States - Modesto

Today, my boyfriend's freshly-repainted car got keyed. He's literally more of an inconsolable wreck now than he was when his own mother passed away last year. When I tried hinting that he was overreacting, he told me to go to hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 318

You deserved it 9 486

By This girl - 19/12/2011 18:01 - United States

Today, I was walking down the street, when I slipped and fell on a patch of ice. It wasn't all that embarrassing, until I walked two more feet and slipped again. The second time, a man pulled over and loudly asked if I was drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 262

You deserved it 3 378

By Anonymous - 04/08/2019 22:00

Today, my girlfriend threw boiling water at me to get me off my phone. It worked, but now I'm burned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 873

You deserved it 260

By aninnocentonlooker - 04/12/2011 05:35 - United States

Today, I was driving my drunk best friend and his "new friend" back to his house. Halfway, this new friend started to give him head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 367

You deserved it 3 873

By the_pheasant66 - 26/06/2010 10:31 - Ireland

Today, I got my eyebrow pierced. When I got home to show my family, my little sister said, "That's so fake!" and tore it off my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 050

You deserved it 10 998

By StepFather - 31/08/2019 08:01 - United States - Lake Worth

Today, I found out that my step-daughter, who is 29, still living at home and planning her wedding 2 years from now and who I've completely supported since marrying her mother 16 years ago, wants her cousin to walk her down the aisle and not me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 019

You deserved it 183

By Welp - 14/06/2017 14:00

Today, I failed my nursing clinical for, "being too nice". FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 181

You deserved it 408

By lolu - 10/10/2010 21:45 - United States

Today, my friends threw me a Halloween themed party for my sweet sixteen. When I arrived, one of my friends jumped out from behind the door, dressed as Michael Myers. I peed myself in front of everyone I knew. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 694

You deserved it 6 276

By dumpedandstranded - 15/10/2009 20:19 - Canada

Today, I flew to Mexico with my (now ex) boyfriend of two years. It was my first time flying, and apparently I have a fear. I had a panic attack on the plane. When we landed, I got dumped for "causing a scene." I am now stranded in Mexico alone for two weeks with no hotel room booked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 759

You deserved it 5 161

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Top comments

DocBastard 38

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Thursday 25 April 2013 19:08

You should tell him to play F. As in "F you".

s0m3guy2010 21

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Thursday 25 April 2013 19:17

Maybe not. According to OP, the boy sucks on the D.

DocBastard 38

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Thursday 25 April 2013 19:08

You should tell him to play F. As in "F you".

Damian95 16

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Thursday 25 April 2013 20:17

Or tell him he's B-ing an idiot.

Reaper1984 13

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Thursday 25 April 2013 20:37

Or tell him he's B-ing an A-hole

sonicgreg 12

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Thursday 25 April 2013 20:52

jjessen 20

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Friday 26 April 2013 0:08

You could always just tell him, C-ya

MidnaLink 33

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Friday 26 April 2013 1:32

Tell him "G, you're hopeless!"

asimplesharpie 7

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Thursday 25 April 2013 19:09

Oh I'm sorry. But just think. One day you'll actually go somewhere and he'll be stuck in a 6th grade mindset.

_DudeGuy_ 16

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Thursday 25 April 2013 19:26

Op, you might hate his guts, but you love the rest of him! Is that why you want him to give you a D?

Talooka 10

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Thursday 25 April 2013 19:11

Tell him he's really good and build up his confidence to play in front of a crowd. After he's booed off stage, tell him his performance gets him a D.

SoulAmeliorate 16

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Thursday 25 April 2013 19:12

He wants the D Someone better D-liver it!

Welshite 39

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Thursday 25 April 2013 19:26

Deliver my liver, please.

_DudeGuy_ 16

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Thursday 25 April 2013 19:27

Welshite, if you don't like liver? Oh well, more for me >:D

Welshite 39

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Thursday 25 April 2013 19:30

#17: Aren't you just the selfish one?

_DudeGuy_ 16

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Thursday 25 April 2013 19:32

Welshite, you better not get between me and my food >:). My mom tried that once... ONCE.

Welshite 39

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Thursday 25 April 2013 19:40

I'm tougher than your mother. There's nothing better than biting into raw liver, and feeling the blood drip down your chin. I use the blood on my hands to paint pictures too. My best drawing so far has been of a flower.

perdix 29

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Thursday 25 April 2013 19:13

But I thought Snickers really satisfy. Hey, you get paid by the hour, so the more time he wastes with Beavis and Butthead humor, the more you get paid for doing nothing.

_DudeGuy_ 16

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Thursday 25 April 2013 19:29

Where does it say "by the hour"? I've been tutored by the class before. Not to forget, if the kid doesn't learn anything, OP could get fired.

Sir_ND_Pity 35

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Thursday 25 April 2013 20:07

19 - It is fair for 6 to make the assumption that it is by the hour since that is how most tutoring services charge. Also, there is a difference between negligence and unwillingness on the part of the tutor and on the part of the student. If the student is unwilling to learn and purposely not trying to learn, that is not the fault of the tutor. OP is more likely to quit than get fired.

SneezyC 15

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Sunday 28 April 2013 6:53

I'm in band and unless op has private tutoring with people, op doesn't get paid. I've been tutored when I switched instruments, I got tutored during band class at school.