Today, I went to have my tires replaced. While I was paying,... - FML

By Anonymous

Today, I went to have my tires replaced. While I was paying, the cashier asked if I would like a warranty for the tires. I said, "Nah, only idiots who can't drive need that." While pulling out of the parking lot, I took the turn too wide and popped my tire on the median. FML

I agree, your life sucks

515

You deserved it

3051

Tweet

Share

The smell detective is on the case

Messed up

Deadbeat

By chefdujour - United States

Today, I spent 5 hours preparing dinner for my fianc''s grandparents, whom I've never met. At dinner, his grandmother says to him, "If you're going to pick someone to spend the rest of your life with, at least make sure she can cook." I'm the executive chef at a 4 star restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

97914

You deserved it

5705

Tweet

Share

By Mayrose125

Today, I learned that my boss is training one the the trainees I trained to be supervisor. Everyone supports this, including me. So what's the issue? I was promised that position almost 2 years ago. Apparently, I train people well enough to promote, but I'm not good enough to be promoted myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9689

You deserved it

767

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - United States

Not now

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Right before I was about to climax, he asks, "Do you remember when you bought the homeless guy with one leg a hot dog?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

36201

You deserved it

4694

Tweet

Share

By blahppl14 - United States

Today, my ex-boyfriend got high and decided to text all our friends and family the crazy stories about us. He was even nice enough to include pictures. I hear a nude one made it to my Dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30994

You deserved it

13491

Tweet

Share

By period_probs - United States - King George

Today, my mom told me how lucky I was to inherit her "asymptomatic" periods. It's true, I don't get cramps, bloating or mood swings with my periods. Nope, just excruciatingly painful diarrhea. Thanks, mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34438

You deserved it

3016

Tweet

Share

By LostAlice - 28/3/2021 17:01

You tried

Today, I requested a deadline extension at work. The extension was granted, but it didn't apply to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

738

You deserved it

65

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend was over at my house for the first time. I told her I had to go take a shower, and from the other room my grandmother yells "you're not going to jack off this time are you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

38882

You deserved it

8931

Tweet

Share

By quick blow - United States

Today, I received an email from my girlfriend listing 10 ways to stop premature ejaculation. Subtle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26814

You deserved it

7307

Tweet

Share

By homealone - Canada

Today, my parents left on a trip. I wanted to invite my girlfriend over for a few days so we could spend them together. Then my grandparents turn up, "just for a few days, until your parents return, so you won't be alone in this big house." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28690

You deserved it

3795

Tweet

Share

By poor man - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I frantically told my parents that my bank account had no money. Turns out, they took the $1,600 I had saved up from a summer job and invested it in penny-stocks. I was grounded because they were "doing it for the family," and I'm being selfish. They also had lost it all in a matter of days. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44613

You deserved it

2956

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Netherlands - Groningen

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. My husband reacted by going out and smoking weed, then getting completely shitfaced, and having his buddies drag his nearly-comatose carcass back home from a strip club. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30386

You deserved it

5161

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. Afterwards, he laid on the bed, silent and naked in the fetal position, I had to sit there stroking his head for an hour. I think I raped my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55073

You deserved it

8587

Tweet

Share

By rockefoe - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend that I didn't feel like he loved me. His response? "Why else would I be with you? Your looks?" He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32432

You deserved it

8659

Tweet

Share

By Embarrassed

Today, my boyfriend finally got me to orgasm, for the first time in my life, after trying for months. He started laughing when I climaxed. I asked why. Apparently I look like an Down's Syndrome child when I climax. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42241

You deserved it

6687

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 21/4/2021 15:30 - United States - Durham

Get out of there!

Today, after I can't count how many times, my boyfriend of 5 years decided to break MORE things in our home, because I asked him not to let our son speak to me rudely. His response, "He said 'OK' so you should have shut up." Basically, he's raising my kid to treat me like he does. FML

I agree, your life sucks

970

You deserved it

524

Tweet

Share

By ish0rty - United States

Today, my social-awkwardness is so bad, I was actually proud of myself for managing to ask someone a question. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29952

You deserved it

4970

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went on an interview for a job that I had been wanting for months. I thought everything was going great. On my way out, my interviewer asked me to recycle something for him. I agreed. It was my resume. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36265

You deserved it

2318

Tweet

Share

By ILoveAnimals - Austria - Vienna

Today, I went to the circus with my family. When we were looking at the animals during the break, an elephant took my purse with his trunk and ate it. It crushed my cellphone, camera, keys and wallet. After that, the circus director yelled at me for feeding poisonous stuff to his elephant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32654

You deserved it

5497

Tweet

Share

By TodX - France

Today, I used my Christmas holiday time to open up a load of old letters. There were a lot of bills, of course, but there was also a note telling me that I'm due for a tax inspection. Merry F*ing Christmas! FML

I agree, your life sucks

19696

You deserved it

5739

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Covina

Today, my manager challenged me to make two big sales at work. Seeing as customers spend a lot of money in our store, I decided the challenge was fairly easy and accepted. She immediately started stealing all of my sales. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12473

You deserved it

867

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 27/2/2021 15:30 - United States - Coraopolis

Harsh

Today I opened my own flower shop. My mom's response was, "Get a job." FML

I agree, your life sucks

974

You deserved it

62

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Germany

Today, after almost a week of being bed-ridden with a bad flu, my mom told me it was my job to clean the house. When I told her I still had a fever and didn't feel well, she looked at me and said in an understanding voice "It's okay honey, you can do it slowly." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33797

You deserved it

5134

Tweet

Share

By Disturbed son

Today, my mother sent a picture that was meant for her husband. I cannot unsee what I have seen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2969

You deserved it

181

Tweet

Share

By WhyTheFNot - United States

Today, I came home from work and had to pee so badly that I ran to the bathroom and ripped my pants down. My touch screen phone dropped from my pocket and started calling my boyfriend. Since I couldn't quite reach the phone, I left a message of me peeing on his cell. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41376

You deserved it

9274

Tweet

Share

By WhatHaveIDone - 24/3/2021 11:01

Masterchef

Today, my daughter tried to make pasta by putting a pot on the stove, pouring the noodles in without adding water, and turning on the stove. Then she asked me, "How come these aren’t getting soft like when you make them?" She’s 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks

784

You deserved it

547

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 3/5/2021 20:01

Time to get over it too

Today, I pretended to be sleeping when my dad came to check on me. I’m not talking to him. Why? Because my mom died in January and he already has a girlfriend he says he wants to marry, she's going to be my step-mom. I’m 31. FML

I agree, your life sucks

731

You deserved it

289

Tweet

Share

By SadDad - United States - Alexandria

Today, I came home to find my eight-year-old son had basically set fire to the kitchen, after trying to practice some kind of stupid shit he'd seen on TV called "fire bending." FML

I agree, your life sucks

26271

You deserved it

9771

Tweet

Share

By Jedi - United States

Today, after class, my teacher pulled me aside and said "You know, I never received the e-mail regarding your disabilities that your parents mentioned. Could you have them resend it?" What disabilities? FML

I agree, your life sucks

54221

You deserved it

2722

Tweet

Share

By Spanky - United States

Today, I went to the movies with a friend and her grandma. Her grandma was using toothpicks and dropping them on the ground next to our popcorn bucket. I took a big handful of popcorn, and was fortunate enough to get a piece of her toothpick lodged in my throat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25652

You deserved it

2490

Tweet

Share

By Lovemynewhaircut - United States - Brentwood

Today, I got a new haircut. I was feeling pretty confident, until coworkers and family members kept making comments like, "I think you gained a little weight", "You look older" and "Do you still like guys?" Apparently, my new haircut changed my waist size and my sexual orientation. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31069

You deserved it

3213

Tweet

Share

By VaveJessop

Torn

Today, my 19-year-old best friend decided she's going to elope with her 30-year-old, alcoholic boyfriend, who she's only been dating for 5 months. She wants me to go with her and be her maid of honor. She says she'll never speak to me again if I don't support her terrible decision. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1737

You deserved it

130

Tweet

Share

By parkingisawesome - United States

Today, leaving the restaurant I work in, the car next to mine was very crookedly parked. I had a hard time backing out. It turned out the whole restaurant was watching me, and they all started to clap as I drove away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30963

You deserved it

5802

Tweet

Share

By IzzMeister - United States

Just a movie

Today, I walked in on my uncle watching porn. I realized that it was porn featuring my boyfriend, and he told me that the girl in it was "just a friend". FML

I agree, your life sucks

1885

You deserved it

178

Tweet

Share

By random person - United States

Today, I sent the texts "I love and miss you babe;)." and "Shit wrong person." to my ex just so he would think I have a life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19481

You deserved it

62179

Tweet

Share

By ShittyWalls - United States - Moorestown

Today, the guy in the dorm room next to me was playing very loud metal music. I went next door and kindly asked him to turn it off. He did, so I went back to my room to go back to sleep. It turns out he was using the music to drown out his girlfriend's very loud moans. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43668

You deserved it

16917

Tweet

Share

By Maxie-Nathanial - United States

Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, he played with and named my boobs. Complete with a full skit where "Maxie" killed "Nathanial." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34737

You deserved it

8203

Tweet

Share

By zztopspinner - United States

Today, whilst stacking the dish washer I dropped a steak knife. Luckily, I caught it just before it hit my foot. I fist-pumped to celebrate my amazing catch and stabbed myself in the cheek. My parents couldn't stop laughing all the way to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12677

You deserved it

36388

Tweet

Share

By shinee - Singapore

Today, to be nice, I baked cookies for my step-mom as a birthday present. I burnt my hand while putting them in the oven, but I'd hoped it would be worth it. When she got home, I gave one for her to try. She took a bite, spit it out, and threw it on the floor, asking if it was a joke or if I was really trying to poison her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33294

You deserved it

3607

Tweet

Share

By FUCK GOD - Argentina - Salta

Today, for the first time in weeks, my wife felt frisky, and we started fooling around. Half-way through undressing me, she bolted out, claiming she had the shits. About five minutes later, she tearfully called out from the bathroom, begging me to bring her a fresh roll of toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36012

You deserved it

4827

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - United States

Today, I was on an airplane and had to go to the bathroom. The guy next to me was asleep and blocking the aisle. I tapped him on the shoulder, and he responded by punching me in the stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39212

You deserved it

3759

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By ahabsfan | 14

#7807334 - Thursday 30 May 2019 0:22

You were right.

By Sapphire Layos-Wagaman | 9

#7807331 - Thursday 30 May 2019 0:14

Well you jinxed yourself into being a bad driver

COMMENTS

By Sapphire Layos-Wagaman | 9

#7807331 - Thursday 30 May 2019 0:14

Well you jinxed yourself into being a bad driver

By ahabsfan | 14

#7807334 - Thursday 30 May 2019 0:22

You were right.

By Lurker1 | 9

#7807338 - Thursday 30 May 2019 0:36

Don't know what country your in but in Australia it is Illegal for a business of any kind to sell a product without a minimum 12 month warranty included. You can buy extended warranty and they can put certain conditions on it but it has to be reasonable conditions.

Reply

stormy0307 | 16

#7807481 - Thursday 30 May 2019 14:06

In the US the minimum warranty usually only covers manufacturer defects or incorrect installation (good luck proving either though). A case like this wouldn’t be covered under it as the user damaged it through their own actions.

By alyak98 | 31

#7807374 - Thursday 30 May 2019 5:34

Guess you’re an idiot. “Only idiots need warranty for tires”

By RichardPencil | 30

#7807401 - Thursday 30 May 2019 8:48

This time, buy the fucking warranty and own up to the fact that you suck at driving!

By EmoCunt | 9

#7807427 - Thursday 30 May 2019 10:38

I see you speak the truth

By ojosRojos | 28

#7807488 - Thursday 30 May 2019 14:38

Karmaaa.

Reply

ihatecondoms | 12

#7807505 - Thursday 30 May 2019 16:52

thats not how karma works...

By saberjpg | 6

#7807514 - Thursday 30 May 2019 17:37

Well, time for some self reflection... and maybe some driving lessons.

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7807634 - Friday 31 May 2019 2:19

Might wanna learn how to drive, idiot.