By tristaph Today, a bird took a dump on my truck as I was driving and the wind pushed it into the keyhole. FML I agree, your life sucks 2321 You deserved it 174 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By failure - United States Today, I went to a jeweler's to buy a ring to propose to my girlfriend. When I was at the restaurant, in mid-proposal, with people watching, I realized I had left the ring in the store. FML I agree, your life sucks 37804 You deserved it 15747 104 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By the-yao - United States Today, someone told me they liked my personality when i'm drunk. I asked, "what about when I'm sober?". "No, only when you're drinking." FML I agree, your life sucks 22819 You deserved it 3780 15 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By imgay - Argentina - Buenos Aires Today, I discovered that most of my family is homophobic while discussing Orange Is The New Black. I've only come out to my sister. FML I agree, your life sucks 28625 You deserved it 2902 97 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By CrackHouseBaby - United Kingdom - Manchester This Is Us Today, I learned that my parents lied. They didn't meet each other at an acid house rave. They met each other at a crack house. FML I agree, your life sucks 1518 You deserved it 136 14 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By PrintMaster - United States Today, as I was buying carrots, a little red light started flashing and an alarm sounded. Curious, I looked up, only to get sprayed in the face by a sprinkler for the produce section of the store. FML I agree, your life sucks 26752 You deserved it 9381 151 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, I met my father, who I hadn't seen since I was a baby, at Subway. He made me pay for his meal. FML I agree, your life sucks 2076 You deserved it 270 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By masterofblues - United States Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. As everything was ending, I tried to save the relationship by telling her how much I cared about her. Her response? "Please stop. You're gonna make me feel bad." FML I agree, your life sucks 44466 You deserved it 8462 118 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By nicole - United States Today, I saw a hot guy at the laundromat. Wanting an excuse to talk to him, I tossed a pair of my red underwear into his washer. What I didn't realize was that he was washing his whites. Thanks to me, he now has an entire load of pink shirts and boxers. FML I agree, your life sucks 9316 You deserved it 78287 242 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By g_unit - Canada Today, at work, I went to fold a pair of pants that was left in a changing room to find out that someone had taken a dump in them. FML I agree, your life sucks 37535 You deserved it 2606 59 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By bittersweet - United States Today, I texted my boyfriend saying "Hi." His response: "I got your best friend pregnant". FML I agree, your life sucks 660093 You deserved it 71680 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I broke up with my boyfriend of 4 years, telling him he needed to be more responsible, and stop relying on me for everything. When I told him to leave, he told me he needed some gas money. FML I agree, your life sucks 32436 You deserved it 5611 71 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, my boyfriend and his parents met my family. My grandpa thought it would be funny to walk around with a realistic gun and make references about being in the mafia. The rest of my family went along with it. FML I agree, your life sucks 43418 You deserved it 5390 190 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United Kingdom Today, a customer at the restaurant where I work reduced me to tears by screaming at me, as I nearly knocked out his 2-year-old with the kitchen door, after he let the little boy play on the floor behind it. Apparently, it's my fault I can't see through solid wood. FML I agree, your life sucks 28199 You deserved it 1915 72 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By edodge - United States Today, at work, my boss and I went upstairs to storage. We got in the elevator, I pressed the 2nd floor button, and it didn't move so I repeatedly pressed the button. It wasn't until the 5th press that I realized we were already on the 2nd floor. She thought I was an idiot. FML I agree, your life sucks 8754 You deserved it 28717 75 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By peachezthelette - 27/12/2020 19:58 Itchy butt Today, while at work, I had to explain over the phone to my 33-year-old boyfriend how to use Preparation H. FML I agree, your life sucks 601 You deserved it 98 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By AverageDeskJoe - United States - Baton Rouge Today, I met with my boss hoping to hear about a possible raise that had been promised many months ago. He then told me that the only way I would get a raise was if I found a better paying job and took it, and that the company was in no position to offer anyone a raise. FML I agree, your life sucks 12313 You deserved it 1192 20 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Oops Today, someone broke the flush on the toilet in the only female bathroom in the office, and didn’t leave either a note or out of order sign. The broken flush became very apparent, however, after I was unable to flush the vile smelling deposit I’d left in there. FML I agree, your life sucks 3425 You deserved it 381 17 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Yelp Today, I was fired from my job as a waitress, all because someone complained there was too much seasoning in their food. As I said, I'm a waitress. This happened the same week I was hired. FML I agree, your life sucks 1787 You deserved it 105 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Nigel - United States Today, most of my family was out of the house, so I took the opportunity to go to the bathroom and browse some porn. Five minutes later my sister comes and asks me to disconnect from bluetooth and that my "dinosaur noises" were blocking her and her friend's music. I'm currently hiding in shame. FML I agree, your life sucks 27357 You deserved it 13251 79 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By AwkwardPotato - United States - Bakersfield Today, my mom signed me up for a swimming class to show my sister there's nothing to be afraid of. Considering I'm 17, I assumed I'd be in an advanced class. Instead, I get to spend summer blowing bubbles in the shallow end with four-year-olds as my little sister cheers me on from the steps. FML I agree, your life sucks 43820 You deserved it 3739 75 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Dakota Bad Day for a Good Boy Today, on my way home from work, I went to the car wash. When the spray jets hit the car, my dog jumped out of his crate, into the front seat, and onto a button lowering both back windows. I got both an exterior and interior wash. FML I agree, your life sucks 2832 You deserved it 875 18 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada - Victoria Today, I woke up with a giant red rash all over my face, so puffed up that I could hardly open my eyes. The doctor said it was probably from some of the compounds found in most makeup. I'm just getting into theatre and have auditions coming up. FML I agree, your life sucks 35093 You deserved it 3987 91 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By honey soy - Australia Today, my boyfriend was flying his toy helicopter at my head. It got stuck in my hair and I now have a bald patch. FML I agree, your life sucks 29860 You deserved it 3495 136 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 29/3/2020 05:00 Am I even here? Today, I got written up at work for not cleaning up the breakfast area, and because multiple guests complained how sloppy and messy it looked. I'm on lockdown in a completely different country. FML I agree, your life sucks 1927 You deserved it 119 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By catslave - New Zealand Today, my cat wanted to go out. She watched me open the front door, leave it open while I got something from the car then come back inside. She then insisted on going out the back door. I'm a slave to a cat. FML I agree, your life sucks 9008 You deserved it 1843 32 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Lancaster Today, I had my boss over for dinner. Knowing that I was angling for a promotion, my fifteen-year-old son spent the dinner uttering lines such as "What's the point of showering before bed?" and "Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks." My boss was not impressed. FML I agree, your life sucks 26038 You deserved it 4887 179 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By bookworm Today, I had a garage sale and sold some books I don't read anymore. A woman came up and yelled at me, saying I'd stolen one of the books from her house. I later found out that it was a distraction so that her boyfriend could steal my TV. FML I agree, your life sucks 2243 You deserved it 138 2 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Bill Harrison - United States Today, I had a completely normal work day. Other than the fact that my boss dressed up like the lead singer from KISS and hit us with a foam sword at random. My boss is 49. FML I agree, your life sucks 32348 You deserved it 6720 72 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Australia Today, I met my boyfriend's best friend. She was a girl he's known for years, and I respected that. She was sweet, until my boyfriend went to the bathroom and she threatened to stab me if I don't leave him. He doesn't believe me, and accused me of having serious jealousy issues. FML I agree, your life sucks 41870 You deserved it 2891 99 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By theRoomie - United States Today, my loser roommate got wasted. He comes to me before going to bed, tells me he loves me, tries to hug me, then explosively vomits all over my face, my hair, my clothes. Then spends the rest of the night retching. FML I agree, your life sucks 34700 You deserved it 2819 38 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, I waited in the pouring rain for my wife to come pick me up from work. It was only after I was thoroughly drenched that I remembered it was my wife's day off, and that I drove myself to work earlier in her car, which was parked fifty feet from where I was waiting. FML I agree, your life sucks 40433 You deserved it 44762 92 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I had nothing better to do than make a penis out of silly putty. FML I agree, your life sucks 11824 You deserved it 37671 72 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By CityBoysNow - United States - Lake Saint Louis Today, I hooked up with the guy I've liked for a while, even though my friends joked that his large pickup truck meant that he was "compensating" for having a small penis. They were right. Very right. FML I agree, your life sucks 59458 You deserved it 13191 171 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By greaaaatt. - United States Today, I found out that I get to spend the next two weeks at my grandparents house, which smells like cat litter, while the rest of my family takes a cruise through the Carribean. They can't afford to take a ninth person. FML I agree, your life sucks 41869 You deserved it 2911 108 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Lucille Pants on fire Today, while going through my daughter’s room, I found a pair of pants with the security tag still attached. My daughter is a thief. FML I agree, your life sucks 1398 You deserved it 276 20 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By lil_munchkinjen - United Kingdom Today, my mum decided that me being bisexual meant that I was "deciding whether or not to be a lesbian" because supposedly, no man will have me. Thanks mum. FML I agree, your life sucks 34368 You deserved it 5893 68 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By NoMeatFail - Canada Today, I was eating Campbell's vegetable soup. Halfway through, I started to read the ingredients and found beef broth. I have been a vegetarian for seven years. FML I agree, your life sucks 16895 You deserved it 55136 237 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By I'll Make You FartCum - United States - San Francisco Great handle! Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend for the first time in over a month. When I came, I thrust one last time and let out a huge fart. She couldn't keep her mouth shut about it, and now all our friends keep calling me "CumFart". FML I agree, your life sucks 41289 You deserved it 9085 97 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Third trimester - Canada - Toronto Today, as I stepped into a subway car, I noticed some free seats and began walking towards them. A group of girls standing nearby looked at me, then at the seats, and made a run for them. They then high-fived, presumably as congratulations for sitting down before the pregnant lady could. FML I agree, your life sucks 6585 You deserved it 387 40 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By DocBastard, meet DocCunt - Australia - Sydney Today, my surgeon was talking to me about my upcoming heart bypass operation. I was extremely nervous from the start, but he somehow managed to keep saying things like "death", "fatalities", "high-risk", and "never wake up" throughout. FML I agree, your life sucks 42956 You deserved it 3485 93 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Davros | 12 #7669600 - Wednesday 1 August 2018 0:10 I've always wondered if birds purposely aim for us then meet up in tree somewhere giving each other high 5's like "OH, did you see that guys face"?! Send a private message 7 0 Reply
By real life problems | 26 #7669647 - Wednesday 1 August 2018 1:55 So wipe it off and get in? You can climb in from the other side also Send a private message 3 6 Reply
By Davros | 12 #7669600 - Wednesday 1 August 2018 0:10 I've always wondered if birds purposely aim for us then meet up in tree somewhere giving each other high 5's like "OH, did you see that guys face"?! Send a private message 7 0 Reply
By real life problems | 26 #7669647 - Wednesday 1 August 2018 1:55 So wipe it off and get in? You can climb in from the other side also Send a private message 3 6 Reply
Reply Cali | 54 #7670009 - Wednesday 1 August 2018 18:23 If it's in the keyhole he can't just wipe it off... Maybe he could force it out with a power washer? Send a private message Reply
By Charlie Given | 23 #7669653 - Wednesday 1 August 2018 2:27 I see you had a shitty drive🤣🤣 Send a private message 1 1 Reply
By John Nemeth | 14 #7669791 - Wednesday 1 August 2018 12:02 Ben “use the force bird..” Guy on communications “You’ve turned off your targeting computer bird... is something wrong?” Bird “I’ve got this”..... Send a private message 1 0 Reply
By Kruxon | 11 #7671158 - Friday 3 August 2018 18:03 Today a bird aimed for my head but I dodged so the shit landed on my bag.. now I have to cleaner it off..FML Send a private message 1 1 Reply
Today, barely able to pay rent while working 3 jobs, I decided to give in to the idea of making online sex work photos and videos. Everyone else seems... I agree, your life sucks 804 You deserved it 277 5 Comments
Today, I started to cry while masturbating. This isn't the first time that this has happened. FML I agree, your life sucks 594 You deserved it 238 4 Comments