Today, I was taking a poop when I heard a window in my house break. Then, I heard things dropping upstairs. I decided to stay in the bathroom, which has a lock, and called the cops. Turns out it was just a bird that was trying to get at my fish in the fish tank that I have in my room. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while trying to sleep, I heard what sounded like someone breaking into my house. I ran downstairs, only to find my cat had ripped down my blinds and was tangled up in them, thrashing around the floor like a fish. FML
Today, I called the police because I thought a burglar had broken into our house. I found out the strange noise was just my dog fucking about, so I smashed a small window and kicked down a door so I wouldn't be embarrassed. FML
Today, I was caring for a bird that had flown into my window. I thought the poor thing wouldn't make it, when it shit in my hand, flew into my neck, then around my living room for ages before I could manage to get it out of the window. FML
Today, I woke up to noises from downstairs. I practically pissed my pants and called the cops. Turned out it was just my cat being a dickhead in the living room. FML
Today, I heard a loud crashing noise. I ran into the kitchen to see what it was. My cat had knocked over my fish bowl and had my Beta in her mouth. After scolding her and rescuing it, I decided to clean its bowl. When I went to dump some of the water in the sink, my fish went down the drain. FML
Today, I spent twenty minutes trying to shoo a bird out of my apartment. After finally getting it outside, I closed the window, turned around, and realized I'd locked myself out instead. The bird flew away. I didn't. FML
Today, after my house almost got broken into last week, when I heard some noises in the kitchen I went to investigate. I saw a huge rat run across my floor, and nearly peed myself thinking it was an intruder. FML
Today, the police knocked on my door, saying that they needed to investigate my house for animal abuse. Apparently the neighbours called, reporting a "screeching bird in pain". I have no bird, but I have been singing quite loudly recently. FML
Today, I woke up to the sound of something hitting my bedroom wall outside. I could see my boyfriend's car from the window, so I assumed he was throwing pebbles to get my attention. I opened the window and an egg flew in. FML
Today, my house got robbed, while I was upstairs taking a dump. FML
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Top comments
MrsPegg 45
So a bird busted through a glass door/window to go after your fish? That's one helluva determined (and sturdy) bird! What did the cops say?
mds9986 24
At least you played it safe when you heard some fishy sounds in your house.
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Comments (36)
MagnusDeus 24
Sorry, is anybody else bothered by the syntax of that first line?
Dominus101 20
That must be one Fat Juicy Goldfish you got there for the Bird to break the glass
ThePaperDragon 31
Better to be safe than to be sorry!
LadyKayDee 23
Better safe than sorry OP :)
cakaw 14
Well did the bird get your fish?!
ftloosenfanzfree 7
I'm sure you felt embarrassed, but you absolutely did the right thing staying in the bathroom and calling the cops.
worldclassrager 41
Sure the robbers didn't let a bird on accident when they left after deciding it wasn't a good idea to rob you....
homtravel 10
If it's a crow, the whole crew of crowd will haunt you down.
lsimp96 14
That must be one super strong bird haha
ellabellaboom 24
That must have been embarrassing but you did take proper safety precautions by staying somewhere you felt was safe to alert the police. So koodos to you on that OP! :)