Today, I was trying to fix a broken desk fan. I'd taken the guard off and was trying to unscrew the blades, when my roommate decided it'd be funny to plug it in. The blades sliced into my thumb. I need stitches, and he still thinks it's hilarious. FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, while observing a surgery, I was asked to open a glass ampule of adrenaline. Not only did I break it and get it everywhere, I sliced open my thumb bad enough to need stitches. FML
Today, in an attempt to be frugal, I tried to repair my own sometimes-faulty toaster. Turns out I unplugged the wrong kitchen appliance, which I only discovered by electrocuting myself while pulling it apart. Now it's definitely broken, will need replacing, and I have a burn. FML
Today, I sliced my finger open because my roommate's girlfriend put a broken ceramic plate in the recycling. I was putting some paper in the bin and all of a sudden, an inch and a half of my flesh is naked to the world. I don't have medical insurance, so I fixed it with Superglue. FML
Today, on my building site, I asked one of the guys to pass me a screwdriver. He threw it so hard that when I caught it, it stabbed into the meat of my finger and came clean out the other side. Now all the guys keep joking I got royally screwed. The jokes are worse than the pain. FML
Today, while demonstrating our new meat slicer at work, and after sharpening the blade at the end of the demonstration, I noticed some metal powder. I grabbed a rag to wipe it off, not realizing the blade was still in the “open” position. I now have six stitches and a really painful finger. FML
Today, I tripped and fell on my open dishwasher, right onto a carving knife. I'm mostly ok, except that my nipple has been sliced neatly in half. Seriously, the two halves keep flapping open like a little mouth. It would be funnier if it wasn't so painful. FML
Today, I was finally able to get around to a totally free day when I could do some much needed DIY around the house. Before I even started, I cut my hand on a Stanley knife almost to the bone, and had to get 8 stitches. My wife thinks I did it on purpose to get out of doing the repairs. FML
Today, I was helping tidy up after my girlfriend's flat warming. I went to put a sharp kitchen knife in the sink while she was washing dishes, and stabbed her in the finger instead. FML
Today, I sliced a deep gash into my thumb while carving up bagels. After putting a plaster on, I returned to my room to relax, where I lit a candle. The flame from my new lighter shot up, and set fire to the plaster on my thumb. Now I have a cut AND several burns. FML
Today, I accidentally superglued my hand to my grandmother's ornate fan while trying to fix it. FML
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Top comments
dudeman1212 22
Guess he's not a fan of you
expertsmilee 26
I'd rotate roommates if I were you.
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Comments (110)
RabbitOfAurora 28
I think you mean "ex-roommate" OP. That's downright dangerous and if he doesn't even feel bad it's time to cut all ties, much like he cut your thumb.
kellyem2 20
Wow. When your thumb heals I hope you punch him. That's ridiculous.
lulinator 40
OP could just use the other hand to punch.
Phoebe18 14
Unless OP can only use certain hand to land a decent punch and that hand is the one that's injured. I know for me personally I could only throw a decent punch/slap with my right hand and I don't have as much control over my left. Maybe OP is in the same boat and hitting with the other hand wouldn't work out. Or maybe OP just isn't into violence
havok87 11
An ass kicking and the med bill is what he's getting.
asargent 14
Is it not still hilarious?
shanannygians07 28
I always laugh when I get hurt
LilFidget 4
Hand him the bill and see if he's still laughing at that point.
laylaeve 9
What douche bag...make him pay for your stitches
skittyskatbrat 19
It's all fan and games until somebody gets hurt.
tman1985 9
then it becomes a sport
njgohard 16
Time to sue.
GentlemanBastard 15
Whoa calm down there, killer.
lulinator 40
I just watched a day of TV at my parents', due to being ill. I don't have cable at my own home, let alone any American channels. I was pretty taken aback that basically fifty per cent of commercials were for lawyers. Do you really sue for anything?
PoisonOrchid 21
Yes, people do over here and it's obnoxious.
lulinator 40
Crazy. In Canada, we'd have an apology war. "I'm sorry." "No, it was my fault, I'm sorry." Unless, of course, there was spillage of a Tim's coffee. If that happens, shit's on like Donkey Kong.
NessieMonster188 17
This was so funny it left me in stitches
MrDonSalvetti 27
Sorry OP, but I would beat the shit out of that ass. That's not funny at all! Lucky that you hurt just your thumb! That could have gone worse!