Love: Today, I was told what a bitch I am for turning down “the nice...

By he fucking smells like death! - 18/12/2018 13:00 - United States - Hesperia

Today, I was told what a bitch I am for turning down “the nice guy” after he surprised me with flowers and a hand painted portrait. He conveniently left out the part where he texted me multiple creepy porn links, doesn’t brush his teeth and has the personal hygiene of a farm animal! FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 030

You deserved it 373

Love

The smell detective is on the case

Dementia or hate? You decide

Movie worthy

Boom, headshot

By oof - 09/07/2020 23:01

Today, my fiancé and I were discussing whether we should have a gun in the house or not. He argued that I’m too clumsy to have one. Offended, I turned around to storm off. I hit my forehead on the cabinet I'd left open and immediately started gushing blood. Point proved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 066

You deserved it 1 690

By FFS - 06/05/2018 01:30

Today, my mother has taken her drug paranoia to a new level. She threw away an open but nearly full bag of dried mint because she's sure I emptied and refilled the bag with marijuana to hide it from her. She then tried to ground me in my own house in front of my wife and daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 512

You deserved it 338

By Anonymous - 12/10/2015 09:18 - United Kingdom

Today, a woman at work told me that her kid had puked into "a storage bin" in the office. It wasn't a storage bin, it was the outgoing mail tray on the side of my desk containing important contract documents that had to be posted by 5pm that day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 276

You deserved it 1 683

By merkris - 29/06/2009 15:41 - United States

Today, I was at the mall with my boyfriend and 2 friends. My uncle passed by me in the mall. He said "What are you baby-sitting or something?" He pointed to the merry-go-round. My boyfriend was sitting on the giraffe yelling at the top of his lungs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 189

You deserved it 12 689

By Anonymous - 01/10/2010 09:45 - Canada

Today, I had to cancel my wedding because my fiancé is so hungover from his bachelor party, he's throwing up all over the place, can't stand up straight and is calling me by the stripper's name he met yesterday night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 060

You deserved it 5 124

By lifeguard down - 01/08/2010 04:23 - United States

Today, while at work I tripped and fell in the pool while moving a waste basket. I nearly drowned and had to be saved. I don't know which is worse the fact that I nearly drowned or the fact that I'm a lifeguard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 654

You deserved it 13 271

By Helen - 10/11/2012 10:15 - United States - Pine Bluff

Today, my husband came home drunk off his ass at 2am. He started crying on my shoulder because he couldn't go home with some beautiful woman who hit on him, because sadly for him, he's married to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 955

You deserved it 3 066

By Anonymous - 21/09/2009 09:35 - Australia

Today, my husband decided it was time to tell me he had a 3 year old son. We have been married for 5 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 304

You deserved it 3 106

By stupid_world - 24/12/2009 06:02 - Canada

Today, I learned that while anybody can call me a bitch, my husband got mad at his aunt for calling our dog a mutt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 680

You deserved it 3 723

By NoConfusion - 14/09/2014 12:53 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my girlfriend told me that the necklace I gave her wasn't a "unique enough gift." I spent two weeks making that necklace, link by link. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 665

You deserved it 3 333

By Anonymous - 17/12/2010 17:30 - United States

Today, my car heater finally died. I deliver pizzas. In Alaska. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 165

You deserved it 4 251

Thank you for your service

By Anonymous - 08/11/2021 17:00

Today, I was pretending to be a veteran for the US Navy at a local outlet, because I was desperate for cheap stuff. All was going well, until an actual vet pointed out that the ship I had on my naval hat was a fictitious one. Shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 131

You deserved it 2 982

By Anonymous - 12/12/2016 04:33 - United States - Yuma

Today, after buying hundreds of dollars worth of Christmas presents, my transmission blew up on the interstate heading home. Now, I either have to return the gifts or not drive over 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 242

You deserved it 957

By ishouldntdrink - 10/01/2010 15:11 - United States

Today, I read through my phone, hoping there weren't any drunk texts by me from the night before. Apparently I dirty texted everyone, even my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 887

You deserved it 39 133

By birdiebeth13 - 10/04/2013 17:41 - United States - Chippewa Falls

Today, after my shift at the hospital ended, I happened to look into a full-length mirror. My new scrubs turned out to be see-through. Instead of my undies, everyone got a good look at my cellulite-ridden ass. Fan-fucking-tastic day to wear a thong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 511

You deserved it 18 491

Don't listen to Cosmo

By FMBs - 30/04/2014 23:40 - Puerto Rico - Guaynabo

Today, my girlfriend got the brilliant idea of trying out a sex tip dreamed up by one of the glorified trolls at Cosmo. I think my balls are broken beyond repair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 619

You deserved it 7 179

By Anonymous - 25/07/2009 21:12 - United States

Today, I was checking out my boyfriend's facebook profile. I saw that he had just taken the "How long will it take for your girldriend to realize you're cheating on her?" Quiz. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 282

You deserved it 5 758

By bookbroke - 26/04/2016 04:27 - Canada - Regina

Today, I found out that someone found my lost library card, and instead of returning it, took out multiple items. If they don't return them, I'm on the hook to paying over $100 for them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 970

You deserved it 1 382

By Faaccckkk - 25/03/2013 14:48 - United States

Today, my boyfriend tried to whimsically serenade me by throwing rocks at my apartment window and singing. He got the wrong window. Another guy answered, and now he thinks I'm cheating on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 871

You deserved it 3 311

By krfenton8 - 11/01/2016 06:49

Today, I had a bad feeling about walking to work because of the weather. Instead, I drove. My car slid on the ice and I created a four-car pile up. All three of the other people involved have decided to sue me. I should've walked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 515

You deserved it 4 067

By Ladieda - 28/05/2012 10:15 - Netherlands - Apeldoorn

Today, my parents think it's so hot outside that it's okay for them to work in the garden naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 558

You deserved it 2 531

By Anon - 14/10/2010 08:00 - United States

Today, after a small fight with my girlfriend, I started to miss her, so I typed her name into Google on a whim. Surprisingly, I find a link to a blog in which the owner describes his ongoing effort to seduce my girl. During times she told me she was alone. Thanks babe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 626

You deserved it 3 481

By Anonymous - 13/05/2013 19:49 - United Kingdom - Swindon

Today, I was at the supermarket when an elderly lady asked if I'd grab some coffee for her from a high shelf. The moment I took my hands off my almost-full shopping cart, she made off with it. I ended up getting thrown out by security after she claimed I was trying to steal it from her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 923

You deserved it 3 361

Hippity hoppity

By Stuckinbed - 19/03/2020 21:00

Today, after I'd had hip surgery, my sister thought it would be hilarious to hide my crutches from me. I can't find them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 754

You deserved it 98

By hackling fellow - 10/03/2011 13:17

Today, I was painting my mom's house, which so far had taken 12 hours over two days. All of a sudden there was a wind storm. All of the leaves stuck to the wet paint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 857

You deserved it 4 151

By BrokeInLove - 30/06/2009 19:55 - France

Today, I was shopping for rings with my fiancée. We spent over 2 hours selecting the perfect ring and diamond to match. When filling out the paperwork I discovered I left my wallet at home. She had to pay the 20% down payment for the ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 186

You deserved it 51 940

Bored

By V.. - 08/11/2020 20:58 - South Africa

Today, I still have no idea why I got married. All my wife does is drink Coke and watch TV. Perhaps the silver lining is that she's not doing coke in powder form. FML

I agree, your life sucks 750

You deserved it 341

By Pauper - 11/01/2010 07:20 - United States

Today, I talked myself out of buying $1 candle at the Dollar Tree. That's how broke I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 788

You deserved it 4 347

By ckatia - 30/08/2016 09:29 - France - Paris

Today, my eyesight is getting terrible. I saw a white cat in front of my house, so I went up to it. To my delight it didn’t move, so I bent down to stroke it. Wrong call, it was a plastic bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 711

You deserved it 2 199

By EpicFail - 25/01/2009 04:25 - Canada

Today, I got a text message saying "I'm sorry, I know it's our 4 month anniversary but it's not working out, I need to break up with you" followed by her complaining that I never call her as well. WTF? I haven't had a girlfriend for 6 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 210

You deserved it 2 706

By anon - 15/09/2012 05:35 - United States - Rocklin

Today, I woke up to the sound of my neighbor pleasuring himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 300

You deserved it 2 710

By Anonymous - 15/03/2012 11:50 - United States

Today, my girlfriend compared my penis to a snake. Not because of the size or shape, but because a snake is not something she imagines herself ever touching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 054

You deserved it 3 702

By kira - 02/10/2012 10:29 - United States

Today, my mom screeched at me about my pillowcase being dirty and finished off one long rant with an irate, "Who raised you to be such a pig?" Her anger multiplied by ten when I asked if it was a trick question. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 540

You deserved it 7 881

By Anonymous - 24/09/2012 00:26 - United States - Daphne

Today, I went to Waffle House to talk to the manager about getting a job. My boyfriend now wants to beat up the manager for giving me his number so that I can call him whenever I'm done filling in the application. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 690

You deserved it 3 396

By smsmall - 03/10/2011 12:08 - United States

Today, I finally admitted that I have to consider buying a nose hair trimmer. I'm a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 298

You deserved it 4 165

By greattt - 10/02/2009 21:15 - United States

Today, I went to get my school picture taken, when the photographer looked at me, saying, "You look like you need a mirror." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 124

You deserved it 3 838

Confinement must be great

By Lisa - 24/04/2020 05:00

Today, my boyfriend and I broke up because he won’t stop inappropriately talking to other girls on social media. We live together and have 6 months left on our apartment lease. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 596

You deserved it 239

By Sissy - 06/12/2009 00:04 - United States

Today, I was standing in a long line at the Post Office when my 3 year old son starts rubbing up and down my leg. I asked him what he was doing and he said loudly. "I'm humping you like Simon humps me!" Everyone looks at me in shocked horror. Simon is our dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 174

You deserved it 3 325

By lonelyhubby - 08/07/2009 04:16 - United States

Today, I found out that my wife had been debating leaving me for an old boyfriend from high school. They rekindled their relationship on Facebook, and talking on the cell phone. Both things I insisted she have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 358

You deserved it 12 039

In the way

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 05:00 - Germany - Neusalza-spremberg

Today, I was on a camping trip, just about to pitch my tent, when the fire brigade showed up. No, I did not set anything ablaze. This nice, quiet little meadow I picked to spend the night? It’s their habitual training ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 781

You deserved it 178

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Top comments

QueenSaru 28

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Tuesday 18 December 2018 23:11

Honestly, it doesn't matter WHY you turned him down. It's ridiculous that you can be labeled a bitch for not wanting to date someone.

404wan 19

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Tuesday 18 December 2018 23:05

i would turn down anyone who asked me out with a hand painted portrait, even without the added creepness. that's fucking weird and obsessive and that dude will probably not let you go easy.

404wan 19

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Tuesday 18 December 2018 23:05

i would turn down anyone who asked me out with a hand painted portrait, even without the added creepness. that's fucking weird and obsessive and that dude will probably not let you go easy.

Kameron Kriese 11

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Thursday 20 December 2018 22:24

I would like it if it were a small sketch or something and the feelings were mutual, but that's me.

QueenSaru 28

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Tuesday 18 December 2018 23:11

Honestly, it doesn't matter WHY you turned him down. It's ridiculous that you can be labeled a bitch for not wanting to date someone.

Jim7jr 9

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Thursday 27 December 2018 5:09

Funny how people think...

tounces7 27

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Wednesday 19 December 2018 0:14

What I hate most about this, is that being nice to people any more is regarded as highly suspicious or out right creepy in of itself, simply because of so many pretenders like this. "Nice" guys really just need to go die in a fire.

Emma Hersø Rasmussen 10

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Wednesday 19 December 2018 0:50

Even if he smelled like a beautiful sunflower it still doesn't justify calling you a bitch. You are always allowed to live up to your own standard and turn down someone if you don't reciprocate their feelings.

PenguinPal3017 19

Wednesday 19 December 2018 1:06

Creepy porn? You'll have to be more specific.

Leviathene 34

Wednesday 19 December 2018 2:30

Any unwanted porn links are creepy. The context is likely that OP is calling the linking of porn creepy more so than the actual porn itself being creepy.

PenguinPal3017 19

Wednesday 19 December 2018 5:06

I was hoping it was furry vore or something interesting.

KittyMack 13

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Wednesday 19 December 2018 22:52

Pretty sure that PenguinPal was jokingly playing the part of someone eager to see any and all "creepy porn". I for one giggled.

Gofuckyourself 24

Monday 14 January 2019 2:07

HAHAHAHAAHA oh yes, those links are needed, aren't they?

BurnInDemonFire 32

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Wednesday 19 December 2018 1:42

"No more Mister Nice Guy, No more Mister Clean. No more Mister Nice Guy, They say he's sick, he's obscene."

Anonymiss 12

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Wednesday 19 December 2018 5:12

What’s that from?

DaBlacky 31

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Wednesday 19 December 2018 9:07

http://bfy.tw/LQ63

BurnInDemonFire 32

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Wednesday 19 December 2018 15:18

It's Alice Cooper - No More Mr. Nice Guy.

chosha_fml 25

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Wednesday 19 December 2018 10:38

I hope you just told them about him sending you the porn links.

Sady_Ct 37

Wednesday 19 December 2018 12:02

Hey! Farm animals have decent hygiene! They stay as clean as their owners and their species allows. If a human has shitty hygiene that is more than likely their own choice!

badrussian79 10

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Wednesday 19 December 2018 17:44

To be honest the porn can probably be written of as a shitty sense of humor. Especially if you mean creepy porn like octocock or the South Park referenced one rather than just the inherent creepiness of unsolicited porn. Hygiene is learned so while nasty doesn’t indicate dangerous. Lazy or hill billy but not inherently dangerous. Though again legit reason for not dating. You’re not his mom and he’s not a house to rehab. The portrait though that a level the surpasses bunny boiler. Fucking run and if your friends are too stupid to understand get new friends. Else keep them out of your live life

KittyMack 13

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Wednesday 19 December 2018 22:49

Even if he was the best looking, best groomed guy on earth, his behavior was damn creepy. And even if he was hot AND uncreepy, you're still allowed to not be into him. Simple lack of interest is enough of a reason to say "no". Your pants aren't a public washroom or a taxicab, where every citizen is guaranteed equal access.