Transportation: Today, I was trying to get my car out of my boyfriend's apartment...

By ocroyalty - United States

Today, I was trying to get my car out of my boyfriend's apartment garage but couldn't. Why? Because somebody decided to park in front if the garage door and have sex. Complete with steamed windows and loud noises. FML

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Transportation

There's no helping some people

Vulture

Dominion

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend tried to tell me that he was worried our child might not be mine because he was cheating on me when I got pregnant. FML

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70740

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By laundry day again... - United States

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend, who has frequent night terrors, also sleepwalks. And apparently sleep-pisses on the bathroom rug. FML

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45645

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after coming home from hanging out with a few friends, my mom told me that I shouldn't hang out with them any more. Why? Because "they are way hotter than I am and I'll never get a boyfriend if I'm always the ugly one in my group." FML

I agree, your life sucks

45636

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By ScaryOldMan - United States

Today, while trying to sleep, I kept hearing this groan/scream for help for about an hour. I decided to call 911 to send someone to investigate. Police came, I received a $100 parking fine and another citation for improper use of 911. The noise? Just a dog howling. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29534

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By onwardsandupwards

Need help

Today, I went to the cemetery to visit a friend. As I was looking for his burial plot, I fell into a dug out grave and had to call my partner to come help me get out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1915

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431

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By peteto818 - Bulgaria - Pernik

Today, my boyfriend jokingly said that if I didn't pass my exam, he wouldn't have sex with me for a month. I failed it, and now he thinks I did it on purpose. FML

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35872

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By Sammy - United States

Today, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. My husband, the father of the baby, got a birdie on the golf course at the exact same time. FML

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47703

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5524

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By gotmilk? - United States - Pompano Beach

Today, my dad was telling me some childhood stories. He mentioned I once started sucking on a cow's udder when I was 2, and I asked why didn't he stop me. His response: "You were an accident and I wasn't good at the parenting thing". FML

I agree, your life sucks

26523

You deserved it

1827

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By Ouch - United States

Today, I was very sick and kept throwing up. I took a shower after every time I threw up. While in the shower after I threw up, I had to throw up again, so I got out and ran to the toilet. I slipped on the tile, broke my nose on the floor, and then threw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57481

You deserved it

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By YYY

Today, I put all my clothes into two piles. One pile had clothes I usually wear, the other clothes I wanted to donate. When I was done, I put the piles into two jumbo trash bags. I came back a bit later and they both were gone. My mom donated both bags. I have no clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1751

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980

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By InstantHardOn - United States

Whenever

Today, my girlfriend has a new obsession: grabbing my junk and whispering in my ear the song, "Baby, Imma Be Your Motivation." Problem? I get an instant boner and she only does it in public, because it's "funny as hell." FML

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43383

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By Anonymous - Canada - Lindsay

Today, while working as a swim instructor, I started singing the hokey pokey to get all the kids used to putting their faces in the water. One of the kids was covering his ears. When I asked him why, he said "because you were singing." He's 3. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43309

You deserved it

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By lonely

Today, not only can I not get a real boyfriend, I can't even get one on the Sims. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1391

You deserved it

264

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By Anonymous - United States - Albuquerque

Today, I got stuck in an elevator for well over an hour while riding it up to my weight and fitness class. Very funny, universe. FML

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40955

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By not a shitty situation so fuck you - United States - San Francisco

Today, in a public toilet, I got to experience a guy high out of his mind kicking in my locked stall door and puking all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13739

You deserved it

756

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By xorenae - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had an interview for an office job. As a requirement, I had to show up dressed for the job. My friend has worked there for years and told me it was casual dress. I wore jeans and a blouse. Everyone else had on business suits. Obviously my friend doesn't know what casual means. FML

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29920

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7919

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By Jebus - United States

Today, I walked to Starbucks. On the way a homeless guy asked me for change and I lied and said I had no money. On my way back, Strawberry Frappuccino in hand, the same guy recognized me. He followed me for 3 blocks, swearing and yelling at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29064

You deserved it

60880

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By rian - 3/4/2021 21:30

Redesign

Today, my house was broken into. Nothing was stolen, but my laptop had feces smeared all over it. FML

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940

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By lovingpsychosis - United Kingdom

Today, my mom asked if I was seeing anyone. I launched into a description of my girlfriend, only for her to interrupt, saying that she meant a therapist, and the fact that I'd just made up a relationship was further proof that I needed one. I really do have a girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44001

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3832

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By Whoopsx99 - United States

Today, I accidentally emailed the entire company everyone's salary, sales history, and the names of four people I intended to fire. FML

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13782

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By oh... - United States - Springfield

Today, I realized that when my dad said he would pay for my college, he really meant that he was going to forge my signature on a student loan in my name and not make payments on it. FML

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51294

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3588

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By Anonymous - 9/6/2020 02:00

Notification sound

Today, I farted during a Zoom call in front of our client. I thought mic was muted. My Team Lead had lot of things to say to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1069

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714

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By Anonymous - 28/9/2020 11:02

Clean break

Today, I'd taken this girl I'd recently met through Facebook dating to my family cabin. Apparently, her hygiene wasn't that great, because she didn't shower all weekend. The entire 4-hour ride back to her house was miserable, as every time she opened up her legs it smelled like a dead rat. I'm still mortified. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1290

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293

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By nicknick2 - United States

Today, I was at Walmart with my mom, when a guy next to me let out a series of vicious farts. Assuming it was me, my mom chewed me out in front of the guy and made me apologize. The man looked at my mom and said, "Children, they're so immature." FML

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46950

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By unlucky_number13 - United States

Today, my crush came over and we began to fool around. He started to kiss my stomach, and just when I was getting into it, he pulled away with a disgusted look on his face, wiped his mouth, and said, "We'll continue this when you get rid of all your bellybutton lint." FML

I agree, your life sucks

21833

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62470

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By Anonymous

Today, my boyfriend just told me the picture of "him as a baby" was really his son. FML

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2076

You deserved it

154

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By davifilo - Australia - Queanbeyan

Today, I went bowling. I noticed a 10-year-old holding an iPod Touch which had the exact same customized case with my name on it as my iPod that was stolen a year ago at the same bowling centre. Even better, the parents yelled at me for accusing him. I got kicked out the bowling centre. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31904

You deserved it

2603

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By fuckadaisical - United Kingdom - Pontypridd

Today, my boyfriend's idea of foreplay was to offer to make lunch, leave the room for a few minutes, then come back with no clothes on and offer me a "cockmeat sandwich". FML

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55258

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By Anonymous

Today, my girlfriend threw boiling water at me to get me off my phone. It worked, but now I'm burned. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1837

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256

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to my cousin's farm with my family. First I was pooped on by a goose, peed on by a puppy, bit in the face by the mother dog, fell through the floor of the barn loft, and without knowing it was electric, rested my hand on the horse fence. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45511

You deserved it

9302

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By nobar

Today, I learned how to make my fridge colder. I felt that what it was set on felt a little warmer than normal, so I turned it down. Now everything in my fridge is frozen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

695

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1627

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By BrokeAF - United States - Great Barrington

Today, my ex showed up to pick up our kids in her brand new car. Last month child support doubled my amount because of a paperwork error. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2897

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321

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By klutz - United States - Woburn

Today, I broke my fifth bone in three years. While I'd like say that they've all been scary, athletic injuries, most have been from attempting to do things as mundane as walking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7477

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853

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By Angelofkarma - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend of 2 years took me to get a tattoo done with his name on. He paid for it. After it was done he told me it was over between us and he thought it'd be a nice reminder of him for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

314108

You deserved it

173029

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By ForeverYoung

Today, I got mistaken for a high school freshman. It’s my 23rd birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1324

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214

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By Fattypatty - United States

Today, I realized how fat I really am. While going to the bathroom I leaned to the side to wipe my butt and heard a crack. Not knowing what it was, I continued to wipe. After I finished, I got up to see that I'd cracked the toilet seat in half. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25259

You deserved it

58171

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By M_Kclift1994 - United States

Today, I fell asleep after finishing my exam. I had a dream I was falling and woke up smashing my face on the desk. Everyone laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26655

You deserved it

8444

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By Anonymous - United States - Cabin John

Today, I got home from work to find my boyfriend sobbing hysterically over the death of his cat. The only cat he could be talking about is the one on his Sims account. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29124

You deserved it

3210

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By Florida Girl

It wasn't me

Today, I met my boyfriend’s parents for the first time today and learned that his mom is from the same area as my dad. Before I could tell a funny story of my dad’s senior prank, his mom said during her senior year, some asshole spray-painted their school mascot on their football field. That was my dad’s senior prank. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2212

You deserved it

315

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By pea - United States

Today, I had a lady come in to order a pizza. She wanted to use a free delivery coupon. After telling her several times that she couldn't use a free delivery coupon, unless she was having the pizza delivered, she told me I have horrible people skills. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33296

You deserved it

3008

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Top comments

By TruckerGustav | 0

#815765 - Monday 1 February 2010 16:12

If I were you, I'll make them move by honking incessantly.

By DeepSouthEmo | 0

#816924 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 0:26

i would knock on the window and look at them so they feel awkward 

COMMENTS

By kivkiv | 2

#815746 - Monday 1 February 2010 16:08

they beat ya to it haha

Shystai | 0

#816676 - Monday 1 February 2010 22:43

Honk. 50 times. Then 500. Then 5000 times.

Lancerman7449 | 0

#816922 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 0:26

hit the gas, tht'll move em

emoss22 | 0

#817881 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 5:50

ur hott

girlygirllol8 | 0

#818021 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 6:54

I know, I am hot

animefreak101 | 0

#818054 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 7:11

but u gotta admit that's funny

lovethiscaligirl | 0

#819034 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 19:38

wow u that REALLY sucks for u

My2864 | 1

#979830 - Wednesday 14 April 2010 23:02

just cockblock the dude by banging on the windows
xD

sammy92 | 0

#2161551 - Tuesday 8 March 2011 11:05

sounds like fun hahaha

cocobulla1 | 4

#2547667 - Sunday 22 May 2011 6:40

betcha ur jealous!!!!

cocobulla1 | 4

#2547671 - Sunday 22 May 2011 6:42

lol I bet u also wanked off while watching!!!!

By BadPinkKitty07 | 0

#815755 - Monday 1 February 2010 16:10

I always did think garages were sexy. :/

infiniti_G | 0

#817809 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 5:26

i think I'm in love ^^

shamRawer | 0

#817819 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 5:27

lol WTF

girlygirllol8 | 0

#818026 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 6:55

what does ^^ mean????????

byronthegrim | 0

#818087 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 7:41

that means 2 tits :-D, jk it's a happy face

By lilbyrd43 | 0

#815758 - Monday 1 February 2010 16:11

Haha that's hot

By TruckerGustav | 0

#815765 - Monday 1 February 2010 16:12

If I were you, I'll make them move by honking incessantly.

DeepSouthEmo | 0

#816924 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 0:26

i would knock on the window and look at them so they feel awkward 

By allen20 | 0

#815770 - Monday 1 February 2010 16:13

Pop their tires :D
they'll have a big surprise as soon as they get out(:

MetroidSlayer01 | 8

#816485 - Monday 1 February 2010 21:02

but then she would be stuck there longer...

UK_fml | 0

#818062 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 7:22

WIN 

By igetinyourpants | 0

#815787 - Monday 1 February 2010 16:18

yea... u would do that cause u are a white trash or uneducated nigga

By theleader89 | 0

#815790 - Monday 1 February 2010 16:18

lol just open the door yell hey!!! mind if i join!?

By omnistryder | 0

#815805 - Monday 1 February 2010 16:21

ha! call a bunch of friends over and pop some popcorn

ihavenoname123 | 0

#816773 - Monday 1 February 2010 23:30

maybe they wanna pop sonething else?

MinaGermania | 12

#5878440 - Friday 7 March 2014 18:12

Best 3D P0rn ever :)

By uhohuscrewedup | 0

#815815 - Monday 1 February 2010 16:24

get a video cam and record it, they'll move.

TheCoolDude16 | 0

#821204 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 9:25

nobody wants to see that--- FAIL

By Th217 | 2

#815837 - Monday 1 February 2010 16:31

or just call the cops...

stewie1744 | 0

#818151 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 8:39

11, ur a fuckin dumbass

piemasterp | 8

#2219975 - Tuesday 22 March 2011 1:46

how is he a dumbass?