Miscellaneous: Sexy morning

Sexy morning

By Anonymous - 15/01/2020 00:00 - United Kingdom - Stockport

Today, my sister woke me up panicking saying our kitchen was on fire, and we had to leave. She practically dragged me out of bed and all the way to the front door. When we got outside, she suddenly kneed me in the nuts and went back inside, locking the door behind her. I was only wearing boxers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 753

You deserved it 281

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Same thing different taste

Wakey wakey

By DanJames24 - 24/05/2021 05:01 - United Kingdom - Southsea

Today, my flatmate woke me up early, saying there was a fire and we had to evacuate. Barely awake, she practically dragged me downstairs and got to the front door. Once we got there, she opened the front door, kneed me in the nuts, and pushed me out, locking it behind her. I was only in boxers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 112

You deserved it 162

Rude awakening

By Anonymous - 03/03/2022 11:00 - United Kingdom - Middlesbrough

Today, I was woken by my younger sister punching me in the balls. She also pulled the duvet off, and dragged me out of bed by my feet and onto the floor. All because I ate her chocolates, which were a gift. I was left writhing in pain in my underwear right in front of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 239

You deserved it 2 032

Freakout

By Anonymous - 09/05/2014 22:03 - South Africa

Today, I woke up to a blood-curdling scream from the bathroom. I jumped out of bed in panic and rushed into the bathroom, only to see my sister limping around in the nude. She'd just jumped out of the shower because someone had flushed the toilet downstairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 334

You deserved it 4 322

Bad pranks are annoying

By Anonymous - 17/01/2020 20:00

Today, my sister snuck into the bathroom while I was in the shower (the lock is broken) and took my clothes and towels. I came out and quickly went to my room. As I went in, my sister was sitting on my bed with two friends watching TV. I instantly covered up, but they saw everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 703

You deserved it 324

By Jerf - 24/06/2009 00:56 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on, and listening to loud music when she suddenly looked worried and asked if I heard something. I said no and continued. Moments later, three firemen opened the bedroom door and told us to get dressed and go outside because the building was on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 918

You deserved it 9 807

Return to lender

By Anonymous - 31/03/2022 21:00 - United Kingdom - Norwich

Today, I woke up and found a trail of £5 notes in my bedroom, which led all the way downstairs and into the bathroom. I got to the last one, where I was then kicked in the balls from behind. It was my sister. She said it was the money she'd borrowed from me. I was left in my underwear writhing in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 321

You deserved it 165

By ericane27 - 27/12/2011 19:53 - United States

Today, I woke up to someone screaming "FIRE!" When I sat up, my face went right into my room-mate's ballsack. Apparently it was funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 364

You deserved it 5 853

Wakey wakey

By sacked - 22/02/2010 19:51 - United States

Today, I was woken by my alarm. I got really tangled up in my blankets, and struggled frantically to untangle myself so I could turn off the alarm. I not only kneed myself in the face, but I accidentally punched myself in the nuts too. Hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 369

You deserved it 24 018

I've not been arrested, I swear!

By Anonymous - 13/10/2021 08:01

Today, police knocked on my door in middle of the night. They said there was a fire in one of the houses in our street, so they were evacuating houses. They wouldn’t let me go back and get dressed. As I was only in my underwear, they told me I could wait in their car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 026

You deserved it 92

Kitchen nightmares

By Anonymous - 12/07/2022 02:00

Today, I walked into the kitchen and found a friend of my sister's stripped down to just her panties changing her clothes. In the kitchen. She had the nerve to call me a peeping Tom and slap me. Why was she even here without my sister, and why couldn’t she use the bathroom to change? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 387

You deserved it 97

nemcali 34

Wednesday 15 January 2020 1:33

Your sister is an idiot. Get her back HARD.

RichardPencil 30

Wednesday 15 January 2020 2:54

What!!! She ran back into a kitchen fire? Did she need to save her Keurig machine? I mean, the K-Cups are expensive, but damn!!!

Comments

nemcali 34

Wednesday 15 January 2020 1:33

Your sister is an idiot. Get her back HARD.

slowhandjp 16

Wednesday 15 January 2020 1:44

Give your sister a taste of her own medicine 💉

thefmlman2011 36

Wednesday 15 January 2020 2:30

At least you weren’t naked

RichardPencil 30

Wednesday 15 January 2020 2:54

What!!! She ran back into a kitchen fire? Did she need to save her Keurig machine? I mean, the K-Cups are expensive, but damn!!!

Nico711 17

Wednesday 15 January 2020 14:42

I highly doubt there was a kitchen fire

protoskore 27

Wednesday 15 January 2020 6:54

time to gently pee on her bed while she's sleeping and accusing her of bed wetting

HonestAbe500 7

Wednesday 15 January 2020 22:15

i tried that and it fails. They said they knew because you don't pee from your face, but I doubt it.

protoskore 27

Friday 17 January 2020 11:49

sounds like you need to work on your aim, and possibly your knowledge of anatomy

Cristinita83 13

Wednesday 15 January 2020 10:13

What did you do to her?? I don’t want to assume, but this is probably an ongoing feud and that’s just the last anecdote.

HonestAbe500 7

Wednesday 15 January 2020 22:15

Yeah because if a guy gets assaulted by a girl then he did something wrong

distortedcognition 17

Wednesday 15 January 2020 10:57

Your sister is awesome! That’ll teach you a man goes down with the ship, or a burning house

JuggaloChris85 4

Wednesday 15 January 2020 11:58

Dude your sister needs serious psychiatric help. 🤷🏻‍♂️

Cody Vertigo Bonthoux 15

Wednesday 15 January 2020 12:01

throw her make up outside

mfranks19891989 10

Wednesday 15 January 2020 12:48

Brother vs sister prank war Brother: 0 sister:1

JackFaire 27

Wednesday 15 January 2020 20:03

oh did they also have a prank war alongside this? where is that story?

Keywords

Awkward Friends Love Cute Miscellaneous Haircut Relatable Cars Work You're fired Parenting Kids Family DIY Cats Am I overreacting? Sex Intimacy Poopoo peepee Management Capitalism Coworkers Frustration Transportation Dogs Animals ADHD Dating Mental health Health

The Top

Today, after finally getting up the confidence, I started talking really dirty to my boyfriend on the phone. I was getting really onto it, and he seemed to enjoy it too. Then I stopped for a second to gauge his reaction. He was snoring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 872

You deserved it 4 683

Today, while my boyfriend and I were on a picnic date out in the country, things got a little heated. When we were switching positions, he screamed and started running around. Turns out neither of us noticed the beehive in the tree above us until his dick got stung. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 297

You deserved it 1 134

The Top

Today, I returned home to my girlfriend after being away for 6 weeks of work. I decided to take a shower and change before having a nice dinner with her. Without looking I grabbed a random pair of jeans from my closet to put on. They were Levis. I don't own or wear any Levis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 661

You deserved it 2 972

Today, I found out that my mom uses my incredibly expensive conditioner to wash her two dogs every single weekend. No wonder they smell so good. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 389

You deserved it 404

Today, my first date consisted of him and me in the emergency room of the hospital after his little brother hit me in the face with a baseball bat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 093

You deserved it 2 009

Today, while using a public restroom to change my tampon, I made eye contact with someone looking at me through the little space in the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 176

You deserved it 2 805

Today, the girl I was going to hook up with took off her clothes and revealed she had an absolutely disturbing tattoo of a rotting zombie head on her lower stomach and groin, the idea being that during sex my penis would look like it was in the zombie's mouth. I couldn’t go through with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 603

You deserved it 209

Today, I saw my specialist and I told her that one of my medications is messing with my head too much. I said that it’s making my depression so bad I have started cutting again, and want to walk in front of a truck. They said I just have to "suck it up". FML

I agree, your life sucks 758

You deserved it 128

Same thing different taste

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