Animals: Today, I was sitting shotgun in the car. A huge bug came inside,...

By ferrarismyname - 09/04/2009 06:40 - United States

Today, I was sitting shotgun in the car. A huge bug came inside, and everyone began to freak out so naturally I began to swat at it. I got the fly, but I also cracked the windshield. I paid $229 to kill a bug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 503

You deserved it 23 439

Animals

Triage

Almost there

Never in the buff

Awkward...

By Sunny - 12/09/2018 07:30 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, I went to this coffee shop in town that has a fire pit outdoors with my boyfriend. I threw out the idea of sitting by the fire together, and he responded by telling me that his father and dog died in a house fire when he was young. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 756

You deserved it 253

By isthisajoke - 15/01/2009 03:49 - United States

Today, I was told that my mom and her new husband have named my new born brother "Titan". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 030

You deserved it 2 423

By worried - 01/04/2010 08:28 - Ireland

Today, I told my boyfriend that my period was now over three weeks late. He still doesn't believe me since it's April Fool's day. But I'm not kidding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 336

You deserved it 8 452

By KennyDidIt - 09/12/2012 13:18 - United States - Grand Bay

Today, it's my sixth day taking care of my family's seven animals while my parents are in Singapore. So far, I've emergency-called the vet twice, taken a dog to the vet once, and cleaned up liquid dog shit five times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 571

You deserved it 2 826

By fucktelstra - 17/03/2016 11:42 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, I missed a phone interview for a job at Telstra because Telstra's phone network was down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 498

You deserved it 1 391

By Anonymous - 16/02/2010 07:26 - United States

Today, I was docked and fined in my dorm building because of multiple noise complaints. What was I doing that was so noisy? I slipped in the shower and banged my head against the floor. Then when I reached for the towel rack to pull myself up, it broke and I slammed my wrist onto the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 077

You deserved it 2 747

Fight Club

By Anonymous - 29/06/2021 08:01

Today, someone punched me in the back of the head, so I swung round and broke their nose. It was some woman screaming at me for wearing headphones and ignoring her. She then pulled a hidden disability badge out her pocket so everyone thought I was beating up a disabled person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 384

You deserved it 231

Brave

By :// - 04/11/2013 22:27 - United States - Alpharetta

Today, I finally worked up enough courage to ask out the guy I've had a crush on for months. I texted him, and he thought I was Maddy from work, not Maddie his neighbor. Now he and the Maddy from his work are dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 373

You deserved it 5 829

Hello goodbye

By Anonymous - 08/11/2021 08:00

Today, after four years of infertility, my wife and I found out our miracle pregnancy was going to be a boy; our first child. Twenty minutes later, we found out our child has a terminal genetic condition, and will die in the next 4 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 239

You deserved it 67

House rules

By Anonymous - 08/10/2019 22:00

Today, I had a date with a guy I've had a crush on for months. Not knowing where the date would take us, I shaved my pubic hair. Later, in the middle of making out with the guy, my dad storms into the room to tell me, "I had to get some Draino, your pubes clogged the shower." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 053

You deserved it 1 094

By Anonymous - 31/03/2009 01:13 - United States

Today, I was ringing an old man up in the local grocery store when I had realized all he was buying was 3 bottles of vodka and a box of condoms. While I was loading the bags into his cart he laid his hand on my shoulder and told me "I'd take you home with me but chances are I would be arrested". FML

I agree, your life sucks 111 243

You deserved it 6 015

Double header

By I hope you fucking die, you pussy!!!! - 17/06/2021 08:01

Today, I drove to return a PC that my former company lent me to work at home, because I quit that job so won't be working there anymore. On my way to the office, I was robbed of both my car and the computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 938

You deserved it 58

By grossedout - 09/12/2010 02:26 - United States

Today, I was helping an old lady at my job. While I was in mid-sentence, she coughed wet phlegm directly into my mouth. It tasted vile and caused me to have a panic attack while working. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 806

You deserved it 3 034

By Anonymous - 12/12/2010 21:55 - United States

Today, I asked my mother why she didn't drink. She laughed and said, "The last time I drank was the night you were conceived. I didn't need any other disasters." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 171

You deserved it 4 558

By edible - 20/05/2009 20:01 - United States

Today, I decided to surprise my girlfriend and sent her an Edible Arrangement. When she called to tell me she had gotten it, she was more excited about the cute boy who delivered it than she was about the fruit bouquet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 476

You deserved it 4 070

By Anonymous - 21/03/2011 03:34 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was buying a new hockey stick; to test it out he started hitting a ball around the aisle and decided to shoot it back into its bin. Instead the ball hit me dead in the mouth, giving me a fat lip. Instead of consoling me, my boyfriend yelled "GOAL!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 865

You deserved it 6 680

By Anonymous - 13/12/2016 13:22 - United States - Wilmington

Today, I walked in on my dog slurping my coffee. I'm not sure how long we have been sharing my morning cup of joe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 177

You deserved it 889

Classy

By Username - 07/06/2011 06:51 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were making out when he sweetly whispered in my ear, "It's not gonna suck itself." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 841

You deserved it 12 994

By mylifereallyISeffed - 22/07/2009 10:43 - Australia

Today, I came home to find my dad crying. Turns out my parents are getting divorced because my mom had an affair. With a teacher at my school. A female teacher. And the school isn't going to fire her because she's a good teacher. Every day at school I'm going to have to see her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79 294

You deserved it 4 028

By PrettySureItsReal - 09/04/2015 19:38 - United States - Saint Peters

Today, a parent of one of the students I teach called me to complain that I was teaching her child "lies" and "fairytales". I was teaching them about the Holocaust. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 980

You deserved it 2 209

By Anonymous - 20/01/2010 02:33 - United States

Today, I lost my job because I was doing my work too quickly, getting too much done and the supervisor was afraid I was bored. I have only been here for 3 weeks and already had the best stats on the team. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 727

You deserved it 2 364

By Fat Dad - 03/03/2009 21:27 - United States

Today, I drove my two kids to their friends' houses. In my convertible, looking what I though was my best, I slowed down outside a bar with cute 20 year old girls in front. My daughter noticed the speed reduction and said, "Keep driving dad, you're fat and mom left you for a reason." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 583

You deserved it 43 696

Classic blunder

By churchman - 28/06/2021 00:01 - United States - Lancaster

Today, I serve at church and had a funeral. As I greeted the family, someone asked how I was doing. Without thought, I responded, "Good to be alive." FML

I agree, your life sucks 366

You deserved it 723

Vandals!

By volvo_owner - 10/02/2021 02:01 - Germany - Harsefeld

Today, I wanted to go shopping in my new car that I bought just a month ago. When I stepped outside, I saw someone had smashed the driver side's window. They didn't even steal anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 904

You deserved it 46

By kmtranter - 28/12/2012 11:40 - United Kingdom - Wembley

Today, I woke up to find my boyfriend using my hand to wank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 804

You deserved it 10 542

By Anonymous - 13/03/2012 12:51 - Netherlands

Today, I found out that my resume contained the word "masturbation" in the skills section, courtesy of a practical joke by my best friend. I have been using this CV unsuccessfully for over two months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 862

You deserved it 8 285

By MLS - 14/02/2009 23:19 - United States

Today, I wore the belt that my stepfather has spent 2 months needle pointing, as a finishing touch he added my initials: 'fml'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 305

You deserved it 5 339

Infrastructure bill

By Anonymous - 12/11/2021 02:00

Today, I ran over a pothole that was so small it barely qualified as a hole, more like a dent than a hole, but somehow it was still enough to completely crack the rim of my tyre and made me 3 hours late to work. I get paid by the hour, so this will hurt by paycheck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 838

You deserved it 85

No balls activity

By Anonymous - 16/12/2019 12:00 - United States - Staten Island

Today, my right testicle popped out during gym class while we were running laps. The teacher saw it and said, “Put that thing away! There aren’t any balls involved in this activity!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 663

You deserved it 630

By Dandy - 23/12/2016 17:25

Today, after having given up video games for two weeks to focus on school, I finished my last exam of the semester and finally became free. I got home to find that Steam is down worldwide. I just received an email saying every game on my wish list is on sale, but I can't log in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 196

You deserved it 790

By Anonymous - 04/01/2016 15:14 - United States - Dalton

Today, this beautiful girl that I've known for a long time told me that she just can't date me anymore because I remind her too much of her cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 342

You deserved it 1 887

Jaws

By Anonymous - 17/05/2020 05:00 - Australia

Today, I was violently sick. There was so much vomit forcing itself out that I dislocated my jaw. I continued throwing up with a dislocated jaw for an hour or so. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 064

You deserved it 128

By Allergic - 24/01/2012 17:31 - United States

Today, I found out that my wife purposely eats peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to get out of kissing me. I'm deathly allergic to peanuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 303

You deserved it 3 439

By Unlucky - 24/05/2010 00:22 - Australia

Today, I have both a cold and a period. Tomorrow, I will have a cold, my period and my wisdom teeth taken out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 393

You deserved it 3 785

By RogerReady - 31/01/2009 05:37 - United States

Today, I was offered a job. It only took me a year and 17 interviews to get an offer, and I have a PhD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 375

You deserved it 3 462

By newlywed - 27/02/2011 05:18 - United States

Today, I married a wonderful man. Even though both of us were no longer virgins, we decided to wait until marriage to sleep together. He just told me I was the worst he's ever had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 878

You deserved it 13 350

By Kerrilyn - 17/05/2009 14:39 - United States

Today, I was waiting in the car while my mom went into a store to get beer. A few minutes later, some guy was knocking on my window telling me to open the door. I started cursing him out, thinking I was getting attacked. Turns out he worked there and was putting the beer in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 974

You deserved it 54 856

By Anonymous - 30/09/2013 23:54 - United Kingdom - Bathgate

Today, I walked into the kitchen to find my daughter trying to cut her wrist with a plastic spoon. When I asked her why, she said her friend Lucy did that so her parents would buy her pretty things. My daughter and Lucy are both four years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 073

You deserved it 3 741

By MILF - 16/04/2014 22:03 - United States - Maryland Heights

Today, one of my most problematic students remained after class, whence he strongly insinuated his interest in receiving oral sex; I tried to convey just how inappropriate that was, when he interrupted, "Look, will you at least touch it?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 894

You deserved it 6 680

By notyouraverageteenager - 10/06/2010 07:06 - Australia

Today, I bought an expensive dress because it was me and my boyfriend's one year anniversary, and he was taking me somewhere nice. When he saw me in the dress, he looked at me, laughed and said, "Seriously, what are you wearing?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 236

You deserved it 7 301

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Top comments

kelseysue92 0

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Thursday 9 April 2009 20:09

Are you the hulk?!? Fly make hulk angry....HULK SMASH!

a_b_c_soup 0

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Thursday 9 April 2009 20:02

so....you hit THAT hard to swat a fly? fail...

a_b_c_soup 0

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Thursday 9 April 2009 20:02

so....you hit THAT hard to swat a fly? fail...

futtgoredo 0

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Monday 15 February 2010 15:09

I hate when people say "I payed xxx for (bad thing)"

cookiemobzta 0

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Saturday 27 March 2010 14:13

wow why the fuck would you pay for that?

MaeeFlowers 0

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Saturday 21 August 2010 10:54

I mean.... atleast you got the fly? That counts for something, right?

codylicious6 0

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Wednesday 13 July 2011 0:25

134 you are stupid.

Sal7777777 0

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Thursday 4 August 2011 9:33

reminds me of me,my friend broke my xbox game trying to kill a bug,he owes mw 60 bucks though

redwall312 0

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Thursday 9 April 2009 20:02

second

bill_william9000 0

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Thursday 9 April 2009 20:05

3rd Anywho, that's terrible!

scorpiogirl666 0

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Thursday 9 April 2009 20:05

That's just SAD. YDI.

FunnyFace 0

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Thursday 9 April 2009 20:05

If it makes you feel better, if your windshield cracked just from you hitting, it was probably just about ready to give out anyway.

frankenhooter 0

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Sunday 14 February 2010 10:46

I feel for you. The same relative thing happened to me when I tried to kill off a mosquito one night in my girlfriend's car. She was so pissed at me. I didn't think it possible but I managed to bash the sucker with the bony part of my wrist and, being that a windshield is clear and at an angle, I didn't judge very accurately how far I'd be thrusting my hand. It was like Karate... only with more fail.

Nabee143 3

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Monday 8 October 2012 14:01

Something similar happened to me but I had kicked the windshield. My boyfriend and I were arguing and I got so pissed that I kicked the windshield and broke it. After seeing what I had done, we immediately started cracking up and the fight was over. And I had a broken windshield and had to pay to replace it. Anyways, yes I see how this could happen but not really likely with just a swat!

red_wings 0

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Thursday 9 April 2009 20:06

what the hell were you swatting with?

chadbrochill70 0

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Thursday 9 April 2009 20:07

http://johnnylongdong.mybrute.com/

kelseysue92 0

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Thursday 9 April 2009 20:09

Are you the hulk?!? Fly make hulk angry....HULK SMASH!

rxxk 0

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Thursday 9 April 2009 20:09

Only $229?

Occam 0

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Thursday 9 April 2009 20:13

"I saw a bug on the floor so I set the house on fire to kill it. I paid $250,000 to kill a bug. FML" A little flaw in the logic there. Reminds me of the guy that though he got ticketed for "wanting a yellow highlighter".