Today, I was so totally stressed out at work that I took my car into the park and reclined my seat and shut my eyes. Soon, I noticed the soothing sounds of raindrops on my car and I felt a little better for once. I opened my eyes to see that a bunch of birds had crapped all over my car. FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, I spent an hour and a half washing my car. As I was driving down the highway, a large bird flew over my car and accidentally dropped the dead animal he was about to have for dinner. It landed on my windshield. FML
Today, I discovered that I had left my sunroof open all night during a storm and my front seats was soaked. I grabbed a towel for my seat but didn't close my sunroof because it was nice out. As I pull out of my driveway, I felt something wet hit my forehead. A bird shit on me through my sunroof. FML
Today, as I was leaving Walmart, a huge group of birds settled along the wire above the street. I thought it would be hilarious to scare them, so I stuck my head out the window and screamed. The birds responded by simultaneously shitting on my car in very neat rows. FML
Today, I ran into a bird. Not with my car, with my face. It was so scared, it crapped all over me. FML
Today, I spent 4 hours carefully cleaning the inside and outside of my car. Fairly proud of the job I had done, I parked my car safely in my garage. Later, I opened my garage to find bird shit all over my car. Apparently birds get nervous when they get trapped in garages. FML
Today, I spent 90 dollars and two and a half hours getting my hair done at a fancy salon. As I was unlocking my car, a bird pooped in my hair. FML
Today, I took a quick nap in my car during my lunch break. When I woke up, I had drooled all over myself and had a large wet stain on my shirt. I tried to pretend it was a "sweat stain" but ended up walking into a meeting looking like I'd been caught in a downpour of my own making. FML
Today, after a stressful series of events, I went to the beach to unwind. I sat on the sand, breathed in deeply and closed my eyes, trying to find some sort of inner peace. Then a seagull shat on me. FML
Today, I got into my car to go to work and discovered that my seat, seat-belt, door, and all the electronics in the door were wet. Apparently I hadn't wound the window all the way up, and it rained last night. I'm now sitting at my desk typing this with a wet bum. FML
Today, a bird took a dump on my truck as I was driving and the wind pushed it into the keyhole. FML
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Top comments
redbluegreen 41
Hahaha. Oh wow. At least it was on your car and not on you.
Cheatx 0
Next time bring a dart gun, shoot one down, and take a nice man size crap on it.
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Comments (45)
ilovefml20 0
big deal.
Tsukasa_fml 0
Oh no, now you have to take your car through the automatic car wash. How terrible.
ad_infinitum 0
I know how you feel. Getting relaxed with soothing sounds then finding out it wasn't exactly what you thought. Ouch.
VegasMade702 0
Waiiitttt a minute!!! Your car must have been completely covered in shiit for you to think it was raining!!! Either you're exaggerating or you're a COMPLETE moron for confusing the two sounds....am i right???
vag_fml 0
this is an fml? i'm confused why you can't simply hit your wiper fluid and be on your way?
penizulaface 0
#12... i hate douches that insist everyone who doesnt own a car is a complete hippie. seriously. people like you thinking taking any responsobility for ******* up this planet means instant fail should be shot. way to hate on the ozone layer. hope your state gets flooded and you die you american prick.
0geckofun_ 0
haha made me think of the movie High Anxiety. and also, why is everyone bitching about the OP owning a car--you better get over it because people aren't going to stop buying cars because of the environment. and also, though the car exhaust does contribute to global warming, huge smoky factories contribute a whole hell of a lot more.
fmylifedotcomm 0
that is just so totally gross
McDouchey 0
haha "u just got shatted on"
ThisVampyricLust 0
Woopdy fricken doo.