By Sheila - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

The Voice (of the future)

Today, my husband was singing while doing the housework. I told him to sign up for The Voice. He took me seriously, and did. Too bad for him, because he sounds like a cat dying in a ditch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

709

You deserved it

1569

Tweet

Share

BO Central

Good kid

Great speech, thanks!

By bmaas - United States

Today, I was playing volleyball in gym when I went up for a spike. As I was coming down, I elbowed a girl in the face. It turns she's the second most important lead in our school musical, which we perform on Thursday. Her nose is broken. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31789

You deserved it

6063

Tweet

Share

By Lovernotafighter - United Kingdom

Today, my granddad had to start sleeping in my bedroom. He has flashback dreams to when he was a boxer, and he's already lamped my granny three times in his sleep. I get a camp-bed, and the chance to listen to him snore like a wild boar. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22293

You deserved it

2168

Tweet

Share

By shellski - United States

Today, a kid from school came to my house. He asked my dad if I was at home, because we were "planning a bit of the old, you know..." and made an obscene gesture. Now I'm grounded for a month, and no matter what I say, my dad won't believe that I've never even spoken to the kid before. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30295

You deserved it

2295

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

TMI

Today, I was trying to teach my Aunt and Gran to use Google drive to share and upload pictures, when I scrolled past an image of my… yep. I didn't have a mirror when the pic was taken and I was concerned about a sore. Now they just think I'm a whore. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1266

You deserved it

485

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, the kids I babysit hid from me. While I was looking for them, I stepped on multiple strategically-placed Lego bricks. When I yelped from the pain, the kids jumped out and threw soccer balls in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43075

You deserved it

5233

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 26/12/2020 14:02

My precious

Today, I had some flagstones put down to fix a muddy place where my horses stand, in a part of the woods that is only accessible on foot. The flagstones weigh about 30 kilos apiece and you can easily get them for free on the internet, yet someone went to the trouble to steal them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

779

You deserved it

57

Tweet

Share

By Torbey - Australia - Adelaide

Today, my younger brother complained yet again of soreness in his wrist. Frustrated with his constant whining, my mother turned to him and snapped, 'Well, what have you been using it for all this time then!?' The awkward silence of realisation for them both won't go away anytime soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14471

You deserved it

1261

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I returned to work after celebrating the New Year in Mexico. I wasn't feeling well, but didn't want to call in sick after already taking a vacation. Now I'm at work with diarrhea, and trotting to the bathroom every 30 minutes. My commute home usually takes around an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25390

You deserved it

5779

Tweet

Share

By accidentalnorman

Today, I got back from a week long holiday with my new girlfriend. I started thinking about her whilst talking to my parents and reflexively cupped my mother's ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14195

You deserved it

30874

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I locked lips with someone, or rather something, other than family for the first time in my life. It was a CPR dummy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31839

You deserved it

7350

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was driving through a neighborhood and saw a "slow down, children" sign. I was nice and slowed down as I passed a couple little kids with their parents outside watching them. I guess I was going too slow because one of the fathers started chasing me down the street calling me a pedophile. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46299

You deserved it

4354

Tweet

Share

By FamilyLoving - United States - Patchogue

Today, I was out jogging. As I took a rest to have a drink of water, a car pulled onto the sidewalk and bumped into me. Not just any car; my dad's car. He then drove away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45014

You deserved it

3801

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, my husband was finally moving out. I picked up his enormous duffle bag full of clothes to help get him out faster, and I threw out my back. I now can't move. I can't even wipe my own ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1594

You deserved it

721

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I nervously started a new job, and my co-workers were telling me silly rules about our boss. Later, I accidentally bumped into him, and blurted "Rule #7, don't touch George." He definitely heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18284

You deserved it

35624

Tweet

Share

By uglyguy252 - United States

Today, in class the guy next to me was talking to a girl across the room using gestures to help get across his message. Apparently, pointing at me is the best way to say "ugly." FML

I agree, your life sucks

54348

You deserved it

3624

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 20/12/2020 02:08 - United States - Pittsburgh

Lockdown boredom

Today, thanks to 10 months of lockdown, the most intimate thing I have done on a Saturday night during this time is use a hobby knife to cut 1/4" thick calluses off my feet. I don't even walk anywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks

645

You deserved it

140

Tweet

Share

By bymyself

Today, the nicest thing said to me all day was from my microwave that flashes 'enjoy your meal' when it finishes cooking something. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30575

You deserved it

3805

Tweet

Share

By heretoserve - United States - Winchester

Today, I got yelled, screamed, and cursed at by a customer until I was reduced to tears. This was all because I double-checked to make sure she wanted large fries. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41588

You deserved it

3744

Tweet

Share

By HairyBoobs - United States

Today, I nearly sliced my nipple off while shaving my chest and had to go to the ER. Turns out it was a teaching hospital so I got to explain in front of two doctors and eight med students how, even though I'm a woman, my nipples are so hairy I have to shave them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43310

You deserved it

6856

Tweet

Share

By dramaqueen15

Today, I was working out in the gym when a fitness trainer came up to me and said it wasn't safe to be exercising while this far along in a pregnancy. I was too ashamed to tell them that I'm not pregnant, so I went along with it. Time to find a new gym. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27117

You deserved it

4167

Tweet

Share

By Midge - United States

Today, as I was pulling out of the school parking lot I was blasting my music and feeling pretty awesome, I got a few honks and felt even cooler. Until some lady pulled up next to me and told me I had left my binder on the roof and all my papers were all over the road behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9160

You deserved it

44003

Tweet

Share

By greenchan - United States

Today, I had to take an emergency contraceptive. I was talking to my boyfriend about it, and I told him that my stomach really hurt. His response? "Aw. That's just the baby dying." FML

I agree, your life sucks

51124

You deserved it

20865

Tweet

Share

By Lousydriver - Canada

Today, I was about to drive out of a parking lot. The space in front of me was empty, so I figured I could drive forward. I'd not noticed that there was a median in front, and my car got stuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9180

You deserved it

31192

Tweet

Share

By shoutoutloud2him - United States

Today, I was at Home Depot getting a Christmas tree with my family. While picking out a tree, a man thought it would be nice to help cut off the string that held the tree together. The branches hit me in the face and the guy managed to cut my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27899

You deserved it

2611

Tweet

Share

By dumb tourists - China - Beijing

Today, a blonde tourist came up to me and asked me for directions to the nearest train station. I politely directed her there, and she left. Five minutes later, she came back and slapped me for not bringing her to an "English-speaking station". We're in China, lady. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44842

You deserved it

2923

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Beaverton

Today, my idiot boss placed an expensive order for anti-bullying banners that read: "Take a stand against bullying!" This would be fine if I didn't work in a specialized school for children in wheelchairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24993

You deserved it

1844

Tweet

Share

By tbright010 - United States

Today, the highlight of my day was learning how to drain my dog's anal glands. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30464

You deserved it

4615

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Harrisburg

Today, my dad and I ran into a guy I've been dating. He flipped out and accused me of cheating on him. This is now the second guy to have a similar reaction to my dad. I guess this is one of those unexpected consequences of teen pregnancy that my parents didn't see coming. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17283

You deserved it

1441

Tweet

Share

By the-yao - United States

Today, someone told me they liked my personality when i'm drunk. I asked, "what about when I'm sober?". "No, only when you're drinking." FML

I agree, your life sucks

22829

You deserved it

3781

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found thousands of ants in a secret nest in an unused corner of my apartment. They were feeding on the baking mix I forgot in a box from moving two months ago, and the queen has been laying her eggs on my wireless router. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28636

You deserved it

16193

Tweet

Share

By wtfman101 - United States

Today, I woke up to find the entire driver's side of my car wrecked. Front door, back door, front and rear bumper smashed to shit. A drunk driver had hit it the previous night and ran. Don't worry though, he stopped and left his insurance information. He keyed it into the undamaged side of my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54925

You deserved it

2699

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I saw a man dancing to a Britney Spears song in his Volkswagen Beetle. I started laughing hysterically until he got out. He was huge. I was stuck in traffic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13646

You deserved it

35846

Tweet

Share

By bigbum - Australia - Glenroy

Today, my boyfriend of two years proposed to me. It would have been great if he weren't drunk with a naked girl next to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33019

You deserved it

2364

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 23/1/2021 02:01 - Germany - Ebersbach

OCD

Today, the room I am renting from an old lady is stuffed with porcelain figures, etc. I carefully put them into the drawers to create some space for the books I need for college. While I was gone, she used her key and put all the porcelain figures back on the shelves. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1015

You deserved it

90

Tweet

Share

By "vinyl_mermaid"

Exterminators are expensive

Today, in an effort to rearrange my bedroom, I planned to reroute my internet cables under my house. Then I found out about the black widow infestation. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6511

You deserved it

456

Tweet

Share

By good big sister? - Canada - Sault Sainte Marie

Today, my 7-year-old sister had a nightmare, so I let her sleep in my bed. I woke up to her punching me in the face and giving me a black eye. Apparently, she not only screams when she's having a nightmare, she also "gives the bad guy a taste of his own medicine." FML

I agree, your life sucks

48996

You deserved it

4698

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 20/8/2020 17:03

That ship has sailed

Today, I realized there’s no point in maintaining a friendship of 20 years. I stopped texting my friend three weeks ago and he never noticed. I texted him daily for at least the past ten years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1404

You deserved it

221

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I found out my brother doesn't have a problem with "keeping it in the family". It's now up to me to explain why our cousin is pregnant with his kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2058

You deserved it

153

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 8/2/2021 20:58 - Australia - Surry Hills

Quite the journey

Today, I begrudgingly helped relocate my 84-year-old mother-in-law to our home at my partner's adamant request. It took months of stressful preparation, around $10,000 in costs, and some 500 km travelled via medical transport. Ten minutes after arriving, she had a heart attack and died. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1636

You deserved it

140

Tweet

Share

By Dandruff - France

Today, I found out I have dandruff when a chick passed by and said out loud to her friends: "That dude's hair is having an early Xmas!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

28158

You deserved it

6656

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By hamburgerjung | 23

#7854273 - Saturday 26 October 2019 12:45

I guess fhl and most of all fu for putting him in that situation. A lot of people can’t tell how good/bad their singing sounds...

By JackFaire | 27

#7854290 - Saturday 26 October 2019 16:43

I'm waiting for his FML where he posts that his wife sucks at Sarcasm. You know it's okay to tell your partner they suck at something right?

COMMENTS

By hamburgerjung | 23

#7854273 - Saturday 26 October 2019 12:45

I guess fhl and most of all fu for putting him in that situation. A lot of people can’t tell how good/bad their singing sounds...

By JackFaire | 27

#7854290 - Saturday 26 October 2019 16:43

I'm waiting for his FML where he posts that his wife sucks at Sarcasm. You know it's okay to tell your partner they suck at something right?

By siggy_mcsigx | 22

#7854307 - Saturday 26 October 2019 19:23

Lol don't worry the producers weed out the casuals way before the "blind audition" people part of the show

Reply

ThatOneLonelyAsian | 31

#7854310 - Saturday 26 October 2019 19:45

didn't you get in either?

By ThatOneLonelyAsian | 31

#7854311 - Saturday 26 October 2019 19:48

too bad that the judges normally.pick those type of singers

By bobsanction | 16

#7854433 - Sunday 27 October 2019 7:45

You are a terrible wife.