By Anonymous - 25/04/2013 15:10 - Canada - Midland

Spicy
Today, I was excited for my first date in a while, with a "tall handsome business man." Turns out he "doesn't feel emotions anymore", likes getting peed on, and "doesn't do condoms." Thanks, internet dating. FML
I agree, your life sucks 58 830
You deserved it 15 306

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You just have to understand Internet dating lingo. "Tall handsome man" means "short ugly freak". "Hot blonde" means at least 350 pounds. And when they actually admit to being freaky, run.

Sounds like he wouldn't need to worry about the condoms, he isn't getting laid anyways.

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You just have to understand Internet dating lingo. "Tall handsome man" means "short ugly freak". "Hot blonde" means at least 350 pounds. And when they actually admit to being freaky, run.

Reminds me of the commercial: "This is my date, he's a French model! Ummmm...baaanjewr"

I dunno, Doc. I tried being honest in my dating profile, but apparently people don't like "troll-like, squat, and hideous."

Maybe "hot blonde" for someone over 350 pounds is accurate, as in he gets overheated easily. It's all about marketing: "squat" should be written as "solid", "troll-like" is "exotic" or "foreign" if you're desperate. I'm drawing a blank on "hideous", though...

42- I believe that would be aesthetically abstract.

I'm rewriting my online dating profile now. "Into porn" reads too much like "in porn" and can be misleading.

Omg 18, I love that commercial! Haha and as for OP, "don't do internet dating...."

#2, Doc, do you mean run FROM them or run TO them? I guess it depends on how their freaky lines up with your freaky, right?

I'm actually 450..

#79, if you're the girl in the picture, suddenly, I'm a plumpa humpa! ;)

Hahahah! I've never heard that term before.

What's wrong with being short?

Nicolas Sarcozi. Look at his height, then look at his wife.

115- yeah, probably closer to that. But don't tell.

#62 don't knock it till you tried it.

#79, 450 newtons would be around 100 lbs, which could be nice, but I don't know if you could handle my 8.

Sounds like he wouldn't need to worry about the condoms, he isn't getting laid anyways.

Haha, good point!

Likes getting peed on? Goodbye.

He should find R. Kelly.

He'd be a good match for Bear Grylls

122- has he checked the cupboard yet?

Do you mean the closet?

Twas a reference to the madtv skit but yea he's definitely there too

@4 - I read that in the voice of AOL.

147, Where do you think MAD got the idea?

Why is likes getting peed on the only thing not in quotations? Is it because you found this fact out some other way than him literally saying it?

I don't think someone would say "I likes getting peed on." She didn't quote it because she was stating a trait, not what he said.

Exactly... How did this trait come to light? I choose to believe that some pee happened to fall on him, and he noticeably enjoyed it.

He doesn't feel emotions! How could he enjoy getting peed on?

He also wouldn't say 'i doesn't do condoms'.

If he was smarter he would have said, "I doesn't do not doing condoms."

Ureally are a jerk, FreshPie.

Thank you! You are my new Internet hero!

Some people like tee. Fact of life.

People like tees? Well, yeah, if they're into golf and such. Personally, I prefer tee-hees.

personally, i prefer tee-tees. the bigger tee-tees are best.

I prefer tee-shirts. They cover my temple body!

Oh the joys of Internet dating

"I met him on the internet, he's a French model"

While I however have never done internet dating I found my fiance through the internet and am quite happy with her, have been for three years.

What a freak!! Wow. Sounds like that Internet commercial for State Farm and she allegedly meets a French model on the Internet. It's actually a white guy with a fanny pack that says, "bonjour" lol. Sorry it didn't work out for you op, be glad it didn't actually! Guy has some real issues.

"uhh bahn-jore?"

"It's actually a white guy"? White people can't be French? Haha.

They can be white but this guy was not even close to being French. Haha. He was so American. Lol.

He "likes getting peed on..." Is there someone accompanying him on this in his free time?