By Username - 16/04/2011 08:39 - United States

Today, I went on my first official date I've been on since my divorce. Things were going great until he ordered his fourth 32oz beer; he got hammered and became a horny octopus. Oh, and he farted whiled trying to give me a goodnight kiss. FML
I agree, your life sucks 39 889
You deserved it 4 680

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horny octopus, really?? well things can only get better.....

a_cassie 4

how romantic.


his octopussy queefed on you eh


staceysgenesis16 0

hahahaha !! ohhh thats just .. awsome .. *claps*

hammy3 0


its the canadian in me

haha I see that 57 xD

4XxXo_OxXx4 0


a_cassie 4

how romantic.

That's a keeper right there.

ImaWiseGuy 5

diamond in the ruff.....

sounds kinda like a set up

Unless he apologized, the fart would be a deal breaker. First kiss FAIL!!

zendaddy0 0

I thought alcohol lowered the sex drive in men

And you weren't overpowered with the smell of love and your perfume and his cologne mixed together. Oh, it was much more than that for he graced you with the smell of his farts. And you all will live happily ever after!

jenaandtyler4eva 0

that pwned haha good one

horny octopus, really?? well things can only get better.....

crisd666 0

u look cute hehe

And you sound like a creeper!

staceysgenesis16 0

crreeeeeepeeeer ..

Daerauko 0

"today, I've been too shy to even speak to a girl. finally I gathered enough courage to say a girl is cute online and two people called me a creeper" haha go to talk to a girl that's physically in front of you, or hell adult friend finder might help.

haha creeper status

I didn't know beer could give 8 Arms...

eman1972 4

Wow, you have pretty eyes!

Link5794 18

Nobody cares! This isn't a fricking dating site!

dannnngthatsux 19

Hentai FTW!

ugh, that sucks. don't let that deter you from getting back in the dating game. I'm sure you'll have better luck with your next date!

yeah maybe next time it'll be a horny squid!

notsocrazee 0


xoxoMEGANxoxo 13

lol 6

staceysgenesis16 0

hahahahah 6 horny squid LMAO

Monikabug 9

If it was worse would it be a horny jellyfish?

kbtoyz69 9


sourgirl101 28

Is it safe to say there will not be a second date? I've heard it's recommend that first dates should be something quick such as a cup of coffee. This way if it goes bad, you're in and out. If it goes great, you could continue it with a movie etc.... You're single now! Live it up and have fun!

TraceCase_ 19

Sounds like it makes sense, but OP said things were going great until he got hammered. Had they had a quick date, there probably would have been a second and the horny octopus would have just appeared then.

Igor_g5 0

Sounded like he wanted in and out.

AmericanGirl69 0

LOL. win^^

Igor_g5 0


Suavis 4

lol I believe that was said in sleepless in Seattle

mintcar 9

YDI for allowing him to take you to Joe's Crab Shack. Not very romantic. Anyways, i wouldn't plan a second date if i were you. He sounds like a loser.

mintcar 9

YDI for allowing him to take you to Joe's Crab Shack. Not very romantic. Anyways, i wouldn't plan a second date if i were you. He sounds like a loser.

FriskyTaco 0

I don't get the joes crab shack reference...

What the hell does Joe's Crab Shack have yo do with this FML? It' a horny octopuss, not a horny crab....

mintcar 9

I mentioned a random place where I felt wasn't very romantic. It was the first thing that popped in my head. ^ U MAD?

Monikabug 9

Just a heads up here, but.. It is a FIRST DATE. Romance isn't supposed to really be involved - it's about getting to know the person to see if you would want to start seeing them romantically. Plus? Joe's Crab Shack is pretty much dinner & a show, and it's a bit pricey - & is far more romantic then Starbucks or McDonalds.

Monikabug 9

And no - he's not mad. He has a case of the nerd rage. :>

Red Lobster doesn't just have lobster on the menu and Joe's crab shack doesn't just have crab, it's seafood related, lighten the fuck up.

how do u become an octopus!? I wanna learn how

Horny octopus? O_o So, he has 7 extra penises? :O He's a keeper ^_- lmao

Michigan_Girl 0

I think she meant his hands were all over her lol!