Today, I was so totally stressed out at work that I took my car into the park and reclined my seat and shut my eyes. Soon, I noticed the soothing sounds of raindrops on my car and I felt a little better for once. I opened my eyes to see that a bunch of birds had crapped all over my car. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I spent an hour and a half washing my car. As I was driving down the highway, a large bird flew over my car and accidentally dropped the dead animal he was about to have for dinner. It landed on my windshield. FML
Today, I discovered that I had left my sunroof open all night during a storm and my front seats was soaked. I grabbed a towel for my seat but didn't close my sunroof because it was nice out. As I pull out of my driveway, I felt something wet hit my forehead. A bird shit on me through my sunroof. FML
Today, as I was leaving Walmart, a huge group of birds settled along the wire above the street. I thought it would be hilarious to scare them, so I stuck my head out the window and screamed. The birds responded by simultaneously shitting on my car in very neat rows. FML
Today, I ran into a bird. Not with my car, with my face. It was so scared, it crapped all over me. FML
Today, I spent 4 hours carefully cleaning the inside and outside of my car. Fairly proud of the job I had done, I parked my car safely in my garage. Later, I opened my garage to find bird shit all over my car. Apparently birds get nervous when they get trapped in garages. FML
Today, I spent 90 dollars and two and a half hours getting my hair done at a fancy salon. As I was unlocking my car, a bird pooped in my hair. FML
Today, I took a quick nap in my car during my lunch break. When I woke up, I had drooled all over myself and had a large wet stain on my shirt. I tried to pretend it was a "sweat stain" but ended up walking into a meeting looking like I'd been caught in a downpour of my own making. FML
Today, after a stressful series of events, I went to the beach to unwind. I sat on the sand, breathed in deeply and closed my eyes, trying to find some sort of inner peace. Then a seagull shat on me. FML
Today, I got into my car to go to work and discovered that my seat, seat-belt, door, and all the electronics in the door were wet. Apparently I hadn't wound the window all the way up, and it rained last night. I'm now sitting at my desk typing this with a wet bum. FML
Today, a bird took a dump on my truck as I was driving and the wind pushed it into the keyhole. FML
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Top comments
redbluegreen 41
Hahaha. Oh wow. At least it was on your car and not on you.
Cheatx 0
Next time bring a dart gun, shoot one down, and take a nice man size crap on it.
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Comments (45)
alexcanttell 0
ok #1 WTF aww we're soo sorry mommy and daddy never got you a car..or you never decided to get off your lazy ass and get one for yourself..or maybe you're just one of those tree hugger wacko environmentalists that believes everybody should just ride bikes.. besides how can someone deserve getting bird shitted on?? i hope you get f**kEd one day riding your bike or crossing the street. we'll see who deserves it then... by the wAY, YEAH this was a pointless FML post cuz that shit is nature and its just ******* bird shit..get over it
Synnie 0
I took /my car/ on /my car/ all over /my car/. I don't even care how old this post is. Are you an idiot?
Smiley_Alexa 2
#38 No honey , are YOU an idiot? Their comment was for #1 not the OP.
pearls 0
That's not an FML at all. Maybe if it was a convertible with the top down it would be worse. This is nothing. Wash the damn car, you'll be a couple of pounds out of pocket but other than that, nothing about this story is FML.
Julle_fml 0
I guess you're just having one of those days...
blland 0
clever birds.
ch_kisama 0
not an FML...get over it
ravinderkaler 0
#1 is a retard. Seriously?
rustyshackleford_fml 0
it would have been a better fml, if your sun roof was open, or a homeless guy was peeing on your.
MiSzOhSoFr3Sh 0
thiS iSnt what i wOuLd CaLL a FML ... ive heard & Seen SOme Crazy Other things. yOur LuCky. TruSt. i wOuLd rather have the bird pOOp on ma car then On me .
rukusrazor 0
#1 - give it up, the hippies lost, now do what your parents did... Get a job. You are one of those hipster douches that whines about this and that and uses the word 'green' in every sentence and have no idea what you are saying. Smoke a clove and STFU.
mrbattleman 10
This is an FML because of the irony this guy just wanted to relax and then, just as he was feeling good, he got shit all over his car really, does anybody like getting shit on them or their belongings? I don't think so ok, this isn't the worst thing that could of happened, but it still sucks I bet a lot of you people get pissed off if one bird craps on your car, so before you judge, put yourself in that guys position