Transportation: Today, I was trying to get my car out of my boyfriend's apartment...

By ocroyalty - United States

Today, I was trying to get my car out of my boyfriend's apartment garage but couldn't. Why? Because somebody decided to park in front if the garage door and have sex. Complete with steamed windows and loud noises. FML

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Transportation

Messed up

White line fever

Everyone's an expert

By anonymous - United States - Vacaville

Today, my boyfriend was giving me a back massage while I was laying on my stomach. A few minutes into it, he stopped. I turned around to see why; he was taking a picture of my butt. FML

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By Grant - United States

Today, I found out that my son told my daughter at some point that "real" name for Hershey's Kisses is "blowjobs." I found this out because at kindergarten she was asked what her favorite food was. The teacher wasn't happy when she called me. FML

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36657

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By Anonymous - Croatia - Zagreb

Today, my wife paid a man with a fake crystal and an even faker accent to investigate the creakiness of our apartment complex floors. $300 later, she told me he'd found a "sinkhole of chi energy" and that the building may collapse if we don't pay him to disperse it. I want a divorce. FML

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31337

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By Anonymous - United States - New York

Today, the kid next to me asked me, in all seriousness, if gay people have feelings like regular people. I'm gay, and I have to sit next to this barnacle until June. FML

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55902

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By Anonymous - United States - Seattle

Today, I got an e-mail regarding an IT support job I applied to. The e-mail had numerous formatting errors due to bad code, and typos all over the place. It said I wasn't qualified for the job. FML

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41741

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By khaelian - United States

Today, my girlfriend fell down the stairs and broke her ankle. She also had a bruise on her leg due to her friend biting her. I spent the night in the hospital to be there for her and support her, but I should have expected that the nurses would treat me like a criminal. FML

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34313

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By Kathryn - United States

Today, I went to my favorite all you can eat buffet. The cook tapped my shoulder and told me to stop eating. FML

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31345

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By Anonymous - United States - Adrian

Today, my boyfriend told me how jealous he gets when I "hang out" with Dylan. Dylan is the 5-year-old boy whom I babysit every day. My boyfriend wants me to stop, because apparently Dylan cockblocks him. FML

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49154

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, during dinner, my family had a discussion about the color of poop. FML

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31602

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By u.p.i.c. - United States - Los Angeles

Today, the smell of my own fart made me feel hungry. FML

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1092

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By hala - United States

Today, I was out with my friend. My six year old daughter was also with us. While we were walking through the parking lot, my daughter asked me in a very loud voice "Mommy, does a blow job taste bad?" FML

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By strangebeans - United States

Today, my parents informed that the man I am going to marry made the newspaper, on page twelve. He is listed as a fugitive and there is a warrant out for his arrest. FML

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29528

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By DevilsTemptation - United Kingdom - Dundee

Today, my dad got extremely drunk, so I took away his car keys and left on foot. When I came back, I saw that he had broken down my door. Now my dad is mad at me for not giving him the keys when he was drunk, and I'm door-less. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1571

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By Anonymous

Today, my girlfriend threw my X-box out the window, because I asked her how much she weighs. FML

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28180

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By Bullocks - United States - Rochester

Today, while I was at work in a machine shop, I cut myself really bad. Not by any sharp tools, drills, or metals I work with. Just the soap dispenser. FML

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23136

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By nearsighted-ut

Cool nickname

Today, I was watching TV when my older brother thought it would be funny to rip a bare-assed fart in my face before a shower. I looked up, only to see a brown blob on my glasses. My nickname is now "Shitfaced." FML

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1824

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By Told_You_So - United States

Today, I was in the car with my mom and dad. My mom turned around and asked, "Have you had sex yet?" I said no, which is true. My dad cracked up and said, "Told you so!" My mom frowned, took out her wallet, and handed him $20. My parents bet on my nonexistent sex life. FML

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65860

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By Nicky_ham - Canada - Regina

Today, a 65-ish year-old man told me that he's married and not supposed to look at other women, but that I tempt him. All while sitting next to his wife, who then told me I was going to hell. FML

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24529

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By kady - United States

Today, my boyfriend was holding my hair back while I threw up. The smell then reached him and caused him to throw up in my hair. FML

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34844

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By Canadagirl

Today, my boyfriend of seven and a half years broke up with me. By text message. FML

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4154

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By girlshavepenises - New Zealand

Today, in science, we were studying reproduction. Our teacher was reading out the notes and claimed that 'the female's penis stiffens to enter the male's vagina.' I'm supposed to be learning stuff from this woman. FML

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47213

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By vanillapudding6 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my mom and dad went to court to negotiate child support for me and my brothers. During the meeting, my dad was asked, "Sir, are you saying that the only reason you want your sons to live with you full time is so you don't have to pay child support?" To which he responded, "Yes." FML

I agree, your life sucks

27063

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By anonymous - Australia - Queanbeyan

Today, my OCD boyfriend stopped mid-way through sex just to crack all ten of his knuckles after accidentally cracking one. FML

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32317

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By Anonymous - United States - Baton Rouge

Today, I spent a half hour trying to help my cat down after he got stuck in the tree on my lawn. I finally gave up and called a local tree care company to help. When I returned outside, I found my cat casually walking about by the door. The guy who showed up to help was not happy. FML

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28807

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By j.b. - United States

Today, I found out that my husband thinks its okay to have an online girlfriend and have naked pictures sent to his email because he's not "physically touching, making love, or kissing". The sad part is that the online girlfriend gets more action than me. FML

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40436

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By theJoblessArchaeologist - Canada - Vancouver

Today, as within the last couple of years, my dream job is only accepting applications from students continuing their degree in the fall. Literally, people with half degrees can get what I can't get with a full degree and experience. FML

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4212

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while I was at the beach I decided to go into the ocean even though the waves looked rough. While I was in the water, I got caught by the riptide and needed to be saved. The reason I was at the beach? I'm a lifeguard. Now all my co-workers won't stop laughing at me. FML

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31020

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By j

Today, I found out that the co-worker I have been dating and falling for is the same co-worker that had been spreading rumors about me and getting me in trouble with my boss. FML

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32487

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By myfamilyisodd - United States

Today, I had to take my son to the emergency room for shooting himself in the ass with a BB gun. FML

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32384

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By Ackno

Today, I was having sex with my husband when the pores on his forehead triggered my trypophobia. We had to stop before I had a panic attack. FML

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5922

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By All The Best People Are Crazy~ - Canada - Oakville

Today, my cat used his expensive new bed for the first time since he got it last month. He used it as a litter box. FML

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8915

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By Anon - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up really early before my mom so I could make pancakes for mother's day. I placed everything on a tray and even picked a flower, had a card for her and took it to her bedroom. She said "You shouldn't have, pancakes are fattening." She took one bite and fed the rest to the dogs. FML

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By Superwoman678 - 27/10/2020 05:01 - Canada

Not a sponsored post, honest

Today, I found out that I'm pregnant. This brings me bad news and good news. The bad news, I'm a vegetarian. The good news, I finally know why I've been craving Big Macs for the last two weeks. FML

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498

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By ChubbyButt - Canada - Brampton

Today, I was at the doctor's for a regular check-up. When my appointment was over and I was about to walk out, she yelled across the room in front of everyone, "Oh and if you could lose some weight, that'd be great." FML

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35990

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By Chels - United States

Today, I had an elderly man come to my cash register. His total came to $15.50 He handed me $5 in nickels and dimes. A full roll of quarters. Before I could take the roll, he bust it open, making me count it. After that was all counted he was 50 cents short. So he handed me a $10 bill. FML

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40012

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By Anonymous - United States - Anchorage

Today, my father told all of us that he eloped with his girlfriend of two months. I am engaged to the woman's daughter, and have been engaged since before they met, but now my family is making fun of me for marrying my "sister". FML

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3449

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By titkip - Kenya - Nairobi

Today, I got a text from a call girl. She asked me to delete her number because I am too demanding. FML

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18674

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By stupid - United States

Today, I had to hand write a 10 page essay for one of my classes. When I turned it in I got an automatic zero. It was written in blue. Not black. FML

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48745

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By theflow - Australia - Perth

Today, thanks to a new form of birth control, I've now been having my period non-stop for six weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42104

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By caligirl921 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. When I orgasmed, my leg flew out and I accidentally kicked him in the balls. For the next ten minutes, he lay in the fetal position. FML

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31927

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Top comments

By TruckerGustav | 0

#815765 - Monday 1 February 2010 16:12

If I were you, I'll make them move by honking incessantly.

By DeepSouthEmo | 0

#816924 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 0:26

i would knock on the window and look at them so they feel awkward 

COMMENTS

By kivkiv | 2

#815746 - Monday 1 February 2010 16:08

they beat ya to it haha

Shystai | 0

#816676 - Monday 1 February 2010 22:43

Honk. 50 times. Then 500. Then 5000 times.

Lancerman7449 | 0

#816922 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 0:26

hit the gas, tht'll move em

emoss22 | 0

#817881 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 5:50

ur hott

girlygirllol8 | 0

#818021 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 6:54

I know, I am hot

animefreak101 | 0

#818054 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 7:11

but u gotta admit that's funny

lovethiscaligirl | 0

#819034 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 19:38

wow u that REALLY sucks for u

My2864 | 1

#979830 - Wednesday 14 April 2010 23:02

just cockblock the dude by banging on the windows
xD

sammy92 | 0

#2161551 - Tuesday 8 March 2011 11:05

sounds like fun hahaha

cocobulla1 | 4

#2547667 - Sunday 22 May 2011 6:40

betcha ur jealous!!!!

cocobulla1 | 4

#2547671 - Sunday 22 May 2011 6:42

lol I bet u also wanked off while watching!!!!

By BadPinkKitty07 | 0

#815755 - Monday 1 February 2010 16:10

I always did think garages were sexy. :/

infiniti_G | 0

#817809 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 5:26

i think I'm in love ^^

shamRawer | 0

#817819 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 5:27

lol WTF

girlygirllol8 | 0

#818026 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 6:55

what does ^^ mean????????

byronthegrim | 0

#818087 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 7:41

that means 2 tits :-D, jk it's a happy face

By lilbyrd43 | 0

#815758 - Monday 1 February 2010 16:11

Haha that's hot

By TruckerGustav | 0

#815765 - Monday 1 February 2010 16:12

If I were you, I'll make them move by honking incessantly.

DeepSouthEmo | 0

#816924 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 0:26

i would knock on the window and look at them so they feel awkward 

By allen20 | 0

#815770 - Monday 1 February 2010 16:13

Pop their tires :D
they'll have a big surprise as soon as they get out(:

MetroidSlayer01 | 8

#816485 - Monday 1 February 2010 21:02

but then she would be stuck there longer...

UK_fml | 0

#818062 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 7:22

WIN 

By igetinyourpants | 0

#815787 - Monday 1 February 2010 16:18

yea... u would do that cause u are a white trash or uneducated nigga

By theleader89 | 0

#815790 - Monday 1 February 2010 16:18

lol just open the door yell hey!!! mind if i join!?

By omnistryder | 0

#815805 - Monday 1 February 2010 16:21

ha! call a bunch of friends over and pop some popcorn

ihavenoname123 | 0

#816773 - Monday 1 February 2010 23:30

maybe they wanna pop sonething else?

MinaGermania | 12

#5878440 - Friday 7 March 2014 18:12

Best 3D P0rn ever :)

By uhohuscrewedup | 0

#815815 - Monday 1 February 2010 16:24

get a video cam and record it, they'll move.

TheCoolDude16 | 0

#821204 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 9:25

nobody wants to see that--- FAIL

By Th217 | 2

#815837 - Monday 1 February 2010 16:31

or just call the cops...

stewie1744 | 0

#818151 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 8:39

11, ur a fuckin dumbass

piemasterp | 8

#2219975 - Tuesday 22 March 2011 1:46

how is he a dumbass?