By red - 27/09/2012 11:37 - United States - Portland

Today, my ex dropped by to pick up a piece of art he'd left when I threw him out a month ago. While here, he visited the restroom. Tonight, my shampoo smelled like urine. And he called at 11pm to say he'd ''rubbed one out'' on my new boyfriend's toothbrush. FML
I agree, your life sucks 25 078
You deserved it 8 256

Same thing different taste

Top comments


Cop: Sir, you're under arrest for illegal masturbation, first degree ****-on-a-toothbrush and wrongful deposit of urine in a shampoo bottle, all of which are punishable by 5-12 years in prison. Sorry, as much as he deserves it, it doesn't work that way. I honestly would've preferred if you just said "Sue him!".

KBear3109 29

Dude, it's a friggin' bio-hazard. It's illegal just like spitting in people's food. Thumb me down all you want, I know the law.

While we're saying ridiculous things, why not just have him put to death?

KBear3109: People piss themselves all the time, and they don't have to be washed down by a HAZMAT team. And if semen was that dangerous, then there wouldn't be a 'spit or swallow' option. You may think I'm being vulgar, and I'm not siding with the boyfriend, just saying it isn't grounds for an arrest.

Really are you guys retarded?!?! 1 is absolutely correct, his ass can be prosecuted pretty severely. This is actually more serious than criminal mischief. I mean what if this guy had an aids and and OP's boyfriend brushed his teeth?! Look this shit up before you thumb down someone who is clearly right!

KBear3109 29

Do some research, it is grounds to be arrested. It IS a bio-hazard. Why do you think people wear condoms to protect against diseases? Come on people, I know you're smarter than this. I shouldn't have to tell people it's a bio-hazard, that's common sense.

hooligyn123 18

Any one else want to list off all the diseases that can be in semen for #24?


Hero Derp, my mistake. I didn't factor in STDs. Bury me please. Ream me, burn me at the stake, FINISH ME! I'm an idiot.

I also agree with number 1. Don't you remember the McDonald worker that was "arrested" for splitting in the ice teas? It's a ******* crime what the ex-boyfriend did!! and a serious one at that.

skyeyez9 24

I prefer disemboweling him then playing jump rope with his intestines.

KBear3109 29

34- Let's see, there's HIV, HPV, chlamydia, herpes, gonorrhea, syphilis, hepatitis A, B, and C.

42-I ******* get it. I just apologized, did you not see my comment? You're right. I'm wrong. I had it coming, but for the love of God, don't drag it out.

KBear3109 29

49 - Yes, I saw it after I posted my list because I was looking it up. Besides, it might be nice for people who didn't know. Maybe I can save a life with information. :)

True, true. I need to remember to fact check before I start spewing bullshit. Again, my apologies.

28- if he had aids it would be a different situation. The fact of the matter is that the girl knowingly let op in her house and what he did was not illegal. Please cite the penal law section for peeing and masturbating in a bathroom...

The only thing he could be charged with is criminal mischief for ruining the $3 bottle of shampoo and the $1 toothbrush, both of which are extremely petty. You guys are all talking about doing this in public to people's food. This was in a private home which he was invited into. Not much to be done here. I'm sorry that it doesn't make sense, and while its disgusting, he's not going to get any jail time.

62-Wait, you're still agreeing with me even AFTER I admitted I was wrong? Wow, and I thought for sure I was the idiot here.

KBear3109 29

62 - It's not peeing and masturbating in the bathroom that's the problem. It's peeing and masturbating on someone's else's personal items that is illegal. What if he had jizzed in her food? It's no different than the toothbrush right? And he was invited in so what's the big deal? Wrong! It's absolutely absurd! Take a damn health class, it's not sanitary. What is wrong with you?

I thought we were talking about doing this in a private home to someone's toothbrush? I had posted earlier : "As of 2009 it's actually a second-degree sex crime to expose another person to your ejaculate against their will. You can actually thank gangs for that one." It still very much applies to this situation. And semen is considered a biohazardous material. Look at the Hazard Awareness and Management Manual, Chapter 6, section 8.1, released by the Frank Hutchinson Cancer Research Center. It's very much published material. Just because the average person doesn't care, doesn't mean it's not still very much illegal, just like driving five miles over the speed limit or throwing out rechargeable batteries or walking out to your mailbox with a beer in your hand is still very much illegal. It's because of guys like mister toothbrush that we have these kind of nanny laws in place.

62/65, AIDS is not the only thing. Try Herpes. This moron put OP and her boyfriend in serious danger of a disease that they could have the rest of their lives. This sick waste of humanity wacked off onto a toothbrush, risking a mouth full of sores. I would own the muthafucker and the cops will respond to this and not kindly either.

Calling the cops is easy. Having him arrested is the hard part. My ex husband assaulted me, leaving an open wound and a bruise on my body. The police arrested him, but only because he had an outstanding warrant for a DUI. If it hadn't been for that they would have just given him a ticket and a court date. The state later dropped the assault charges due to the absence of a witness. After he got out of jail, my ex tried to steal $3,000 out of my bank account. He even gave the bank the phone number he had while we were still together, but because he was unsuccessful in his theft attempt the police had no interest in looking into it. Yeah, OP's ex left his DNA all over the bathroom, but that doesn't mean the police will invest the time, money, and resources on an investigation into a crime that resulted in a ruined shampoo bottle and toothbrush. Now if OP or her boyfriend got sick, then maybe she'd have something, but even then that would depend on what the authorities are willing to do. In any case, you can't simply "have" someone arrested. Sadly, only the police or a judge have that discretion, no matter how badly someone has violated you.

lilpanda4 5

Ok dude seriously the guy was being douche people are taken this stupid ass thing to far hung? Seriously come on now what he did was stupid yes but to charge him for some stupid shit like that is kind of stupid ok not mind of extremely stupid.and the whole aids HIV shit come on really?!?! Are y'all that stupid to think that a douche like him could do that knowing he had it? And op you shouldn't have let him use the bathroom he kicked you out you have the right to tell his ass to get the **** away! So I'm sorry if I offended anybody with this but it sounds like y'all are just being ******* petty!

KBear3109 29

Dear God in Heaven, I weep for humanity.

By the way AIDS is transferred from blood contact. If there's blood in his semen and OP's boyfriend has a bruise in his mouth then there would be a possibility of AIDS being contracted.

KBear3109 29

115 - Do you want to take that chance? I sure as hell don't!

1 Is right it is called destruction of property. So yes it is and always will be illegal. So I agree with 1 have him arrested.

KBear3109 29

115 - Also, it would appear, that isn't exactly true. This is from the CDC website. "Yes, it is possible for either partner to become infected with HIV through vaginal sex* (intercourse). In fact, it is the most common way the virus is transmitted in much of the world. HIV can be found in the blood, semen (cum), pre-seminal fluid (pre-cum) or vaginal fluid of a person infected with the virus. In women, the lining of the ****** can sometimes tear and possibly allow HIV to enter the body. HIV can also be directly absorbed through the mucous membranes that line the ****** and cervix. In men, HIV can enter the body through the urethra (the opening at the tip of the penis) or through small cuts or open sores on the penis."

kittenvks 11

119- I'm thinking this should be pretty common knowledge. Suggesting in any way that blood is any less dangerous than semen when speaking of AIDS is ridiculous. When AIDS first started spreading like crazy it was from sex. Come on, did no one listen in school?

KBear3109 29

123 - Did you not see I was responding to 115's post? Did you not read any of my other posts? Come on!

KBear3109 29

123 - Also, when did I say blood is less dangerous then semen when transmitting aids? I was simply letting 115 know that there doesn't have to be to transmit it. I don't really understand your problem.

It's contracted through bodily fluids, such as blood, saliva and semen.

108 - Your excessive use of the word stupid and your sentence formation made my brain hurt a little

Are you sure you're not the stupid one 108?

108 Seriously I think some of the comments on here are justified. What makes you think that people don't knowingly spread their STI's without the other party knowing? I'm sorry to drop this knowledge on you but some people are vengeful and malicious and feel if they got it so easily "why not give it to others ." There's a man in upstate NY still sitting in prison for spreading HIV to women knowingly. You may think that the commenters are being harsh but they're absolutely right. What that man did in ops bathroom was vile, dangerous, and illegal.

117. I said AIDS is not the only thing, and brought Herpes as another example for 62 to realise. Not that one is worse than the other. I don't know how you drew that correlation.

Just for everyone's information...AIDS isn't actually transmitted to another person, it is developed from HIV. All sexually transmitted diseases have a short life outside of a host but especially so for HIV. HIV needs to be attached to the blood cell in order to live, exposed to oxygen outside of the sustained host it dies rapidly and is no longer infectious. Also, HIV cannot be transmitted through saliva as the enzymes that are in the mouth are not suitable for sustainability and kill it. What OPs ex did was violating and juvenile, however unless there is an actual threat to safety (and any police officer or lawyer could easily make a case to the contrary) then legally there is nothing they can do except maybe try to go after them for aggravated harassment. When people get so angry when others disagree with their opinion, it just shows that there is a substantial lack of evidentiary support for it. Just saying.

No upper-decker? What a loser!!! Thumb me down! I did.

Thanks 108. I now have an open gash on my head from bashing it against a wall after reading your train wreck of a comment.

There was a group of guys arrested years ago in my state bc they all came on a girl's face while she slept. You can most definitely be arrested for ejaculating where youre not supposed to.

Not if you're an aardvark... (Jake & Amir anyone?)

MagicGiraffe 12

57, it's probably cooled a bit since she found out at 11pm.

If the ex-boyfriend is bitter, I can kind of understand that. The OP threw him out of the house apparently without giving him enough time to gather all of his belongings, which also suggests he wasn't given enough time to make alternative living arrangements. Unless he left the artwork behind on purpose. But beyond that, after ONE MONTH, she's met someone new and gotten so serious about him that he's either living with her already or has a toothbrush stored at her place because he's over there so often. The OP seems to be moving on extremely quickly with her new relationship, or she was cheating, and neither of those things can be very easy for the ex to deal with. Not excusing his actions, just offering a different perspective.

habibiiiiiii 2

Exactly so op should return the favor and give him a visit

This is kind of off topic but OP already has a new bf after a month of her throwing her ex out? And her new bf already seems to be living there. That's reallyyyy quick to me

#87 - Nah. Since OP has been dating such an immature prick it's likely that she wasn't very fond of him long before she dumped his butt, and in this time she might've figured out there are better men out there. Also she could've known the person long before. I was in the same class with my current boyfriend for 1½ year before we started dating and we were very close friends, so we moved in together four months later - not one month, but still :)

twinny_sc 13

87- My boyfriend and I don't live together but we each have a toothbrush at each others place. OP's new boyfriend doesn't have to necessarily live there.

he was just leaving behind something of equal value to his artwork. and his personality. it's like he never even left!

Sitaaboo 6

Yeah, like shit! haha. Equal value alright? (:

zingline89 18

He was just trying to help whiten your boyfriend's teeth.

Make sure your boyfriend knows it isn't toothpaste....

A dude of any age that has a girlfriend and likes to brush could identify cum on any object. He is safe

HeyArnold91 8

I don't normally condone revenge but in this case I think an exception would be acceptable.

kaymi 17

Fool, you put his stuff by the front door or ship him his leftover crap, so you don't have to deal with him. You should've figured he would still be mad.

Exactly! And wouldn't you get a little suspicious after a while? I mean, how long was he in there to do all that? Wouldn't you hear something?

How old is your ex? 12? Get new things and pretend it didn't happen. Don't give your ex the satisfaction he might get out of this. :/

I think she just did that by posting this.